Fever 5 - Shadowfever (54 page)

was always there—alive—but you never even looked. I kept her in the one place I knew the
arrogant Un-Seelie King would not go. Bedding down with your grudges while I bedded your
bitch. Your concubine became my lover, my queen. And now her death will make me
you
.” The king’s eyes were sad. “In more ways than you know, if it were true. But another
stands in your way.” He glanced at me.
My eyes widened and I shook my head instantly. “What are you trying to do? Get him to
kill me? I’m not in his way.”
“Our magic prefers a woman. I believe it would choose you.”
“I have the
Sinsar Dubh
,” Cruce said. “She does not.”
The king laughed. “You think to become me. She becomes her. Not the only possible.” I was horrified. I thought I understood what he was saying and didn’t like it one bit. “Perhaps Barrons becomes Cruce. Who, then, would cry judgment?” the king said. “Barrons wouldn’t become War,” I said instantly.
“Or me. Depends on the nuances.” The king looked at the concubine in Cruce’s grasp.
“Irrelevant, all of it. I’m not done yet.”
She was gone.
“What the—?” Cruce’s hands were suddenly empty. He lunged forward and slammed
into an invisible barrier. His eyes narrowed and he began to chant in a voice that made my blood
ice, chiming like the full-blooded Unseelie Prince he was.
The king waved a hand and Cruce stopped chiming.
Cruce sketched a complicated symbol in the air, eyes narrowed on the king. Nothing
happened. He began to chime again. The king silenced him.
Cruce conjured a rune and flung it at the king. It hit the invisible barrier and dropped. He
flung a dozen more. They all did the same. It was like watching a man and a woman fight, where
the man was simply trying to keep the woman from hurting herself too much.
Cruce rocked back on his heels and his wings began to open, black velvet and enormous,
framing a nude, muscled body of such perfection that my cheeks were suddenly wet. Long black
hair streamed down his shoulders; brilliant colors rushed beneath his bronze skin. I touched my face and my fingers came away bloody.
I was awed by the dark majesty of him. I knew why War was as often revered as feared. I
knew what it felt like to be cradled in those wings while he moved inside me.
The Unseelie King watched him, paternal pride glittering in his eyes.
Cruce was trying to destroy him, and he was
proud
of him.
Like a parent watching his child kick off the training wheels and take off down the drive
for the first time without help.
And I knew that Cruce had never stood a chance, so long as the king cared to exist. The danger would never be whether the king was powerful enough—he was and always
would be the strongest of them all.
The true danger would always only be whether he
cared
enough.
He saw existence completely differently from everyone else. What
we
might view as
defeat and destruction,
he
saw—like the Book he’d created—far down the arrows of time, as an
act of creation.
Who knew? Maybe it was.
But I liked existing here and now, and I’d fight for it. I didn’t have a bird’s-eye view and
didn’t want it. I liked padding around on dog paws, kicking up fall leaves and digging in spring
dew, sniffing up scents on the ground, and living a life. I was only too happy to leave the flying
for those with wings.
I reached for my spear. It was in my holster. And I realized it always had been whenever
“V’lane” was around. It was part of the complex illusion he’d maintained. As an Unseelie, he’d
never been able to touch it yet could have been killed by it, so whenever we were together, he’d
fed me the glamour that it was no longer in my holster. Just as the Unseelie Princes had fed me
an illusion that I’d been turning it on myself there in the church.
I never had. I’d chosen to throw it away because I’d believed the glamour. I could have
killed them that night, if I’d been able to see through it. The power had always been right here,
inside me, if I’d just known it.
I would kill him now.
“Don’t even think about it,” the Unseelie King said.
“He took your concubine. He faked her death. He
raped
me!”
“No harm, no foul.”
“Are you kidding me?”
He looked at his concubine. “Today amuses.”
Abruptly, the moon and megaliths were gone. We were back in the cavern. Cruce chimed, his wings open to their full majestic glory, eyes blazing with righteous
fury, lips peeled back in a snarl.
