Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland (8 page)

“Which we must apologize for,” said the Hare. “They weren’t funny when that hack Carroll did it back in 1865, and they certainly have no place in an ebook of mommy porn.”

“What are you both talking about?” Alice asked.

“
Mommy porn
is a crude label applied to erotica read by discerning, intelligent women who seek something more adventurous in their reading choices,” the Hare said.

“What?” Alice said.

“Perhaps you should Google the word
metafiction
,” the Hare suggested.

“What does any of this have to do with wanting to be bold?” Alice demanded, thoroughly confused.

“We all feel fear, Alice,” the Hatter told her, resting a kind hand on her shoulder. “Being bold is a chance to show that you control your fear, and won’t let your fear control you.”

“So lean forward and spread your legs wide,” said the Hare.

Alice bit her lower lip, her heart beating twice as fast as normal. She knew they were right. Both about the stupid puns, and the fear. So, summoning up some reserve of courage Alice didn’t know she had, she decided to comply.

Standing at the lower end of the curvy contraption, she leaned forward on her hands, her bottom tilted in the air, her breasts slung forward, nipples nearly brushing the leather cover.

“So, what next?” Alice asked.

“Now we play a game,” the Hatter said.

“What are the rules?” she asked, since everyone knew all games had rules.

“There’s only one rule,” said the Hatter. “To enjoy yourself. Because after all, that’s what games are about.”

“So why do I have to stand in this position?” Alice didn’t want to be disagreeable, but if they wanted to play the type of game Alice thought they did, there were other, more conventional positions to do it in.

The Hatter winked and stroked himself. “You’ll see. And it will be fun.”

He lay down on the chair with his face beneath her mounds, his legs on either side, and his thick shank thrust straight up to the sky, purple and corded with veins and hair curling around its base. “Do you like to have fun, Alice?” he asked.

And Alice thought about Pilar and how full she’d been when he shoved himself inside her, and how empty and hollow her special place had felt when she’d left the Duchess’s rainbow party.

“Yes, I like to have fun,” said Alice, and a shiver of anticipation prickled her skin.

The Hatter smiled up at her, her nipples directly under his mouth.

“Your tits truly are magnificent, Alice,” he said and teased the tight, throbbing nubbins with his tongue, then sucked and nibbled until she thought she might scream from the building sensations.

“Do you like this game, Alice?” asked the Hare.

“I do so far,” she said with a puff of breath.

“Good. Then it’s my turn.”

The Hare circled behind her bottom and peered between her legs. For a moment she thought he would lick her. She wanted him to lick her. But he didn’t. He merely stared.

“Your womanhood truly is beautiful, Alice.”

Warmth flushed through her, and she felt utterly exposed. “But I don’t even have any hair down there.”

“You will in a moment,” the March Hare said. Then he stepped behind, grabbed her hips, positioned himself at her opening, and thrust his curved shaft deep inside.

Her body clutched around him. She lurched forward and just then, the Hatter sucked her right nipple hard into this mouth, and she cried out.

Alice’s muscles contracted and spasmed, like they were being pulled by rubber bands, and she thought her legs would collapse like a telescope. But the Hare circled his arm beneath her belly and cradled her to him, all the time driving into her and making her clench deep down with unspeakable pleasure.

She could feel something more, a force swinging and slapping against the sensitive bump between her legs, and realized it was the rest of the Hare’s man parts—his
balls
, as Dick had called them—and the rhythmic
slap, slap, slap
sent another spasm arching through her.

This was, indeed, a better position, and a better game, then she ever could have imagined.

“I have another game to play, Alice,” said the Hatter, the low timbre of his voice vibrating between her breasts. He scooted his body further beneath her until she could feel the stubble on his chin prickle against her most tender place and he started licking in time with the March Hare’s thrusts. The Hatter’s thick, purple staff, like one of Pilar’s mushrooms, rested against her nose. On its tip, a tiny drop of moisture glistened like dew.

“Would you like permission to take my cock in your mouth?” the Hatter asked.

Alice blushed at his use of the word. But she managed to say, “Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

Alice was finding it difficult to concentrate, between the nipple licking and the Hare pumping into her from behind.

