Fashionably Dead Down Under (6 page)

“Um . . . yes, she actually is all that and
then some,” Envy dismissed Lust’s underwhelming description with a
wave of her hand. She circled me and I stood very still, prepared
to defend myself and my baby to the death if I had to. These gals
were scary and slightly unstable. “You’re gorgeous and crazy
powerful, I do believe.”

I stayed quiet. There was no way I was going
to be Chatty Cathy with these dangerous women.

“Cat got your tongue, pretty girl?” Greed
asked.

“Nope.” I smiled and decided the less I said
the more power I would wield. And considering I wasn’t in
possession of my Vampyre gifts at the moment and I had no control
over my emerging Demon magic, it seemed the smartest move.

Shitshitshit. I quickly scanned the room for
my Baby Demons. I did not want these gals to know about them. No
trace. Clearly they’d hidden. They were far smarter than I gave
them credit for. Part of me worried these Deadly Sins might be a
little more appealing to my babies’ palates than Dixie. I grinned
as I imagined the clusterfuck that would cause. How would I explain
to the Devil that my little buddies had eaten his daughters . . .
My grin disappeared as the gravity of that being any sort of
reality set in. Note to self—do not leave Baby Demons alone with
Sins. Ever.

“If she doesn’t talk, how will we ever get to
know our new cousin?” Lust asked as she glared at me with
undisguised hostility. What the hell had I done to her?

“Shut up, you nasty and ungracious bitch,”
Envy snapped at her sister. “Astrid, what’s your last name?”

“Um . . . Porter.”

“Umporter or just Porter?” Greed asked,
snatching her phone back from Dixie and scrolling quickly. Envy and
Lust crowded her and tried to see the screen.

“Porter.” What were they doing?

“Alrighty then, your Sexy Pet name is Donkey
Lips,” Greed informed me.

“Well, that’s just lovely,” I deadpanned.
“What’s yours?”

“I’m Smelly Cha-chas,” Greed moaned with
disgust.

“Snuggle Cha-cha’s here,” Envy added.

“Bulky Cha-chas,” Lust chimed in angrily.
“And little precious Dixie is Honey Cha-cha’s . . . of course. She
even gets good names. It’s just not fair. My cha-chas are far
superior to any of yours in this room.”

“Can it, sexy,” Greed told her whiny
sister.

“What’s your last name?” I asked all of them.
I had no idea the Devil had a last name. I wondered if God did too
. . .

“Syn with a Y,” Dixie said, taking all of her
sisters’ phones away from them. I suppose she’d had enough of the
Facebook games. I declined to make a comment or a joke about their
surname. I didn’t want to get my hair fried.

“So, I hear you need some shoes,” Greed said,
reaching into a bag at her feet. “You’re a seven?”

“Yep,” I said, wondering if her shoes were as
incredible as Dixie’s. I shouldn’t have worried. She yanked out
some Jimmy Choos that made me salivate.

Greed grinned and handed them to me. “It’s
nice to see you’re a whore for lovely things. I like a
materialistic girl.”

The compliment was somewhat of a slap, but
the shoes were hotter than hell. “I’ve been called worse,” I
grinned and slipped my feet into the insanely awesome four-inch
stilettos. They were amazing and made my legs go on for days. Ethan
would love them . . . My stomach dropped to my toes. What in the
hell was I doing getting excited over shoes? Ethan had to be going
out of his mind. Time to learn a little more about my heritage so I
could get back to my real undead life.

“So Daddy has a big announcement to make
tonight,” Envy said, rolling her eyes.

“It’s probably about Astrid’s visit.” Dixie
squeezed my hand and gave me a small smile.

“Nope,” Envy cut her off. “He’s been keeping
a secret for at least a week. Astrid just got here today. Oh, and
Astrid, Wrath can’t wait to meet you! When she heard you killed
your parents she was wildly impressed. And just so you know, we all
thought your father was an asshole.”

“Good to know,” I muttered and meant it. I
would have been screwed if I’d offed a favorite uncle. “Where
exactly did he rule down here?”

The silence was long and their eyes were
round. Why was that such a difficult question? Then the laughing
started. And it went on until they were doubled over on the floor
in tears. Dixie was the only one who wasn’t amused.

“Oh, that’s rich,” Lust said, wiping her
eyes. “He didn’t rule anything. He was a guard of sorts in the
Basement. He was an angry loose cannon.”

