Fastball (25 page)

She scoffed at him, which
really
pissed him off.

“Come on, Jake. How likely is that? Nazarian
might rough Robbie up a bit—”

Again she held up a hand, anticipating his
objection. “Look, I’m not saying that’s a good thing, but Robbie’s
the one putting himself in harm’s way, not you. And as for getting
kicked out of baseball, yes, that’s probably what’ll happen. And it
should
happen. Any player or coach betting on baseball
should be run out of the game forever. No exceptions.”

Jake couldn’t believe her lack of empathy.
Did the rules really matter that much to her? Then again, given her
reluctance to break team rules by getting involved with him, he
guessed he should have seen this coming. Maddie liked the straight
and narrow, and she wouldn’t have much sympathy for someone who
wandered off into the weeds. He supposed he could understand it,
but it sure didn’t sit that well with him.

“Then you don’t care that the man will end up
nearly destitute if he’s found out, even in the best case
scenario?” he said, giving it one last-ditch effort. “He’s got a
family, Maddie. He’s divorced, but he’s got an ex and two kids to
support. Do you really want to trash their lives, too?”

He didn’t think she could hunch her shoulders
up any higher around her ears, but apparently she could.

“That’s not fair, Jake,” she said
defensively. “Robbie will still get a pretty good baseball pension
because he’s been in the league long enough. He could probably live
on that, even if he never found a real job. And, yeah, it’ll suck
for him if he’s banished from the game, but he’s getting near the
end of his career anyway, and he was sure never going to get into
the Hall of Fame.” She shook her head. “There are bigger issues at
stake. This is about a lot more than your friendship with Robbie,
and you need to realize that.”

He wanted to pound his head against the wall.
Christ, he was tired of fighting with the people he cared for.
“Maddie, I’m done arguing. You’ve got a right to see it your way.
But I’m telling you one more time, I’m going to help my friend out
of his mess. I’m going to make sure he pays off his debts to
Nazarian, and I’m going to make damn sure he stops betting once and
for all by getting into a serious addiction program. As far as I’m
concerned, there’s no downside to that.”

Now Maddie was up out of her chair, waving
her hands in his face in obvious exasperation. “And how exactly are
you going to do that? Did he even agree to go into a rehab
program?”

Jake gave a little shrug. “Not yet, but he
will.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” she said. “No,
Robbie needs to own up to what he did and come clean with the team.
The Patriots would make sure he got treatment. They’re not just
going to throw him in the dumpster, Jake. They have way more
resources to handle this than you do.”

She was probably right about that. He’d have
to lean really hard on Robbie to get him to agree to treatment. But
going to the team would ruin what was left of Robbie’s career, and
would jeopardize his future. “I won’t say you’re completely wrong,
Maddie, but I still can’t walk away. I promised Robbie I’d help
him, and I will. Later, if what I’m trying to do doesn’t work, then
maybe I’ll have to take it higher up the food chain.”

The anger drained from her face, replaced by
something that looked close to desperation. She raised her hand to
touch his chest before letting it drop to her side. It killed him
that she felt she couldn’t really touch him.

“Jake, I know you think you’re doing the
right thing. But Robbie needs to take responsibility for what he’s
done. Yes, he’s your friend, but if you cover this situation up
now, it’s going to come back on you. I know it as sure as I’m
standing here.”

Man, she was not giving up, and that was
making him crazy, too. Why couldn’t she trust him? “You can’t
possibly know that,” he said in a hard voice.

She shook her head hard. “Don’t you get it?
Crap like this
always
gets out. And then what? What happens
when it comes out that Jake Miller knew the score and tried to hush
it up? That you were the one who loaned him the money to pay off
the bookie? How do you think that will look on your plaque in the
Hall of Fame? Oh, wait a second,” she said sarcastically. “I guess
you won’t need to worry about that, since the only way you’ll get
to Cooperstown after this is as a tourist.”

He wasn’t stupid, and he knew the risks he
was taking. If he stayed healthy for two or three years, he’d have
the numbers that would get him into the Hall of Fame and baseball
immortality. Along with winning a World Series, it was the ultimate
goal every player strived to reach. But he’d made a promise to a
friend, and that had to trump personal considerations. Especially
since Robbie’s life might well be in danger.

