Fighting Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC; Book 2) (Forsaken Sinners MC Series) (15 page)

Removing my shoes, socks, and shirt, I crawl into bed and pull her closer to the middle of the bed, then tuck her in close to my chest. I will fix this. I’ll make her see that I love her and would do anything for her. I’ll apologize for the way I acted, but she can’t fucking do something like that again. I was so fucking scared that her ex got to her, I was two seconds away from going on a rampage and killing everyone in my path to find her. I’m just glad I found her and have the chance to make it up to her.

I wake up to Sara trying to sneak out of bed. Keeping my eyes closed, I pull her back and hold her tighter. “Don’t go yet,” I croak. After watching her sleep for a while, then just holding her close to me, I finally fell asleep. I feel like I’ve only been out for seconds, still tired as shit.

She tries to wiggle away again, but I squeeze my arms. “I have to get up and get downstairs. I’m gonna be late.” Her voice sounds sleepy, but there’s still defiance and distance there that I don’t like.

I pull her back and move her so she’s lying underneath me. Looking down at her, she tries not to make eye contact, and that kills me. “I’m sorry, Doll. I shouldn’t have yelled at you last night. I was just so worried and scared that something had happened to you. Then when I found you, I was just pissed that you left and didn’t tell anyone. When it comes to you, I just need to know your safe, especially with your ex gunning for you. It doesn’t make up for how I reacted, but I am sorry. I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but I can promise that I will always do whatever it takes to make up for it.”

She doesn’t say anything, but she finally looks at me. I try to gauge what she’s thinking, but there’s a wall up, and that feels even worse. I’m starting to think it’s not going to be as easy as I thought for her to forgive me.

When she tries to get up again, I let her. “Look, I know you were worried and I’m sorry I put you in that position. I wasn’t thinking when I left, but I just had to get away for a while. There’s just so much going on right now that I’m losing sight of what’s up and what’s down, but the way you reacted, like you didn’t even care about my feelings or what I’m going through, that hurt, Toby. It hurt a lot.” She grabs clothes out of her closet, then when she’s at the bedroom door, she pauses before turning around to face me. “I won’t leave without letting someone know again because I know it’s the right thing to do―the safe thing to do. I can forgive you for what happened last night, but I can’t forget the way it made me feel. I need some time to think about everything that’s happened and figure out what needs to happen now. Just…please, give me some time, okay?” She sounds so defeated, but if that’s what she needs to come to grips with everything before we can move past this, then that’s what she’ll get. Doesn’t mean I like it though.

Getting out of bed, I walk over to her. I don’t touch her, but I make sure to hold her eyes. “I can give you time, Doll, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m still gonna be here every night to make sure you’re safe and I’m still gonna be around because I don’t think I can’t
not
be close to you. I will let you be and give you the time you need to figure your stuff out.” Leaning down, I place a soft kiss on her forehead, then to her lips, before I get dressed and head into the kitchen.

I make a pot of coffee because I know she needs as much as she can get before going into work, then I sit and wait quietly for her to finish getting ready. Once she’s done getting dressed, I hand her a to go cup and walk her out.

When we reach the back door to the shop, I pull her into a hug. “I love you, Sara…always.” Then I kiss the top of her head and get on my bike, ready to head to the club. I’m going to find that fucker Rick and take care of him so I can get my woman back.

It’s hours later, and we still don’t have shit on Sara’s ex. How can this piece of shit just disappear like that and not leave a trace?

Needing a break, I head out to the bar area for a beer. No one is manning the bar, but it’s no matter, I’ll just get it myself.

I end up grabbing a couple long necks and a bottle of bourbon. I think I’m going to need it today with everything going on. Can’t find the fucker I’m looking for, shit with Louie and Blaze, then Sara being distant. I’ve sent her a couple of text messages, just to see how her day’s going, and I’m only getting one word replies. I know she said she needed some time, but I didn’t think that she’d cut me out like she is. The sooner we can get past this shit, the better.

On my way back to the chapel, Trixie saddles up next to me. “Hey, stranger,” she says while grabbing onto my arm to stop me. I’m really not in the mood for this shit today and frankly, I’m about done with her games.