The king iced him like that.
A nude, avenging angel, encased in clear crystal. Blue-black bars shot up from the floor,
framing his prison.
I should have told the king to put clothes on him.
Make the ice cloudy so no one could see him. Hide those stunning velvety wings. Tone
down the golden halo around him.
Make him look less … angelic, sexual, erotic. But you know what they say about
hindsight.
The king said to Kat, “He is your
Sinsar Dubh
now.”
“No!” Kat exclaimed. “We don’t want him!”
“Your fault it got out. Contain it better this time.”
I heard Barrons say, “McCabe? What the fuck are you doing here?”
People began to appear in the cavern, sifting in. The white-suited McCabe from Casa Blanc was joined by the leprechaun-like reservations clerk from my first night at the Clarin House and by the news vendor from the street who’d given me directions to the Garda, the one
who’d called me a hairy jackass.
“Liz?” Jo said. “Where did you come from?”
Liz said nothing, simply moved, as they all did, to join the Unseelie King. “He’s too big for one body,” I said numbly.
“I
knew
there was something wrong with her!” Jo exclaimed.
The king had been watching the
sidhe
-seers and Barrons. He’d posed as one of the
players hunting his own Book. He’d been watching me all this time. Since the day I’d come to
Dublin. He’d checked me into the Clarin House.
“Before that, beautiful girl.” The king slanted me a look that horrified me. Pride glittered
in his starry eyes.
My high school gym coach joined him. When my grade school principal appeared, I
locked my jaw and gave the king a mutinous glare.
Since the beginning
. “Little help might have
been nice.”
The king cradled the concubine tenderly to his chest. “What would you change?” “You must give her to us,” Dree’lia demanded. “We need her. Without V’lane, who will
lead us?”
“Find a new queen. She is mine.”
Velvet bristled. “But there is no one—”
“Grow a pair, Velvet,” the king snapped.
“We don’t
want
Cruce.
You
take him,” Kat was insisting.
“What the bloody hell is going on? You can’t take the queen. We work for her,” Drustan
was saying.
“What about the Compact?” Cian said. “We need to renegotiate it!”
“Change me back!” Christian demanded. “I ate only one bite. That’s not enough to do
this to me. Why am I being punished?”
The king only had eyes for the woman in his arms.
“You can’t leave until you put the bloody walls back up,” Dageus was growling. “We’ve
no idea how to go about—”
“You’ll figure it out.”
Skins began to drop to the floor, empty shells of the king’s parts. For a moment, I was
worried my own might fall off, but it didn’t.
Barrons had pulled me back from being
Pri-ya
. I had no doubt the king would find his
concubine, too. Wherever she was, in whatever cave of amnesia she was trapped, he would join
her. Tell her stories. Make love to her. Until one day they both got up and walked out of it. The dreamy-eyed guy began to change, absorbing the shadows that passed from the
skins.
He stretched and expanded until he towered over us like the
Sinsar Dubh
’s beast, but
without the malevolence, and when his wings spread wide, eclipsing the chamber in night, stars
and worlds dangling from his quills, I felt his joy.
The thought that she’d left him by choice had driven him mad.
But she hadn’t. She’d been taken.
He’d loved her for all time.
Before she was made.
After he’d believed she was gone.
Sunshine to his ice. Frost to her fever. I wished them forever.
You, too, beautiful girl
.
The Unseelie King was gone.

I wasn’t in the mood for an argument.
As I unscrewed the last bracket suspending the gaily painted sign from the brass pole
bolted into the brick above the door of the bookstore, it slipped from my hands, fell to the
sidewalk, and cracked down the middle.
MACKAYLA’S MANUSCRIPTS AND MISCELLANY bit the dust before a single
customer ever looked up and saw the sign.
I was okay with that. It didn’t have the right ring to it. Although I’d loved seeing my
name up there, I’d never have gotten comfortable with it. This place was … well, MM&M just
didn’t roll off the tongue.
