Family Interrupted (32 page)
“But I saw the truth last night when he bragged about me to a roomful of art patrons and art lovers. I understood that, in class, he’d been talking only about the feelings between the artist and her art. He’d fallen in love all right, but only with my blossoming talent, with what he saw on my canvas.
“But the big question is, how could I have gotten so carried away when I love you so much?”
I collapsed into the chair again, but before he could speak, I gripped both his hands. “I believed Kayla died because...because I was basking in his compliments. And I wa-wanted to know him better. That’s the reason I was l-late. In the end, I believed she died because of me-e-e.... That I destroyed everything I treasured. You and Ian. Us. Our family.”
I’d used up my last drop of courage and was sobbing now. To my surprise, tears streamed down Jack’s face too.
“But you don’t blame yourself anymore?”
I shook my head. “I have to let it go. If I don’t, there’s no hope for a future.” I stared at the man I’d loved for more than twenty-five years, tried to get myself under control. “Do you want a future...with me? Can you forgive me?”
“For what? A marriage involves two people, Claire. I pace the floor at night wondering where I went wrong with you. Maybe I buried myself at the office too much. Maybe I should have taken your art more seriously. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough for you to lean on. If I’d been a better listener, maybe you wouldn’t have been compelled to paint that exquisite portrait in the first place. So I’m not guilt-free either.
Mea culpa
.”
If he was trying to make me feel better, I wasn’t having it. “You were the sane one. I was the crazy one. I closed myself off from you and Ian. But you? You’ve been there for me and for our son. For God’s sake, you even conspired for an intervention. How many people do that?”
“Hmm. I guess the desperate ones do. And I was desperate to have you back with me before it became too late. I wanted the real Claire.”
My breath hitched. “Do you still feel that way?”
He stood, opened his arms, and I stepped inside. “You’ve always been the one for me. In sickness and health. And everything in between. A new beginning will be our salvation, Claire. Yours, mine, Ian’s...everyone’s.”
Wrapping myself around him, I said, “So, come home, Jack. Please come home.”
His arms tightened around me. I felt his kiss on my cheek. “Aren’t we there right now?”
Yes. Yes, we were.
ClaireAndJack
.
JackAndClaire
. As long as we flourished, anywhere was home.
I’d married a very smart man.
IAN
January
Thankfully, the holidays were over. In my opinion, Tina’s first Christmas was just too much. Too much fuss, too much running from one house to the other. Grandma Barbara’s on Christmas Eve, Grandma Pearl’s the next day. The baby and I actually slept at Grandma Barbara’s. Funny that Mom didn’t host, but it was good to know my grands hadn’t slowed down. As for the presents...well, just too darn many. I wondered if the doting grandparents believed I couldn’t provide enough for Tina.
I was happy to return to normal routines. Yesterday, Ben Parker called me into his office. After a year and a half with the company, I’d gotten a raise and continued to do my work well—at least, I thought so—and couldn’t imagine what Mr. Parker wanted. He’d had a gleam in his eye as soon as he saw me, and I didn’t have to wait long to find out why.
“Full tuition paid by the company,” my boss said. “Just like a scholarship. Now you’ll be a real college boy. Take as many courses as you want each term at night or even Saturdays. Can’t beat that, can ya? Told you I’d pull out all stops.”
The man looked as proud as a new dad, eager for his “boy” to jump up and down with excitement. And all I felt was overwhelmed and exhausted. How could I work full-time days, attend school at night, and be a good daddy to Tina? But I tried not to let my doubts show. One thing I’d learned from my own dad was never to burn any bridges.
“Wow, Mr. Parker. Thanks. Thanks a lot for recommending me. It’s a great opportunity...and it’s a lot to think about right now.”
“Figure it out, Ian. And don’t take too long. You’re a young man. You’ve got the energy. Think about your future and where you want to be in five years.”
This time I couldn’t hide the grin. “Five years? I’m lucky if I can see ahead five minutes at a time.”
