Family Ties (Hidden Secrets) (27 page)
Read Family Ties (Hidden Secrets) Online
Authors: P. J. Belden
Epilogue
Mary
Sitting here at the table, I listened to
Tobey and Jackson talk about one of Carson’s old fights. Apparently Tobey had been to see several of Carson’s fights. If Jackson loved anything it was to talk about his siblings. He loved to talk to about anyone other than himself.
Watching him closely as he listened to
Tobey intently, he thought no one saw the sadness in his eyes but we all did. He has convinced himself that we haven't paid attention, thought we couldn't see his pain, but we could and we all want to know what it is. What caused my loving big brother to shut down like he has?
Tobey leaned over kissing me as he left to run out and help with the chores.
As we left the hospital, he told me that just because he was hurt didn’t mean that he was allowing me to do anything. In fact, he told me flat out that I wasn’t allowed. He didn't lie to me either. He wasn't letting me do a damn thing. As much as it irritated me, at the same time I was scared to do anything. Losing out baby was traumatic and now I worry about losing Tobey too.
Watching him get shot… that about killed me. As much as he kept telling me that I was his everything, he was my more. More life, more
breath, more smiles, more love… If I’d lost him, I’d have nothing more. His arm was still in a sling, but he didn’t let it stop him from pulling his weight around the ranch. I worry when he’s out of my sight. I worry that something might happen.
Now here my brother sat trying to act normal, but I saw his face. Every time Tobey put his arm around me, kissed me…even his laugh didn’t seem happy. Jackson was hurting and he was doing it alone. That broke my heart.
“What are you thinking about that has you frowning?” Jax said breaking into my thoughts.
“
You.”
“
Me? Why me?” He asked, shocked.
S
tanding, I walked over to him and hugged him. When I sat back in the chair next to him, he smirked at me.
“
What’s wrong Jax?”
“
What do you mean?” He laughed but looked confused.
“
You're sad about something. I can see it in your eyes.”
He stood
, walking to the sink to rinse out his cup. “I’m fine Mare.”
For whatever reason,
the sadness overwhelmed me and tears fell. Jackson turned around shocked by my crying. I ran over to him and hugged him tightly.
“
Hey what’s wrong with you? You know how it hurts me to see you cry.” He said, his voice cracking a bit.
It was true he hated seeing any of us girls cry but
more so when I did. It often got me to be able to do a lot when he was in charge of us kids. I was quite the actress when I was younger. He was putty in my hands then and even was now.
“
You're hurting and I don’t know why or how to help you. You won’t talk to me and it’s breaking my heart,” I sobbed into his chest.
“
Shhh,” he stroked my hair. “Remember how you were so lost, but wouldn’t let us in until you were ready?” I nodded my head but didn't move from his embrace. “I’m not ready to be found yet.” He whispered kissing the top of my head. “I’m just not ready yet.”
“When will you be?” I asked pulling back and looking up at him with tears in my eyes.
“I don’t know, but when I am…” He didn’t finish his sentence.
He didn’t need to. I knew what he was going to say. Even when he was ready, he may not ask for help. The thought hurt more than just not knowing.
After a few more minutes, Jackson left to make a stop at Kayla’s before heading home. This is what he did every day. He stopped at Carson’s and spent time with Colbie. Then he’d come here and spend time with me. Last stop was with Kayla before going home alone and doing…I just don’t know what.
He deserved love to, but telling him that would do
me no good because he’d just tell me that he’s better off alone. My brother was too good to be alone. He needed someone to share his life with, to start a family with. Jackson needed someone.
Climbing in bed tonight, I was in a sour mood. Tobey immediately questioned me. In our therapy sessions we were told to never go to bed angry and to talk about things. Though I wasn’t mad at Tobey, I was still angry. So we talked about Jackson.
“Baby, I know you want him to as happy as you are. It’s only natural I would think, but he’s got to want that for himself too. If he doesn’t, you can’t push it.”
I sighed. “I know, but Tobey… He’s so sad. It breaks my heart.”
“He’s got one hell of a family around him. I’m sure he’ll have his moment when he’s suddenly smacked over the head by a girl just like I was.”
“Oh I about smacked you too,” I grinned.
“Ah, there’s that beautiful smile I love so much.”
“Thank you,” I whispered before kissing him.
“Mmmm, I love thank yous. I’ve been a really good boy today. Can I get an even better thank you?” He wiggled his eye brows.