“Okay, I hear you,” he said. “But we’re
obviously not going to agree on this, so there’s not much point in
me staying over tonight. We’ll just keep arguing and I’m too damn
tired for that.”

She flinched, and then sank down onto the
loveseat. Obviously, she hadn’t been expecting that.

“Before I go, I have to say one more thing,”
he said. He
had
to try and make her understand. “The way I
was raised, friendship meant something. It meant being willing to
take some heat to help a friend in trouble. It meant having
compassion, even when that friend really fucked up. I don’t know
any other way to be, Maddie.”

Her features pulled tight with shock at the
implication he left hanging in the air. Feeling like a total
bastard, Jake turned away. But before he reached the door, she
finally found her voice. “Jake, hold on for one more minute, will
you? I haven’t finished yet, either.”

Jake turned. She was now on her feet again.
How a woman could look so small and delicate but still so full of
fight was beyond him. And even in her workout clothes, she looked
so beautiful it made his chest ache. “Go ahead,” he said. Part of
him wished she would ask him to stay, but from the set of her jaw,
that looked highly doubtful.

“You’re not going to like this.” She
hesitated for a few moments, but then rushed the rest of it out.
“But I’m going to speak with my editor about this situation
tomorrow.”

“What?” Jake practically fell over in
astonishment. “What the hell are you talking about? I’m trying to
help Robbie get through this without getting caught and you want to
make headlines out of it? Are you completely out of your mind?”

Maddie glared back, the color high on her
cheekbones. “Calm down. It’s not like I’m rushing to my computer to
get it all down. But, ethically, I can’t just sit here and do
nothing. This situation is a big problem on a whole lot of levels
and I can’t ignore that, despite our relationship. If I don’t tell
my editor, I would be remiss in living up to
my
responsibilities.”

Jake couldn’t get his mind to work straight.
“Jesus. And are you going to tell your editor about us, and why you
were eavesdropping on that particular conversation? How does that
factor into your ethics?”

She drew in a sharp breath, as if he’d just
slapped her. “I can’t let our relationship stand in the way of
doing my job. That shouldn’t be a surprise to you,” she said
through clenched teeth.

He let out a bitter laugh. It felt like his
entire world was falling apart. “Maybe not, but where’s your
compassion, Maddie?”

That just pissed her off more. “Where’s
Robbie’s sense of decency? This mess could ruin you, Jake, and the
selfish little jerk damn well knows it. He shouldn’t ask this of
you, and you shouldn’t ask this of me!”

They were both breathing hard, staring at
each other in her narrow little hallway, like two fighters in the
ring. More than anything, he wanted to back down and find a way to
work it through with her. But he couldn’t see how, and he couldn’t
abandon Robbie. As much as he cared for Maddie, he would
not
trash a long-standing friendship and ruin a man’s life to placate
her.

“You’ve got no proof of what’s going on
unless you quote me, and you know I’ll deny it,” he said harshly.
“Obviously, so will Robbie.”

“Obviously,” she said with a tinge of
bitterness. She was totally on the job now, sounding like the
reporter, not the woman. “If my editor gives me the go-ahead, I’ll
start working my sources and doing my job. I promise I won’t print
anything without telling you first, and giving Patriots’ management
the heads-up. And I’ll keep it totally quiet until then.”

He rubbed his forehead. “Yeah, it’ll stay
quiet, I’m sure. Especially once you start poking around.”

“I’m trying to handle this in the fairest way
I know how,” she said calmly. “You could try to cut me some
slack.”

He gave her a disgusted look. “I really
thought I knew you better, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe this
relationship doesn’t mean much to you, after all.”

It was a crappy thing to say, but he couldn’t
hold it back.

She blinked, and her expression suddenly
morphed from calm to stricken, her eyes darkening with shock.
“Jake, for God’s sake, don’t say that!”

Her voice broke at the end, and that just
about broke him. He had to get away from her. He
had
to.
Ignoring the choked sob he heard behind him, Jake turned on his
heel and walked out the door.

