Feel the Rush: A Hard Feelings Novel (InterMix) (25 page)

Her sobs turned to cries, and her cries faded to tears until eventually there was nothing left in her. Tired and crushed and broken, Reed picked her up and cradled her against his chest.

“I’m here,” he whispered as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

He carried her through the apartment and laid her down gently in her bed. He peeled off his T-shirt and stripped down to his boxers, then climbed in bed, curling himself around her.

She knew she should tell him to leave, give him the out that she knew he wanted—but she didn’t. At that moment, she was going to let him hold her, and then maybe she wouldn’t completely fall apart.

Chapter Twenty-four

Reed stirred. Something in his subconscious grabbed him by the balls and forced his eyes to open. It was still dark out, the early-morning sun was still tucked away nice and tight, giving him a few more hours of sleep. His hand reached out, the bed that stretched out next to him was empty, and the sinking feeling that he was getting used to having over the last few weeks found its way back in.

Stepping out of bed, he pulled his jeans on and walked out into the living room.

“Meg? What are you doing?”

She was dressed and waiting on the couch with a small duffel bag on the floor next to her. Panic washed through him when she looked at him.

“I’m going to go stay with my parents, get away for a little bit.”

“Meg—,” he started but she stood up and pinned him with a sad stare that wiped whatever words he was going to say right from his mind. All he could focus on was the pain in her eyes—eyes that never showed him their secrets before were screaming at him loud and clear.

She headed toward the door and stopped when Reed called out her name again. She placed her hand on the doorknob and turned her head over her shoulder and looked at him, grief saturating the circles under her blue eyes.

“I need this, Reed. I need to sit by the ocean and clear my head and my heart from everything that has happened these last few weeks.”

He pulled in a breath as an invisible thread that was wrapped around his heart tightened between them, threatening to snap. She was leaving. Maybe not for good, maybe just for a little bit—but the reality of the matter was, she was leaving him.

He walked to her, knowing that he was walking on thin ice, stepping over shards of glass, but he made his way to her anyway. He couldn’t just let her walk out. He did that once already and it was the worst fucking thing he ever let happen.

He saw the plea in her eyes, telling him not to come to her, begging him to stop, but he knew it was now or never.

A sad smile tugged on her lips, her once bright eyes now dim, and he felt the need to run to her—but her words stopped him cold.

“You’re off the hook now. You can go back to the way things were, the way you want them. And I can move on.”

There was no malice in her voice, no longing, no hatred, no guilt—no emotion at all.

“Go back to the way things were? Meg, that’s not possible.” His hand ripped through his hair as his eyes shifted toward the ceiling. “Don’t do this,” he pleaded, looking back at the eyes that would haunt his memory for eternity if she walked out that door. He stepped toward her again, his feet making quick work beneath his legs. His hand folded on top of hers, covering the doorknob, preventing her from walking out that door.

“I’m so sorry about the baby. I’m sorry you’re hurting, and I’m sorry there is nothing I can do to fix it. But I’ll try. I’ll try like hell.” He stepped into her, weaving his fingers though her hair. He needed to touch her. “I’ll do everything in my power to fix this. Just tell me what to do.”

Her fingers flew to her mouth as she shut her eyes and shook her head. “Let me go, Reed.”

Let her go. The words held a different meaning than he was ready to accept. Even if he let her walk out that door, he would never let her go. He was too far gone.

“I can’t let you go, not again.” His hands dropped to her back and he pulled her against him. He wasn’t letting her go.

Her hands flattened against his chest and she pushed herself out of his arms. “Good-bye, Reed,” she choked, unable to meet his eyes as she grabbed the handle again.

Against everything he wanted, he stepped away from the door. He didn’t want to—but he did.

And she left.

The heaviness he felt in his chest traveled through his body—weighing him down. He wasn’t whole—he hadn’t been for years, but now another part of him was missing, a part he never knew he had or wanted.

It had happened again. A life, a piece of him, was taken away from him in a single breath, without any warning. And that same piece of him had been ripped away from Meagan too. He knew she wanted that baby, and he knew that losing it damn near crushed her. But he didn’t know that he would feel the same. He didn’t realize how that brief life had healed him until he felt himself break all over again.

