Fervor (5 page)

"Hey mom
what's up?" Who knows what fuckery she was up to now.

"Jane's
here."

"The
fuck...?"

"She kept
calling son and I just thought it would be better if we had her come out so you
guys could hash out a plan of action. You have responsibilities yes?"

"Yeaaaah...Mom...but."

"This is
the life you chose no?"

I just looked
at her no reply needed.

"Tell me
this Gage, are you giving up acting? Do you plan on retiring or are you going
back to work?"

"Of course
I'm not giving up acting, you know I love that shit." What the hell?

"Well
then, you treat this situation like a band aid and tear it off fast one time.
The longer you put it off the harder it's going to become. Just get out there
and get it out of the way once and for all. And son please remember you did
nothing wrong, you have nothing to be ashamed of. There's no reason for you to
hide yourself away like this any longer.

Jane says your
next premier is three weeks away, that's plenty of time to come up with a
strategy. No more hiding away and licking your wounds my boy is made of
sturdier stuff than that." She ruffled my hair like a toddler, Hitler's
little henchman. I wanted to argue with her but what was the point? She would
just end up getting her way in the end anyway. For someone who was so tiny
compared to the men in the family she sure knew how to get her way. In fact
that was pretty much true for all the women, they ruled the roost.

"Okay mom
I'll talk to her; but I'm not making any promises." What? I could always
try right.

"That's
all I ask son." She gave me that I'm so proud of you look that was
guaranteed to have me doing exactly what she wanted.

Fuck me six
ways from Sunday.

 
I met with Jane for two hours before she
headed back to LA. As things stood I hadn't agreed to anything major as yet.
There had been a bit of a rough moment there in the beginning when I wondered
how the fuck she could let me get blindsided like that, but she convinced me
that from what her people could gather so far the whole thing had been pretty
much on lockdown until the shit exploded. Go figure, the first time in the
history of the Wood someone was able to keep something under wraps and it just
happened to bring about the destruction of my life. Fuck my life. I guess I
couldn't blame her this time but there better not be a next time.

She had
printouts from every newspaper and rag on the market; we were the headlines and
front page on all of them. The fuck? Weren't people getting slaughtered in
Syria, how about that Darfur situation fixed that shit yet? No, but these fucks
had all kinds of ideas of how I could fix my shit, suck a dick bitches. When
she showed me the one of that fuck Terry Poole strolling down the street
wearing his wedding ring without a care in the world I lost my shit. Oh no you
don't motherfucker, you fucked my life and you get to walk down the street with
not a care in the world like cock of the block while I hid away in bumfuck
U.S.A? I don't think so. I'm gonna fuck that old douche up, just saying. James
was already making noises about putting something together but he didn't want
to jump the gun until he got all his facts straight so I would wait. But either
way no matter what he found I’m going after that fuck.

After she left
I spent the rest of the day in the exercise room working off some steam. I only
thought of Suzette about fifty times on the treadmill. I thought about that
sweet little ass of hers that I liked to slap every chance I got, or the way we
used to laugh in bed at night, or playing tug of war with Rex, shit like that.
The happy times we shared with friends and family.

Was it worth
hanging onto? I don't know could I live with what she'd done? Fuck no could I
give her up? Not in this lifetime.

Fuck me
sideways.

"Rack ‘em
Derrick." the guys and I were shooting pool in the game room. Convo was
light thank fuck. We were all about my nephew and his two year old antics,
things in the family bizz, some money talk. If I wanted I could walk the fuck away
from the Wood and live the life of Riley. I had money before I went there and I
would still have it when I left. Let's face it they would never be able to pay
me my net worth to make a movie. By the time I was eighteen I was halfway to
being a billionaire and that was before I'd ever worked a day in my life. Last
year when I turned twenty-five let's just say I could buy a few small nations
and still be set for life, so Hollywood could go fuck itself.

Except I loved
the fuck out of acting, it was as if that shit was in my blood or some shit I
just ate that shit up.

My phone rang
in the middle of a shot, after sinking the eight ball I looked at the display
screen and didn't recognize the number. I let it go to voicemail. It would be
just my luck to answer to the tabs, fucking chicken shit bastards. I hit the
replay button for kicks and was surprised as fuck.

"Hello
Gage, this is Karen O’Reilly I would really appreciate hearing from you at your
earliest convenience." The fuck. Why was Suzette's publicist calling me?
Fuck if I was calling her back. Bitch could wait till the cows come home I
wasn't calling her for shit.

"Need to
make a call bro?"

I knew who he
thought that was; Brian could rant all he wanted but I knew he had a soft spot
for Suzette in fact we all did.

"Nah, I'm
good."

We played well
into the night and I realized it was my brothers' way of taking care of me,
keeping me occupied so I didn't wallow in my misery or drink myself into a
stupor. Come to think of it I hadn't had a real drink since I came home. I
guess that hearth and home shit really worked. Mom and the girls kept me fed,
the guys kept me occupied with made up bullshit and my nephew Jonathan kept me
on my toes.

I wondered how
fucked up it was that the sight of him hurt my heart. I wanted to have kids
with Suzette, I'd been ready to start a family and take things a little slow on
the work front. Now that shit was out the fucking window. I couldn't even think
of starting over with someone else, that was the fuckery of it all. I was washed
up and done at the ripe old age of twenty-six. Fuck me.

I slept like a
baby for the first time that night; things were looking better, not great but
better. Suzette was texting me constantly, I was brave enough to read them now
but I still wasn't answering. I wasn't ready yet I mean what the fuck did she
expect? I know her; I know how my treatment of her in the last week made her
feel. Suzette could never stand for me to be mad at her, it was almost as if
she couldn't function unless everything was right in our world. So how the fuck
had we come to this? See, this is how I knew that no matter what was said I
wasn't ready to face her the anger still lived inside me. I wouldn't be able to
keep a cool head if I saw her now and this cluster fuck needed the coolest
motherfucking head I could find.

