Feathermore (17 page)

I nodded as I watched her crouch. Unsure what to do, I charged at her, deciding that I would give it my all and wouldn’t play the inexperienced student.

As I gained speed, she got ready for impact. I could tell she expected me to run smack into her, so instead, when I was four or five steps away I jumped, my wings appearing in an eyeblink, and flew over her. Landing right behind her, I put my arms around her in an attempt to throw her to the ground. Although I had surprised her with my attack, my grip wasn’t strong enough. She pulled away from me, grabbed the back of my neck with her right arm, and spun me with surprising force. The next thing I knew, she had me in a headlock.

“
That was amazing Jade.”

I grunted, disappointed that I hadn’t been able to get the best of her.

“
No, seriously, I didn’t expect you to jump over me and attack me from behind at all. That isn’t a first-timer kind of move. You’ll learn faster than I ever did.”

She helped me get up and said, “Now let’s do it again, and this time when you grab me, use force. Treat me as a threat. Kick me, punch me—do anything you would do to someone who was about to kill you. Don’t hold back, okay?”

I nodded, and before she was ready I did as she said, kicking the back of her knee and making her fall to the ground. Then, jumping over her, I grabbed her forehead and chin between my hands as if I were going to twist her head off.

She chuckled and congratulated me. “I don’t think you’re going to need much practice at all. Where the heck did you get all these moves?”

I stood up and backed away, staring at her, not daring to break eye contact and let her attack me. “You make fun of my movie addiction,” I said, laughing, “but see? It pays off to watch thrillers and action movies—I might have picked up a move or two from there.”

We went on that way for forty minutes. My jeans had ripped, my shirt had dirt all over it, and my hair was a tangled mess. I kept pulling leaves out of it as we drove back to Claire’s place. I glanced over at her, and seeing that she didn’t look any better than I, I asked her what we were going to tell Avan had happened to us. I even had dirt under my nails—it was disgusting.

“
Just manifest yourself all fresh and clean.”

I gave it a try, and as I looked down at myself, I had the same clothes, but they were inexplicably clean, I lowered the visor on the passenger side. There was no more dirt on my face, and my hair was neatly tied in a side ponytail.

“
Awesome.” I paused and then asked, “How come it doesn’t really hurt?”

She looked over at me “What do you mean?”

“
When we hit each other or fall hard onto the ground—it doesn’t seem to hurt as it should. I mean, I got a few scrapes and cuts, but the pain is barely there.” I turned to her with bewildered eyes.

“
We heal
very
fast,” she said. “And as far as the hurting goes, it doesn’t hurt the way it would if we were human, but sometimes they can hit a soft spot. Trust me, it will cause some pain then; still, it’s a lot less than poor mortals have to deal with.”

I thought once again about the pain I could finally cause Amy. Realizing where my thoughts were leading, I just had to ask Claire if it was normal for an angel to think that way.

She explained to me that since I had been in the mortal world for so long, I had acquired their way of thinking, and as long as I was in the mortal world I would always have their way of thinking. That didn’t mean, she said pointedly, that I could go around hurting people who didn’t deserve it.

“
Since we have another half hour before we get to your place, would you mind answering some more questions?” I said. There was so much I needed to know, and some things I
had
to know now, to be able to understand what I was up against.

“
Shoot,” she said without taking her eyes off the winding road.

“
You guys said everyone
wants
me. What does that mean exactly?” I squinted, waiting for her response.

“
You know how we said you’re a seraph?” I nodded. “Okay, a seraph is an angel that serves as a portal. In heaven, you are used as a portal between realms, but being here, as long as you are a pure angel, you are a portal to anyone’s wildest desires. That’s why there are so many people after you and why we have to keep you safe. If anyone takes you, they could kill you to accomplish whatever they may want. Nate and I have had to take care of a few of them since school started and you started glowing.”

I nodded dumbly, feeling fear creep into me again. They all wanted me because they wanted to kill me.

“
You said as long as I am
pure
—what does that mean?”

“
Well, when you fell from heaven it was unknowingly. You really didn’t know what you were doing, so you stayed as a pure angel. Others, like the fallen ones, that leave heaven on their own agenda and get involved with humans in a more, uh,
personal
way, are not pure anymore; hence, if you ever meet one, you’ll see their wings are black.”

“
Okay, and what would make me a fallen angel or not pure anymore?” This subject was starting to make better sense, yet I was afraid of the answer that was coming.

It appeared that if I were to disobey heaven or any other pure angel, or got physically involved with a mortal, then I would be a fallen one. That meant I’d better not even
think
of taking my relationship with Avan any further than second base. I tried not to think about how that would be an imposition on our relationship, since, for the time being, there was no relationship.

“
I now know what I am,” I said, “but how about you and Nate? Are you the same kind of angel? Your wings are the same color.”

“
Yeah. As you heard Lilith say, we’re cherubim. We guard the seraphim—in this case, you. That’s our job—we are to guard you and keep you safe. We are always created in pairs, perfectly fit for each other—ready-made mates.” She smiled, but that worried me.

“
Is that all you guys are?
Bodyguards?
Because for the past three years I really considered you guys my best friends, I don’t know what I would do if you told me you guys were just pretending all this time . . .” I looked out my window at the darkening sky, the last of the flaming orange hues melting into purple.

“
Oh, no! How could you think that, Jade? Yes, I won’t argue we were sent here to take care of you, but, honey, you’re like my sister. Don’t doubt that for a second. It actually hurts me a little that you would even toy with the idea.”