That familiar yearning that was layered in a thick coating of anguish flowed through his veins as it pumped from his damaged heart.

He fell to his knees.

Not only was he no longer whole—he was empty.

Chapter Twenty-five

Meagan spent two days laying on the beach, doing absolutely nothing but soaking up the end of summer—and she needed that, she needed that time with her parents. With her mom.

Her mom stepped up beside her, her tiny body covered in a long, sheer dress over her swimsuit. She plopped down in the sand next to Meagan and handed her a Diet Coke.

She smiled. “Thanks.”

“Now you finish that, then get your butt back home.”

Her head snapped to her mom. “What?”

“You heard me, sweetheart. I know you’re going through something that I can’t even possibly imagine, but you have to go back. You can hide out here forever.”

“Why not?”

Her mom laughed and it shook her boney body. “Oh, sweetie, I would love it if I got to see you every day, and so would your dad, but running away never solved anything.”

“There’s nothing to solve, Mom.”

“Oh, there is, sweetie.”

She stretched her legs out in the sand, the warm grainy texture digging into her legs. “Okay, care to elaborate? Share your mother-like wisdom?”

“You know how badly I wanted children—”

“Mom—”

“No, no. Let me tell you. I couldn’t wait to start a family, and if I would have had my way, I would have tried to get pregnant the first year your father and I were married. But he wanted to wait, he was a free spirit—he wasn’t ready for all that, like your Reed.”

Meagan picked up warm, white sand and poured it from hand to hand. “You never told me that.”

Her mom sighed. “Meagan, our lives pan out how they should, not always how we plan them. And I’m sorry for putting that pressure on you.”

“No, you were right.” Her mom told her she needed safe, and she was right. Falling in love with Reed was proof enough. That fall had landed hard, and it hurt.

“No, I wasn’t—”

“Mom—” She tried to interrupt again. She almost hated seeing this vulnerable side of her mother. The woman was always so strong, so sure.

Her mom placed her hand on top of Meagan’s and the sand spilled to her feet. “I love your dad, and the years I spent following him around, carefree and reckless, were some of the best of my life, and they led me to you.”

Her eyes filled up with the threatening prick of tears.

“Now go talk to him.”

“Mom,” she pleaded again. She didn’t think she could face him. Not now. Not when she could still feel the break in her heart and the phantom emptiness in her stomach. She knew with time, Reed would be back to traveling the world, checking off his crazy bucket list, and living his life the way he wanted. She saw the hurt in his eyes when she left, but it wouldn’t last long. He would go back to the way things were before she came along and threw in a kink. She needed to figure out a way to keep it together until he did.

Her mom uncurled her tiny hand from hers and patted her arm as she stood up. “Your bag is in your car, your dad filled up your gas tank, and there is a fifty in the ashtray. Now go.”

She didn’t want to go. She had forgotten how much comfort her mom could bring her and she wasn’t ready to give up that comfort. But if that wasn’t a shove in the ass, Meagan didn’t know what was.

***

Meagan walked into her apartment after driving the long drive home and sat her bag down by the front door.

“Hey, buddy,” she said as Harry wound in and out of her legs.

The apartment was quiet. Eva should have been home from work by now, which meant she was either at the gym or out with Luke. It was Friday night, so chances were Meagan had the apartment to herself.

She made her way into the kitchen to find a giant pitcher of margaritas sitting nicely on the bar. She smiled to herself. If there was one thing about Eva that she loved the most, it was her way to know exactly what she needed when she needed it. Eva wasn’t even here, yet she knew she would need a drink after a visit with her mom, even if this particular visit was much needed.

She picked up the Solo cup that was sitting next to the pitcher and started to pour her a glass when she saw a note folded up that had been underneath the cup.

A note? Seriously? Who did that anymore?

Hey, babe. Pour yourself a margarita and get your cute little ass out to the pool. Oh and bring the pitcher!

xoxo

Eva

Eva was plotting something. She knew it. Eva didn’t leave cute little notes under margarita cups unless she had something up her sleeve, and Meagan was bound to go batshit crazy if that something started with Reed and ended with Porter. Meagan didn’t think she could handle that right now, although she didn’t see his bike in the parking lot, and she had looked, thoroughly, so she was probably safe.

