Fertility: A Novel (18 page)

“I know, Mom. I promise that I’ll do better from now on. I’ve just had a lot on my plate the last couple of months.”

“It’s as much our fault as yours,” her father offered, trying to deflect Eva’s implied criticism. “We could easily just come down and have lunch with you, or stop on the way to pick up Rivka for the weekend. Just for a sandwich in the deli. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just a chance to catch up.”

“Sure, Dad. You’re right. We can come up with a schedule or something after the show, over dinner,” Sarah suggested. “Given how jam-packed our lives are, I think we just have to block out some time or it won’t happen.”

“That would be lovely,” Eva said, thrilled that her daughter was so amenable. “Ah. I see people are beginning to go in. They must have opened the doors. You know me. I always like to read the
Playbill
before the curtain goes up. Would you mind going in? We’ll have plenty of time to talk over dinner.”

“I made reservations at a Middle Eastern place nearby. I hope that’s all right,” Sarah said.

“It’s perfect!” Joseph exclaimed. “How did you know I’m in the mood for
tourlou
and falafel?”

“They don’t call me your daughter for nothing, Dad.”

The Abadhi family made their way into the theater, giving Sarah the opportunity to hit the ladies’ room one more time, though she had used the bathroom at home not forty minutes before. Another of the many ways her fetus made its existence known.

* * *

Although the Abadhis had seen a number of productions of
South Pacific
, they agreed that this one was far and away the best. It was in a buoyant mood that the three satisfied theatergoers walked up Columbus Avenue for dinner.

“My only regret,” Eva said, “is that we didn’t think to bring Bubbe Rivka along for the show.”

“So how is Bubbe?” Sarah asked. “I’m ashamed to say I haven’t called her in…geez, it must be a few weeks.”

“Your grandmother is a wonder,” Eva exclaimed. “She’s doing well. She turns back any suggestion that she give up her apartment in Brooklyn to move closer to us. She’s still rolling her shopping cart to the supermarket every week. Her only concession to old age is that she’s agreed to let Uncle Max, Aunt Ellen and us give her the gift of a weekly visit from a housekeeper. You know, something’s got to give when you’re eighty-seven, and in her case, it’s cleaning.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea,” Sarah said. “I noticed the apartment was getting a little ripe when I was there last. I actually think a person is entitled to give up housecleaning at Bubbe’s age. In fact, I think it should be a national right. We have Medicare and we ought to have Housecare.”

“Wonderful. Let’s push the federal deficit up a bit higher,” Joseph said, only half in jest.

Sarah saw the sign for the restaurant that Harry had long raved about. “I think we’re here,” she said, both nervous and excited. She had choreographed the disclosure of her pregnancy with precision. She would tell her parents about the baby after they ordered and were enjoying their appetizers.

They were shown to a booth in the back of the restaurant. Their hunger helped them make quick work of the menu. As soon as their
dolmades
, hummus and pita arrived, Sarah inhaled deeply and began. “I have some wonderful news to tell you,” she said. When Eva heard the word “wonderful” and saw her daughter’s eyes brighten and her cheeks flush, she was sure Sarah would tell them she was dating someone special.

“Oooh, tell us, tell us,” Eva said excitedly. “Tell us your wonderful news.”

“Well, if all goes well, sometime in mid-January, you’re going to become grandparents.”

Eva and Joseph sat frozen in their seats. Eva, whose natural element was language, was left speechless.

Joseph slowly started to shake his head from side to side. “How? How are we going to become grandparents? I don’t understand.”

“Dad, I’m pregnant.”

Joseph and Eva were at a loss. As far as they knew, their daughter didn’t date, no less have a relationship that could result in a child. Through her bewilderment, Eva strained to match her daughter’s obvious happiness. “You’re pregnant? Oh my God. We didn’t even know you were involved with anyone. That’s why Daddy is so surprised, why I’m so surprised. Who’s the lucky man?”

Sarah was ready. “There is no man, lucky or otherwise. I’ll be doing this alone.”

“What? You went to a sperm bank?” Joseph asked, his voice heavy with disapproval.