He waved away my lame joke. “Hire a babysitter. It’ll be worth the investment. Later on, you’ll be able to support that daughter of yours without a worry in the world. The industry offers real opportunities for a smart guy like you. With the right education, the sky’s the limit. You’re a science guy, aren’t you? Geology, earth sciences, chemistry.... Heck, boy, I never had those kinds of chances. Grab it while you can.”
Parker’s sincerity rang true. The schooling sounded good. Tempting. But I wasn’t ready to sign any paperwork for the Human Resources Department or apply to the university yet. I needed time to think. Being responsible for Tina had me thinking two and three times about every decision I made. Truth was, I didn’t dream about my own future too often. I was buried in schedules and chores and trying to get through one day at a time. Which seemed like a reasonable goal to me.
When I left Mr. Parker’s office, however, his enthusiasm grabbed hold. I found myself hoping that my tomorrows held more than changing diapers and sleeping whenever I could.
I wished Ben Parker didn’t remind me so much of my dad.
#
“Hey, Barnes. We’re going out for drinks and some fun. Wanna come?”
In the locker room the next day, I looked up at the new guy offering the invite.
“Sorry, Pete. Can’t make it tonight. Maybe another time.”
“Ian can’t make it any night,” chimed in one of my teammates. “Now that Colleen’s gone, he’s on the mommy track.”
I couldn’t take too much offense. What he said was true. I hadn’t gone out with the guys after work since Tina’s arrival, but still, the words stung.
“I’d call it the daddy track. Next time give me some advance warning, and I’ll arrange extra daycare. But last-minute is out.”
Leaving the plant, I thought about how I’d never connected with Danny in person during the holidays after all. He may have been on vacation, but I wasn’t. A telephone call was all we’d managed. The daddy track had won out again. But Tina was my responsibility, and I couldn’t take a risk of something terrible happening to her like with Kayla.
I drove directly to Tina’s daycare center. Despite my mother’s concerns, I thought the place was terrific. Finding it had been a major victory, one that I'd managed without anyone’s help. Most importantly, my daughter seemed happy there. The moment she spotted me today, her arms started waving, and her verbalizing got louder.
“Hey, little girl,” I said, scooping her up. My heart pumped bucketfuls of love every time she cuddled in that sweet spot under my neck. “Ready to go home?”
Legally, she was now one hundred percent mine, and having sole custody scared me, so I pushed those thoughts aside. Dad’s lawyers prepared the paperwork. Dad said he and Mom had walked on eggshells until they saw the final documents. They simply couldn’t imagine a young woman giving up custodial rights to her child. Well, they’d never known Colleen, never heard her sing or heard about her plans. If Mom ever looked in the mirror, she might see some of Colleen there. Babies might be more helpless and cuter, but I was still a kid in high school when she gave me up.
Once at home, I tossed the mail on the counter except for the small, flat package postmarked Nashville, TN. I put that one aside. Anytime Colleen got in touch, whether with a rare phone call or a letter, I needed quiet time to give her my full attention. As Dad had explained to me over our occasional dinners, Colleen and I would always be connected to each other because of Tina, regardless of legalities. A happy, successful, and independent Colleen could only be good for all of us, including her.
Tina came first. Before my supper, before Colleen’s package, before cleaning the kitchen. All the books on divorce said the child needed stability and routines. I could provide that better than Colleen. Even Ted Willis didn’t dispute that fact when he found out about the arrangement. “It’s best for little Tina,” he’d said while giving the baby a kiss on the forehead.
Between facing Kayla’s death and Tina’s birth, there was no going back to being a boy again. My childhood was long over; my teenage years were over too. Sometimes I thought I’d skipped them altogether and that I’d never been a happy-go-lucky kid. I’d graduated to adulthood as soon as I became Tina’s daddy.
After I got Tina down, hopefully for the night, I took Colleen’s slim package into the living room. When I slit the cardboard, a jewel case with a CD fell onto the couch. The enclosed note said:
Dear Ian,
The final version of the song on this CD will be released next Tuesday as a single. (Every new song in the music industry is released on a Tuesday). If anyone finds out I’ve sent this, I could get into trouble. I thought
you deserved a heads-up because the song’s about us. I hope you like it and aren’t embarrassed. It will be part of my first album, which I think will come out next Christmas. Woo-hoo! Can you tell I’m excited?