The ringing
phone jarred me out of my musings at six in the morning. It wasn't the Jezebel
of Babylon, different ringtone. The number looked familiar but I wasn't quite
sure, taking a chance I answered on the third ring.

"Yeah."

"Maddox
you piece of shit who the fuck do you think you are?

The fuck?

"Who the
fuck are you asshole, and how did you get this number?"

"Oh you
don't know me now motherfucker? You fuck my sister over and..."

"Joshua?"

"No you
fuck it's Jonas."

Should've
known! He was always the more hotheaded of the two.

"What the
fuck do you mean I fucked your sister over? Are you fucked in the head? Have
you been living on the same planet as me? I'm not the one on the front page
fucking a married man." Yeah I wasn't bitter or anything, I had my anger
totally under control. Fucking liar.

"You watch
what the fuck you say about my sister."

"Fuck you,
you fuck, why don't you go yell at your precious sister, I repeat I'm not the
one who fucked someone else."

"She didn't."

Say what now?

"Did she
tell you that?"

"No, but I
know her man, and I thought you did too, she would never do something like
this."

Okay I had
entertained those thoughts myself, but this wasn't shit you speculated about. I
understood his need to defend his sister, let's face it if it was Tiffany I
would do the same but this shit was all types of fucked up, too many variables.

"You
promised man, you told me, my brother and my dad that you would take care of her
out there, she was like a fucking lamb to the slaughter, you promised us that
you were on the up and up that you loved her and this wasn’t some Hollywood
bullshit facade to sell movies and now you do this?"

Was this dude
high out of his fucking gourd? Was he really blaming me for his sister’s
infidelity?

"She's
dying man."

What the fuck
did he just say?

"What,
who?" my heart was in my fucking throat.

"Suzette
man who the fuck do you think? She's dying, I watched my sister fall apart and
it was worse than when we were kids and mom left. I thought I would never have
to see her like that again, that's why we've always been so protective of her,
when she hurts she really hurts, and right now man she's in a real bad
place."

I couldn't hear
this shit, didn't want to hear this shit; fuck me what was I supposed to do
with this? I didn't think it was selfish of me to distance myself from the
situation, I'm the motherfucker that got cheated on, I'm the one on the TV and
the front page looking like a sap, how was I to blame for her misery? What the
fuck was I suppose to do now? Why the fuck should I care that she was in a bad
place? Because you do Maddox, man the fuck up and own your feelings. Doctor
Phil sounding motherfucker, now even my own sub conscious was fucking with me.

"Look
Jonas I appreciate you telling me this, but I don't know what you want from me,
I can't do this right now."

"So that's
it huh? One little slip in judgment and you fuck her life away."

"Listen
asshole I didn't tell your sister to get in a fucking car with a married man, I
didn't tell her to let him dry hump her on the side of the fucking street in
fucking LA, why don't you ask her about this shit instead of putting it on
me?"

"I can't
ask her shit don't you understand? She's damn near catatonic."

"I don't
see how that can be true seeing as how she's been texting me everyday."

"Yeah in
her more lucid moments, but tell me this asshole when is the last time you
actually spoke to her?"

Okay he had a
point, but she has been texting me regularly. Oh yeah Maddox and what has she
been saying? Please forgive me. Fuck, the same thing over and over.

"Listen
Jonas I have to think about this let me catch you later." I hung up before
he could answer. Looks like my day was starting out with a bang. Fuck my life.

I spent the
rest of my day torturing myself shut away in my room going through the
publications Jane had left. There were times I almost snapped but I held my
shit together. I had a two-year-old nephew running around, that shit would probably
scare him to death if he saw his uncle acting like a caveman. Some of that shit
I couldn't even look at.

I took a break
to go play with Rex, he seemed to be holding his own pretty good since I was
here, we didn't let him sleep with us at home, but he was so damn lost that at
night I was sneaking him into my room. Poor lil tyke missed his mama, the
bitch. There was some shit in the rags about us fighting over Rex, like that
shit would happen, let's face shit, if I can't trust you anymore why the fuck would
I trust you with my kid? Okay Rex was a dog, but he was still my responsibility
he couldn't fend for himself and I'm sure when I signed those papers to take
him home those people expected me to take care of him. If people couldn't use
better judgment they shouldn't be trusted, nough said. I could give a fuck who
agreed with me, that's my stand fuck off.

When I was
through driving myself crazy with this fuckery I joined my family downstairs.
Jonathan was running the show as usual, getting into shit.

"Hey son
you're looking better." My dad gave me one of his smug looks.

"Yeah dad
I'm cool." The rest of them checked me out like I was a mental patient
fresh off the meds. The fuck?

"Dinner
will be ready in about ten minutes." Mom called from the kitchen. I wasn't
sure I could swallow anything but if I wanted to keep the women in this house
off my ass I was gonna have to make an effort. We made small talk until dinner
was ready my nephew was pulling the fuck out of my hair and laughing. At least
he kept the rest of them distracted from my fuckery; I was jittery as fuck not
knowing what the hell to do with myself.

I wanted to
know what the fuck was going on with Suzette but I didn't want to talk to her
brother again, he obviously had a missing link. The only thing I could think of
was putting a shadow on her but that didn't feel right to me, I didn't want any
other motherfucker near her, plus this was private, fuck if I knew what to do.
I played it cool with the family, bullshitting with them around the dinner table,
I guess my acting lessons were paying off because not even mom picked up on my
shit and she was worse than a hound on a fox hunt.