Fangirl (44 page)

Nick took his hand, looking confused and hassled. “Nick.”

“Nick from the library,” Levi said, still cheerful, resting his arm around Cath’s shoulders.

Nick looked back at Cath. “So what do you think? Is that cool? Will you tell Professor Piper that it’s cool?”

“I don’t know,” Cath said. “It’s just…”
Just, just, just.
“After everything, I’m not sure I’m comfortable…”

He pressed his navy blue eyes into her. “You’ve got to say yes, Cath. This is such an opportunity for me. You know how badly I want this.”

“Then take it,” Cath said quietly. She was trying to pretend that everyone in her whole life wasn’t standing right there listening. “You can have it, Nick. You don’t have to share it with me.”

Nick was pretending, too. “I can’t,” he said, moving another step closer. “She—Professor Piper—says it runs with both of our names or not at all. Cath.
Please.
”

The hallway had gotten very quiet.

Reagan was looking at Nick like she was already tying him to the railroad tracks.

Wren was looking at him like she was one of the cool girls in his stories. Oozing contempt.

Levi was smiling. Like he’d smiled at those drunk guys at Muggsy’s. Before he’d talked Jandro into throwing a punch.

Cath went back to pretending they weren’t there. She thought about Nick’s story—their story?—about everything she’d poured into it and the chance, now, that she might get something out.

And then she thought about sitting next to Nick in the stacks, trying to get him to let go of the notebook.

Levi squeezed her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Cath said. “But I don’t want any credit. You were right all along. It’s your story.”

“No,” he said, clenching his teeth. “I can’t lose this.”

“You’ll get another opportunity. You’re a great writer, Nick,” she said, and meant it. “You don’t need me.”

“
No.
I can’t lose this. I already lost my teaching assistantship because of you.”

Cath stepped back. Into Levi.

Reagan opened the door wider, and Wren pushed past Nick, pushing Cath into the room. “It was nice to meet you,” Levi said, and you’d have to really know Levi to know that he didn’t mean it.

Nick held his ground, like he still thought he might talk Cath into helping him.

Reagan kicked the door shut in his face. “Were you really going out with that guy?” she asked before it had quite closed. “Was that your library boyfriend?”

“Writing partner,” Cath said, avoiding them all, setting her bag on her desk.

“What a douche,” Reagan muttered. “I’m pretty sure my mom has that scarf.”

“Did he steal your story?” Wren asked. “The one you were working on together?”

“No. Not exactly.” Cath spun around. “It doesn’t matter,” she said with as much iron as she could. “Okay?”

She looked up at all three faces, all ready to be offended for her, and she realized that it really
didn’t
matter. Nick—Nick who couldn’t write his own anti-love story without her—was ancient history.

Cath grinned at Levi.

“Are you okay?” he asked, grinning back because he couldn’t help it. (Bless him. Bless him to infinity and beyond.)

“I’m great,” she said.

Her sister was still sizing Cath up. “Great,” Wren said, deciding something. “Okay. Great.” Then she turned to Levi and punched his arm. “All right, Lieutenant Starbuck, since you’re here, you might as well take me to FarmHouse. And you might as well get us White Chocolate Mochas on the way.”

“Might as well leave now,” Levi said gamely. “I’m parked in the fire lane.”

Cath picked up her bag again.

“And I want you both to know,” Levi said, opening the door—Cath peeked out to make sure Nick was gone—“that I know that was a
Battlestar Galactica
reference.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Wren said, “you’re a first-class geek.”

*   *   *

When they got to Jandro’s frat house, Levi got out again to help Wren. He only sometimes helped Cath in and out anymore. Usually she was already there before he got a chance. When Wren got out of the truck, Cath reluctantly slid away from the driver’s seat and buckled her seat belt.

Levi started the truck and shifted gears without looking at her. He hadn’t really looked at her since they’d left her room.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

“Yeah. Just hungry. Are you hungry?” He still didn’t look at her.

“Is this about Nick?” she asked. She realized that she was waiting for it to be about Nick.

“No,” Levi said. “Should it be? You seemed like you didn’t want to talk about him.”

“I don’t,” Cath said.

