Fearless In Love (The Maverick Billionaires, Book 3) (28 page)

She’d seen the way Matt reacted the day Noah had fallen by the pool, had felt his anguish as if it were her own. He still wouldn’t let Noah swim without the water wings, yet she’d removed those training wheels without a single thought. Partly because Matt hadn’t specifically mentioned them. But mostly because she’d felt secure in the knowledge that he felt the same emotions that she did.

How could she have been so stupid as to step over his rock-solid boundary with his son?

The echo of their voices drifted up from downstairs—Noah’s still upset, Matt’s still tight with fear that his son might have been hurt.

Ari closed her eyes, trying to blot out the pain. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered again, as if he could hear her.

Hands shaking, she wrote a note, agonizing over the words, then finally left it on her bed. He would find it.

And she knew he would be relieved that she was gone.

Noah’s feet pounded out of Ari’s room a short while later, so heavily that the ceiling above Matt actually shook. He found Matt in the den where he was pretending to work. All he’d actually managed was brooding. Reeling. Trying to calm down so that he could think straight again.

“Daddy, Ari isn’t in her room.” Noah clutched a piece of paper. “Look.”

Matt’s heart was already in his throat, even before he took the note.

I’m sorry. I should have understood how you would feel. I wish you and Noah all the best. I hope you can forgive me.

He jumped up out of his chair and jogged down the hall, Noah on his heels, to check the garage. Her car was as gone as she was.

And the house suddenly felt completely empty with only him and Noah in it.

“Daddy, where’d she go?” Noah hung on his pants leg. “What’d she say in her letter?”

He hunkered down, running his hands along Noah’s arms. “Ari had to—” Damn it, he could already see what this would do to his son. “She had to leave.”

Noah’s face fell, and tears welled in his eyes. “You yelled at her and made her leave.”

He’d yelled. Just like his father. “Noah, you have to understand—”

“And I could ride the bike. I’m good!”

“I know you are, but—”

“You’re not fair! You never let me do anything fun!” He swiped at the tear trickling down his cheek, his bottom lip trembling. “I love Ari and you made her leave!” He fisted his hands, and Matt saw himself in his son, so clearly. Too clearly. “I love her and now she’s gone!” Then he ran upstairs. A moment later his door slammed.

Every word his son shouted pierced his heart. Especially when Noah repeated how much he loved Ari, forcing Matt to hear each word. He couldn’t pretend it wasn’t true.

How many times had Matt hid in his room while his father raged? On the day Noah was born, he swore he’d never put his child through that. As angry as he often became with Irene, Matt had never yelled at her in front of Noah.

Yet he’d done just that with Ari.

In one moment he’d snapped, and he hadn’t just sounded like his father—he’d actually turned
into
him. As Noah had raced down the hill, Matt’s brain had played out all the terrible things that might happen, and he’d slammed Ari with all his fear, his anger, his pain. He’d slammed his son as well, and stripped the joy from his accomplishment.

“But he’s not ready,” he whispered.

Only, no one heard.

Especially not Ari.

He should have been packing up a bag with Noah’s swim stuff for the barbecue. But it was the last thing he wanted to do. Because without Ari, nothing seemed right. With her gone, all the sweetness that had filled his life for these few brief weeks was gone too. He wasn’t even sure he could get Noah out of his room without dragging him.

If he and Noah went to the barbecue alone, the Mavericks would ask where Ari was, and he’d have to explain that she was gone. And he’d have to do it as he remembered every warm, wonderful thing she’d done since she’d come into their lives—how good she was with Noah, the games she played with him, the look of love on her face when she hugged him. And the look on her face as she and Matt made love, the scent of her skin, the taste of her lips…

No
. He couldn’t let himself remember. Not when it would only make him crazy.

He was a Maverick—which meant he was a master of self-control. He would force himself to forget. Just as he’d force himself to go to the barbecue. Because if he didn’t, it would be akin to admitting his behavior hadn’t been justified.

Noah wasn’t ready. He just wasn’t.

Yet somewhere deep inside, Matt could hear Ari’s voice asking if maybe
Matt
was the one who wasn’t ready. Who was he really protecting, his son…or himself?