I had no intention of giving him back the bookstore.
I was keeping it forever. And I planned to keep the name, too. I’d never be able to think
of it as anything else.
Twenty minutes later, the original sign was restored.
I dusted off my hands, propped the ladder against a column, and stepped back to view my
work.
The four-story—I looked up. It was five stories tonight. The five-story building was
officially BARRONS BOOKS AND BAUBLES again. Owned by one MacKayla Lane. He’d
given me the deed last night.
I walked out into the middle of the street and assessed my bookstore with a critical eye. It
was mine to take care of, and I wasn’t yielding one inch of it to vandals or the elements. It had
weathered the storm of Unseelie better than most places in the city, protected by wards and a
man who could never die.
I remembered the first time I’d seen it. I’d come barreling out of the Dark Zone, terrified,
alone, desperate for answers. It had blazed with the holy light of salvation for me that night. My sanctuary. My home.
The updated façade of dark cherry and brass gleamed. The alcoved entrance, between
stately pillars, sported a new light fixture that cast a warm amber glow on the handsome cherry
door and stained-glass sidelights.
The tall windows on the sides of the building, framed by matching columns and delicate
wrought-iron latticework, didn’t have a single crack, and there were no chips on the pillars. The
foundation was solid, strong. Powerful spotlights mounted on the rooftop, controlled by timers,
would be coming on any minute now. The lighted sign in the old-fashioned green-tinted
windows winked OPEN.
The Dark Zone might be empty, but this place would always stand as a bastion of light,
as long as it was mine. I’d needed it. It had saved me. I loved this place.
And the man.
And there was the rub.
It had been days since the showdown beneath the abbey, and we still hadn’t talked about
it.
After the king left, we’d all just kind of looked at each other and headed for the door, as
if we couldn’t get back to where we felt safe and comfortable fast enough.
Mom and Dad took one look at Barrons and me and decided to go back to Chester’s. I’ve
got the smartest, coolest parents. Barrons and I went back to the bookstore, straight to bed. We’d
gotten out only when near starvation had forced us.
The finale hadn’t been perfect and certainly not what I’d expected last fall, when we were
making our desperate plans to keep the walls up between the realms of Fae and man. The
Sinsar Dubh
had been destroyed.
But in the way of Fae things, another had come into being.
The
sidhe
-seers were furious that they’d been left in charge of the new one, but it’s hard
to argue with an absentee king.
Kat had stepped up to the plate, taking over for Rowena, agreeing to lead until the abbey
was cleared of Shades and their numbers were partially restored, at which time they would revert
to a democratic vote and rebuild the Haven.
I intended to snag a spot in that inner sanctum, where I would lobby for significant
changes—first and foremost that we permanently and irrevocably seal the cavern where the
Sinsar Dubh
was currently frozen in its much-too-exquisite temptation. Line it with iron. Pump it
full of concrete.
The Keltar had returned to Scotland, taking Christian with them, but none of us believed
we’d seen the last of them.
Before Halloween, we’d all thought life might one day get back to normal. Those days
were gone forever.
We’d lost nearly half the world’s population—more than three billion people dead. The walls were down and I was pretty sure they’d stay that way, with no queen and no
one to lead the Seelie. I had no doubt the king was on extended sabbatical.
Jayne and his men were out in force, kicking ass, hell-bent on emptying the streets of
Unseelie and the skies of Hunters. I planned to talk to him about that. I wondered if we might be
able to negotiate a treaty with the Hunters. I didn’t like the thought of K’Vruck being shot at. Kat had connected with Post Haste, Inc.’s international branches. She told me that Dark
Zones abounded around the world, but Dani’s Shade-Buster recipe had been translated into
virtually every language and manufacturing MacHalos was a booming business. In certain parts
of the world, you could trade one for a cow. There were millions of surplus houses, cars,
electronics, all the things I used to dream about one day owning, lying around out there for the
taking. And all I could think was that I might cheerfully give up Barrons’ 911 Porsche turbo for a
glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice.
