Fast Connection (Cyberlove #2) (28 page)

Duffy leaned back, looking smug. “So they are the right ones.”

Adriana hugged the items to her chest. “Oh my God, yes! I can’t believe it. Thank you!”

“We’re not done,” my mother said impatiently. “Next box!”

“Okay, okay,” Adriana said, reluctantly setting down her prized new tools.

The happiness radiating from her was enough to bring a smile to my face. Our parents had also gifted her a drawing tablet for her computer. She crowed about always wanting a “Wacom Intuos”, and I took her word for it. There were actual tears in her eyes and for the first time in years, she hugged both our parents.

“All it took was art stuff to get you to hug me,” Duffy said roughly. “I wished I’d have known.”

“It’s not that and you know it,” she said, sniffling. “I didn’t think you guys cared about my art crap.”

“Don’t call it crap,” I interrupted. “Now open mine.”

Unsurprisingly, she loved the FWO figurines I’d ordered from South Korea, but the real kicker was when she opened the large envelope I’d received only days before from Kai. In it was a handwritten letter and a signed photograph of him standing in front of a mural that hung in his office. The mural featured some of her own FWO fanart pieces.

She tackled me into a hug and squeezed me so hard I lost my breath. “Thanks, Nicky.”

“Don’t mention it, sis.” I kissed her forehead. “I’d save the letter for later. He talks about some personal stuff.”

“I will.”

She was all smiles as she collected her gifts and prepared to go upstairs, but my father stopped her with a cleared throat. “We didn’t forget you, Ni—Dominic.”

I arched a brow. “Well I didn’t get you guys shit.” I would have liked to, but all my cash had gone to our landlord.

“These kids,” our mother muttered. “Just open the damn envelope and shut up, Nicky!”

“All right, all right.”

To humor them more than anything else, I made a big show of grabbing the envelope, theatrically shaking it, and tearing it open. I started to make a joke about getting a coupon to the tanning spot up the block, but my breath caught when I saw what it was. A receipt. For a payment made to St. James’s University. They’d paid for my EMT classes.

“How the hell did you do this?” I demanded. “What money?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Duffy said gruffly. “It’s done, and you’re going. Got it?”

“Dad—”

“You’re going,” he insisted. “And that’s the end of that.”

My mouth snapped shut. I nodded and stared at him and my mother in turn, too stunned to do anything more. For the past couple of weeks, I’d debated with myself whether I should give up on the idea of having a career of my own. If the shop picked up, and we started doing well, I could theoretically just invest my time in managing it. Maybe even open a food truck near the mall since Staten Island was finally catching up with the rest of the city in that regard, but…

But I didn’t want to sell heroes out of a truck. I wanted to do something to help other people. Something I was good at. Something that would put my experience to good use. I
wanted
to be an EMT. It had taken a few days for me to reconcile that
I
really wanted it, and I hadn’t just been trying to force myself because of Luke. Because I’d wanted to be someone he could be proud of.

My mother really dug the food truck idea, though.

I sat on the armchair and stared down at the receipt until my mother returned to the kitchen and Adriana darted upstairs. It wasn’t until Duffy came to stand by me did I realize he’d remained in the room.

“I’m sorry, Dominic.”

“For what?”

“Everything.” He shrugged. “Being no good.”

“It’s not too late to change that,” I said. “You’re off to a good start at redeeming yourself.”

He smiled faintly. “Yeah, only because my pain-in-the-ass son helped me.”

“I helped our family,” I corrected him. “Not just you.”

The smile faded. “I know. I get that.”

Pushing away from the armchair, I got to my feet. After an awkward pause, I gave him a quick hug before stepping away.

“You got no idea how much those classes mean to me. I appreciate it even if I’m worried you took it out of the rent.”

“For fuck’s sake, Nicky. I put it on my credit card.”

I couldn’t hold off a short laugh. He would never learn. “Whatever the case, I appreciate the support. It’s hard feeling like I can’t tell you shit without you making fun of me or being sarcastic.”

Duffy lowered his eyes and curled his hands, but I didn’t say anything to soothe him. He needed to know what he’d been doing to me and Adriana with his shit-tastic behavior, and smoothing it over would just lead to him thinking it was okay.

