FBI Agent's Reluctant Lover (6 page)

“Rachel? Honey, you need to make a decision here. Do you want to talk to someone else who can vouch for the Marshall’s? They’re going to be here in about twenty-five minutes now.”

Rachel watched his mouth as he spoke and memories of his kiss stopped whatever thoughts had been rolling through her brain
. Had she only imagined the emotion behind his kiss? Had it really been that good, or had she just embellished reality?

Chance looked at her eyes as they darkened with desire and stayed focused on his mouth. She wasn’t listening to him speak - she was remembering their kiss. As she leaned towards him, he met her halfway, placing a gentle kiss upon her lips. When she closed her eyes and swayed towards him, he gently wrapped his arms around her, bringing her body flush against his own.

“Rachel, I would love to stay here and kiss you for the next several hours, but Shawn and his wife really are on their way over here. Let me take you to dinner? Just the two of us. I would trust Shawn with my life.”

Rachel gave in to her impulse and laid her cheek against his strong chest. Hearing the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear was so soothing. The heat from his body and the comfort she found in his arms was so confusing, yet felt right somehow. Closing her eyes, she inhaled his scent, snuggling her head against his chest without being aware she had done so.

Chance gave her one last hug and then pushed her away from himself, “Go shower or change. Whatever you feel up to. We’ll grab a quick bite to eat and then come right back.”

Rachel looked at him one last time and then headed towards her bedroom. Chance watched her go, quickly adjusting himself and telling his body to cool off. They were only going to dinner!

When Shawn and Janet arrived, Rachel had already prepared bottles for the boys and placed them in the fridge. She kept herself busy while waiting for their arrival, her nervous energy infecting the boys and making them fussy.

Chance had attempted to calm her down, but knew that completing this adventure would be the only way to do that. She just needed to take that first step towards claiming her life back and realizing that becoming a mother hadn’t erased her adult needs. She was still a vibrant woman; she just needed to be reminded of that fact.

Rachel had opted for jeans and a button down shirt. She had lost most of her baby weight, but most of her pre-pregnancy clothing was still a little too tight to wear comfortably. She promised herself that she would begin to deal with the extra weight first thing tomorrow.

Chance didn’t seem to mind and kept giving her heated stares across the room. After introducing her to the Marshall’s, she took them on a tour of the house, showing them where the babies things were kept, going over the bottle warming directions for a third time, and then giving them a list of emergency numbers for herself, the ambulance and fire department.

Shawn had patiently taken it all in while Janet cooed and played with the tiring babies. It was almost time for their bedtime and Rachel debated about cancelling dinner to put them to sleep. This would be the first time she had ever left the house without them and she was already suffering separation anxiety.

“Rachel, let’s go.”

She nodded and took a huge breath before walking determinedly towards the front door. Chance gave Shawn of nod of thanks and followed her closely, not wanting to give her an opportunity to change her mind.

He helped her into his SUV, fastening her seatbelt, before walking around the vehicle and joining her. “So, take a deep breath.”

Rachel followed his direction and let the air whoosh from her lungs in a giant rush. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Sure you can. They’re only a phone call away. Now, what sounds good for dinner?”

After some discussion, they opted for a buffet restaurant that served a little bit of everything. They both ate their fill, and when Rachel glanced at her watch for the tenth time in as many minutes, Chance sighed and reached across the table for her wrist. When she moved to pull away, he tightened his grip, removing her watch quickly and placing it in his shirt pocket.

“Why did you do that?” she asked, rubbing her wrist once he released it.

“Because you can’t seem to relax and that watch is only a reminder of how long you’ve been away from the house.”

Rachel stared at him for a moment before dropping her gaze and continuing to eat. He was right! She could do better than this and she would.

“So, you worked for the FBI?” she offered, wanting anything to take her mind off her babies.

Chance smiled at her and went with it, “Yeah. But only for a few years. The bureaucracy got to me and I decided to join my brother and Shawn.”

