Fighting For Irish (A Fighting for Love Novel) (Entangled Brazen) (18 page)

Once she’d finally gone inside, though, he’d gotten in their faces and demanded to know what the fuck they were doing there. When he’d ducked them back at the fight last Saturday he had a feeling he’d be seeing them again, but he figured they’d wait to corner him at the tournament, not stroll up to him in the parking lot at Lou’s. Whatever they wanted, he knew it couldn’t be good.

He’d been right.

Turned out Vinnie was a bit of an MMA buff, which was why he thought he recognized Aiden in Kat’s apartment that first night. Once he saw his tattoos, namely the one of his last name, and the way he fought, Vinnie’s memory had been sufficiently jogged. Sully, brilliant bad guy that he was, came up with a genius plan to make a shit ton of money…by gambling on Aiden’s next opponent and having Aiden take the fall.

The blackmailing bastards had been busy all week putting bugs in people’s ears about who Aiden was and his record back in his fighting days. If things panned out the way they hoped, the majority of the crowd tomorrow night would be betting on Aiden to win and anyone who still wasn’t sure would have time to change their minds when they saw Aiden lead in points in the first two rounds. The more people that bet on him to win, the bigger the odds. So anyone who bets on him to
lose
will rake in the dough.

Though he wasn’t planning on this tournament re-launching his career, the idea of losing at all, much less on purpose, grated on him. But he hadn’t even given it a second thought. He agreed to go down in the third round like they wanted. Anything to prevent Sicoli from tossing Kat into a hell she already survived. She might hate him at this point, but that didn’t change his stance on helping her. Nothing would.

As she’d driven away earlier, his instincts pushed for him to go after her. To make sure she got home okay at the very least. If he allowed himself the luxury of wishful thinking, he’d go fix things between them and tell her how he truly felt about her.

But he couldn’t. It would only string her along even further when he knew he couldn’t trust himself not to hurt her worse in the future.

I knew you had secrets… I thought I could trust
you
, Aiden. If that’s even your real name.

Godammit!
Aiden slammed his fist on the bar, the vibration like pins shooting up his arm. He couldn’t leave things like that. The thought of her believing that everything between them had been a lie gnawed at him. Just because he couldn’t offer her more didn’t mean that what they’d already shared hadn’t been real. He had to talk to her.

“Anders,” he called through his comm to the other cooler, “something’s come up. I gotta go.”

“The Barrow brothers just walked in looking drunk and ornery. What am I supposed to do if a riot breaks out?”

Aiden was already pushing through the back door. He strode toward his bike while digging the keys out of his pocket. “Other than keeping the employees safe and out of the way, let them burn the place down if they want, Johnny. Lou’s got insurance.”

Pulling the link from his ear, he threw his leg over and had the engine revving in seconds flat. Breaking several traffic laws on the way over, he made it to Kat’s apartment in record time. He parked on the street and made his way toward the alley that cut between the buildings. As he passed the voodoo shop, the mannequin in the window caught his eye and stopped him. It looked so much like Kat it could have been her doppelgänger. That’s when he saw the necklace displayed around its neck. The piece was earthy with elements that reminded him so much of Kat it seemed designed especially for her.

When he stepped in to get a closer look, a neon sign that read
open
sputtered on and the sound of the lock clicking preceded the jangling of bells as a woman in gypsy garb pushed the door open. “Well, don’t just stand there. You’re in a hurry, aren’t you?”

She didn’t wait for a response to her cryptic greeting before retreating into the shop. Without knowing why, he followed her.

Five minutes later he jogged up the poorly lit stairwell of Kat’s apartment with a small velvet pouch tucked into his pocket. Eager to see her, he rapped on her door, ignoring the pain from his bruised knuckles. He waited several seconds then tried pounding a few times with the side of his fist. She wasn’t answering, but he knew she was home. He’d seen her car in the back.

“Kat, open up. We need to talk.”

Nothing. Not even a “go away” or “fuck off.” He’d rather have her anger than silence. He knew how to deal with anger, how to combat it, defend against it. But this was a whole different animal. Did she hate him? Regret ever being with him? The very thought twisted his gut until he actually grabbed his stomach.
Say something, asshole.
Fix
this.

“Kat, I’m so fucking sorry.” He rested his forehead against the door and hoped like hell she could hear him. “I should have told you the truth last week. Or maybe even sooner, I don’t know. But I was afraid you wouldn’t let me get within fifty yards if you knew and something in me couldn’t let that happen.

“I tried telling myself it was because I agreed to check on you. Because I was repaying a debt to my friend. But deep down I knew that was bullshit.” Aiden pushed out an exasperated breath as he lifted his face to the ceiling. “You became an addiction. I kept time based on how many hours I got to see you in a day, how many more until I could see you the next. I fantasized about laying you down on the bar, kissing every inch of your body, and burying myself inside you until you forgot every man but me.”

Aiden pressed his hand to the door and imagined her doing the same on the other side, imagined he could feel the warmth of her palm spreading through his. “Then when I finally got to kiss you… God, I think I lost myself to you right then and there. I never expected to
feel
so much. A big part of me died a long time ago, but one kiss from you and it started coming back.”