IFPs were drifting around like small tornados, but Ryodan and his men knew a way to
tether them and had begun weeding the worst out of the city. Not because he cared, Ryodan had
informed me coolly, but because they weren’t good for business.
Chester’s was rocking like never before. Today when I was out running errands, some
chick had actually chirped, “See you in Faery!” As if she was saying, “Dude, have a good day.” It was a strange new world.
The war was on, but it was a subdued war. Seelie and Unseelie were fighting each other
but keeping it quiet for now, as if they weren’t sure what we might do if they messed up any
more of our world and they weren’t ready to find out.
Yet.
The only good Fae is a dead Fae, in my book. PS: Hunters aren’t Fae.
The power was still down in most places. Generators were hot commodities. The cell towers didn’t work—Barrons’ and his men’s phones the mysterious exceptions. The Internet had crashed months ago. Some people were talking about maybe not restoring things to the way they were, going in a new direction that was a little less plugged in. I imagined there’d be a lot of different schools of thought, with enclaves springing up here and there, each espousing their own
philosophy and social order.
I had no idea where the future was headed.
But I was glad to be alive and couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be than here and
now, watching it all unfold.
I felt like Barrons: I’d never get enough of living.
Only yesterday, Ryodan’s men had finally located Tellie, and I’d gotten to speak with her
briefly on Barrons’ cell phone. She told me Isla O’Connor really was pregnant with me the night
the Book escaped. I
had
been born. I did have a biological mother. Tellie was on her way here to
give me the whole story, would be arriving in a few days.
My parents were healthy and happy. The bad guys bit it and the good guys won the day.
This time around.
It was a wonderful life.
With a single painful exception.
There was a child behind my bookstore, beneath the garage, and he was in agony every
second he lived.
And there was a father who hadn’t said a word to me about him or the spell since we’d
left the cavern beneath the abbey.
I didn’t have the faintest idea why. I’d expected him to demand the spell of unmaking the
moment we got back to the bookstore. It was what he’d existed for, been hunting for an eternity. But he hadn’t, and with each passing day I grew to dread my inevitable confession more.
The lie loomed larger, seemed increasingly impossible to retract.
I would never forget the hope in his eyes. The joy in his smile.
I’d
put it there. With a lie.
He was never going to forgive me when he found me out.
You can still do it …
I squeezed my eyes shut.
That insidious voice had been torturing me ever since we’d left the abbey: the
Sinsar
Dubh
. I couldn’t decide if it was a memory of what it had said to me when it tempted me to
embrace it—or a reality that was actually inside me.
Had the Book really “downloaded” a copy of itself into me while I was still an unformed
fetus inside my mother?
Had it really created the perfect host for itself twenty-three years ago, making me a
human facsimile of it, waiting for me to mature?
Most important of all: Was the spell to lay his son to rest
really
inside me? Could I give it to him? Hear the joy in his laughter again? Free them both? At what cost? I dug my nails into my palms.
Last night, right before I drifted off to sleep, I’d heard the child/beast howl. Hunger,
anguish, eternal misery.
We’d both heard it. He kissed me, pretending he hadn’t. Then later, when he left to go do
whatever it was he did for the child, I’d choked back tears of shame and failure. He’d asked me for
one
thing. And I hadn’t been strong enough to get it for him and
survive the getting.
I opened my eyes and stared at the bookstore, at the sign swaying gently in the breeze.
Dusk brushed the store in shades of violet. A tinge of a metallic silver gauzed the windowpanes,
one of the many new Fae hues.
Barrons would be back soon. I had no idea where he went when he left. But I’d learned
the pattern. When he returned, I would be able to feel his heartbeat.
I didn’t let myself think about doing it. I knew if I thought about it, I never would. I’d
chicken out. I let my eyes drift out of focus and took the plunge.
The water was frigid, unwelcoming, black as pitch, black as original sin. I couldn’t see a
thing. I kicked deep.
I felt small, young, and afraid.
