Fashionably Dead (17 page)

Think, think. Where was I? I was at the Cressida House to get initiated and then I got drunk and went home with some random Vampyre. No, that wasn’t even possible. Number one, I didn’t drink. Number two, Vampyres couldn’t get drunk because they only drank blood. Alright, that scenario was out . . . I remembered Heathcliff. Sweet, handsome Heathcliff and then . . . what happened after that? It was on the tip of my brain. I saw Ethan, and then . . . oh shit.

It all came flooding back to me in a hurricane of mortification. Dangling Vampyres, screaming orgasm, pissed off girlfriend, gaping hole in thigh, ruined Prada dress, halfway mated to an extraordinarily beautiful, crazy, scary, lying bastard Warrior Prince.

Maybe if I closed my eyes it would all go away.

I tried.

It didn’t.

Son of a bitch, how many things could go wrong for me in two months? I died
and
I’m engaged? All this because I quit smoking? Really? Movement on the ceiling caught my eye. To my great joy, there were monsters up there. Not my monsters, other little ugly babies. I waved. Maybe they could help me escape.

“Hi,” I whispered, just in case anyone was around. “I’m Astrid. Some of you live at my house.”

They stopped dancing and stared at me, shocked and pleased to be noticed. They began to wave and shriek and show off. I giggled and threw some Glitter Magic to them. They ate it and went bonkers.

These guys were bold. They were trying to jump off the ceiling and come down to me. I was sure that was a very bad idea. The Vamps already thought I was a freak. I didn’t want them to know I was a monster magnet.

“No, no.” I pointed at three of them who were ready to go. “You stay.” Thankfully they did. Amazing. Something that actually listened to me.

The little monsters were so special. I was delighted that they lived on ceilings everywhere. I debated getting out of the bed and dancing with them, but decided against it. No telling who would walk in, plus I was naked and I wasn’t sure where I was. As their dancing hit psychotic levels, I realized they were not a good escape plan. I was assuming I was still at the Cressida House. Hopefully in Venus’ room . . . although this looked a little opulent for a regular Vampyre.

The bed was a huge, hand-carved, four poster work of art. The wood was dark and rich. The bedding was covered in olive and cream brocades with thick down comforters in dark navy. Everything was insanely soft and expensive. There must have been twenty pillows on the bed. Definitely not Venus’ room.

I sat up and really looked around. The rest of the suite followed suit. There were thick Persian rugs, and dark wood furniture mixed with chocolate leather chairs and couches. A huge stone fireplace dominated one wall. The curtains on the floor to ceiling windows looked like they belonged in a French Renaissance castle, but the
pièce de résistance
was the chandelier. It was stunning—tier upon tier of the most exquisite crystal drops I’d ever seen. I loved anything that sparkled, and this put everything I’d ever admired to shame.

The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced this was his room. How did I get here? I could only guess. Why was I naked? I didn’t want to know. Did I need to get out of here? You bet.

“Hey guys,” I questioned my new monster buddies, “do you know where my clothes are?”

“Over there,” a female answered.

“Oh my God.” I was flabbergasted. “You guys can talk?” They were far more advanced than my monsters. They were flipping, punching each other in the head, running in circles and screaming. Well, a little more advanced. There was so much commotion I couldn’t figure out which little cutie had spoken.

“You need to stay still,” I told them. “Whichever one of you little dudes spoke to me needs to do it again.” Maybe they could help me escape, but more importantly, I bet they could tell me how to teach Rachel and Ross and Honest Abe to talk. Beyonce was another story. She had issues.

“Come on, please,” I begged. “When did you learn to talk? Did someone teach you?” If they would tell me their secret, I could talk
with
my babies instead of
at
them.

“Let me see . . . it was about two hundred years ago and my mother taught me,” Venus said, staring at me from the doorway.

“Shit!” I screamed. “You scared me to death.”

The monsters shrieked and disappeared.

