Fate and Ms. Fortune (19 page)

“Mommy’s going to Phoenix tomorrow,” I blurted.

My father nodded with a mouthful of egg. “It’s about time.”

“You know about him?”

“Of course. He’s been hanging over my head from the beginning.”

“She said you didn’t know.”

“She said a lot of things.” He licked his fingers. “But it’s fine. Let her go chase after the poor shlemiel. Finally get the answers she thinks she’s been missing…It won’t bring him back.”

“Who? Marvin?”

“No. Todd. It won’t bring the baby back…All these years she’s tortured me, hounded me…if God had just let her marry him instead of me, she never would have suffered like this…”

“You poor thing…Rookie, stop kvetching. Come here. I’ll give you some pie.”

“Don’t pity me, sweetheart. I’ve spent a lifetime fixing things and here’s what I know. Teeth can be restored, but not always the heart.”

“But what happens, you know, if she gets there, and he actually wants her back?”

“Believe me, if he’s got the stomach to deal with her
meshugass,
be my guest.”

“Are you serious? You’re just willing to give up on your marriage like that?”

“She gave up on it years ago. Let her try to make a new life for herself if that’s what she wants. I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know.” I looked around. “You’re not exactly running things like a captain.”

“Funny you should say that.” He rinsed his plate. “For the first time, I feel like a captain.”

“You don’t even miss her?”

“The truth?” He pulled the pie from the fridge and grabbed two forks. “You want?”

“No thanks…just tell me your life insurance policy is still in force.”

“Leave me alone…I’m havin’ a ball. Nobody telling me what to eat, what to wear…To be honest, she’s been so unhappy for so long, it’s like the fog lifted and I can see land…If she comes back, and I suspect she will, she’s going to have to get used to some big changes around here.”

“You mean like the big-screen TV? She’s going to freak when she sees that.”

“I’m telling you, if she says one damn word about it, we’re through!”

“God, what is it with men and TV? It’s like it’s the one thing they know they can turn on.”

“Never mind, young lady…Just make sure your mother goes to the bank and takes out enough money before she leaves. She can’t dig through my pants pockets anymore if she forgets.”

“I can’t believe how nice you’re being.”

“What nice? This is like a vacation for me.”

“Now you’re scaring me.”

“Then we’re even…Now tell me about you and Kenny. Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing someone nice?”

“Because I’m not. I met him three days ago on a blind date, which only happened because a guy came up to me at Brandon’s bar mitzvah after hearing my act and asked if I was willing to be fixed up. And guess who that guy was? Seth!”

“No.”

“Yes. But that’s only one of like a hundred coincidences…It turns out Ken not only was in my nursery school class, but I think he and Seth went to Lohikan, and Ken went to Penn State.”

“Is that right?”

“Yes.”

“I tell you, Robyn. Every day I hear things that make me wonder. What’s a coincidence, what’s not? What does it all mean?”

“I know. Now tell me how you know the family? What’s our connection?”

“How much time do you got?”

W
ORKING IN THE NEWS BUSINESS,
I heard stories every day that sounded so improbable, they had to be dreamed up by some acid-dropping Hollywood writer. But who, I wanted to know, was writing my insane tale, and what was the point? Because there had to be a point. Right?

God, please tell me that some greater good was supposed to come from learning more about my past in five days than I had in years. And that the seeming randomness of the events was actually part of some master plan to get me to what? Be a better daughter? Wife? Dog-sitter?

“You want to know how we met Judy and Howie?” My father stabbed at the pie. “It was at one of those crazy childbirth classes…what a bunch of crap that was…breathe in, breathe out. Like otherwise the baby won’t come out.

“Anyway, your mother was pregnant with Todd, and Judy was having Seth, and they got to talking in class one night and found out they’re using the same practice, but they both hated this one doctor, and next thing I know, they’re good friends.
Especially after the boys were born. They’d meet at the park, they’d babysit for each other…”

“Cool.” I watched him inhale the pie.

“Then, wouldn’t you know it? The week your mother found out she was pregnant with you, Judy calls to say she’s expecting too. You never heard such excitement…You sure you don’t want?” He looked up. “The bananas are fresh.”

“No, Daddy. One of us should be able to pass a physical.”

“Fine. Let it be you.”

“You’re going to weigh three hundred pounds if you keep this up.”

“More of me to love…Anyway, Judy and your mom were thinking now they’d have two kids the same age, we could go on trips together, share a cabana at the beach…”

“And then Todd…the tragedy.”

“Yeah.” He stopped eating. “The tragedy…I tell you, the day you were born should have been the greatest ever. I always wanted a little daughter to spoil, and there you were. But we were in bad shape by then. They hadn’t found the baby’s body, the phone stopped ringing with leads…”

“I can’t even imagine what it was like. How you survived.”

“What choice did we have? We had a helpless newborn to take care of, and Phillip was having nightmares every night that someone was coming to take him away next…Between the two of you, we never slept. Then right before your second birthday Phillip says, ‘Instead of going to Disney World, can we go visit Todd in heaven? I miss my brudder so much.’ Can you imagine?”

