Fear the Barfitron (17 page)

“We’re not the only facility,” said the Director. “There are many, many more around the world. There are a lot of residents to tend to, but everyone will be getting a boost of energy with the demise of that sussuroblat pack!”

After the Battle of Raven Hill, Ben, Shane, Gordon, and I came back to volunteer at the home.

Shane continued training the residents in karate.

Gordon helped the Nurses with out-of-control monsters when they needed someone who was quicker on his feet.

Ben’s trivia night was the highlight of the week, and he was slowly building up a tolerance to all the funky smells found at Raven Hill.

I worked closely with the Director on special assignments.

It seemed our lebensplasm really was helping the monsters along! As their monster juice was replenished, they all got a little stronger and a little less demented. Except for the zombies. They’d be forever brainless.
Although they still got along great with Shane.

One night, about two weeks after the battle, I was rewrapping a mummy in its pyramid-shaped room.

The Director knocked and entered the room.

“Hi, Director,” I said. “I’m almost wrapped up here,” I said.

“Actually, I’m the one who’s wrapped up,” said the mummy.

The Director and I laughed.

“What’s up?” I said.

“This is what is ‘up,’” the Director said. “I wanted to thank you. I realize that it was a group effort, but we really couldn’t have done it without your leadership. Anyone else would have shied away from such a massive task. You took it on without question. Just as we always knew you would.”

“What do you mean, you always knew I would?” I asked.

“Perhaps I should let someone else explain,” the Director said, and he motioned toward the door for someone to come in.

Rio Vista’s lunch lady walked into the room.

“Huh?” I said.

“Hi, Chrees!” she said, and gave me a big hug as if she knew me.

She squeezed me hard. I was completely confused.

“We always knew you had sometheeng special een
you,” she said. “Your lebensplasm is strong, you are so smart, and you never brag. You see, I keep an eye out for keeds like you at Rio Vista—keeds who can help Raven Hill out. If there’s a keed I think can help, I whip up a special concoction and feed it to them.”

“It was her concoction,” the Director continued, “along with the volunteer letter that she planted, that drew you to Raven Hill. That combination gave you the feeling that you should help us. Do you remember how angry I was when you snooped around our home? That was never supposed to happen! But that was really the only snag. You were merely supposed to strengthen the residents before the attack happened.”

“Wait!” I asked, my stomach suddenly upset. “What
did
you put in my food that first day?”

“It was quite seemple, really,” said the lunch lady. “In order to prepare you to do battle with thee sussuroblats…”

The lunch lady paused.

“Go on,” I said.

“I ground up a few sussuroblats, and put those een your hamburger on thee first day of school.”

The Blandburger! That weird crunch! The nasty yellow wad. That funky taste. It was a sussuroburger the whole time!

The room spun around me.

“A sussuroburger,” I moaned. “You fed me a sussuroburger?!”

“What’s thee problem?” the lunch lady asked. “It’s a low-fat protein source.”

“It was quite harmless, I assure you, at least once its initial effects wore off,” said the Director. “And very necessary to prepare you for our world. I hope you don’t take offense.”

I stood there for a minute, not sure if I should run…or barf. I was disgusted, but I was also proud that I had been chosen. I had so many questions.

“What about the sussuroblat that attacked the day I told my friends about Raven Hill?” I asked her. “I thought for sure the Director had sent one along to get me.”

“That was a deeversion I created,” the lunch lady said. “We had just gotten word the sussuroblat army would come that day. I was so happy that you were goeeng to bring friends to fight, and I wanted you to have privacy when you told them. We can’t have everyone know Raven Heel’s secret, can we? So, I cleared out the lunchroom!”

“Of course,” said the Director, “you thought you were fighting the residents of Raven Hill—but your timing couldn’t have been better. You were ready to fight something, and fight bravely you did!”

“Thank you for that, Chrees!” shrieked Lunch Lady.
She gave me one more tight hug and left.

“That must have been difficult for you,” said the Director.

“Not as difficult as the Gravitron,” I said.

“Nevertheless, I have something for your troubles,” said the Director.

The Director waved a Nurse in. I think it was Nurse Inx. It was so hard to tell.

The Nurse was holding a package, wrapped up in old newspaper with a silver bow on the top.

“Wow!” I said. “What is it?”

I ripped off one section of paper and saw a lens pointed at the sky. A telescope! Finally, after all of this, my dream had come true! I thought I’d never, ever see the telescope once I paid for all of the Parmesan! I quickly forgot about the sussuroburger.

“That’s amazing!” I said, and finished tearing open the package.

“I hope it’s what you were looking for,” said the Director. “I heard from your friends that it would be the best gift for you.”

It wasn’t the TRQ92 Super Infinity Space Gazer. It was the TRQ2000—the top-of-the-line model!

“Oh, man!” I said. “This is great. Thank you, Director.”

“Call me Zachary,” said Zachary.

“How about Director Z?” I asked.

“As you wish,” Director Z said. “There’s just one small condition for keeping the telescope.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“I need you to keep an eye on the sky,” he said, suddenly serious.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because the next batch of supermonsters could come from anywhere. We’ll need you and the other gentlemen to be on watch. This was just one battle. But we still have to win the worldwide war on these vile new creatures that are after the residents. We will need your help again.”

“You can count us in!” I said.

Ben, Shane, Gordon, and I kept volunteering at Raven Hill, and we went about school as if everything was normal. But we knew we could be called into action at any moment.

What monster juice–drinking evil would come next?

M. D. Payne is a mad scientist who creates monsters by stitching together words instead of dead body parts. After nearly a decade in multimedia production for public radio, he entered children’s publishing as a copywriter and marketer. Monster Juice is his debut series. He lives in the tiny village of New York City with his wife and baby girl, and hopes to add a hairy, four-legged monster to his family soon.