“That’s impossible,” she replied coldly, “you’re already dead.” Her arms were crossed over her chest and she wasn’t liking me much.

“Who were you speaking to?” she asked.

“Um . . . nobody?”

She was silent. She slowly walked into the room, grabbed clothing off of a chair and threw it on the bed.

“Friends don’t lie to friends,” she stated flatly.

“Friends didn’t lie to friends,” I said, and she snorted. “Certain friends were really scared and freaked out, so they didn’t lie . . . they omitted. Certain friends had other friends from different species that arrived before friends who are accusing friends of lying. Those other friends told her not to tell certain things.” I was confusing myself.

“There is no reason in hell I should have followed that, but somehow I did.” Venus said, walking toward the bed. “Were you just talking to those certain friends?”

“No.” God, how to explain this . . . “Actually, the certain friends who told me not to tell certain things don’t know about the friends I was just talking to.”

“Jesus Christ, Astrid,” Venus grabbed her head. “I can’t keep up with you. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure I want to.” She turned to go.

“Wait!” I was desperate. I was losing my mind. My hands shook and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry or scream or punch something. Everything was spinning so far out of control I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on. As panic threatened to overtake me something warm and sweet rushed through me, straight out of my fingertips. Something in me clicked. It was Pam. The panic was gone. I felt Pam’s love envelope me. I couldn’t see her, but I could feel her spirit inside of me. She was letting me know I could talk to Venus and it would be okay.

“Please stay with me,” I begged.

Venus slowed and turned back to me, shaking her head, “Astrid, I . . . ”

“Please.” I could feel the tears coming.

“All right,” Venus said slowly. She walked back to the bed, sat on the edge and waited.

“Venus, I need your word that I can trust you.”

She moved to the bedside table and retrieved a dagger. The same jeweled dagger I stabbed my thigh with. Why in the hell was that in here? She sliced her palm and handed me the knife, I sliced my own. Shit, that hurt. Venus didn’t even flinch. I wish I could say the same. She grasped my hand and our blood co-mingled.

“What you tell me, I will guard as if it were my own,” Venus told me, “and you will do the same.”

I nodded and patted the bed. “You’d better sit.”

She did.

I started at the beginning. I told her how I got changed by the big blonde Amazon without my knowledge or consent. I described how I came home and found Oprah, who turned out to be my foul-mouthed, nosey, fiercely loyal Angel named Pam. How from there I was graced with my style-challenged Fairy, who was a doppelganger for Arnold Schwarzenegger. How he had taught me in a very short and very violent time how to fight to the death and how to control my Magic.

Then I explained my monsters. They started out as cracks in my bedroom ceiling, but the longer I stared, the more alive they became. My monsters were so ugly they were cute. They were about three inches tall and looked like tiny people. I suppose I thought of them as my babies. The babies I would never have now that I was a Vampyre. I loved them.

“I was afraid if I told someone about them, they’d go away,” I admitted. “I’ve lost so much already. I couldn’t bear losing them too.”

“Is that who you were talking to?” Venus asked, trying to wrap her head around my crazy story. I was just thankful she didn’t run from the room screaming.

“Yes and no,” I explained, “they were similar monsters, but they weren’t mine. Turns out they live on ceilings everywhere,” I smiled ruefully. I was still nervous she was going to bail on the insane Vampyre girl.

“Can I see them?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” I looked up. The monsters were back. “I don’t know,” I repeated. “Can you?”

Venus looked up and stared at the ceiling. Hard. “No, I can’t.”

I glanced up and wondered why in the hell I could see them. They giggled and waved and stomped on each other’s heads. I realized I didn’t care why. I was grateful I could.

“That’s okay,” I consoled her, “you’re strong and don’t need them.”

“No,” she replied, examining me strangely, “you don’t need them either. They need you.” She took a huge pause and continued searching my face. “You
are
the Chosen One,” she whispered, dropping to her knees next to the bed.

“Get up, you’re freaking me out,” I blurted, yanking on her arm.