“Yes, I’d like permission…”

“To?”

“To take your…”

“My what?”

Alice stared down at it, so big and inviting. The word was so naughty, so vulgar, but she wanted it badly.

“I’d like permission to take your… your…
cock
in my mouth.”

“Permission granted.”

Sighing with relief, Alice placed a hand around the thick base and licked it up with the tip of her tongue.

The Hatter tasted different from the stripper, different from Pilar. Salty, yes, but with a certain sweet note that made her want to lap at him endlessly. It never occurred to her that men would taste different. Before she came here, she hadn’t wanted to taste them at all.

But now?

Now she’d probably wonder what every single man she saw walking down the street tasted like—not that she’d try to find out, of course not, girls like her didn’t do such things—but thinking about what Lewis might taste like turned her on even more.

She cupped her lips around the Hatter’s thickness and slid down to his root. She could feel a groan work through his body from his loins through his belly, into his chest, and finally tickling her as he slathered her breasts with lips and tongue.

And from behind, the Hare kept going and going and going, as if his batteries would never wear out.

Alice felt the climax growing inside her, building like a tidal wave, and then, quite amazingly, the pleasure tripled when something touched her most sensitive spot. With the Hatter still in her mouth, she looked down between her legs and saw he had reached up his hands into her cleft, flicking her grateful clitoris as the Hare continued to plunge in and out.

The sensations overpowered poor Alice, and she began to scream around the Hatter’s manhood. It went on and on and on until she simply couldn’t stand up anymore, and she fell down onto her knees with both men slipping out of her simultaneously.

“Are you okay, Alice?” the Hare said, his face awash with concern.

“I’m… fabulous,” she said, smiling wide.

“Then let’s try a new game,” said the Hatter, and he spun around on the sex chair and leaned against the steeper rise. “Sit on my lap, Alice.”

The Hare helped Alice to her feet, and she stared down at the Hatter’s member, which thrust up from his lap and seemed to be growing thicker and longer by the second. “Where would I put my bottom? There seems to be no room.”

The Hatter winked. “Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be so totally full that you thought you might burst?”

“You mean like when I go out to dinner and eat too much when I should have taken the leftovers to go?”

“No, that’s not exactly what I mean.”

“Then what do you mean?” She couldn’t look away from his long rod, it was if she had fallen into a trance herself.

“I mean what if you sat in my lap? And I filled up your bottom?”

He couldn’t mean what he was saying. “Filled it up with what?”

“With my cock.” And to illustrate, he took hold of it and began to stroke.

Next to her, the March Hare did the same with his charming curved shaft.

And as much as she liked these two men, and as much fun as she was having with their game, and as much as she wanted to be bold, Alice gave her head a shake. “I think that would hurt.”

“Have we hurt you so far?” asked the March Hare.

“No, but I think the Hatter will be too big.”

“How about me?” The March Hare angled his hips to thrust his length in the air.

Alice shook her head. “No, I’m afraid that even though it’s curved in that charming way, yours is too big, too.”

The Hatter climbed off the sofa or table or sex chair or whatever it was and nudged the sleeping Dor Maus with his toe. “Wake up, Maus, and take off your clothes.”

And as absurd as the order was, the man woke and disrobed as if it was the most natural thing in the world, then he stared at her bare breasts and glistening nipples with wide and hungry eyes.

And even though she’d just had the Hare inside her and the Hatter deep in her mouth, Alice still felt ashamed she was naked in front of this new man.

“How about him?” The Hatter reached down and tugged at the man’s privates. “Is he a more comfortable size?”

And Alice examined Maus. Five inches if he was lucky, the man’s member was chiseled like a sculpture, and was possibly the most attractive one she’d yet seen. And before Alice quite knew what she was doing, she nodded, and Maus was taking the Hatter’s place on the sex chair and pulling something that glistened on his perfectly formed part.

“Sit on his lap, Alice,” the Hatter crooned.

“Sit on his…?”

“Yes.”

“With his…?”

“Yes.”

“In my…?”

“Yes.”

“But, isn’t it…” Alice blushed something terrible and whispered, “dirty?”

“Dirty?” Maus bristled. “I just took a shower this morning.”