She just needed to get heavily wasted with her best friend, pass out on whatever surface of her apartment seemed the most comfortable or the most convenient, wake up tomorrow with a hangover from hell, wear it off by watching a stream of Channing Tatum movies, all the while eating grease and or fried foods all day long. That pretty much sounded perfect.

Meagan kept her shorts and tank top on, not caring to get in the water, and picked up her glass and the pitcher and made her way to the courtyard. It was empty, as per usual. These apartments were some of the quietest she had even been in. She still wasn’t convinced that the landlord wouldn’t off her in the middle of the night if she was out here alone.

“Meg! You’re home!” an overly tipsy Eva shouted from the water.

“Yep, I’m home. And I found your little note. What the hell stunt are you pulling, my friend?” she asked as she walked through the gate that surrounded the pool area, setting the pitcher down on one of the round tables.

“Hey, Meg.”

Meagan’s head whipped to the side as a familiar voice said her name and she damn near dropped her margarita.

“Trevor!” she shouted, as he stood up from the pool chair and opened up his arms to her. She flew into them.

“What are you doing here?” she asked as he sat her back down on the ground. She moved her arms from his neck to his waist and hugged him tightly.

He kissed the top of her head. “It’s good to see you too, Meg.”

“I get Best Friend of the Year Award for getting his ass here, right?” Eva lilted.

Meagan winked. “Yes, thank you.

“But really, what are you doing here?” she asked again, taking a step back and lifting her cup to her mouth. She was surprised she had managed not to spill it all during her giant Trevor hug.

“I wanted to check on you.”

Her eyes dropped for a moment before she lifted them back to him. “You know?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry, Meg. You okay?”

She shrugged but then nodded her head as her mouth tilted into somewhat of a smile. She was good. She had to be. It still hurt, she still felt the sadness clench her heart whenever she thought about the tiny life that was only briefly inside of her, but she was good, as good as she could be.

“I’m okay,” she said in attempt to reassure Trevor as he looked at her like she was about to break into one of her legendary snotty sob fests, ready and willing with a shoulder to snot on.

He lifted his brow to her and cocked his head. Jeez, he was as bad as Eva.

“Truly. I’ll be fine.”

“What about the guy?”

“What about him?”

“You still love him?”

She glared at Eva and pressed her mouth into a tight line. She didn’t keep things from Trevor. She never had. But Trevor had a tendency of going a little overboard with the big-brother role he had taken on—and when it came to men and her heart—he was lethal.

“Hey now, don’t get pissed at her, I basically threatened it out of her.”

“Yeah, because Eva is intimidated so easily,” she mocked, rolling her eyes.

Trevor folded his big arms across his chest. “You still love him?” he repeated.

“I would just like to get trashed with my two best friends tonight. Too much to ask?” She walked to the edge of the pool and sat down, sinking her feet into the warm water, dodging the question. It wasn’t that she didn’t have the answer, she just didn’t want to admit it.

“How long are you here for?” she asked as Trevor sank down next to her, grunting.

“I’ve gotta leave here pretty early in the morning, around nine or so.”

“That’s no time at all!” She pouted. She just got him here. She didn’t want him to leave so soon.

“I know,” he said apologetically. “I tried to get a pass but no such luck, it was too short notice.”

Her brows furrowed. “Wait, then how . . . Trevor! If you get caught this far from post without a pass you’ll be AWOL!” she snapped, punching him in the shoulder.

“Easy, Meg. I’m not gonna get caught. And the worst they would do is slap me on the wrist and stick me with extra duty.”

“But—”

“No buts. Eva said you needed me, so here I am. End of story. And you better enjoy me while you have me, Cinderella, because I won’t be here long.”

She sighed and weaved her arm through his. It felt so good to see him again and even though he could potentially get in deep shit for being there, she was glad he was. “So what’s new with you? Anyone good fall into your bed lately?” she asked.

He laughed and the sound was infectious causing her to lean into him and laugh against his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into a side hug—pulling her into his safe bubble—the place she had escaped to more times than she could count. He was always good at just being there when she needed him, and she definitely needed him now, she didn’t even realize how much until that moment.

“Eh, no one in particular. I’ve got a thing for feisty redheads. Know any?” he teased, bouncing his brows up and down at Eva.