“Astrid.” Venus was excited. She grabbed me and hugged me hard. “You are. You are the Chosen One.”

“No,” I gasped, trying to peel her off of me, “I’m not. I don’t want to be the Chosen One. I’m still not a hundred percent sure I want to be a Vampyre. I am a materialistic Prada whore who teaches art to old people. There’s no way I can be the Chosen One.” I paused. “What in the hell is the ‘Chosen One’?”

Venus’ excitement freaked me out. “The Chosen One is beloved by Angels and Fairies and can control Demons.”

“I don’t know any Demons,” I yelled at her, “except for Ethan.”

“Don’t you see?” she went on, ignoring my slam on her Prince, “Angels and Fairies don’t ever even acknowledge Vampyres. Our breeds only come together in times of war . . . and hopefully then it’s as allies, because Angels and Fairies are the fiercest warriors in the Universe.”

I was still confused.

“Angels and Fairies are from the Light, from life,” Venus explained, “and Vampyres are from the Dark, from death.” She touched my face. “You are the Light who lives in the Dark. You will save us.”

“Holy shit.” I threw myself back on the bed. “I thought I was crazy. Did you not get the part that I don’t know, and therefore cannot control, any Demons?” I had her there.

“Your monsters are Demons,” she simply stated.

Oh fuck.

“I don’t want to deal with this right now,” I told her, overwhelmed. “You can’t tell anyone about this, Venus.”

“I won’t,” she promised. “Eventually you will have to tell the Prince.”

“He’s already figured most of it out,” I said morosely and filled her in on the glitter-filled disappearing act in the graveyard. “The only part that would be missing for him would be the Demons.”

I realized I’d forgotten to ask the most important question of all. “How in the hell am I supposed to save everybody?”

“The Prophecy doesn’t say, but I do know it involves our King somehow,” Venus replied.

Well, that just pissed me off and made me want to cry. “Heathcliff told me the King will be in the North American Dominion within the month. Does that mean I have to save everybody this month, as opposed to next month?” I tried for a lame joke. Venus didn’t bite. I didn’t blame her. It sucked.

Ignoring my rapidly deteriorating sense of humor, she went on, “I hate to broach another touchy subject,” Venus was treading carefully, “but would you like to discuss The Warrior Prince?” She tried to suppress a grin. She failed.

I was gonna kick her ass.

“No,” I shouted. “I do not want to discuss him. Ever.”

“You’re halfway mated to the most powerful ruler of all the King’s children. Not to mention the fact that he seems to have gone cuckoo crazy over you. In all my two hundred years as a Vampyre, I’ve never seen him like this. No one has. You will have to deal with this sooner rather than later,” Venus informed me.

“He’s a liar and a cheater and he tried to kill me. I. Hate. Him. I find him unattractive and rude. He’s an asshole and a bastard . . . ” I trailed off.

Venus just stared at me.

“All right, fine.” I gave up. “Yes, I’m attracted to him, but he didn’t ask me to mate with him—he just did it. I hate that. I don’t even know him. I can’t get mated or married or whatever to a stranger, no matter how hot he is or how good he smells.”

“Vampyres often recognize their life mates the first moment they see them or scent them,” Venus said with authority. “They are fated for each other. They have an uncontrollable mental and sexual bond. I’m fairly sure Ethan recognized you.”

“No, he didn’t,” I shot back at her. “The first time he saw me, he and his sisters tried to kill me.”

“But he didn’t,” Venus fired right back, “and he stopped his sisters from killing you.”

“Yeah . . . so?”

“Nothing.” Venus was smug. “I’m just sayin’ . . . that’s all.”

“You are aware that you suck, and all of you people are perverts?” I informed her, wanting to slap that superior look off her face.

“Yes . . . yes I am,” she smiled. “By the way, you’re one of
those people
now.”

I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, I can’t be his mate because I think I have a connection to Heathcliff too. At least he’s a gentleman.”