“Okay. Are you hungry?”

“No. Are you jealous?”

“No.” He shook his head, like he was shaking something off; then he turned to her and smiled. “Do you want me to be?” He raised an eyebrow. “I can throw a big tantrum if you like that sort of thing.”

“I don’t think so,” Cath said. “Thanks, though.”

“Good. I’m too hungry to rage. Do you mind if we stop somewhere?”

“No,” she said. “Or I could make you something if you want. Eggs.”

Levi beamed at her. “God, yes. Can I watch?”

Cath smiled. “You’re ridiculous.”

*   *   *

Levi wanted an omelette. He got the eggs and cheese out of the refrigerator, and Cath found a pan and butter. (This kitchen almost didn’t remind Cath of the missing blond girl anymore. That girl had no staying power.)

Cath had just cracked three eggs when Levi tugged on her ponytail. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Why doesn’t your sister like me?”

“Everyone likes you,” Cath said, whisking the eggs with a fork.

“Then how come you only hang out with her when I’m not around?”

Cath glanced back at him. He was leaning against the sink.

“Cheese,” she said, nodding at his hands. “Grate.” When he just kept looking at her, Cath said, “Maybe I like having you all to myself.”

“Maybe…,” he said, raking one hand into his hair. “Maybe I embarrass you.”

She poured the eggs into the pan and reached for the cheese grater herself. “What am I embarrassed by? Your rangy good looks or your irresistible personality?”

“Alejandro is a Regents Scholar,” Levi said softly behind her. “And his family owns half the Sand Hills.”

“Wait … what?” Cath set everything down and turned back to him. “You really think I’m embarrassed by you?”

Levi smiled gently and shrugged. “I’m not angry, sweetheart.”

“No, you’re
crazy.
I didn’t even know those things about Jandro, and anyway, who cares?” Cath reached up to his chest and clenched her fists in his black sweatshirt. “God. Levi. Look at you … you’re…” She didn’t have words for what Levi was. He was a cave painting. He was
The Red Balloon.
She lifted her heels and pulled him forward until his face was so close, she could look at only one of his eyes at a time. “You’re
magic,
” she said.

Levi’s eyes smiled almost shut. She kissed the corner of his mouth, and he moved his face to catch her lips.

When Cath heard the eggs start to snap, she pulled away—but Levi took hold of her waist.

“Why, then?” he asked. “
Doesn’t
Wren like me? Do I cramp your style? I can tell you don’t want me around when she’s there.”

Cath pushed against his chest, away, and went back to the stove, quickly grating the cheese over the eggs. “It has nothing to with you.”

Levi tried to move into her line of sight, leaning against the counter next to the stove. “How do you figure?”

“It’s just … nothing, it’s weird,” she said. “It’d be different if you’d grown up with us, or if you’d met us both at the same time—”

“What would be different?”

Cath shrugged and scraped at the omelette with a wooden spatula. “Then I would know that you had enough information to choose me.”

Levi leaned over the stove, trying again to catch her eye.

“Get back,” Cath said, “you’re going to burn yourself.”

He backed up, but only few inches. “Of course I chose you.”

“But you didn’t know Wren.”

“Cath…”

She wished there was more to do with omelettes than watch them. “I know you think she’s pretty—”

“You know that because I think
you’re
pretty.”

“You said she was hot.”

“When?”

“When you met her.” Levi looked confused for a second, one eyebrow arched beautifully. “You called her Superman,” Cath said.

“Cather,”
he said, remembering, “I was trying to get
your
attention. I was trying to say that you were hot without actually saying it.”

“Well, it sucked.”

“I’m sorry.” He reached out for her waist again. She kept looking down at the eggs.

“I know that you like me,” she said.

“You know that I love you.”

Cath kept staring at the pan. “But she’s a lot like me. Some of our best friends couldn’t even tell us apart. And then, when they could, it would be because Wren was the better one. Because she talked more or smiled more—or just flat-out looked better.”

“I can tell you apart just fine.”

“Long hair. Glasses.”

“Cath … come on, look at me.” He pulled at her belt loops, and she flipped the omelette before she let herself turn toward him. “I can tell you apart,” he said.