I kicked deeper.
The lake was enormous. I had miles and miles of dark, icy water inside me. I was
surprised my blood didn’t run black and cold.
Melodrama. See you finally got some
, a familiar voice purred.
How is that flamboyance
coming? Universe hates a dull girl
.
“Where are you?”
Keep swimming, MacKayla
.
“Are you really in here?”
Always have been
.
I kicked harder, pushing deeper into the blackness. I couldn’t see a thing. I might as well
have been blind.
Suddenly there was light.
Because I said let there be
, it said silkily.
“You’re not God,” I muttered.
I am not the devil either. I’m you. Are you finally ready to see yourself? What lies at the
bottom, the great taproot?
“I’m ready.” I’d no sooner said it than there it was. Shining, resplendent, at the bottom of
my lake. Golden rays shot out from it, rubies shimmered, locks gleamed.
The
Sinsar Dubh
.
I have been here all this time. Since before you were born
.
“I beat you. In the study, I saw through your games twice. I walked away from the
temptation.”
Can’t eviscerate essential self
.
I was no longer swimming but dripping wet and floating to the floor of a black cavern. I
drifted to my feet, boots lightly touching down. I looked around, wondering where I was. In the
dark night of my soul? The
Sinsar Dubh
was open on a regal black pedestal in front of me. Gold
pages shimmering, it waited.
It was beautiful, so beautiful …
Inside me all this time. All those nights I’d been hunting it, it had been right under my
nose. Or, actually, behind it. Just like Cruce, I
was
the
Sinsar Dubh
, but unlike Cruce, I’d never
opened it. Never welcomed or read it. That was why I’d never understood any of the runes it had
given me. I’d never looked inside. Only taken what it offered to use it as recommended. If I’d ever dived to the bottom of my glassy lake and opened the Book, I’d have had all
the king’s dark knowledge at my disposal, in detail. Every spell and rune, the recipe for every
experiment, including how to create the Shades, the Gray Man, even Cruce! It was no wonder
the Unseelie King had regarded me with paternal pride. I possessed so many of his memories, so much of his magic. I supposed that was as close to having a daughter as the king would ever get. He’d spat out a part of himself, and it was in me now. Sperm, essential self: what difference to a
Fae? He could see himself in me, and the Fae liked that.
It was also no wonder K’Vruck had pushed at me mentally and recognized me. He’d
found some part of the king inside me, and to him, king was king. He’d missed his traveling
companion. Ditto with the Silvers. They’d recognized the essence of the king in me, and while
most had resisted me pushing into them and spat me out enthusiastically—thanks to Cruce’s
botched curse that hadn’t been Cruce’s at all—the oldest and first Silver that joined the king and
concubine’s boudoir was unaffected by the curse and had permitted me passage for the same
reason. I was wearing Eau d’King. Even Adam had sensed something about me, and I knew
Cruce must have, too. They just hadn’t known exactly what. Then there was the time the
dreamy-eyed guy had told the
fear dorcha
to look deeper and the pin-striped terror had backed
off.
I am open to the spell you want. You need only come close enough to read me, MacKayla.
It is that easy. We will be rejoined. And you can lay the child to rest
.
“I suppose you have a perfectly good reason for destroying my sign?” Jericho appeared
beside me. “I had to paint the bloody thing myself,” he said pissily. “There’s not a sign-maker
left in the city. I have better things to do than paint.”
I gaped. Jericho Barrons was standing beside me.
Inside my head
.
I shook it, half expecting him to be knocked off his feet and go rattling around. He remained standing, urbane and implacable as ever.
“This isn’t possible,” I told him. “You can’t be here. This is
my
head.”
“You push into mine. I merely projected an image with the push this time, to give you
something to look at.” He gave me a faint smile. “Wasn’t easy getting in. You give a whole new
meaning to ‘rock-head.’ ”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. He invaded my thoughts and gave me guff even here. “I found you standing in the street, staring at the sign over the bookstore. Tried talking to