“I’m not in the mood to deal with your shit today, Trixie.” I move to leave, but she yanks on my arm to pull me to stop. “What the fuck is your problem, Toby? We used to be real good together until that bitch of yours came into the picture.” She practically spits at me.

Slamming my beers and bottle of bourbon on a nearby table, I grab hold of her arm hard enough that I know it will leave a bruise, swing her around and push her against the wall. “If you value your life, bitch, you will do best to never speak about Sara like that again. In fact, don’t even think about her again, or the last thought you’ll have is why you had to be a stupid fucking cunt and go against me. I will fucking kill you without remorse or even a second thought. Stay away from me and stay the fuck away from my girl. You got me?” I growl at her in a low, deadly voice. I’ve only ever used that tone with men that have crossed me, but there’s always a first time for everything.

Trixie looks at me with fear and she’s trembling so much that if I wasn’t holding her arm so tightly, she’d probably drop to the ground.

When she doesn’t answer me, I bring my face closer to hers. “Do. You. Fucking. Understand. Me?” I say through clenched teeth.

“Y-yeah. Yes, I-I understand,” she stutters. Good, the bitch is scared. Maybe now she’ll know I’m not fucking around.

“Good. You seem to have forgotten your place around here. It’s on your back for anyone who wants a fuck, so you better watch your fucking mouth from now on. I will not warn you again. Now get the fuck outta my face and do what you’re somewhat good at―sucking dick.” I push off the wall and give her one last hard glare before picking up my drinks and making my way back into the room where we have all our computers and shit set up to find Rick.

“Took you long enough, asshole,” Tom Tom says once I walk into the room. “Shut the fuck up and get back to work. I want to have sights on this asshole by the end of tomorrow, if not sooner.” I bring my beer to my lips, taking a healthy swig before going over my game plan for when we find the man we’re looking for. I think I’m gonna have to make him suffer extra for all the shit he’s making everyone go through, and especially what he’s put Sara through, then and now. Yeah, his death isn’t gonna be fast, that’s for sure.

Sara

Today has been nothing but shit. Waking up, wrapped around Toby, I wanted so bad to just forget everything that happened yesterday, but I can’t. After everything I’ve been through, I will not be a doormat anymore, not for anyone.

I know how worried he must have been, and I really do feel bad about what I did, but the way he handled it was all wrong. The way he jumped right into anger frightens me and pisses me off at the same time. I don’t care how concerned or afraid he was, or pissed off that I put myself in danger. He should never have yelled like that. He said he loved me. Well, in my eyes, you should never direct any type of anger at that person, no matter what the circumstances may be.

Then there’s what happened with Louie. I understand where he’s coming from, and I had no idea he was dealing with more than just the shit that’s going on with my ex being here, but I had nothing to do with that stuff. Why did he have to take it out on me? All I wanted to do was offer up my ear to listen and maybe help him if I could, but for him to direct all that on me was wrong on so many levels. It was even worse how he made me feel so guilty about Dani, like I don’t already feel horrible about the situation as it is, he had to rub it in my face that my past could have gotten Dani hurt, or worse.

Oh, we can’t leave Blaze out. He, more than anyone else, has a right to be angry about what went down and how Dani was involved, but again, that wasn’t my fault. I didn’t ask Rick to show up and cause trouble. I didn’t ask for it to happen at Dani’s shop, and I definitely didn’t ask for Dani to stand up for me and risk herself and her baby. Not that I’m not grateful, because I am. I don’t think I could ever repay her for what she did for me, but I didn’t ask her to do it, and if I could change what happened, I would tell her to just hide and whatever happened to me would just have to happen. At least it wouldn’t be on my conscious that she was hurt trying to save me.

The guy that was getting his tattoo interrupts my thoughts. “Do I pay you, or wait for Louie to come out here?” he asks.

“I can take care of it. Did he give you the instructions for your aftercare?” I already know what he was getting and what Louie quoted him at, so I don’t need to go back and ask him what he’s charging, thank God.

“Yeah, I got it right here,” he says as he reaches into his back pocket and shows me the piece of paper.

Once I have him rung up, I ask if there’s anything else I can help him with. “Yeah, actually. I wanted to set up a time to do another tattoo, preferably in the next couple of weeks, if possible.” I pull up the appointment book and look for a time that Louie has free in that time frame.