“Gross,” Eva said, splashing him in the face with water. “I wouldn’t have sex with you if my left tit depended on it.”

Meagan’s face split open as she laughed until her side hurt. God, she needed that.

Eva’s mouth pulled back, causing the tendons in her neck to bulge as she sucked in a breath. “Don’t look now, but ‘the guy’ is walking this way.”

And just like that, the small little bubble that Meagan had stepped into popped.

***

The sweet sound of Meagan’s laugh rang though Reed’s ears and shot out an addictive pull that kicked his adrenaline into overdrive. His eyes found her instantly, and as quickly as he felt that surge of excitement, that instant gratification from hearing a sound that was like heroin to a drug addict, another surge swept through him when he saw her arms tangled with another guy’s.

His body didn’t give him a choice. He was going to her. The little tick of jealousy that seemed to cause him to see red wherever Meagan was concerned was about ready to send him over the edge without his reserve lined up.

She looked the happiest he had seen her in weeks. The happiest he had seen her since before they left for Florida. . . .

The selfish prick inside of him boiled, but the other part of him, the one he was trying to bring to the surface, told him to be happy for her. Seeing her smile should make him happy. But knowing that he wasn’t the one to give it to her pissed him the fuck off.

If she was going to move on without him, then he damn sure needed to make sure she knew how he felt first.

Her head turned over her shoulder as he stomped toward the pool and her face flushed. Yeah, seemed like he was still able to spark a little reaction from her. Good to know.

“Hey, sugar,” he said, stepping inside the pool gates. He tried to sound normal, but the accusation forming his words spit from his mouth—and he hated the way it sounded.

The guy got to his feet and Meagan scrambled up after him. His jaw flexed and his body straightened. He was being protective—territorial—and it pissed Reed off even more, fueling the fire that was already igniting inside him.

She stood tall, her shoulders back, and her eyes firm. But he had learned to see through her facade, and he could see the subtle increase in her breathing as she looked at him—affected. He only needed an inch. . . .

“Hey, Reed.”

“You’re home.”

“Yeah, I just got ba—”

“Who’s this?” he said, nodding at the guy who had now taken a step in front of her, damn near blocking his view of the woman he so desperately needed to see.

Meagan sighed, apparently irritated, but he didn’t care. “This is Trevor. Trevor, this is Reed.”

He saw movement out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t look—he didn’t take his eyes off of Trevor, who was staring back at him like he was ready to strike.

He felt a hand pat against his back. “Easy, killer.” It was Eva. “Trevor’s our
friend
from Fort Drum,” she said, making sure to emphasize the word
friend
.

Reed nodded. He didn’t care to pussyfoot around this guy. Okay, he was her friend, simple. But part of him cringed at the word. He didn’t want to just be her friend, but he couldn’t help feel the twinge of jealousy toward the man standing next to her. He had her trust—something Reed no longer had.

“Meagan, can we talk?” he said, shifting his eyes to hers.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you, man.”

His teeth bit together and his hands tightened into fists at his side. He didn’t want to get into it with this guy, but with every beat of Reed’s heart, his adrenaline spiked. “Meagan?”

Trevor stepped forward.

Wrong move.

Reed stepped forward, matching Trevor step for step until their chests were a breath away from touching.

“Trevor,” Reed sneered, biting back the venom he was ready to spit out. “I’m going to talk to my girl now.”

“Your girl? I don’t think you can claim that title after you broke her fucking heart.”

Reed’s voice lowered. “I get that you are playing the big-brother role, and I can respect that, but I fucking swear to you right now, if you don’t back the fuck away and give me a minute to talk to her, I will not hesitate to break your fucking jaw.”

A slow smile tightened the corners of Trevor’s mouth until the jackass was grinning like an idiot. Breaking his jaw was sounding more and more like a very strong possibility.

“Oh my god, is this seriously happening right now?” Meagan shrieked, shoving her hands in between them. Her palm pressing against his chest instantly calmed him and he was tempted to wrap his hand around hers and pull her against him. Christ, it was eating at him. She was right in front of him, so damn close he could smell the sweet scent of her perfume lingering on her neck—but he couldn’t touch her. She was the one dangling on the tightrope now—it was close to breaking, he could see that. And once again, he was the one breaking it.