“I meant, my…”

“Your bottom?” the Hatter asked.

“Yes.” Alice hung her head in shame.

“Well,” the Hatter said. “Only one way to find out.”

Suddenly he, the Hare, and Maus were on their knees behind Alice, as the Hatter, now wearing a light band on his head like a medical doctor, spread her cheeks apart.

“My!” Alice yelped.

“Looks very clean to me,” the Hatter said.

And then Alice felt something warm and wet where she’d never felt anything warm and wet before. She almost fell over again.

“Tastes fine, too,” the Hare said.

“You’re going to have your body your whole life, Alice,” the Hatter said. “There are no parts you should be ashamed of. And certainly no parts that are dirty.” He smiled and gave her a devilish wink. “Unless, of course, you
like it dirty
.”

Alice wasn’t sure what to say, what to. No one had ever licked her there before. And no one ever wanted to put anything in there, either.

But Alice thought about all the other new things she’d tried that day, things she never could have imagined, and she’d liked them all. And although she knew she probably shouldn’t, that no decent girl did things like this, Alice decided to take a chance and be bold.

“Okay,” she said. And a millisecond after the words left her lips, Maus was back on the sex chair and the Hatter and the Hare had whisked Alice off of her feet and begun to lower her, legs parted, onto him.

Alice could feel his tip probe at her bottom, and she started to have second thoughts. “I can’t—”

“Just relax and let me glide inside,” said Maus, his voice gentle and soothing as a gentle rain. “I’m using a lubricated prophylactic. If this hurts too much, let me know, and I’ll stop.”

“How shall I let you know?” Alice asked.

“A phone call?” the Hatter suggested.

“Semaphore?” added the Hare.

“Do you have semaphore flags, Alice?” asked Maus.

“I meant,” Alice said, “if I’m screaming, you might well think I’m enjoying myself and won’t stop. Can we use a safeword?”

“Very well, a safeword,” said the Hatter. “And our safeword today is
cock
.”

Alice flushed at the thought of saying that word. “That’s so vulgar.”

“But sometimes vulgar is exciting, isn’t it?”

Alice didn’t reply, but she hoped she wouldn’t have to use the safeword. This game was embarrassing enough.

“Now relax and I’ll enter you very slowly,” said Dor (she figured she should call him by his first name, since he was about to enter her bottom), and he slid between her cheeks.

Alice relaxed, and little by little, he inched inside. And she could feel herself stretching, but there was no pain, at least none but the pleasant kind. She was worried he’d be revolted, but the sounds he made were of the happy variety, sighing and moaning.

Then Dor started moving, slowly, tenderly, and she stared up at the tree bows overhead and lay on her back on top of him, and actually had to admit this strange fullness felt deliciously good.

The Hatter slung a leg over the chair as if he was climbing aboard a motorcycle, and on his head now was indeed, the type of leather cap Alice had seen bikers wear. And he snuggled up against her and his huge shaft pushed into her other opening.

If Alice had thought she felt full before, she was mistaken. For a second, she thought it was too much, that she couldn’t take it. The Hatter was so big, and Dor already occupied her bottom. But then the Hatter eased deeper and deeper and her juices flowed and her body relaxed and then the two of them started rocking in time, Dor behind and the Hatter in front.

“Oh,” Alice said. “Oh, my.”

She could feel both men inside her, as if they shared the same space. Her whole lower area was glowing with sensations, and the sensations were building upon each other, getting more intense with every stroke.

“This…” Alice said. “This is…”

“It’s what?” the Hare asked.

“
Oh my
.”

Then the Hatter reached up, his fingers finding her nipples, and Alice let out a sharp cry that scared all of the jays off the dead birch tree in the yard.

“How about me?” said the Hare. “Is there a game I can play?”

Alice nodded, reaching for him, her hands shaking.

“What are the rules?”

Alice was unable to articulate anything. She was too lost in pleasure. She looked at the Hatter, thrusting into her, and pleaded for him to help. He brought his fingers against her right above where he’d entered and he played and stroked until she screamed out again, scaring a family of squirrels out of their nest, where they dropped to the ground and bounced like furry brown balls.