“Looks like we can get you in with Louie in three weeks. Does that work for you?” The customer opens his mouth to answer when he’s interrupted my Louie.

“I just had a cancellation. It’s next Saturday if you want it.”

The guy nods his head. “Yeah, that would work out great.”

Louie tells me which appointment was cancelled, then I schedule him in. The customer leaves, so I expected Louie to immediately head back to his station like he’s been doing all day, but he doesn’t. He just stands by my desk, looking anywhere but at me. “Do you need something?” I ask, trying to keep the fear and anger out of my tone. I never knew you could feel both at the same time, but now I know you can.

When he looks at me after a few awkward moments, I see remorse in his eyes. It’s so unexpected that I’m speechless. From how he acted last night and everything I knew about him before then, I didn’t think he was capable of feeling remorse.

“I, uh…I actually want to talk to you about last night―apologize, really.” He says slowly.

“What? Did Toby put you up to this?” I ask calmly. It makes me mad that Toby thinks he needs to baby me or make everyone be nice to me. I want everyone who is part of the club to like me and be nice to me, but I want them to want to like me, and I want them to want to be nice to me, not because Toby is threatening them, or whatever it is he does to get his way.

“Toby didn’t ask me to do anything. I feel bad about what I said last night and was planning to apologize before I even realized you had taken off on your own. Which, by the way, was really fucking stupid.” I open my mouth to yell at him for calling me stupid, but he beats me to it. “And I wasn’t calling
you
stupid, I said what you
did
was stupid. There is a difference. I know I didn’t act like it last night, but I care about you and don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” And now I’m stunned speechless again. He cares about me? But why? I’m nothing to him.

When I find my voice, I ask, “Why would it matter to you what happens to me, Louie? You don’t even know me. Like you said last night, we aren’t friends. We’re barely even co-workers, and after last night, I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe that you care about me or about what happens to me.” He looks at me like it’s simple, even easy to understand.

“I know I don’t know you, but Toby and Dani know you, and that’s good enough for me. And like I said, I’m sorry about what I did last night.” Does he really think that because I’m friends with Dani and seeing Toby that that means he needs to be my friend or like me?.

“Look, Louie, I appreciate your apology, but you don’t need to be nice to me just because of Dani and Toby. Let’s just go back to the way things were before last night, working quietly together. I’ll stay out of your way and you won’t talk to me. It’s just easier this way.”

I turn back to my computer to finish what I was doing, but Louie isn’t done yet. “I’m not being nice to you because of them. I’m just saying that they trust you, so that means that I want to trust you as well. It’s not going to be an automatic friendship by any means. I know we have to work on it, the both of us, and I’m gonna fuck things up, it’s what I do best. Just ask Toby,” he laughs a little before getting serious again. “I don’t do anything I don’t want to do, none of us do, so when I say that I care about you, I mean that. You can continue with the way things were, but eventually, you’re going to have to let me in. You offered a shoulder yesterday, now I’m offering mine. Just think about it, okay?” I don’t look up from the computer, but he doesn’t linger, either.

This is all just a little too strange for my liking. I mean, why want to be my friend after being so mean and cold last night? Whatever. He can do what he wants, but it doesn’t mean I’m gonna jump on the friendship train with him. Friendship takes a lot of work, from both people, so I think we’ll just see where this goes and then I can decide if he’s genuine or not.

The next couple of hours go by without problems. Louie stays in his room unless he’s walking a customer out and I stay at my desk, unless I’m taking a customer back to him or getting a drink from the break room.

It’s weird, but I can feel the difference with Louie and me. Even before what happened last night, there was always this wall or something between us. I felt weird around him, like I needed to watch my step, but now it’s like we’re both working in harmony with each other. It’s kind of nice, actually. I’m not worrying about what he thinks or if he’s gonna snap at me again, I’m just doing what I need to do and not thinking about anything else. Even Louie seems more at peace with me, or maybe he’s just good at putting on a front. Regardless, my day has been getting better, so I’m not gonna complain.

About an hour before closing, I pull my phone out of my purse to call Dani. I noticed that we’re short on some supplies and was gonna put an order in, but don’t want to do it without her approving it first.

