Fear of the Dead (21 page)

April 24, 2003

7:26 AM

Eli was gone after he dropped the girl. The face that stared at Atton didn’t belong to him anymore. All that remained of Eli Desmond was the monster inside his body.

Atton raised the shotgun to his friend’s bobbing head. The swell of tears obscured his vision. Atton didn’t want to pull the trigger. But he didn’t hesitate. A blast went off. And after that, nothing. Gravity sunk down his shoulders. The pressures of the outside world caved in, causing Atton’s own body to weigh in against itself.

He let go of the gun, dropped it on the floor beside his feet. He hunched down, and tried not to stare at what was left of Eli Desmond.

Transcripts of Dr. Nelson Shore

Date: October 12, 2002

Recorded Session: 2

Dr. Shore:
Good day Atton.

Atton:
Good day to you doctor.

Dr. Shore:
Do you have a journal to show to me today?

Atton:
Yes I do. Here it is. I don’t know if maybe I wrote too much. I recorded pretty much twice every day.

Dr. Shore:
Oh but that’s perfect. It shows initiative. Trust me when I say that people like initiative.

Atton:
Thank you.

Dr. Shore:
Good. I can’t wait to read it. In the meanwhile, here’s another notebook for you to write in while I review this one. Again you write as much as you want, and when I see you next week, I’ll give you your old notebook so you can write in that while I check this.

Atton:
And vice versa.

Dr. Shore:
Exactly. Now, do you have any questions?

Atton:
No.

Dr. Shore:
Good. Well, then since we’ve got that little business squared away, today I would like to talk to you about why you are here.

Atton:
Didn’t we do that last week?

Dr. Shore:
I meant why you’re in prison.

Atton:
Oh. Well, my crime was double homicide. I’m serving a life sentence because at the age of 17 I killed two rival meth dealers.

Dr. Shore:
Yes. Jamal Richards, and Ignacio Reyes. Tell me, why did you kill them?

Atton:
They were selling meth on the Southside Freedom territory. I killed them because I was a member of the gang. Our OG, Darian, wanted me to do it as sort of a rite of passage. I used to make dope for them. But the way they put it, if I put a bullet in those two, then they’d know for sure that I was committed.

Dr. Shore:
And you were.

Atton:
Yes.

Dr. Shore:
So you did what they asked.

Atton:
Yes.

Dr. Shore:
Why did you join this gang at the time? What was it about them that attracted your attention?

Atton:
I used to cook drugs for a seller until things went south. He ripped me off. I was new to the business at the time, so I thought that if I wanted to operate with protection, I had to join the Southside Freedom.

Dr. Shore:
Did you never consider legitimate employment?

Atton:
It was, challenging, for me to make a living. I was already arrested once for possession, so finding work wasn’t easy for me. And at any rate I wanted money as fast as I could get it. At the time I thought that dealing dope was the answer.

Dr. Shore:
But now you realize that it isn’t.

Atton:
Absolutely.

Dr. Shore:
I want to talk a little about that night. When your, gang captain told you to kill those two drug dealers.

Atton:
What did you want to know?

Dr. Shore: Could you describe for me the events of what happened that night?

Atton:
There isn’t much to say. We drove over to where Jamal and Reyes were selling. Darian handed me a gun, and he told me to handle the problem. He said that afterwards we’d go out and celebrate my initiation.

Dr. Shore:
Initiation?

Atton:
At the time I was a junior in the Southside Freedom. To be a G, you had to be initiated. The OG had to back you up.

Dr. Shore:
So you did what you were asked to do.

Atton:
Yes.

Dr. Shore:
And was that easy for you?

Atton:
No.

Dr. Shore:
Then why did you do it?

Atton:
I was an angry child back then. I was confused, and I didn’t know what other options I had. I thought it was my only choice.

Dr. Shore:
And how did you feel after killing Jamal and Reyes?

Atton:
Horrible. And I never want to do anything like it again.

7:34 AM

He gandered at the time on his digital watch, leering in complete and utter silence as the seconds and the milliseconds passed him by. Time kept on moving forward, and yet he felt as though he were trapped in place. Unable to stand; unable to move. The air of futility hung above him like a net.

He’d tried so hard and for so long, and yet this was how it ended.

Atton didn’t know what to do. He thought he’d pray, but the urge passed just as quickly as it came. Instead he thought back on Eli, and how fear had caused him to point a gun to his face. To lock him up on his last day of life, and allow him to change.

And then there was Ellen. He swore he’d protect her. She trusted him. And now she was dead. In spite of all his intentions, he’d gotten her killed.

Atton crept up the ledge and looked down to where Ellen had fallen. A sea of infected were huddled around her. All he could see was her bare leg sticking out from the onslaught. She didn’t move. Her nerves didn’t even twitch. Blood pooled around the hands and mouths of the infected. They tore away at her piece by piece by piece by piece.

Meanwhile, at every which direction Atton could see that swarms of infected had covered the perimeter of his building. Atton was trapped. There wasn’t a single safe place to leave.