* * *

Maddie stared in disbelief as Jake walked
out. That nasty parting shot of his threatened to bring on a
massive bout of tears but she managed to choke them back, taking
refuge in anger and frustration. She stomped back to her kitchen,
grabbed the wine bottle out of the fridge and poured herself
another glass—a big one, this time.

After a fortifying sip, which pretty much
stuck in her tight throat, she headed for the over-stuffed sofa in
her living room and sank down onto its comfy cushions. Her first
fight with Jake had been a doozy. In fact, it pretty much felt like
the end of the line, and that prospect finally brought on the flood
of tears she’d been trying to hold off. She let herself dissolve
into a self-pitying blob for a few minutes, then sat up and tried
to pull it together.

One thing was sure: she refused to feel
guilty about her stand. Jake was making a huge mistake, and Robbie
Benton wasn’t worth it, friend or no friend. The guy had broken
every rule in the book when it came to betting and he’d put Jake in
a terrible position, one that threatened to destroy his career and
his legacy. Obviously Jake’s motives for helping his friend were
honorable, but Maddie knew in her gut he was dead wrong. Still,
Jake’s anger and his obvious disappointment left her shivering and
nauseous.

She dragged herself off the sofa and into her
bathroom. Looking in the mirror evoked a hollow laugh. “You look
like crap,” she muttered—hair spiky and matted, eyes fire engine
red, and mascara trails running down her cheeks. That’s what came
from going against instinct and opening your heart to the wrong
guy. Despite all the promises she and Jake had made to each other,
she’d known from the beginning that their relationship would likely
go off the rails at the first sign of trouble. And as far as she
could tell, it had. The only comfort she had was the knowledge that
she’d stuck to her principles and done the right thing, whether
Jake Miller liked it or not.

The problem was it didn’t
feel
like
the right thing, and the idea of not having Jake in her life seemed
monumentally wrong. She stared at her reflection, trying to figure
out what to do next, but her water-logged brain refused to process
anything more.

Screw it.

She threw water on her face and scrubbed her
makeup off with a towel. Whatever this mess was, she’d try to fix
the damage in the morning. Yanking off the sweatpants and top, she
pulled on her coziest flannel pajamas and crawled into bed.

Still, despite her exhaustion, sleep wouldn’t
come. The thought that she might have destroyed her relationship
with Jake kept overwhelming her, and she tossed and turned as her
head played mental pinball. And now that the lights were out and
she was huddled alone in her bed, the twinges of guilt she’d been
repressing shot to the surface. It wasn’t that she didn’t stand by
her position. She did. But to Jake, she must surely have sounded
like she was giving him a lecture. And she’d no doubt made it ten
times worse by telling him she intended to speak to her editor
about it. It had been
so
wrong to blurt that out in the
middle of an argument, but his decision to walk away from their
discussion—walk away from
her
—had shocked her to the core.
So, she’d blundered into revealing her half-formed plan, and now
she could admit she’d been lashing out in hurt and anger, or at
least partly. She’d wanted to shock him as much as he’d shocked
her, and from the look on his face she’d succeeded in spades.

What a freaking idiot she was.

Maybe she should hold off for now, give
herself a day or two to think it through. Or maybe she could talk
to Robbie first, before she brought the whole sorry mess to her
editor. Then again, if it wasn’t for her involvement with Jake, she
wouldn’t doubt herself for one second. She’d be calling Martin
James right now and working out a plan. Her relationship with Jake
was the complicating factor, and she had known from the beginning
of their relationship that it might be the case when it came to
work. But never in a million years had she thought they’d be
confronting a problem of this magnitude.

Second-guessing herself again and again,
tears burned behind her eyelids once more. Maddie finally gave up
on sleep and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

The apartment felt empty and cold without
Jake. Sniffing back her tears, she rubbed her sleeve across her
damp face as she turned on the kitchen lights. Banishing the
darkness helped, and soon her pride began to reassert itself. She
was able to tell herself—and mean it—that if Jake really loved her,
they’d find a way through this disaster. After all, he’d said he
was leaving for tonight, not forever. And his last words to her had
come from a place of hurt, as unthinking as some of the stupid
things she’d blurted out. It didn’t change things—either how she
felt about him, or about the situation with Robbie.