“No, Dad, the baby was conceived in the usual way, but I’m having it on my own. This pregnancy was unplanned. The relationship in which it was conceived wasn’t serious. The man was very accomplished, very bright. He was a lovely man — really — but not at all interested in marriage and children. He made that clear from the beginning. As I said, the pregnancy was a complete surprise,” Sarah explained as she felt the blood pulsing at her temples.

Perhaps Eva and Joseph might have reacted differently had Sarah ever shared the circumstances leading to her breakup with Alex: the STD he’d given her, and the sterility that had ensued. Instead, they had assumed their daughter was healthy and fertile — and savvy enough to take precautions if she was intimate with a man. So all they knew was that she’d gotten herself knocked up by someone who’d left her.

“So let me see if I understand this,” Joseph said, indignant. “You told the man you were involved with that you were pregnant and he walked away. Now you’re in this thing by yourself. You’ll be saddled with a child and he’ll be off doing as he pleases. Do I have it right?”

Her father’s grim take on her situation stung. She was no hapless victim. And Rick was not the reptile her father implied. “Your interpretation is completely inaccurate. From the outset, he was up front with me about his intentions. He doesn’t want children. Somehow I conceived, despite being careful. The pregnancy was a shock for us both. I told him that I wanted the child, but that I wouldn’t force him into a role he had never signed up for. I decided to have this baby on my own. Well, not on my own, exactly. I was hoping that you and Mom would want to be a part of our lives,” Sarah said, trying to change the trajectory of the conversation.

Eva was astonished at her daughter’s decision to let the father walk away. But, rather than cause a break with her only child, she swallowed hard and put on a good face. “Honey, of course we’ll be part of your lives. You know that Dad and I support you in everything you do. If you’re going to have a baby, we’ll do what we can to help you.” It now occurred to her why Sarah had agreed to the idea of getting together more often. After years of shutting them out of her personal life, she would soon need their help. Eva wanted to weep.

But Sarah was oblivious to her mother’s distress. “That means so much to me. It would in any case — I mean if I were married and expecting a child — but given the fact that I’m single, it means everything. Thank you,” Sarah said effusively. “You’re such great parents. I know how lucky I am to have you.”

Joseph, however, was not assuaged by the compliment. “Don’t you think this child has the right to a father?”

The criticism hurt. “Well, Dad, perhaps at some point the baby will know its father. But at this moment in time, the baby’s father has no interest in being a father to anyone. I don’t think it’s fair to coerce him. Nor do I think the child would benefit from having a father who sees him or her as a liability. Let me be clear. I have no animosity toward the father. On the contrary, I think he’s a good man. Luckily, I have the means to support the child by myself.”

As their meals were delivered, the conversation came to a halt. As soon as the server turned to leave, Joseph continued. “If the man is as good as you say, how can he leave you in the lurch?”

“You’ll just have to trust me on this, Dad. I told him he was free to go, that I would assume all responsibility for the baby. If he’d had his druthers, I would have had an abortion. For me, this is the better solution. I’m delighted by the new life that is growing inside of me. I’m sorry you don’t seem to share my happiness.”

Eva saw there was no changing the facts. Without asking their advice, Sarah had decided on a go-it-alone pregnancy. There was nothing to be done now but swallow that bitter pill and fall into line. She patted her daughter’s hand. “Enjoy your pregnancy. Dad is just worried about you, that’s all. He and I will be behind you every step of the way,” she said, giving Joseph a gentle kick under the table.

But Joseph would not be hushed. “I realize you’re an adult and you get to make your own decisions. Your mother and I have become bystanders in your life. But there was a time when we were more than that. You used to include us in your world. But since you came back to New York, you could have been celibate for all we knew. And now you tell us that out of some casual relationship you’re having a child on your own.

“You think you’re so independent that you can live your life while keeping the people who care most about you at arm’s length. But listen to me, a little advice from your old father: This city is littered with highly successful, miserably unhappy people. If you’re not careful, you’ll join their ranks.”

Sarah was stunned. So that’s where her father thought she was headed. She decided at that moment to spend the rest of her pregnancy proving him wrong.

CHAPTER TWENTY

By the end of September, it was impossible for Sarah to find clothes that would hide her pregnancy. The time had come for her to make known the truth. She decided to enlist Doris’s help in getting the word out at the office.