“What do they do exactly?”

“Shawn and Seth run a company called MJI. They offer private security services, both here and abroad. Tell me about your husband.”

Startled, she glanced at him, “Why do you want to know about Sam?”

“Because I want to understand what type of relationship you had with him. Rachel, I like you and I know you feel the chemistry between us. I want to keep exploring that, but I don’t want to unintentionally do something that would cause you emotional pain. I need to know what kind of relationship you had with Sam so I can avoid any minefields.”

Rachel set down her fork and pushed away from the table, taking a huge breath before looking up at him. “He was my world. He’s gone. I’m alone. End of story.”

Chance’s heart broke for the sadness he heard in her voice, “Not true. You’re not alone and this is not the end of the story. Tell me where you and he met.”

“We went to high school together.”

“Were you always boyfriend and girlfriend?”

Rachel shook her head, “No. We were buddies first. We got paired up in science class our freshman year and then things just slowly changed into more than friends.”

Chance was quiet for several seconds before he asked, “So, you just woke up one day and realized you loved your best friend?”

Rachel shrugged, “I don’t know that it happened that fast. We always hung out together, and when the junior prom came around, we decided to go together as friends and ended up sharing our first kiss when he dropped me off. We were both so nervous, it’s a wonder we managed to accomplish the task.”

Chance watched the smile on her face as she remembered better days. “So, when did you decided to get married?”

Rachel was lost in the memories and answered him without even thinking about it, “Right after high school. Sam was a foster kid and my parent’s passed away the year before – I guess we didn’t want to be alone in the adult world.”

Chance nodded, he could see how two teenagers entering adulthood would gravitate towards each other. “So, you got married and he enlisted in the service?”

Rachel shook her head, “Nor right away. He tried his hand at working a civilian job for a few years after graduation, but he hated it. He’d always wanted to enlist, but after we got married, he figured I would object. I just wanted him to be happy. One day, we walked by a recruiting table in the mall, and he stopped. He took the tests and enlisted the next week with my full support.”

“You didn’t mind the fact that he might be gone for weeks or months at a time?”

Rachel shook her head, “No. I just wanted him to be happy. I hated seeing him slowly lose himself in the mundane jobs he was working.”

“So did he get stationed in Denver…”

Rachel shook her head, “Not Denver. Colorado Springs. He was assigned to Fort Carson. That’s where I lived until the babies came along.”

“Did he know you were pregnant when he went overseas?”

“No. I didn’t find out until he’d been over there for a few weeks. He was so happy when I told him. We tried to Skype each other at least once a week. When I found out I was having twins, he made so much noise his entire tent helped him celebrate.”

Chance loved the smile on her face as she remembered the good times. She was beautiful, but the smile upon her face lit her up from the inside out.
He hated having to bring her down, but he needed to know the rest of the story. “When did he die?”

“He was killed while on patrol. An IED blew up their convoy and he was in the closest vehicle. Six other men died in that attack.” Rachel felt her happiness fade away and the sense of loss and loneliness came back with a vengeance.

“How far along were you with the pregnancy?” Chance didn’t like pushing her to remember such hurtful events, but he wanted to understand everything about her. Besides, he knew from experience that talking about such trying times helped put them into perspective and took some of the sting away over time.

“Almost eight months. I had already been having Braxton-Hicks contractions before I received word of the attack. I made it through the funeral and went into early labor a week later.”

“The boys were okay?”

Rachel shook her head, “No. They flew them to Denver Children’s Hospital. Their lungs were under-developed and they needed special treatment. I came up here to be with them and Chelsea moved to Denver to help me. They were in the NICU for nine weeks before they let them come home.”

“You’ve had it rough, haven’t you?”

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, wanting to change the subject and find something easier to discuss.

“Do you miss him?”

“Who? Sam?” Rachel asked.

Chance nodded, watching her closely.

