Fight Dirty (28 page)

“No. I don’t believe in regrets.”

She smiled and stepped closer. “Neither do I.”

His hand landed on the back of her neck. She knew what was coming next and suddenly a frisson of—she wasn’t sure, fear? Anticipation? Anxiety? Whatever it was, it was unfamiliar and unwelcome as it fluttered through her veins.

She looked away. He froze. “What is it?”

She hated this, this uncertainty. Not knowing what she felt, not knowing what to do about it. But she knew what she wanted. Was she going to let these silly, weak emotions stop her?

Leaping into the unknown, trusting her instincts for survival, tha
t’s
where the rush was, tha
t’s
what made life worth livin
g . . .
so why the sudden hesitation? She knew what she wanted. Why wasn’t she grabbing hold, to hell with the consequences?

“Morgan. Wha
t’s
wrong?” Mica
h’s
voice echoed her own uncertainty.

The truth is never the wrong answer
, Nick always said. Morgan decided to give it a try. “I’m not very good at this.”

It was the truth. Sh
e’d
never been kissed. All those years with her father, witness to every kind of depravity, sh
e’d
felt certain that part of her was cauterized, scorched by the blood and pain that passed for her fathe
r’s
idea of sex.

She had no clue what Norms did—or felt—when they fell in love. Not just the emotions but the logistics. Who turned right and who turned left? Who decided when to start and stop?

Or if it was good? Who decided that?

“I have a hard time believing ther
e’s
anything you’re not good at,” Micah said, tracing her jaw with his thumb.

“Would it matter?” she hated herself for even asking. Sounded like a damn sheep. “If I’m not any good at it? If I don’t—”

His thumb slid across her lips, silencing her. “Tell you what. I’m going to kiss you, and you tell me if you like it or not. Then we’ll go from there. As fast or as slow as you want.”

He moved his thumb away, and before she could answer, his lips were pressed against hers. Soft yet firm, a gentle pressure that she yielded to, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for more.

She wasn’t sure how long it lasted—usually she was an excellent judge of time because her heart rate was so slow and steady, never rushing or jumping with excitement. Until now.

He broke away, his palms cradling her face between them. “Was that okay?”

She nodded.

“Want to try again?”

She nodded again. “Yes.
I’d
like that very much.”

His smile filled her vision, and he lowered his face to hers once more.

A shrill ring shattered the spell. Her phone. No one had that number except Andre, Jenna, and Nick.

Micah pulled away, chuckling. “Saved by the bell.”

Morgan grabbed the phone from her pocket. Unknown caller. She almost hung up, but curiosity drove her to open the connection.

“You don’t write, you don’t call, if I didn’t know any better,
I’d
think yo
u’d
forgotten all about me,” her fathe
r’s
voice came over the line.

“What is it?” She fought to keep the venom from her voice. Not for her father, but for Mica
h’s
sake. Failed.

“Don’t you take that tone with me, young lady,” he said. “You give any thought to how you’re gonna take care of business for me?”

Calls from prison were regulated. They came collect, and you had to accept the charges and acknowledge that they were coming from an inmate. Unless, of course, someone got their hands on a smuggled cell phone.

“No,” Morgan snapped, annoyed that even from behind bars, Clint still had the power to reach her. “I decided not to.”

“You’re not going to take care of the Feds for me?”

“No. I’m not,” she said, defying her father for the first time ever. She didn’t feel jittery or anxious or any of those Norm feelings, but she did feel tense. Caught herself holding her breath the tiniest bit as she waited for his reply.

Not because she was nervous. Because she wondered what her rebellion would cost her. Micah picked up on her feelings and slid his hand down her arm until his fingers were intertwined with hers, sharing his strength with her.

The silence stretched out, and she thought the call had been dropped. It hadn’t. Finally Clin
t’s
voice returned. No longer bright and cheery. This time it was low and throaty, the alpha dog growling to warn others in the pack to stay away from what was his.

“We’ll just see about that, baby girl,” he said. “Maybe I’ll have to find a way to come visit you sooner rather than later.”

As long as Clint was behind bars, he couldn’t hurt her. She could handle him. Then the sound of a truc
k’s
air brakes blasted through the airwaves.

“Where are you?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he chuckled. “Turn on the news, see for yourself. Don’t forget to leave a light on for me, baby girl. We’re going fishing again. Just you and me, like the old times. Real soon.”

NOTE TO READERS

Dear Reader,

This book would have never happened without all the fan letters after Morgan first appeared in
Blood Stained
, asking for “more Morgan, please!”

I’ll let you in on a secret. I almost killed off Morgan in that first book—but her character simply wouldn’t die. Just as so many of you were, I was fascinated by the potential of a teenage psychopathic killer.

Especially the question: After living through her fathe
r’s
depravities, could she ever be redeemed?

Morgan took a few baby steps toward redemption in
Kill Zone
when she saved Jenn
a’s
life, but she has a long, long road ahead. And, of course, i
t’s
not going to be an easy one.

Which is why in
Fight Dirty
, I forced Morgan to face her greatest fear—being imprisoned under the control of others. Of course, sh
e’s
still not redeemed, but sh
e’s
taken another baby step, leaving her feral life behind and heading into an uncertain future as she lives among Norms.

As a pediatrician, I worked with juvenile defendants and a juvenile detention facility, but it was nothing (I repeat, nothing!) like ReNew. To create ReNew, I combined my experiences along with those of my research advisers, Mercy Pilkington, 2010 National Juvenile Detention Association Teacher of the Year, and Cyndy Drew Etler, author of
Straightling
,
a memoir about her own experiences as a student detained in a private residential facility. I also used reports from several major news organizations (including the
New York Times
) as they uncovered abuses in both private and publicly run juvenile facilities.

While the abuse in
Fight Dirty
(in particular Deidr
e’s
relationship with the Rev) is totally fictional, the other depictions of extreme behavior such as the isolation, enforced stress positions, food withholding, coed showers and strip searches, beatings, and use of restraints, are all based on real-life events.

I hope you enjoyed the start of Morga
n’s
journey. Look for more to come in future installments of the Renegade Justice series.

As always, thanks for reading!

CJ

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Photo © 2014 Michael Benabib

New York Times
and
USA Today
bestselling author of twenty-five novels, former pediatric ER doctor CJ Lyons has lived the life she writes about in her cutting edge Thrillers with Heart.

CJ has been called a “master within the genre” (
Pittsburgh Magazine
) and her work has been praised as “breathtakingly fast-paced” and “riveting” (
Publishers Weekly
) with “characters with beating hearts and three dimensions” (
Newsday
).

Her novels have won the International Thriller Writers’ prestigious Thriller Award, the RT Reviewers’ Choice Award, the Readers’ Choice Award, the RT Seal of Excellence, and the Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Mystery and Suspense.

Learn more about C
J’s
Thrillers with Heart at
www.CJLyons.net
.