Colleen
P.S. I’ve got my own computer now. Here’s my email address.
Please write and tell me what you think of “Late October.”
Embarrassed? That’s the word I was stuck on. What the hell had she written? I liked my privacy, but if she’d used my name in the song, I’d be hearing from everyone I ever knew. Dang, dang, dang. I looked at the jewel case as if it were Pandora’s Box. Yup. That’s what it was, but I had no choice except to open it. Tuesday would come, and I’d need to be prepared. Heck, my whole family listened to country music as well as rock and everything in between. I’d have to prepare them too.
I slipped the disk into the player and held my breath. First, Colleen announced: The following song, “Late October,” was written and is being performed by Colleen Murphy.
LATE OCTOBER
Chorus:
My Texas knight in city armor
Gave me a home when I had no other
Saved the life of our unborn daughter,
I waved goodbye in late October...
I just couldn’t stay—
Had to be on my way,
But for them I’ll pray...forever.
Verse A
:
My true-blue Texas knight
Knew what was wrong and what was right,
Came with a heart in need of mending
From a loss not of his making—
An innocent,
Taking consequence,
A true-blue Texas knight.
Verse B
:
When the daddy saw his girl,
The love he kept inside unfurled,
And the heart in need of mending,
Had found a new beginning,
Time to say so long,
Time to write my songs,
Of a true-blue Texas knight.
Chorus
:
My Texas knight in city armor
Gave me a home when I had no other
Saved the life of our unborn daughter,
I waved goodbye in late October...
I just couldn’t stay—
Had to be on my way,
But for them I’ll pray...forever.
Long after she’d released the ballad’s final note, I remained sitting quietly, lost in a state of wonder. I hadn’t given her enough credit. Whether it was the song itself or the way she sang it that moved me so much, I couldn’t tell. It might have been the memories she’d rekindled. Colleen had always said that a good song must be based on truth. In my opinion, she’d nailed it with this one. “Late October” was a piece of honest storytelling. Without regrets, resentment, or hate. Just the truth.
Colleen understood what my dad had explained and what I didn’t totally get until now. I would never forget her, but she would never forget me either. Like Kayla, Colleen would always be a part of me.
#
Colleen was not on my mind the next morning when I brought Tina to daycare and found parents milling around in the dark, some on their cell phones, and the teachers apologizing for the electric system malfunction. Without electricity, they couldn’t open for business and didn’t know how long it would take to fix. Half the parents worked at the plant. The ones on their phones had backup plans; the others viewed the situation as an unexpected day off.
Once again, I hated asking for favors, but I pulled out my cell and auto-dialed my folks. No vacation day for me. After the tuition offer from Ben Parker yesterday, showing up late was bad enough, but I couldn’t be absent because of stupid child care issues. Besides, my projects at work couldn’t wait. Mr. Parker counted on me.
CLAIRE
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asked Jack.
I yawned, peeped at my husband from under half-closed lids, glad not to be the one driving to Ian’s this morning.
“If you’re thinking we both need extra bold roast caffeinated coffee, then yeah, I’m thinking what you’re thinking,” I replied with another yawn.
Ever since Jack had checked out of the hotel and come home, we’d been making up for lost time, communicating in every way possible too far into the night for super-early mornings to be welcomed. Jack said we had triumphed over our trial by fire and called it a rebirth of our marriage. We would live with an ache in our hearts for the rest of our lives but were basically a very recognizable Claire and Jack Barnes.
We were not, however, a recognizable Barnes family. The trial by fire would continue for me as long as my son’s resentment burned. And burn it did. He still thought I blamed him for Kayla’s death, regardless of our recent conversations about new beginnings. I’d rejected him, and now he didn’t trust me. He thought I’d say anything, even lie, in order to be near Tina. I worried that his feelings were so bruised and sore he didn’t want to figure out a way back.