“What about that guy?”

“What guy?” I asked. “What are you talking about?”

“Y’know. Micah’s father.”

My stomach clenched. Why was he bringing up Luke? I’d managed to not think about him for a solid… half hour. I’d dreamt about him last night, so thirty minutes was all I got.

“What about him?”

“You said he was supporting you about the EMT thing, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. He
was.
”

The silence that followed was awkward, and Duffy’s face and neck were reddening. I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or having a stroke.

“Broke up?”

“Yeah,” I snapped. “We broke up the night you two jackasses fought outside the house.”

His eyes rose to my face, and he looked downright shocked. “That fucking idiot dumped you because of me?”

I started to speak, stopped, and then shook my head. Jesus Christ. This was a rollercoaster ride I had no desire to be on. “No, Pops. I broke up with him because he hit my father, and because he… because of some other stuff. It wasn’t just that.” He looked so torn and uncomfortable that I sidestepped him. “Don’t worry about it. I appreciate you asking even though you keep calling me a degenerate.”

“Because of the park thing!” he protested. “I don’t give a shit if you’re gay or bi or tri, or whatever.”

“Tri,” I said flatly. “Seriously?”

“Whatever.” He crossed his arms over his chest all indignant-like. “I’m just saying if he’s the type of man who will encourage you to do shit like that—”

“For the last time,” I said, speaking over him. “Ain’t no one was fucking in no park!”

“—then he isn’t someone you need to be involved with! He has half the island talking bad about you! Goddamn idiots. I don’t even know where they got that story from.”

“Well I do,” I said, and fought the urge to show him the video of John clutching his dick in the cold. “And I handled it. So don’t you worry yourself, and stop believing everything the idiots at the barbershop tell you. Luke isn’t a public-sex type of guy.”

“How do you know? He sure as hell started fucking early. What is he, thirty-five with twin teenagers?”

Oh dear God, would this inquisition ever end?

“He’s thirty-nine. I already told you.”

“Either way, he’s too old for you,” he grunted. “I don’t like it.”

“Dad—”

“I’m just saying—”

I started to shout at him in frustration, but once again I was hit with a surreal epiphany. He was being overprotective about a guy I was dating. He wasn’t sure if Luke was good for me. Duffy Costigan was trying to be a good father.

Huh.

My mouth twitched. “Trust me, okay? He’s a good dude when he lets people past his walls.”

“Is that why you dumped him?”

“You could say that,” I said quietly. “Now, I’m gonna go pound some sausage and biscuits and pretend to be in a good mood for Mom.”

“Okay, Nicky. I mean Dominic.” He clapped me on the back. “Maybe one day you won’t have to pretend. I miss your goddamn smile.”

I missed being able to joke and smile and laugh with everyone, but it was too hard to get back to that place when half the reason for my joy was gone. I wanted to believe we had a shot at fixing things at some point, but I just couldn’t see how unless there was a drastic change in one, or both, of our hearts.

Luke

I slid the baked ziti in the oven and set the timer, then popped a couple of Advil. The last couple of weeks, I’d been feeling more aches and pains than I used to. George said it was because I was working harder than he’d ever seen me. Which was the truth. Seeing as I’d deleted Grindr from my phone because the icon made me feel ragey, I hadn’t had any other outlet.

No men.

No women.

Nothing but me and my hand and the memories of Dominic everywhere in this goddamn house.

I was glad I’d had the foresight to prepare the ziti ahead of time, so all I had to do when I got home from work was bake it. Deciding on a beer before my shower, I grabbed one from the fridge when I heard a squeak behind me. I turned around to see a pale Adriana standing in the doorway of my kitchen. Her blond hair was piled up on her head and she wore an oversized
Fallen World Online
hoodie that I’d bet was my son’s. She was barefoot, her black-painted toes sticking out from beneath the frayed hem of her jeans.

“Hi, Mr. Rawlings. Sorry, I didn’t know you were home.”

I wasn’t one of those parents who felt the need to be friends with my kids’ friends. But Dominic’s words were making me rethink how my coldness could be interpreted. “I just got home from work. You studying with Micah?”