“No.” Poor Phillip. I’d never really thought about what it must have been like for him. One day you had a brother, the next thing you know he’s gone and there’s a baby sister instead…Old enough to remember the pain, too young to understand. No wonder he was such a tortured soul.

“Speaking of birthdays, did you know Ken and you were born on the same day?”

“You’re forgetting I didn’t even know there was a Ken…but that’s crazy.”

“Yeah. Judy was two weeks late, and your mother was two weeks early…Go figure you’d both be born on September 27…I think he maybe beat you by an hour. And oy. That poor doctor. Running back and forth between the labor rooms because the girls refused to use his partner. Somewhere there’s a picture of the both of you in the nursery right after you were born.”

“Unbelievable…So you guys were really close?”

“Well, Judy and your mother became good friends, but I didn’t care too much for Howie. Nice guy, but we had nothing in common. He worked in the garment district, played golf, he liked the horses…Occasionally we’d go out to dinner, then take bets on who’d call the sitter more.

“But when the whole thing with Toddy happened, Howie was unbelievable…I don’t have to tell you the pain we were in. And the house was in chaos with all the neighbors coming over to bring dinner, make phone calls, put up flyers, you name it…

“Judy couldn’t come over because she was busy with her new baby, and your mother couldn’t face her. Too hard because they still had Seth. But Howie was with me every night…He’d get off the train from the city, go home and change, then pick me up to meet the search party…

“This went on for weeks…We covered every inch of beach, the Dumpsters, donation bins…I’ll never forget the stench, and the rats as big as cats, and you’re praying with all your heart that this isn’t where you find your precious, little baby…

“So anyway, every night before we’d call it off, Howie would say to me, ‘Don’t give up hope, Harvey. If we didn’t find
the body, maybe it means Todd is still alive somewhere,’…and I believed him. I did. On account of him, I didn’t give up…”

“I had no idea.” I reached for the tissue. “This is so devastating…Then what happened?”

“Well, one night we realized we’d reached the end…we assumed the worst…I tell you, heartbroken is just the beginning…but somehow we kept going. Not that you ever forget the baby you lost, but by then I was working for one dentist in Queens, and another fellow way the hell out in Smithtown somewhere…

“Then one day from out of nowhere, we get a call that this group of high school kids found the remains of a little boy. Not a mile from where we were that day…And instead of your mother feeling relief that at least now we’d have closure, she got worse. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep…”

“Oh my God.” I took his hand.

“I was scared she might kill herself.

“So, naturally, I got her help…even had a neighbor try hypnotherapy so we could get her off the mental meds, which were making her even more cuckoo than before.

“Meanwhile, as luck would have it, the same week we got the news from the police, I got an offer to buy a practice from a New Jersey dentist retiring to Florida. And before I could even read the buy-out agreement, your mother was calling the real estate people…I said, ‘Sheila. Slow down. I don’t know if this is even a good deal for me. He’s askin’ for a lot of money.’ And she says she doesn’t care what he’s asking. She wants out of Oceanside, couldn’t live there another day facing these memories. And that was that. When your mother says she’s doing something, she’s doing something.

“One day I come home from work and there’s a For Sale sign on the house. And boom. We sold the house in two days, bought this place a week later, and here we are.”

“I’m in shock…How did I grow up and not know any of this?”

“We told you what we could…the rest…did you really need to know?”

“Maybe not. But tell me this. If you were so close with the Danzigers, why didn’t you stay in touch? It’s not like we moved to California.”

“Good question…Judy tried, but your mother wasn’t interested. She said if she talked to her, all she’d do is think about Todd and the life we once had. So what could I do? Force her?”

“I guess not. So wait. Mommy had no idea Seth would be at the bar mitzvah?”

“How would she know? It’s going on thirty years ago since we were in touch with the family and it’s not like we’d recognize him…Who even knows why he was there?”

“He said he grew up with Rhonda’s brother and was still close with her family.”

“See? Total coincidence.”

“It’s nuts. A guy comes up to me at a bar mitzvah and asks if he can fix me up with his brother, and a few days later I find out that our families had this whole history together…Our mothers were friends, we were born on the same day in the same hospital, we went to the same nursery school, the same camp, the same college, and yet we never knew each other…Seriously. Who is writing this script? You can’t tell me there’s not a grand plan.”

“Oh, there’s a grand plan all right. But hell if I know what it is…Last chance on the pie.” He stood and stretched.

“No thanks. I should wake Ken…It’s eight o’clock already. Doesn’t he need to get up and take his meds?”

“Yeah, but feed him first…If you need me I’m in the bedroom. The Mets are on.”

“No way! You’ve got a TV in there?”

“A hundred and twenty seven channels…Your mother will flip, but tough noogies on her.” He twirled me around. “I not only watch television in bed, I eat in bed! This is the life!”

Unbelievable. My parents were apart for five days and both behaving as if they were free on bail. Frankly, I could understand my father being ecstatic about experiencing a life unrestricted by my mother’s iron-fisted fetishes, especially her insistence that food and television be forbidden in the bedrooms.