Pot. Kettle. Black.

I had no fond feelings for my father—none—but
he was my father and Lust’s total disdain for him didn’t sit well
with me. Her insults went far deeper that my father. I knew it and
she knew it . . . She couldn’t stand me and the feeling was
mutual.

I had to let my anger go before I developed
my glittery black sleeves in front of my cousins. Furthermore, I
needed to learn a lot more. “So what’s in the Basement?”

“I believe our pretty little cousin needs a
History of Hell lesson,” Envy said as she made herself comfortable
on Dixie’s couch. “Dixie, you’ve been shirking your duties.”

“No,” I countered. “She’s explained quite a
bit. We just hadn’t gotten to the geography section yet.” I wasn’t
going to let them come down on Dixie. It seemed that they took far
too much pleasure in doing that. “She’s been lovely.”

“Of course she has,” Lust hissed and shoved
Dixie to the side as she took her place next to Envy. Greed sat
down on the arm of the couch leaving the armchairs for me and
Dixie. I sat and waited.

“Wrath and Pride enjoy the Basement.” Greed
shuddered. “It’s the lowest level.”

“So there are levels?” I asked and wondered
if Dante had gotten some of it right.

“Yes,” Greed nodded, “but if you’re thinking
Dante, think again. The man is an idiot. You should have seen his
face when he realized how wrong his little work of fiction was.
Priceless.”

“Anyhoo,” Envy took over, “the Basement
sucks. You know, the Hellfire and brimstone, screaming in agony,
burning for eternity Hell. The Hell from the movies . . . That’s
where the most evil go when they die. Those bastards are punished
in fire until the end of time. Nobody can give an exact definition
on what the end of time actually means. You would assume that my
dad or his brother Uncle God would have an idea on that one, but if
they do, they’re playing it close to the chest.”

“And my father did what down there?” I asked,
sickened by the thought of the Basement.

“He controlled the thermostat,” Lust spat.
“He burned people alive, and from everything I’ve heard he enjoyed
it.” She stared at me with such contempt my fingers itched to smack
her. Thankfully I didn’t. Good ideas in the moment often turned out
to be shitty ideas in the long run. The others seemed nonplussed by
Lust’s viciousness. I suppose they were used to it or she was like
this with everyone. Lovely.

“So he killed people?”

“No. They’re already dead. They’re souls,”
Greed explained. “He doled out punishment . . . ” She paused and
glanced at her sisters. Dixie nodded at her. She hesitated but
continued. “Demons can’t actually kill. We just siphon energy.”

“My father killed people and his minions
killed people.”

Greed sucked in a weary breath. “You father
was an anomaly. A problem—which is why he was delegated to the
Basement. He wasn’t suppose to leave, but he was crafty and . . .
well, he was stupid. He had free will just like the rest of us and
chose to use it unwisely. You actually did Satan a rather huge
favor by killing him. My father would have loved the honor, but as
I said . . . we can’t actually kill. We all have a purpose in the
balance between good and evil.”

“What in the hell was his purpose?” I
clenched my fists at my sides. This was simply too much
information, but I knew I needed to hear it as much as I didn’t
want to.

“Possibly to sire you—I’m not sure.”

“Fucking awesome.” I had more questions, but
I didn’t know if I wanted the answers. “Did I really kill him? Is
he gone for good?”

“Oh, yes,” Envy said. “You did excellent
work.”

“I’d say thank you, but I’m not exactly proud
of what I did.”

“Now your mother is a different story,” Lust
said, enjoying the look of horror on my face at the mention of my
mother. “She’s down here. I’d love to take you for a visit.”

“Lust . . . ” Greed warned. “You have no
jurisdiction over those matters. I’d suggest you back off,” she
added in a voice that sent chills down my spine.

My mother was here. It wasn’t unexpected. I
certainly didn’t expect her to go to Heaven. I searched my heart
and realized I felt very little. Had I become hard or had she just
beat any feeling out of me? I assumed she was in the Basement, but
I refused to ask. My parentage was so appalling, I just wanted to
avoid the topic altogether.

“She’s really quite pretty . . . well, she
was,” Lust purred, making me want to beat her senseless. I was now
quite sure my mother was burning in the Basement. I knew she
deserved it, but . . . As much as I couldn’t ratchet up any
feelings for my mother, I wanted to destroy anyone who spoke badly
of her. I was the only one who was allowed to do that.