I’ve had my phone on silent, so I wasn’t aware of anyone trying to contact me. I have several missed calls; one from an unknown number, one from Dani, and a couple from Toby. I only have two voicemails though.

Deciding to check my messages before calling Dani back, I hit the button for my voicemail. The first message is from Dani. “Hey, girl. Just wanted to check in, see how you’re feeling today. Give me a call later, maybe we can get dinner. Later, babe!”

The next message is from Toby. “Doll, I really wish you’d answer your phone, or at least text me to let me know you’re okay. I know you’re still upset about last night. I called Louie to make sure you were safe, but would really like it if you would call me ‘cause I’d really like to hear your voice. I’m still at the club, so if I’m not there by the time you get off work, Louie, or the prospect, will be staying with you till I can get there. I love you, always.” Just hearing his voice brings back all the turmoil I felt last night. I have a lot to think about, but don’t want to get into it right now. That personal conversation with myself is for a night I’m alone, preferably with a bottle of wine.

Next, I notice the text messages from Toby.

Toby: Hey, Doll. Just wanted to see how your day was going.

Toby: Still at the club. Miss you.

Toby: Wish you’d answer me back, but at least I know you’re safe. I’m sorry about last night. I really hope you can forgive me. Please text me back. I love you, always.

Figuring I should let him know I got his messages and quell his worry, I text him back.

Me: I’m fine, Toby. I just need time. <3

I want so badly to tell him I love him too, but for now, the heart will have to do.

It’s not that I don’t love him anymore. I’m not sure there is anything he could do to make me
not
love him. I need to figure out what is best for me, and to do that, I need to keep a level head and as much distance as this shitty situation will allow.

Dialing Dani’s number, I wait for her to answer. “Hey, babe. I was just thinking about you.” Dani says as soon as she answers. I laugh.

“Well, you know what they say about great minds. Anyway, I was going through some of the inventory and noticed that we are running low on some things. Did you want me to put in an order for you?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. Do you need me to come down and help you with it, or do you have it covered?” I pull up the order document that I’d already done before calling her.

“I actually already have the order filled out. I was just waiting for your approval. I can go ahead and send it now and CC you on it too so you’ll have it.” I say proudly. I’ve been trying to learn as much as possible about all the things Dani does here so hopefully I can help her out a lot more, especially once the baby comes.

“Oh my God, you are amazing. Yes, go ahead and send it out, though you don’t need to CC me. They usually send me a copy once they ship anyway.” I hit the send button as she continues to talk. “Oh, while I’ve got you on the phone, I called earlier but you must have been busy. I was thinking maybe you could come over and hang out for a bit tonight. Zane said that he could pick you up, or maybe Louie can bring you by after close?”

I don’t really want to go over there, especially if Blaze is going to be there, but how do I say that without hurting Dani’s feelings? “Actually, I’m not sure. I’m pretty tired and was just going to head upstairs and go to bed. Maybe another night?” It’s not completely a lie because I am tired. The last couple of days are starting to drag me down, so even though I wasn’t planning on it initially, it sounds like a good plan now. “Oh, uh, okay. Sure. Another day then,” Dani says sadly.

I’ve never really heard her sound sad before. I’ve heard her angry, I’ve heard her upset, and of course I’ve heard her happy, but I don’t recall a time that she’s ever really been sad. Knowing I’m the cause of it doesn’t sit well with me, not one bit.

“I guess I could stop by for a little bit, but I don’t want to be out long.” I concede. Maybe she’ll be okay with that compromise, though I hope I don’t have to see Blaze at all. That would be weird.

Dani instantly becomes happy again. “Great! I wanted to show you some things I picked up for the baby. I’ll order some pizza, then maybe after we’re done eating, Toby will be done at the club and he could take you home.” Not sure I want Toby to take me home, but knowing it’s probably for the best, I agree with her. Toby would be better than Louie or Blaze any day. The least amount of time I have to spend with either of them, the better. I know I can’t get out of seeing Louie since I work with him, and Toby, of course, will be with me every night at some point. But Blaze? Now he’s someone I don’t care to see.

“I’ll message Toby to let him know what I’m doing and to pick me up when he’s done. I should be done here in about an hour. Do you think you could call one of the prospects to pick me up?” I ask, but before Dani can answer me, I hear Louie behind me.