“It’s not a house, it’s a jail,” he would yell, especially after the advent of twenty-four-hour sports on cable. But to no avail. My mother’s rules were the law of the land and now I knew why. The more time she obsessed about keeping a clean house, the less time she’d have to obsess about losing her baby.

In fact, so fearful was my dad of a trauma causing her to go off the deep end again, he paid the guilty piper by giving in to her craziness. And no more so than this past year after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Whatever she did was fine, even if it meant flying the coop.

Now that was love.

I found Rookie snuggled next to Ken on the couch in the den and wondered if it was a federal mandate that men had to keep ESPN on when they slept in the event of a national emergency (Pedro Martinez going to the Mets?).

I tried shaking him and calling his name but he didn’t budge. Finally I had to resort to the tickle torture my father used to get me up for school.

“Go away.”

“No. You have to eat something and take your antibiotics.”

“Stop being my mother.”

You should only know what I know about your mother.
“C’mon. Be nice. If your condition doesn’t improve, I’ll lose my job.”

He opened one eye. “You can always go back to being a stripper.”

“Sic ’im, Rookie. Go on. Bite hard.”

“Yeah, because it’s not like I don’t already feel like I’ve been hit by a semi…My ankle is throbbing, my back is killing me, my mouth is on fire…”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, you look awful too. C’mon, Hopalong. Let’s get moving.”

“First help me to the john. I’m woozy.”

“What great skills you have, Goldilocks. You’re so good at holding men while they pee.”

“Funny…I bet Rookie has to go too…Is your backyard fenced?”

“Yes.” We hopped down the hall. “But when I let him out before, he saw our next door neighbor’s German shepherd and ran back in.”

“Rookie, you wuss! And after all that money I spent on karate lessons…Damn. My phone.”

“It’s been ringing all night. Didn’t it wake you?”

“No. Who called? Because I’m sure you know…Let’s see. Who were you this time? You’ve already been my wife, my girlfriend…”

“For your information, smart ass, I was talking to my dad the whole time and he told me the most unbelievable story about our—”

“Sorry…hold on…Hi Mom…Yes, I’m fine. I got teeth…Yes, they gave me painkillers…Yes, I know I have to eat first…Yes, I’m not driving…Can I call you back in a little while?”

Wait until she hears who your dentist is and whose house you’re at. She’ll plotz.
“Mothers,” I said. “Can’t live with them, can’t leave ’em in the trunk.”

“Exactly.” He laughed. “Hey. This looks just like our old bathroom. The shiny wallpaper, the shag toilet seat cover…I guess our moms used the same decorator.”

“You have no idea how much they have in common…Do you need help?”

“I’m not stable yet. Would you mind?”

“Sure.”
Never have I spent this much time with a penis not intended for recreational use.

“Were you crying before?” Ken asked as we hobbled to the kitchen.

“Always.”

“Madeline told me your parents split up. That’s a shame…my father would fold like a house of cards if my mom walked out on him.”

“Go figure. Mine is having a blast.”

“So why the tears?”

“My dad finally told me the story about my baby brother.” I helped him into a kitchen chair and iced his ankle. “And about how our families became friends…I’ll tell you everything, but first you have to eat. Care for some banana cream pie?”

“I love pie.” He looked. “But I don’t want to take the last piece.”

“Don’t worry. If I know my dad, there are three more just like it in the fridge downstairs.”

By the time I finished retelling the tale, tears were streaming down our cheeks and it looked like a shivah call more than a midnight snack. Ken was stunned that his parents had never said a word about our families’ history, though we were babies when we moved away. What would have been the point?

And yet what caused Ken to break down was hearing of the generous spirit in which his father volunteered to help search for the missing baby.

“That’s my dad. Always there for others. Which is why the letter from Mrs. Abramowitz about me carrying you around
hit me so hard. It reminded me of how much I used to be like him.”

“So what happened?”

“What happened?” he repeated. “You make two rights and a left and suddenly your life falls apart and who can think about being a good guy? Your only thought is survival.”

“I hear ya, brother.”

“But see, your dad is just like mine. You know how much he charged me today? Zilch…Had me in the chair for five hours and wouldn’t even take my insurance card…Then he called a dentist he likes in the city, made all the arrangements for my follow-up visits including working it out with the lab to send everything to the other office so none of it would be a hassle…”

“Doesn’t surprise me. He took care of everyone like that.”

“Oh, and then he tells the other dentist I’m family so maybe the guy gives me a break…How can I possibly repay him?”

“You can’t. But for guys like our dads, all they want is to get to heaven and say, ‘Okay God, how did I do down there? Now can I play catch with the Babe?’”

“What about the Babe?” My dad walked in. “Hey, how’s the patient?”

“Much better, actually. Your daughter is taking excellent care of Rookie and me.”

“She’s the best…You’d be lucky to have her around on a permanent basis.”

“Yes,” I said. “And if you call before midnight, you’ll get the three-carat, tanzanite engagement ring.”

“What did I say?” He shrugged. “I’m just suggesting—”

“Daddy. Stop. I don’t need an infomercial.”

“No, you need a good man who appreciates you.” He kissed me.