“Back to the lesson,” Envy said, cutting off
any more input from her nasty sister. “The next level up is the
Sub-Basement. The Sub-Basement is for lesser evil souls when they
die. There’s fire there too, just not as hot. The lucky humans who
reside there weren’t quite bad enough for the Basement, but not
quite good enough for Purgatory. I know, many doubt Purgatory, but
it exists.”

Dixie piped up. “I’ve been there and trust
me, you don’t want to go. It’s boring and beige, it smells stale
and they play bad cheesy elevator music 24/7.” She giggled and
shuddered. I gave her a smile and Greed nodded her head in
agreement.

“Kind of like nails on a chalk board. Too
close to Heaven for me,” she said and winked.

I liked Greed. I mean, I wasn’t into greedy
people but the girl was funny and a lot nicer than the others.

“Ohhhh, don’t forget about the Rehab Room,”
Dixie said.

“Daddy likes to pretend that one doesn’t
exist,” Lust laughed. God, she was really beautiful. As much as I
didn’t like her it was almost impossible to dismiss her appeal.

“Right,” Dixie agreed. “It’s a room where
souls do penance so they can leave Hell and ascend to Purgatory . .
. then possibly Heaven. It’s a major long shot, but there are some
who I do think end up down here by mistake. Not that I would share
that with my dad—my good report cards are about all he can take.
The flip side of that is that some in Purgatory end up becoming
violent and have to descend into Hell. Personally, I think the
constantly piped in elevator music causes some souls to snap. It
would make me want to tear my own head off.”

“Agreed,” Envy said. “And why in the hell are
you still getting good report cards? Did you not listen to my
lecture on skipping class?”

“I like learning,” Dixie whispered, clearly
afraid of ridicule.

“Listen, sweetie,” Greed told her. “You can
still learn everything you want. Absorb all of it. I did. You just
need to blow your tests—on purpose. It will get Daddy off your back
and it’s what’s expected of you. We have a reputation to uphold,
dear.”

Greed really was nice, but had a fucked up
idea of what was right . . . Although what did I know? Hell was not
my territory and I didn’t want it to be.

“Don’t forget the main floor.” Envy stood up
and walked over to me. “That’s where we are now. It’s as big as the
United States, but most the action takes place in the north east
corner in an area about the size of Washington D.C. This is where
the Demons live. We’re born in Hell and we are the loyal army of
Satan, my dad. Many Demons take the portals back and forth to Earth
all the time. Personally, I’d rather stay in Hell with my family no
matter how dysfunctional we might be.” She eyed her sisters and
they all laughed.

“I like going to Earth,” Lust cooed. “Humans
are such a delight to fuck . . . and so are Vampyres.”

“You’ve slept with a lot of Vampyres?” I
asked. I could see Vampyres being attracted to her. I could see
almost anything being attracted to her. Although once they got to
know her . . .

“A few.” She laughed and examined me like I
was a science project. “I could go for some more Vamp sex. In fact
. . . ”

“Give it a rest,” Envy snapped. “You’re such
a slut.”

“Jealous much?” Lust snapped back.

“Enough.” Greed stood up. “It was lovely to
meet you, Astrid. We’ll be seeing you at the gathering shortly.
Enjoy my shoes and remember, everything comes at a price.” She
winked and all three of them disappeared in a flash of glitter and
smoke.

“Holy shit,” I muttered looking at Greed’s
shoes and wondering what kind of hellish price tag they came
with.

“That was nothing,” Dixie said and flopped
down on her couch. “They were on good behavior. Just wait till you
meet Wrath.”

I glanced over at my cousin and gave her a
smile that I was sure resembled a grimace. I had a lot to digest
from this little get together and it exhausted me. “I can’t wait.
Truly. I can’t fucking wait.”

The Devil’s estate was called the Dark
Palace. From the way Dixie picked at her nail polish on the car
ride over made me think being called to the palace wasn’t a good
thing. At all.

“The Dark Palace is Daddy’s main residence,”
Dixie explained as she ripped off a large intact piece of polish
while driving. “I grew up there.”

“Is the weather always so nice?” I asked the
most benign question I could think of, wishing I had some of my own
polish to rip.

“Yep. Warm, breezy and balmy all year round.
We have more varieties of exotic plants and animals than Heaven.
That really pisses Uncle God off royally.” She giggled and seemed
to relax a bit.