Was that why he’d gone from ultimate happiness to inimitable rage in the space of five seconds? Why he’d been powerless to stop his reaction when the only thing he saw was Noah’s crushed body? Because he didn’t trust
himself
to keep his son safe?

Damn it.
He shoved the questions away, telling himself for the millionth time that he knew what was best for his son.

Matt looked at his watch. It was time to go to the party. He was taking Noah. And they would have a good time whether they wanted to or not.

Ruthlessly, he tamped down the thought that nothing would ever be any good again without Ari.

* * *

As far as Matt was concerned, the day was too damn nice for early November, the sun bright, not a cloud floating anywhere. Noah put on his swim trunks and came out of his room without a fight, but he’d been uncharacteristically silent on the drive over. Who knew a kid could dish out the silent treatment so well?

Thankfully Noah came back to life as he ran to Charlie, chattering about dinosaurs. “I want to see the T-Rex, Aunt Charlie.”

Charlie was seated in a deck chair by the pool next to Harper, while Will relaxed beside them on a lounger, still fully clothed, his hands stacked behind his head. Jeremy, wearing a pair of orange trunks that were so neon you had to shade your eyes, sat on the pool’s edge, dangling his feet in the water.

“Hold on, buddy,” Sebastian called to Noah. “We’ll all take a walk down to Charlie’s studio after we eat. You’ll see the T-Rex then.” He was already firing up the barbecue.

“Where’s your future mother-in-law?” Matt asked, a preemptive strike against any questions Sebastian might have about Ari.

“I sent my driver, so Francine will be here in half an hour or so. She gets a kick out of it, says the limo ride makes her feel like a queen.” Sebastian didn’t miss a beat before asking, “Where’s Ariana?”

Silently cursing that his diversionary tactic hadn’t worked, Matt said, “She couldn’t make it.”

Because I yelled and made her cry. Because she’s gone and she isn’t coming back.

“Too bad.” Sebastian slid the barbecue lid down and surveyed his backyard pool. “She would have at least put on a swimsuit, unlike that weenie over there.” He nodded at the group by the pool’s edge.

The other Mavericks knew his dad had been an asshole, but Matt had never repeated ad nauseam the things his father had said.
Weenie
was just another word to Sebastian. But today, after hearing his father’s voice in his head, after yelling at Ari, after making her leave, Matt felt his hackles rise and his hands clench.

“Don’t call Noah a weenie.” His voice was practically a snarl.

Sebastian turned, pulling his sunglasses down his nose. “I wasn’t talking about Noah. He has his trunks on. I was talking about Will.”

Matt closed his eyes and ratcheted down all the emotion threatening to come loose in his body. He was being an asshole. Again.

“What’s up with you, man?” Sebastian asked, one eyebrow cocked. Matt was saved by Evan’s arrival. “Where’s Whitney? And Paige got the invite, didn’t she?”

“Whitney is feeling sick, and Paige stayed to keep her company.” Evan didn’t remove his sunglasses, and Matt guessed it was so neither man would read the truth. But a moment later he yanked them off, saying, “Screw that, I’m sick of lying for her. The truth is, she pitched a fit that Paige was coming.”

“But Paige always comes,” Sebastian pointed out.

“That’s what Whitney said.” Evan shook his head. “So I told her to stay home if she was in such a nasty mood.”

Whoa.
Now, that was different.

Matt tried to tell himself that Evan had worse problems than he did. He was
married
to his problem. But Evan had always been loyal, never talking Whitney down even when the rest of them had had it up to their eyeballs with her. Yes, Evan had made her apologize in the past when she’d been downright rude, but he never badmouthed his wife to his friends. Unloading now was totally uncharacteristic.

Maybe Evan had finally reached his limit.

Which only made Matt think of his own limits—and Ari’s too. Because she wouldn’t have left if he hadn’t acted like his father. Hell, if he hadn’t
become
his father the moment Noah had careened toward the gate on his bike.

“Whitney’s probably still pissed that Paige looked so good in that Cleopatra getup,” Sebastian said. “Even I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her.”

Evan glanced at Charlie by the pool. “Don’t let your fiancée hear you say that.”

Sebastian smiled, and love seemed to ooze from his pores just looking at his woman. “Charlie was actually the one who first pointed out Paige’s Halloween hotness, so I’m good here.”