“Sometimes. Maybe not as much as I feel I should,” she confessed, then placed a hand over her mouth in anguish. “I can’t believe I just said that.”

Ignoring her confession, he continued his questions, “So, you and Sam had this once in a lifetime passion…”

Rachel shook her head, “No. It wasn’t like that.”

“What was it like?” Chance asked.

“It was comfortable. We’d been friends for a few years before we started dating. We could complete each other’s sentences, but he never made me feel like yo...” Rachel stopped, once again horrified at what she been about to confess.

“He never made you feel like I do?” Chance inquired; concerned that her guilt was going to keep her from seeing where their chemistry might lead them.

Rachel nodded her head, tears forming in her eyes. When she looked up, arrows shot straight through Chance’s heart, “I shouldn’t feel like that, should I?”

“I don’t think you should feel guilty, no matter how you feel now or in the future. Would Sam have wanted you to keep yourself locked away for the rest of your life?”

Rachel shrugged, wiping tears from her cheeks, “I don’t know.”

“Well, then answer this question. If the roles had been reversed and you had died, would you have wanted him to remain single for the rest of his life as a tribute to his love for you?”

Rachel shook her head, “Of course not. I would want him to find someone else to…” She stopped when she realized what she had just said. After a moment, she said, “He’d want me to move on and find someone else.”

“Yeah. I think he probably would. Just like you want Chelsea to get on with her life. You need to get on with yours.”

“But the babies…” she began.

“…will be there, but you need to remember that you were a woman before you were a mother. Sure, it changes your priorities, but you’re still you.”

Rachel nodded, silently pondering his statement.
Get on with her life. How easy was that going to be with two babies in tow? Not many men she knew would willingly take on instant fatherhood. Would Chance?
She stared at him, lost in the questions running around in her mind.

“So, you ready for dessert,” Chance asked, standing up from the table, and trying to lighten the mood. He had a pretty good feel for her mindset and realized that he had his work cut out for him if he was going to pursue a relationship with her. She didn’t feel like a woman, and was carrying around guilt about feeling anything for someone else. He would have to slowly breakdown those preconceptions and reawaken the woman hiding behind the veil of motherhood.

      
      
      
      
      
*****

“Do you think Rachel is really doing okay?” Chelsea asked, lying in Seth’s arms after him having rocked her world.

Seth hugged her close, “Chance was over there when I spoke with him. She’s doing fine and I’m sure he’ll call if any problems arise. You miss your nephews, don’t you?”

Chelsea rubbed her head on his chest, “Yeah. I’ve been with them since they were born. It feels kind of funny to not be getting up in the night to check on them, or feeding one of them a bottle while I eat breakfast.”

Seth rubbed his hand up and down her back, loving the feel of her silky skin beneath his palm. “Have you given any more thought to my question?”

Chelsea sighed, knowing he deserved an answer, but still unsure of what that should be. During dinner, Seth had pronounced his love for her and asked her to consider moving in with him, permanently. He had asked her to marry him, and informed her that he was willing to wait if that is what she wanted but would love it if she would wear his ring.

Chelsea had been floored. Things between her and Seth had been moving so quickly, she just didn’t want to make a mistake and end up hurting him, or being hurt.

Pushing up on her elbow, she rested one hand on his chest, letting her fingers tangle in the crisp hair they encountered, “Seth, don’t you think things are moving too fast?”

Seth shook his head, “No. I know what I want and I want you. In my bed. In my home. In my life. I can’t imagine not spending part of every day with you.”

“I can’t imagine that either right now. It’s just that, I don’t want us to end up hurting each other.”

“We won’t. Don’t you feel it?”

Chelsea nodded, “Yes. It feels like I’ve known you my entire life. I’ve never been this attracted to someone before – and not just your body, but who you are as a person.”

“Ditto.”

“I want to try, but I’m afraid.”

“What are you afraid of,” Seth asked, reaching up with his free hand to push her hair back from her face.