Fears and Scars (28 page)

I felt my heart break in two. Part of it kept beating, pumping blood through my veins, keeping me alive to deal with all the pain. The second half of my heart stopped beating altogether. That second half died that day. It died with her.

And I was convinced that part of my heart would never beat again.

C
hapter
1

P
resent Day – Julia
, Age 20

Stepping out of the cab, I took a deep breath and looked around the packed train station. I couldn’t believe how many people still traveled by train. Most seemed to be anxious college students, waiting to head wherever their destinations would take them. As my eyes scanned the crowded station, my mind wondered if anyone else was in the same predicament as me.

I wasn’t supposed to be here.

I wasn't supposed to be just another college student going home for the summer.

I should have been traveling by foot to a new destination every few days. No map. No time frame. This summer should have been the one that allowed me to push everything aside and just try to live a little. Because I hoped if there was anywhere I could just let go and live, it’d be Europe.

That was the plan.

A
t least
that was the plan until my boyfriend decided he was sick of waiting for me to give it up. We should have gone together, Robby, his cousin Tony, and Megan. Megan was my roommate, and until a few days ago, one of the closest friends I had. We met freshman year of college and were dorm mates. She was fun and easy to get along with, and once sophomore year rolled around, we got an apartment together off campus. She even came home with me the summer of our freshman year. So, I never imagined our friendship ending the way it did. It's amazing how one minute everything is going as planned, your life is just the way you want it to be, and then, BAM! Everything changes. It shouldn't have surprised me, just like baseball, life liked to throw you its curve balls. I was over playing its game.

The heavily accented voice of the cab driver pulled me from my thoughts. “Anything else I can do for you, Miss?” He had already grabbed my bags from the trunk and placed them on the curb beside me.

“No thank you,” I said, shaking my head and pulling cash from my wallet. My father would have a fit if he knew I was taking public transportation. He constantly insisted on purchasing me a vehicle, but I never saw a need for one. When I was home, Theo would drive me around, and at school, everything was so close, I preferred to walk. If I needed a vehicle, Megan never hesitated to let me use hers. Now, I was regretting not having one. Dragging my bags behind me, I maneuvered myself through the crowds of people, trying to make my way toward the ticket counter. The long velvety ropes that sectioned off the ticket line from the rest of the crowd were overflowing with people. I took a spot at the end of the line, dropped my suitcase to the ground, and waited. I waited for what felt like an eternity. If my foot could reach my ass, I would have kicked myself for not buying a ticket earlier in the week. Leaving town was the only thing I wanted to do since getting home from work Monday night. If it wasn't for having to finish up my final shift at the bar and completing my finals, I'd already be home.

The buzzing sensation in the back pocket of my shorts was making my ass cheek numb. While Megan had made no effort to call or text me since Monday evening, Robby didn't know how or when to stop. It should have been the other way around. If Megan valued any ounce of our friendship, she should have made some attempt. Right? I was sick of reading Robby's apologies and endless excuses. There was no excuse that justified sleeping with your girlfriend’s friend. No matter how many times he'd text me, my thoughts and feelings on the matter weren't going to change. While I had no intention of forgiving either of them, I at least expected Megan to say or do something. Getting over Robby wouldn't be hard. I liked him, sure. But we were dating for five months, and his pre-med courses had him so preoccupied with studying and volunteer work, I barely saw him.

Startled by the loud cheering of everyone in the ticket line, I looked around trying to see what caused the sudden celebration. The screen from the other ticket window rolled up in a quick clatter, and an older short-haired woman sat down in front of it. After a few more minutes of waiting, I made it to the counter.

“Can you tell me what time the next train leaves for Brookedale, New York, please?”

“Tomorrow evening at four pm.”

My mouth fell open. There was no way I heard her right. I leaned in closer. “I'm sorry, what time did you say?”

A huffy facial expression replaced her barely-there smile. She looked like an over-starved dog wanting to bite my head off. “Tomorrow evening at four pm,” she said, enunciating every word.

I should have expected this. Brookedale, New York is such a small town it probably doesn't even show up on Google maps. And everything shows up on Google maps.

Bored one evening, I sat in the library, waiting for Megan to finish her research paper. I was playing with Google maps when I discovered the neat little street view tool. I thought it was the coolest thing. Until I landed on an image of an old man standing on his porch. Not sure I was seeing correctly I zoomed in on the image.

Big mistake!

That little old man wasn't so little. Nope. He was overly round and naked. Sure was. Bare-ass naked. His wrinkly ass cheeks took up my entire computer screen. That was the first and last time I ever clicked on that button.

