Fifty Days of Sin (20 page)

It seems that Carl was more
interested in her flatmate Andrea than Melanie. I’m relieved when
she explains that Andrea turned him down when he tried it on with
her. If Carl and Andrea had got together behind Melanie’s back it
would have made it difficult for Melanie to keep on living there.
Just imagine the atmosphere in a shared property where someone you
thought was your friend has stolen your boyfriend. All the same,
Andrea clearly feels terribly guilty about it – even though it
wasn’t her fault in the slightest. So it’s making living together a
little strained at present.

“You’ll do better than Carl,
anyway, Mel, you wait and see,” Kathy reassures her. “For someone
as lovely as you, there’s got to be a nice man out there. He’ll be
worth waiting for in the end.”

“I’m not so sure,” says Melanie,
still in the doldrums. “I think I’m just meant to be single. I’m
the opposite of you, Justine; I need some of your pulling power!
Oh, but there’s more gossip, you missed it. Hannah, who’s already
got a man, has a new one after her!”

“Oh, don’t!” laughs Hannah,
opening the oven door to peek at the food cooking inside. “How are
you doing in there, Mr Pizza?”

“How is Mr Pizza doing, Hannah?”
asks Kathy.

“He’s looking a bit crispy
actually. I think I’d better rescue him...” She puts on oven gloves
and gets a large pizza out of the oven.

“Is there one still left in
there?” queries Kathy. “Is that one okay?”

“Oh, yeah, that one’s fine.
That’s Mrs Pizza. It’s just Mr Pizza who needs to be rescued.” She
puts the Pizza on a large board and brings it to the table. “You
can help yourselves,” she declares, starting to slice it with a
circular cutter, and sitting down with the rest of us.

“You have to tell Justine about
the bloke over the road,” prompts Melanie.

“Oh, yeah. He lives opposite...
he’s been really friendly ever since we moved in. Roger really
likes him – really liked him. He’s some kind of handyman, and the
washing machine stopped working so I popped over to see if he could
fix it. Of course, I was assuming that he’d give me an invoice at
the end of it but he seemed to want payment of another kind, if you
see what I mean...”

“Oh, no, Hannah! What did he
do?” I exclaim.

“Well, I didn’t realise at
first. I asked him how much it would cost for his time and he was
just like, oh, don’t worry about it, I don’t mind coming over to
help out such a beautiful lady, and I was a bit taken aback but I
told him he must let me give him some money for the work he’d done.
So then he said don’t worry about cash, but he could think of a way
I could pay him and he gave me this huge wink, and he said, you
know, upstairs! Honestly, I wasn’t sure whether to burst out
laughing or call the police. So then I was just totally
embarrassed, wondering how on earth am I going to get out of this,
and I couldn’t think of anything else to do except totally ignore
what he’d said. So I was like, oh, you are wonderful, thank you so
much... I don’t have much cash on me now but I’ll get some out and
bring it round to yours later on today. And then he started coming
towards me and I could just tell what he wanted to do next...”

“Oh, no,” echoes Kathy. She’s
got a nacho in her hand, originally intended for her mouth, but now
poised in mid-air while she waits for Hannah to reveal what
happened. “He didn’t?...”

“No, he didn’t. Oh! Mrs Pizza
probably needs rescuing now, too.” She goes to the oven and checks,
switching it off and transferring the second huge pizza onto the
chopping board. Then she continues. “Thank God, Roger came home
then and suddenly he looked all sheepish and ran away over the road
to his house! I’ve never been so relieved to see my husband in my
life. Needless to say, Roger, from being really good mates with
him, now hates the sight of him and won’t have him in the house.
Which is fine with me!”

“What’s he like then, this
admirer of yours?” asks Melanie.

“Actually, he’s someone most
women would probably think was really good looking, but I have to
say he’s really not my type,” replies Hannah.

“No,” muses Melanie, “I know you
only go for ugly blokes like Roger.”

“Ha! I’ll tell him you said
that. Don’t worry, he won’t mind, he already knows he is. I only
married him for his flash car.”

I narrowly manage to avoid
spluttering the gulp of Merlot I’m taking when Hannah makes her
joke, recalling Roger’s old Vauxhall Astra which is a
not-very-attractive shade of brown.