“We sound the same. We kind of talk the same. We have all the same gestures.”

“True,” he said, nodding, holding her chin up, “but it’s almost like that makes your differences more dramatic.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means, sometimes your sister will say something, and it will sort of shock me to hear her saying it with your voice.”

Cath looked up to his eyes, unsure. They were big and earnest. “Like what?”

“I can’t think of anything specific,” he said. “It’s like … she smiles more than you. But she’s harder somehow. Closed up.”

“I’m the one who never leaves my room.”

“I’m not explaining this right.… I
like
Wren,” he said, “what I know of her. But she’s more … forceful than you.”

“Confident.”

“Partly. Maybe. More like—she takes what she wants from a situation.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“No, I know,” Levi said. “But it’s not you. You don’t push through every moment. You pay attention. You take everything in. I like that about you—I like that better.”

Cath closed her eyes and felt tears catch on her cheeks.

“I like your glasses,” he said. “I like your Simon Snow T-shirts. I like that you don’t smile at everyone, because then, when you smile at me.…
Cather.
” He kissed her mouth. “Look at me.”

She did.

“I choose you over everyone.”

Cath took a painful breath and reached up with one hand to touch his chin. “I love you,” she said. “Levi.”

Levi’s face broke open just before he kissed her.

He pulled away again a few seconds later.…

“Say it again.”

*   *   *

She had to make him another omelette.

“Do you know what the most disappointing thing is about being a magician?”

Penelope shook her head and rolled her eyes, a combination she’d gotten terribly good at over the years. “Don’t be silly, Simon. There’s nothing disappointing about magic.”

“There is,” he argued, only partly just to tease her. “I always figured we’d learn a way to fly by now.”

“Oh, pish,” Penelope said. “Anyone can fly. Anyone with a friend.”

She held her ringed hand out to him and grinned—
“Up, up and away!”

Simon felt the steps drift away from him and laughed his way through a slow somersault. When he was upright again, he leveled his wand at Penelope.

—from chapter 11,
Simon Snow and the Five Blades,
copyright © 2008 by Gemma T. Leslie

THIRTY-FIVE

“Look at them,” Reagan said, shaking her head fondly. “They’re all grown up.”

Cath turned to the cereal bar and watched two very hungover freshmen fumble with the scoops.

“I can still remember the night they came home with their first My Little Pony tattoos,” Reagan said.

“And the morning that we noticed those tattoos were infected,” Cath added, drinking her tomato juice. That’s something Cath would miss about the dorms. Four different kinds of juice on tap, including tomato—where else could you get tomato juice? Reagan hated watching her drink it. “It’s like you’re drinking blood,” Reagan would say, “if blood had the consistency of gravy.”

Reagan was still gazing at the hungover girls. “I wonder how many familiar faces we’ll see next year. Every year it’s a new batch, and most of them don’t come back to the dorms for a second tour.”

“Next year,” Cath said, “I won’t make the mistake of getting so attached.”

Reagan snorted. “We need to turn in our housing forms if we want the same room next year.”

Cath set down her juice glass. “Wait … Are you saying you want to live with me again?”

“Eff yeah, you’re never even home. It’s like I’ve finally got a room to myself.”

Cath smiled. Then took another long pull of tomato juice. “Well … I’ll think about it. Do you have any more hot ex-boyfriends?”

*   *   *

Wren was right.

She’d been on Cath to post a chapter of
Carry On, Simon
every single night. “Otherwise you’re never going to beat
The Eighth Dance.
”

They were going to go to the midnight release party at the Bookworm, back in Omaha. Levi wanted to go, too.

“Are we gonna dress up in costumes?” he’d asked the other night, up in his room.

“We haven’t done costumes since junior high.” Cath was sitting on the love seat with her laptop. She could write with him in the room now; she was so focused on
Carry On,
she could have written in a room full of circus animals.

“Damn,” he said, “I wanted to do costumes.”

“Who do you want to go as?”

“The Mage. Or maybe one of the vampires—Count Vidalia. Or Baz. Would that make you wild with desire?”

“I’m already wild with desire.”

“She said from across the room.”