Laughing, I curled in next to him. Maybe Tobey was right. Maybe it’d just take the right girl to knock him on his ass to break him out of his funk. With all my heart, I hope she comes along real soon.
Tobey lifted my lips to his and kissed me deeply. All thoughts stopped. The only thing that remained was Tobey. My world changed because of one moment. All the moments that followed were all because of two hearts that only beat when they are together. I was his everything and he was more. No matter where our path leads, together we can stand against anything.
Acknowledgements
This journey has been such
and amazing experience for me. I have learned so much, but nothing has been more important than finding belief in myself. Belief that if I work hard enough anything is possible. This lesson was not an easy one for me to learn, but the people that I have come across along the way have been such amazing support that it became easier. I want to take this time to thank a few of them. They deserve to be acknowledged.
First, I want to start off with my girls
Kayla, Kristy, Leanne, Renee,
and
Mechelle.
The endless support and help with making my books polished has been amazing, but it is your friendship and our endless conversations, full of laughter, that have meant the most to me. If I could say one thing to each one of you that you remember it would be this:
We all fight our own demons and struggle down our own paths, but with amazing people to light the way makes even the darkest days seem bright.
Thank you so much ladies, truly from the bottom of my heart, you guys are aces in my book!
To
Vicky
, oh girl what can I say to you that I have already said a million and one times? You have been walking right along side me from the very beginning. Our endless chats about books and book boyfriends to your encouraging words with each of my books. I can tell you right now that Jake will not be enough thanks for everything you’ve done for me, but I think he’ll keep you occupied enough. HA!! I love you girlie!
To
Kylie
and
Ashley
, oh Lord what dare you say to to two crazy chicks? How about I lubbers you both so much! Yeah I think that’s a safe topic. Haha. You girls are like the best friends that a girl could ask for! You’ll be forever in my heart and I will always be there for you!
To
Allison
, Man girl what can I say… You are one of the best freaking people I have ever met. I’m so grateful to call you a friend. Our conversations cover such random topics, but we bonded over books and you entered my heart because of the amazing person you are. Don’t change. I’m always here no matter what. <3 Hugs! <3
To
Shannon
, we’ve been walking the same path, but at different times, always seeming to miss each other. Behind you, you leave a trail, a brightness, from your beautiful heart and loving personality. From the moment I met you til now, you have made an imprint on my life and on my heart that will forever remain. I don’t know what I can say to show you how much you mean, but from every text or message…the light you give grows brighter. I love you girl! *psst* Jack’s waiting…hehehe
To
Kaylie,
My dear sweet, loveable Kaylie. You are just…simply…I’m at a loss for words. You’re friendship has been a guiding light as I weaved my way through my path and there is no way I can thank you for that. The strength you carry about you day in and day out is astounding and even more inspiring. Girl you are one cool chick! I love ya! Here’s to more time with laughs and inspiration.
To
Jennifer, Shawna, Kia, Amber, Kim, Michelle, Kerry, Jamie,
(crap I know I’m forgetting someone), you girls are simply amazing. Each of you sprout wings and share you beautiful personalities with the world on a daily basis. Don’t let anything dim your lights. You are ALL in my heart and I’ll always be here when you need me and even when you don’t. <3 you all bunches!
To the
Beta Ladies
, you girls are one hell of an amazing group of women. Each of you so unique and talented, I’m winded by your support and guidance. I wouldn’t be here without each of you. So from my heart to all of you, Thank you so much!
To my
Readers
, what can I say. Without you guys, I wouldn’t be writing this out to begin with. I’d still have all these books sitting in a notebook on my shelf never to see the light of day. Because of all of you, I continue to type them out and thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to do something that I love. Each of you have touched my heart in a way I can’t describe. Thank you, thank you, thank you! <3 Hugs! <3
I am sure there are people that I’m missing and I’m so terribly sorry if I did. Please know that you are still important to me and always will be (even if I spaced and didn’t get you on the list). Thank you for reading another one of my books…Here’s to the next one y’all!!! *waves*
P.J. lives in Indiana with her husband and three amazing children. She has two dogs; a four year old Siberian Husky and an almost two year old Black Lab. Her kids keep the days pretty busy, but at night or when they are at school she can be found sitting at her computer typing away or sitting somewhere curled up reading a book.
P.J. has always wanted to be a writer, but it was put on the back burner while life took her through the flips and turns. Now that her kids are all in school and there is a little more '
free
' time to put into writing, she’s put her writing back in the oven and has been cooking ever since.
For information about P.J. Belden, visit:
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