She nodded and bit her lip, edging backward slightly.

I glanced at the time on the oven. “Dinner’ll be ready in forty-five minutes. Let Micah know to set an extra place at the table for you.”

She frowned. “You want me to stay for dinner?”

“Sure.”

She narrowed her eyes a little and tilted her head, and she looked so much like Dominic in that moment. He always got the same look when he was about to call me on my shit. “Is this about my brother?” she asked.

I took a gulp of beer to hide my smile. “I’m not asking you to stay because of your brother. No. I’m asking you to stay because you’re Micah’s friend. Okay?”

She looked like she didn’t believe me.

“Look.” I sighed. “This is the first time I’ve been a parent of teenagers, all right? I don’t have a manual for this shit. It was my mistake not to treat your friendship with Micah with respect. He cares about you, and I can see you care about him. So I’m making an effort here to get to know you, and I hope you take it as an olive branch.”

“Okay,” she said softly.

“Your dad know you’re over here?”

Her cheeks colored slightly and she ducked her head. “Uh, no.”

“Where does he think you are?”

“He thinks I’m at the library with Micah.”

“You shouldn’t lie to him.”

“You shouldn’t have punched him.” As soon as the words were out, she clapped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide, like she hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Yep, she was a Costigan.

I set my beer on the counter and snorted. “I shouldn’t have, you’re right.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“It’s fine. I’m not proud about what happened.” And it had been the final straw to cost me Dominic. “Trust me, the regret runs deep.”

“I think my dad regrets it too.”

I was not above using her for information. “How’s the renovation to the shop going?”

“Okay, I guess. We’re fixing up the back patio. Making it a place for customers to sit. Which is cool, I guess.”

That was smart. I wondered if it was Dominic’s idea. “Your dad and brother getting along?

“They argue all the time, but at least it’s, like, productive arguing.” She scrunched up her nose. “You know?”

“Yeah,” I took a chance and went for what I really wanted to know. “How’s Dominic?”

“You can call him, you know,” she shot back.

She sure was a live one. “Yeah, I know. But I’m not so sure he wants that call. How’s he doing?”

“He’s okay. Spent New Year’s all by himself…”

I was a monster for being even half-relieved that he hadn’t spent it with someone else.

“He didn’t go out at all?”

Adriana shrugged mysteriously.

There was a lot she wasn’t saying, and I had to admire her loyalty to her brother. If I wanted dirt on Dominic, I was going to have to go directly to the source. Was he seeing anyone? Had he changed his mind about the EMT classes? Most of all, was he happy?

And how sick was I that I wanted him to be happy but not all the way happy… because I wasn’t in his life?

Sick.

I heard a thump upstairs. “All right, get back to studying. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

Adriana smiled. “Okay. Thanks, Mr. Rawlings. For talking to me.”

“I should have done it months ago. Now study.”

She hurried out of the kitchen.

I finished my beer and took a quick shower, then dressed and sat on the edge of my bed, holding my phone. I pulled up my text messages with Dominic and smiled that the last thing he’d sent me was about dinner on the night of the convention debacle.
I’m gonna get mushrooms on the pizza tonight.

Nadia had grilled me over what had happened with Dominic and was frustrated when my answers were mostly,
I don’t know.
It was the truth, though. We’d had something tangible, something we could hold onto, and then it’d slipped away. I loved him in a way I hadn’t thought I was capable of. I missed the intimacy. Eating in bed and talking. The feel of his skin against mine, his leg hooked around my thigh. I missed how easy it had been to talk to him and share things I’d never shared with anyone else. I missed him being my friend as well as my lover.

I also missed the way he made me laugh, and I missed feeling like I was making a difference. I knew I wanted him back but I had no solid game plan, because it wasn’t solely my decision. Something about our last conversation bothered me though, the way his face had fallen when I’d agreed about us not fitting.

Had he wanted me to fight for us? And how the hell was I supposed to do that?

All I knew was that he’d shown me a better alternative to being lonely. Dominic
was
worth changing my life for. In fact, I’d already changed so much of it for him, and maybe that was why his absence was a gaping wound.

The timer on the oven went off, and with a sigh, I rose from the bed and called the kids for dinner.