Thanking the lady behind the counter, I grabbed my suitcase. Relieved for its handle and rolling wheels, I stepped aside. While the swelling in my hand had subsided, my knuckles were still red and bruised. Hitting Megan was never my intention. I'm not a violent person, not even in the slightest, but so many emotions had been running through me. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience when my hand curled into a fist and met her mouth. A small part of me—the part that still thought of her as my friend—felt guilty. That was until Robby stepped forward to console her. His simple gesture was a quick reminder of what a lying, betraying bitch she was. It was that moment that took everything in me not to kick Robby in his junk and eliminate whatever bit of manhood he had left.

This was just great.

I had two options: stay here and wait until tomorrow’s train, or call my dad. While I didn't want to sit around the train station, I hated the idea of calling my father. As far as he knew, I was still going to Europe with Robby and Megan. Sharing the last few days of my messy life wasn’t something I was ready to do. I had hoped I could just grab a train and show up at home. The train ride would have given me extra time—time to figure out how to tell my father. Telling him that Robby and Megan were going at it like wild rabbits on the couch just didn't seem appropriate. My father has always been protective, especially since Mom died. I couldn't imagine him thinking straight after I told him that. He already hated the fact I went to school three hours away. Knowing him, he'd probably have my transfer paperwork submitted to the local college before I even made it home.

Grabbing my phone from my back pocket, I deleted the unread text messages from Robby. He'd get the point eventually. At least I hoped he would. Thumbing through my contact list, I fell upon the entry I was looking for. My thumb hovered over the call button for a second, and before I could change my mind, I pressed it. The phone rang a few times, and on the fourth ring, my old man's familiar voice came across the line.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dad!” I said in the happiest voice I could muster.

“Julia, is that you, sweetheart? We must have a bad connection, I'm having trouble hearing you. Let me walk out of my office.” The line filled with static, followed by a long pause. I looked at my phone to make sure I hadn’t lost him. “Okay. That should be better. Are you still there, Julia?”

“Yeah, I'm here. I'm sorry to bother you at work, but I was, uh, hoping you could send Theo to pick me up? I'm at the train station, and the next train doesn't leave until tomorrow evening.”

“Train station?” he asked, sounding confused. “Why are you at the train station, sweetie? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I'm fine,” I said, rushing to assure him. “I just want to come home.”

“I thought you were leaving for Europe tomorrow? Your flight information just came in from the travel agency.”

I sighed. “It's kind of a long story. I was hoping it would be okay if I came home for the summer instead?” He went quiet for a moment, and I was sure it was because he was debating on pressing me for further details. Dad was good at getting me to talk when I really didn't want to.

“Of course, it's okay. This is your home, Julia. You don’t have to ask.”

“I know, Dad . . . I'm just exhausted. The last few days have been rough with finals and all.”

“Julia?”

“Yeah, Dad?” The line grew quiet, and after a few moments that felt like forever, he finally spoke.

“I wasn’t going to tell you, because you were supposed to be in Europe, and I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Tell me what, Dad?” I questioned, my stomach filling with unease.

He sighed, and I could hear the unsteady shake in his voice. “Something has happened that has called for an increase in security. It’s nothing majorly concerning, but I would feel more comfortable if you had your own security detail.”

Extra security detail? Not again. I thought we were past this. The day after Mom died, additional security swarmed the house. To say my father was paranoid was an understatement. Having a personal bodyguard wherever I went was something I grew used to. It wasn’t so bad when I was younger, but as soon as I hit high school, I dreaded it. I was the only one in our entire school being followed from class to class. Participating in crazy high school activities was impossible, and my dating life, yeah, I didn't have one. When I decided I had had enough, I confronted my father about it. It took several hours of arguing, pouting, and then full-blown tears, before he caved. The next day, my personal guard disappeared, and the number of security guards that roamed the house dwindled.

“I'm sorry, Julia.”

Wiping away the fine layer of sweat that had formed on my forehead, I opened my eyes and blew out a sigh. “It's fine, Dad. It’s not the first time.”

“If it makes you feel any better, he doesn't talk much. You won't even realize he's there.”

Perfect. I lost my friend, my boyfriend, my apartment, and my entire summer plans. To top it off, now I needed to be followed by someone who was probably old and balding. I wasn’t mad at my father, not in the slightest. If anything, I was worried. He knew how I felt about the security, so whatever brought this on again had to be serious. “I’m just anxious to get home, Dad.”

“Good. That's settled then. We can talk more about it this evening. I have already sent Theo an email. He will pick up Roman and then come right to the train station. He should be there in a few hours.”

“Who's Roman?” I asked.

“Your personal guard, Julia.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Julia. Look, I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have to go. I have a meeting in five minutes. I'll see you when I get home, okay? I love you, sweetie.”

“Sounds good. I love you too, Dad.”

“Bye, Julia.”

Before giving me the opportunity to say anything else, he hung up. I pulled the phone from my ear and deleted two more text messages from Robby. It was just past noon. Just a few hours and Theo would be here. That meant I had some time to kill.

Continue reading
Moment of Weakness
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A
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