Hannah has put some music
quietly in the background on her iPod system – Adele’s album ‘21’,
which I love. Inevitably, the conversation turns to Adam, and I get
that inner glow I always feel when I think about him. Hannah asks
me how it’s going with him.

“Good. Great in fact. I met his
brothers last weekend, and they were nice... well, George was nice
and Clive was a bit of an idiot. But you can’t choose your
relations, can you?”

“Why, what was he like?”

“Oh, really argumentative.
Picking fights with me for no reason, just all the time. He was a
bit like that with George’s wife Christine too, but I think he was
more aggressive with me.” I remember my conversation on the way
back to the Tube station with Adam. “Funnily enough, he reminded me
of Simon a bit – you know how Simon does that too?”

“Oh, yeah, Simon can be a real
pain in the arse,” comments Melanie.

“Adam said something weird
afterwards.” I frown at the memory. I still can’t believe that
Simon might have feelings for me.

“What did he say?” prompts
Kathy.

“He thought Simon was
argumentative with me because he fancied me.” I laugh and pull a
face. “How ridiculous can you get? There’s never been any
attraction between me and Simon.”

I see Hannah and Kathy looking
at each other with raised eyebrows. My friends are all silent for a
moment and then Melanie says, “Did you really not know?”

“Sorry?”

She shakes her head in
disbelief. “Simon’s been crazy about you for years,” she states. I
gape in astonishment. “Didn’t you realise that? My God, Justine, I
thought you understood men!”

“Seriously? Are you winding me
up?”

“No, seriously,” Kathy assures
me. “Simon really likes you and he always has done. I know he has a
funny way of showing it. But I’m surprised you never noticed!”

“Bloody hell,” I exclaim and
take another drink of wine. “I had no idea.”

Hannah laughs. “You look like
you don’t want to think about that too much.”

“He’s just not my type,” I reply
feebly, still taking it in. “I thought Adam had got it wrong. I
thought you’d all laugh when I told you what he said.”

“Sorry, Justine, Adam’s right,”
says Melanie. “I guess you’re never going to be able to look at
Simon the same way again!”

Kathy changes the subject,
seeing how uncomfortable the thought makes me. “But what about Adam
- didn’t you take him to meet your parents too? It all sounds a bit
serious, Justine!”

“Well, they’d already met him at
the hospital, and because he was so good to me when I was in the
accident they’d already decided he was the perfect man. So it would
have been difficult for him to put a foot wrong really.”

“And did he? Put a foot
wrong?”

“No, they seemed to like him
even more at the end of the weekend. He bonded with my dad talking
about cars and impressed my mum by doing the drying-up while Dad
washed the dishes.”

“Wow, sounds like it’s female
empowerment all the way in the Gardiner family home!” laughs
Kathy.

“Absolutely,” I reply, my mind
darting to the memory of how Adam tied me to the bed and teased me,
made me beg so that he would let me come, and then fucked me
senseless. I can’t suppress a secret smile to myself when I think
of the irony of Kathy’s comment about female empowerment. I haven’t
told my friends that in actual fact Adam’s into a very kinky brand
of female subjection to his will. I’m not intending to tell them,
either.

“Hmm, you look very pleased with
yourself,” notes Melanie. “So who else are you seeing as well as
Adam?”

“Nobody,” I admit.

“What?” gasps Melanie and I look
around to see everyone’s eyes boring into mine.

“I just don’t feel like I want
anyone else now – I just want Adam,” I confide.

“Really? Wow, Justine, this is a
first, isn’t it?”

“It’s a first since I was
nineteen years old. Well, actually I have had periods of only
seeing one guy, or being single, but they weren’t exactly
intentional. This time it’s a bit different.”

“Oh my God, Justine, it must be
love,” announces Melanie. I just have another mouthful of wine.

“Is it?” asks Hannah seriously.
“Are you really in love with Adam?”

“You know,” I reply, “yes, I
really think I am.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” exclaims
Kathy, and the other two join in, congratulating me on falling in
love at last at the age of thirty-one. “Have you told him? And what
about him, has he said anything to you?”