Doris received the news with the happy surprise that was due, even though she’d harbored suspicions that Sarah might be pregnant for a couple of months. When she learned that Sarah was going it alone, it saddened her to think the relationship that had led to the pregnancy didn’t have the legs to continue all the way down the aisle. But, wanting to be a good friend, she readily agreed to discreetly let the other people in the office know about the baby.

Word spread quickly. Speculation around the water cooler abounded regarding the source of the sperm that had impregnated Sarah Abadhi. People tended to project their own fantasies. Several women concluded that she must have gone the route of artificial insemination. They figured Sarah didn’t need to put up with some jerk just because she wanted a baby and her biological clock was ticking. She had the money, the brains and the energy to go it alone. Sarah’s male co-workers — a number of whom had tried unsuccessfully to scale her barricade to intimacy — discounted that theory. They figured some lucky dude had knocked her up after an unforgettable one-night stand. Though Sarah would occasionally catch bits of these discussions as she entered the break room, she did nothing to disabuse either camp of their erroneous speculations.

* * *

In keeping with her promise to include them more in her life, Sarah consulted with her parents about how to tell the rest of the family. Together they decided on Eva’s birthday dinner as the setting for her announcement. On the morning of the party, Sarah bought a taupe version of the handbag her mother had admired by the fountains at Lincoln Center. Then she headed over to Grand Central and caught a train to Tuckahoe, her hometown just north of the city. Her father and grandmother were waiting for her as her trained pulled into the station. Bubbe Rivka, perhaps ninety-five pounds soaking wet, got up from her seat on the bench, stood ramrod straight and made a beeline for her granddaughter. Sarah quickened her step to meet her halfway, fighting off the urge to pick her up and kiss her. Instead, she bent over and embraced her elfin grandmother.

Though Rivka’s hearing was failing, her eyes were still sharp. She could tell immediately that something about Sarah had changed. “Bubbela, it’s so goot to see you. You’re bedda den medicine from de docta for your bubbe, you know dat, don’t you?” Then Rivka took a step back and took a good look at her granddaughter. “Maybe I should git my eyes checked, but I tink sometink is different vit you. Eh? Is Bubbe right?” she asked in the singsong voice she had used when Sarah was a little girl.

“It’s impossible to pull the wool over your eyes, Bubbe. I have some great news for you. You’re going to be a great-grandmother,” Sarah announced, glad that her grandmother made breaking the news so easy. “I’m due to have a baby in January.” She put her bubbe’s hand on her round stomach so Rivka could feel for herself.

“
Gott in himmel
, Sarah. Ven is de vedding? And who’s my new grandson?”

“No wedding, no new grandson, Bubbe. Just me and the baby. It’s the twenty-first century way of doing things,” Sarah explained.

“Believe me. It’s not a tventy-first century tink. Girls got in trouble in all de udda centuries, too. But okay, vat’s done is done. Ve’ll manage somehow.” She stopped to think for a minute and then she said, “I’ll come and help you vit de baby. You’ll see. It vill all vork out.” Looking up at Joseph she asked, “You knew about dis?”

“Yeah, Mom. Eva and I have known for a while, but Sarah wanted to wait and tell you herself,” Joseph said, trying to sound matter-of-fact.

“Vell, dis surprise takes de cake. You cut knock me over vit a fedda. Ha! I never vut guess dis news. Vell, vell. Let’s go see your momma. Ve have lots to celebrate now. Eva’s birtday ant a new liddle baby for da family.
Gott in himmel
!”

Sarah was so relieved by her bubbe’s take on things — particularly after the painful dinner she’d had with her parents — that she bent down and kissed her again. They walked hand in hand to the car.

Coming through her daughter’s kitchen door, Rivka wasted no time in chiding Eva, who was stirring the béchamel on the stove. “You knew about dis ant kept me in de dark? Vat am I? Chopt liver? A bubbe needs to hear dis news. Look. I cut leave dis verlt anytime. You have to let me know ven dere’s bik news. I’m serious, Chava!” Eva knew she was. Her mother only used her Jewish name when she was upset with her.

“Momma, I was following Sarah’s instructions. She wanted to tell you in person,” Eva said, wondering why she had none of Rivka’s gumption in dealing with her own daughter.