Running over, Jeremy interrupted in his loud, enthusiastic voice. “Can me and Noah go swimming?” The question was for the group at large, probably because Harper had sent him over to ask for permission.

Jeremy was the best big brother Matt could have asked for for Noah. He was extra careful, and he got down and played on Noah’s level because he was a big, sweet kid himself.

Matt pulled the water wings from Noah’s beach bag. “As long as Noah wears these.”

Noah’s bottom lip jutted out. “I don’t want them.” His voice was borderline mutinous. “Ari says they make it hard for me to swim. You never listen to her. That’s why you sent her away—because she doesn’t do everything you tell her to.”

The pool deck fell inordinately quiet as Jeremy—missing the undertones of the conversation—grabbed the water wings, then sat down on the edge of the pool and began to secure the flotation devices to Noah’s arms amid happy, exuberant talk.

Matt didn’t wait for his friends to say anything. Not when he knew it would all come out now. “She’s gone.”

Evan and Sebastian shot each other a look, then Evan asked, “You mean
gone
gone?”

“What other kind of gone is there?” Matt snapped.

“Well, there’s gone and she’s packed her bags never to be seen again. And then there’s gone but she’ll be back soon, and then you guys can work through whatever happened.”

That was the
gone
Matt wanted. The one where Ari was there when they got home. The one where they could rewind to the way things were before this morning and none of it had happened at all.

He experienced a powerful urge to head home right now, just in case. But he knew she wouldn’t be waiting. Who would, after what he’d said? After turning all her enthusiasm and excitement to tears?

Will rose and joined them. “So where
is
Ari?”

Naturally, Daniel suddenly appeared on the terrace. “Looks like I’m missing something. What’s going on?”

“Ari’s not here,” Will explained.

Daniel glared at Matt, immediately jumping to conclusions—the
right
conclusions. “What the hell did you do to her?”

“We had a disagreement about how to handle some situations that arose with Noah.” He tried to keep his voice even and moderated. But he couldn’t pull it off. “So we parted company.”

He wondered if they could hear the translation:
I lost my cool and yelled at her. I’m head over freaking heels in love with her…and I still couldn’t stop myself from turning into my father.

“I don’t get it,” Sebastian said. “Everything seemed fine this morning when we dropped off the dinosaurs.”

“And at the Halloween bash, you two were like this.” Evan twined his fingers.

Meanwhile, Daniel was growling. “What kind of disagreement could have been big enough for you to
part company
?” He put the words in air quotes before he fisted his hands.

Harper and Charlie joined the fray, while over in the shallow end, an oblivious Jeremy whirled Noah around in the water. Matt wanted to shut out the world—so damn bleak without Ari—but he couldn’t take his gaze off his son. Not for one minute.

If anything happened, he’d never forgive himself. Just the way he’d never forgive himself for what he’d said to Ari. For what he’d
yelled.

“Noah’s fine,” Harper said, observing the direction of Matt’s gaze. “Jeremy’s a great swimmer and he loves Noah. He won’t let anything bad happen in the pool.”

It was just what Ari had promised. That she would always protect Noah. That she wouldn’t leave.

Frustration—and the deep pain of loss—choked Matt as he forced himself to give them the basics of the story. Which didn’t include him falling back into painful memories and losing his shit, damn it. He finished with, “Noah could have careened out of that gate right into a car.”

Daniel didn’t look at all appeased by Matt’s explanation. “What the hell are you going to do when he’s older and wants to know why he can’t have a skateboard like all the other kids? You’re going to stunt him.”

“I’m not stunting him,” Matt shot back. “I’m protecting him.”

Throughout, Sebastian’s hand idly stroked Charlie’s hip. It was how Matt had wanted to be with Ari, touching her automatically, without conscious thought. Because he’d needed to. Because she’d wanted him there with her.

His heart ached watching them, just as it ached at the easy fit of Harper’s hand in Will’s. They were a unit that also included Jeremy.

Ari had fit too. Until he’d started yelling and driven her away.

In the water, Noah shrieked with laughter, then Jeremy shouted, “Come on, you can do it.”

Noah dog-paddled to him, his face screwed up in concentration as he tried to do an overarm stroke. But with the water wings, he couldn’t manage it. He wouldn’t go under—but Matt finally saw that he couldn’t actually swim properly with the wings in his way.