“
I’m sorry,” I said, feeling sheepish. “But with everything going on and me turning out to be what I am, things don’t seem to make much sense nowadays.” I was quiet for a moment but kept on with my questioning. “So Lilith is after me for the same reason as the others? She just wants me for whatever is on her agenda?

“
That’s pretty much it. I don’t really see any other reasons why she would be after you.”

“
Do you know what she could possibly want? I mean, what she would want to achieve by killing me?”

“
I have an idea, but I couldn’t be sure really.”

I realized we were already at Claire’s place. The porch light was on.

Claire pulled all the way up, parking right next to the front porch. I looked back at her and realized she had just manifested herself clean and combed. We got out of the car, and as we walked toward the door, two boxes of pizza and a two-liter bottle of root beer appeared out of nowhere and fell at my feet.

“
Make sure
you
don’t open that,” she said, giggling, as she pushed the door open and walked into the house.

17 SHARED DIVINITY

Claire laid the boxes over the small bar that separated the kitchen from the dining room. The smell of the steamy pizzas must have reached the living room, because Nate wandered over. Avan’s head peeked from behind the wall.
Oh, great.

However exciting my afternoon had been, and as mad as I was at him, to see him was still amazing. I tried to look casual, nonchalant, but the boy could sure take my breath away—I literally had forgotten to breathe since he walked into the kitchen and closed the space between us. Nate grabbed two slices and walked out, followed by Claire.

Avan sat on the bar stool next to me. “I’m sorry if my being here upsets you,” he said.

It didn’t. I needed him, but I couldn’t have him expecting me to be who I was before. There was no turning back from this new life.

“
No, it’s fine.” I pulled a slice onto my plate and moved away, using the excuse of looking for a cup.

“
Jade, why don’t you tell me what is going on?” he said, giving me that look always seemed to melt me inside. “I want to help you through whatever it is you’re going through. If you’re depressed or whatever, please, let me be there for you.”

He was making it nearly impossible to stay mad and to stay away from him. “It’s—it’s complicated,” I mumbled. “Maybe one day I’ll be able to explain it.” I was walking past him on my way to the living room when he grabbed my arm and pulled me into him, almost sending pepperoni pizza upside down onto the floor. I looked up at him, wondering what had made him do such a thing, when he kissed me. It was hard and passionate and wonderful. A pair of green eyes appeared in my mind, and I pushed him away.

When he let me go and I gathered my wits, I walked away. What was I
doing
!

We all sat on the couch watching the football game, with Nate and Avan screaming at the top of their lungs, telling the players to throw the ball or run or tackle or block. They looked like two madmen. Claire was absorbed in a gossip magazine, and I was lost in thought. Blake. How could I be feeling this way, whatever
this
was? Blake was a mere figment of my imagination, someone I had created in my dreams, yet I felt as if I needed him in order to survive.

When the game was over I walked Avan to the door. It was the least I could do. After he repeated his plea to let him help me through whatever I was going through, all I could do was nod and smile as I watched him walk out to his car. After seeing him off the driveway, I closed the door and headed back to the kitchen to grab some more pizza. All that exercise in the afternoon had left a void in my stomach.

Nate and Claire were already there. In no mood for pleasantries, I went in for what I wanted to know, something that kept nagging at me. If I was ever going to be with Avan, I needed to know this.

I blurted, “How can I
be
with Avan?”

Both of them looked at me. It took them a few seconds to gather themselves up, and eventually, Nate answered, “Well, you can’t. You are a pure angel, and so being
with
him would make you fall—and could kill him in the process.”

“
What!” I was not expecting that last part. “What do you mean,
kill
him?”

“
You’re a portal, Jade. A portal to heaven. It could happen that you may transport him there, and there is no turning back.”

“
How can I
not
transport him?”

“
I’m sorry, honey,” said Claire. “There is no way. He is a mortal, and you are not to be mixed with him. We should have made sure he didn’t come into your life. You and he just cannot happen.”

“
There’s nothing else that can be done?” Finally realizing how much it bothered me being told I couldn’t be with him, it made me realize just how much I wanted to be with him. I wouldn’t accept it. I shoved half the pizza slice in my mouth.

“
Well, there is something else, but . . .” He looked over at Claire, who looked as though she was about to kill him. Her hands were gripping the countertop so hard, her knuckles were white.

“
There is nothing else, Nate.” Her words were loud and final, full of foreboding.

But Nate pressed on. “Some angels have discovered a way to be physical with the being they desire,” he said, defying Claire with this tidbit of information.

“‘
Being
’? You make it sound like you’re talking about an alien or something. You mean human?” He had my full attention now.

“
Angels who fell in love, like you did with a mortal, came to find out that by sharing their divinity with that mortal, they would be able to be together, but they both would have forever turned their back on heaven.”

He had my complete attention. “But I would still fall.” I thought about it for a moment. If he could stay alive, I didn’t care. “How do I do it?”

“
It’s sort of like sucking blood and gaining immortality. Here is where the myth of vampires was created. They only need to share divinity one time and then they become immortal, as we are. The whole ‘needing blood to live’ thing was a scam from the very beginning.” That last part caught me off guard. I guess I never realized that we were not only angels but immortal as well.

Claire came over to me in her lightning-speed mode and was inches away from me when she spoke. “I
really
hope you are not thinking of doing anything of the sort, Jade, because trust me when I say, it will end very badly for you.” She hissed the words at me and then added, “And even worse for him.” And in a blur, she was gone and her bedroom door slammed.