A pipeline travelling from the bottom floor up to the roof began to rattle. Atton had a peek below it only to see a man in a grey sweater scaling up the pipe.

Atton could scarcely believe what he saw.

How did they learn to climb?

Atton grabbed his shotgun and took aim at the man’s head. He pulled the trigger, parting his skull into chunks of blood, bone, and meat. The headless corpse released the pipes and fell over to the crowd of other infected. Their shambling bodies cushioned his weight. But just as soon as the first man fell, a second began climbing his way up the pipes. Then a third, and then a fourth right behind him. They scaled up in droves of four, and then more followed suit.

Atton cocked his gun. Then fired. Shot by shot he ended them for good. But there were too many of them to stop. Too many even to count. More and more piled along the pipeline, and even in his duffel bag of shells, he didn’t have enough ammunition to fend them all.

Transcripts of Dr. Nelson Shore

Date: October 19, 2002

Recorded Session: 3

Dr. Shore:
I read your journal Atton. And I have to say I’m quite impressed.

Atton:
Are you?

Dr. Shore:
Yes. You have such a way with words when you write. I think that you would make a great author someday.

Atton:
That’s funny doctor.

Dr. Shore:
I didn’t mean for it to be. I’m being quite serious Atton. You are quite the talent with a pen. I enjoyed reading every page, not to mention your descriptions of your youth.

Atton:
Thank you doctor.

Dr. Shore:
I expect that your next entry is just as equally fascinating. Do you have it ready?

Atton:
Yes. It’s right here.

Dr. Shore:
Thank you. And here is your old journal back. Skip a page so I know which entries to review.

Atton:
Of course.

Dr. Shore:
Alright. Well, I think that now would be an opportune moment for us to discuss why you are seeking a transfer.

Atton:
It’s the same reason anybody else here would be looking to transfer out of Wyden Hall.

Dr. Shore:
You don’t like it here?

Atton:
It’s prison.

Dr. Shore:
But, is there anything about this place that brings you any special discomfort?

Atton:
I, won’t complain about the staff. But what I will say is that for someone who is trying to recover, and rehabilitate, I don’t think that Wyden Hall is the best place for me.

Dr. Shore:
And how is that?

Atton:
I, don’t know if I should say this.

Dr. Shore:
Trust me Atton. Being open and candid with me is the only way that this program is going to work for the both of us.

Atton:
I’m surrounded by criminals, doctor. And to be honest, criminals that are every bit as maladjusted as they look. A lot of them aren’t trying to change their ways. And they make it hard on those of us who are. Every day they try to discourage me, to take me back from my recovery. I’ve ignored them for as long as I can, but they only keep on pushing harder. I’m trying to do what’s right, but it isn’t easy when all I see, day in and day out, are these, monsters. And I know that after all the years I’ve spent here holding them back, they’re just going to keep on coming. I’m afraid for myself doctor. I’m afraid of the influences that might control me if I don’t leave.

7:39 AM

There was no stopping the infected. Try as Atton might, the effort was hopeless. Even if he could stop them from scaling up the pipes, the fact remained that he was still surrounded. Assuming that they didn’t manage to find another way to reach him, there was no telling how long he would survive on his own, trapped inside a club.

Options were slim. And Atton’s chances of surviving even slimmer. He searched around him for any possible avenues of escape. Eventually what came into his attention was that in gathering around the pipes, the infected had neglected to watch the front door. There were only two infected standing beside the entrance.

If he was fast, Atton was convinced that if nothing else he could at least dodge them and run away.

He shot a few infected off the pipe to slow down the horde. Atton then padlocked the rooftop, and tossed the surrounding furniture away from the door. It didn’t take long, but the infected were closing in. Several hands already began smacking and pounding from upstairs. With the lock on the front door unfurled, Atton took a deep breath, pulled the knob, and hoped for the best.

Transcripts of Dr. Nelson Shore

Date: October 26, 2002

Recorded Session: 4

Dr. Shore:
Atton, I am well aware that you are going through a lot right now. And I know it might seem like an empty cliché, but I’ve met a lot of desperate people over the course of my career. And I’ve found that the best help you can offer them is the most simple act of moral support. Trust me Atton. As long as you have faith, you will succeed.

11:03 AM

The run was long and brutal. The infected had chased Atton half-way across the city, or so it felt, until he was able to avert them long enough to hide inside the Clayton Aquarium on his left. They didn't see him go inside, which made avoiding them easier. As he went in he hid from the windows and held on to his beating, aching heart, forcing himself from eliciting a single noise.

They didn't come. He waited with the shotgun steady, its handle moist with the sweat on his hands. Perspiration steamed from Atton's body. He was tired, but he stayed awake long enough for an hour to pass him by, along with anything that might have been chasing after him. When enough time went by on his watch, Atton was confident that he was safe. Safe enough to finally put his mind and body at ease, release the tension around his shaking limbs, and close his eyes for brief rest.
1:21 PM