“No,” I explain, “everything’s
all a bit different now... I used to not really care what men
thought. I just didn’t get hung up enough on anyone to worry too
much about what I said to them. So it was easy to tell them that I
was seeing other people, because I thought, oh well, if they don’t
like it they can take a running jump. But now that I’ve met Adam I
just can’t tell him anything at all. I’m so anxious that I might
scare him off that I’m completely tongue-tied.”

“But were you still seeing other
people when you got together with Adam?” asks Melanie, looking
concerned.

“Yes, and I told him – although
it cost me a lot to find the courage to say it to him.”

“And he knows, now, that you’re
not seeing anyone else?” questions Kathy.

“Well, no,” I admit sheepishly.
“I want to tell him – I want to tell him everything – I want to
tell him how I feel; but it’s like I just said. I’m too scared.
It’s such a big change in my lifestyle – I’ve always been someone
with lots of partners. If I tell him I don’t want other people any
more he’ll know I’m really serious about him. And that’s almost as
big a step as telling him that I love him.”

My three friends are still
staring at me intently and I suddenly feel embarrassed. “What? Come
on, I’m not an exhibit in a zoo!”

“Sorry, I’m just a bit
gobsmacked,” apologises Hannah. “Justine in love! Who would have
thought it?”

“But Justine...” continues Kathy
tentatively. “So Adam probably thinks that you’re still seeing
other men, right? And what about Adam and other people?” she asks
gently. “When you told him he wasn’t the only man you were going
out with, did he say he would see other women as well?”

I feel my face fall. This is
something that’s been in the back of my mind for a while and I
don’t even want to think about it. I think I’m really special to
Adam. The way he is with me, the amount of time we spend
together... But I don’t know for sure. The thought makes me feel
cold inside. I’m not the same independent woman I used to be, not
since I met Adam. I need him. If he left me for someone else I
think it would break me.

“He didn’t say anything,” I
reply quietly. “So, yes, in answer to your next question, I suppose
he could be seeing other people.”

“Oh, Justine,” says Melanie,
reaching out and putting her hand over mine comfortingly. “You’ve
really got to tell him.”

“I know.” I nod, staring into
the deep red of the wine. “I know I do. I just haven’t had the
courage yet.”

“Hey,” says Kathy comfortingly.
“He seems so sweet with you. He looks like he really, genuinely
cares for you. And you’ve been seeing loads of him, haven’t you?
And you met his family? Don’t worry, I’m sure he can’t be seeing
anyone else. You just need to set the record straight with him so
you both know the score.”

I nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. I
won’t worry, I promise.” I force a smile and Hannah refills my
glass. Kathy changes the subject, hoping to cheer me up with
stories of her two year old niece’s antics. She has a bad habit of
dropping her mother’s phone down the toilet. I laugh along with my
friends and try to push my worries to the back of my mind, but deep
down I know they’re right. I really do have to tell Adam that he’s
the only one.

I’ll tell him when he gets back
in the country, on Tuesday night.

Tuesday, 12 June

“I’VE GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL
PLANNED FOR you tonight, Justine,” says Adam. I look up at him, and
the erotic intent that I can see in his beautiful grey eyes makes
me shiver with anticipation. At last it’s night I’ve been waiting
for. The night he’s promised to pull out all the stops in his
armoury of kinky surprises. And the night I tell him he’s the only
man for me. I’m more than usually nervous, a combination of
anticipation of the treat – or torture – that Adam’s got in store
and the prospect of revealing my feelings to him.

Adam took me out for a meal
earlier and now we are back at his place. I’ve bolstered my courage
with a couple of glasses of wine but I made sure I didn’t drink too
much. I may need to keep a relatively clear head for what’s coming
tonight.

He’s led me into his bedroom,
and on the bed I see a package, a dark grey box tied with ribbon. I
look around at him quizzically and he smiles at me.

“It’s for you, Justine. Open
it,” he instructs me.

I glance at him again with a
half-smile and cross to the bed, picking up the box. I sit down and
put it on my lap, pulling the satin ribbon to untie it. Then I open
the lid.

Inside, there is a package
wrapped in soft white tissue paper and I lift it out and set the
box aside. Opening the tissue paper, I can see that inside is
lingerie, black lacy lingerie, and then I see the lacing and
realise it’s a corset. A beautiful corset in black satin, adorned
on the cups with the most delicate lace, rigid with boning, and
with it there’s a silky-soft tie-sided black thong.