The silence pressed in on him. Though she still hadn’t said anything, he was certain she stood just on the other side of the door. He could feel her there as sure as he felt the wood that separated them. Curling his hand into a fist, he barely stopped himself from punching the barrier in frustration. Instead, he rolled away from it and let his head drop back against the wall. He suddenly felt heavy, weighted down by the lies and untruths and his inability to get through to the woman he cared about more than he knew what to do with. Sliding down, Aiden sat on the dirty cement and rested his arms on bent knees.

“All I wanted to do was help you move on to a better life,” he said to the emptiness surrounding him. “I never planned on falling for you. But I did. Hard.”

He heard a soft mewling and glanced over to see a gray paw stretched out in search of something. Cold air and a shaft of light leaked from where the towel must have been pulled away by the kitten’s curiosity. Lowering his arm, he stroked the furry leg with his index finger until the little paw grabbed hold of it as best he could.

“Hey there, Murph. Guess I fucked up pretty bad, huh?”

A string of meows and flexing of toes answered him. As though the animal had actually confirmed his fears, Aiden’s stomach dropped.

“Yeah, that’s what I figured,” he said, trying to swallow past the lump forming in his throat. “I shoulda let Xander take point on the rescue mission and stayed out of it. I knew better than to let her get mixed up with me, but damn. Every time she looked at me I forgot all the reasons I was no good for her.” The kitten pawed at his hand. Maybe in consolation. Maybe in agreement. “Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. Those baby blues probably do a number on you, too.”

Thinking of her crystalline eyes reminded him of the necklace he’d bought at the strange shop downstairs. He dug the pouch out of his pocket and slid it to the curious kitten’s paw.

“Hey, Murph, do me a solid and give this to her, will ya? I don’t know if she’ll like it, but it reminded me of her.” As expected, Murphy pulled it to him under the door. “Now don’t go carrying that off and hiding it. It’s not for you, fur ball. Sorry, the voodoo lady was fresh outta catnip.”

Aiden pushed himself off the wall and started to stand, but he stayed crouched when Murphy’s paw sought him out yet again. As fond as he was of the kitten, he wished it were Kat doing the reaching instead.
No you don’t. It’s better she hate you and move on than be with you and get hurt.

Unable to resist, he let the kitten grab onto his finger one last time. “You’re not making this very easy, little buddy,” he forced out, his voice so gravelly he didn’t even recognize it. “I wish to Christ I could be the kind of man she needs. But I’m not. I’m just a broken-down fighter who ends up hurting the people closest to me, and she deserves a hell of a lot better than that.”

He finally let go of the tiny paw and stood up. His eyes burned and started to water until he blinked hard a few times to bring the dingy stairwell back into focus. “’Bye, Murph. I’m taking off after tomorrow’s fight. Take good care of her for me.”

Frustrated meows accompanied the sounds of Murphy pawing at the door. Before he could say
to hell with it
and beg her to let him in, Aiden spun on his heel and jogged down the stairs. Just before he pushed through to the alley, the faint echo of a woman’s cry pierced the last remaining piece of his heart.

…

Tears streamed down Kat’s face as she continued to sit on the floor, her brain too numb to tell her muscles to move. Listening to Irish through her door had been heartrending and yet she hadn’t been able to let him in. She wanted to forgive him and jump into his strong arms the moment he knocked. But that’s what had her so scared. If she overlooked that today, what would she be overlooking tomorrow?

She sniffed hard and used the back of her hand to wipe her eyes. Her throat had closed up a long time ago from crying, but watching her cat continue to try and get out to be with Irish was only making it hurt worse.

“Murphy, knock it off,” she rasped. “He’s gone.”

He’s gone.

The words began to sink in, their meaning finally taking hold.
Oh, God, he’s
gone
.

When she’d left Lou’s earlier, she’d been hurt and pissed as hell. She hadn’t wanted to see or speak to him and fully prepared herself for an Irish Hiatus until she’d worked through the feelings of betrayal and broken trust. But now, faced with the thought of never seeing him again, of never again knowing his touch or the love they’d shared—

Kat’s breath caught in her chest.
Love…
Was it really love or was she projecting her girlish dreams of someday finding such a thing onto the first guy who treated her well?

Murphy finally abandoned his futile attempts at escape. He rubbed against her legs before laying down by her feet, his head resting on his little paws. That’s when Kat noticed the deep blue velvet pouch with
Chasing the Moon Creations
written in gold script. It took her a moment to realize it was the name of the eccentric store across the alley from the tattoo shop.

She looked at her gray-striped kitten who’d become the best listener when she needed someone to talk to. “He bought me something. Lenny never gave me anything, not even when we first started dating.”

Murphy sat up and stared at her expectantly, flipping the end of his tail. With shaking hands, she opened the pouch and withdrew a small card that read,
Symbols of the Blue Topaz: loyalty, honesty, clarity of feelings, eternal romance, and love
.

It couldn’t have touched her more than if it had been from Hallmark. Whatever else was in the pouch, she knew Irish hadn’t chosen it blindly. She turned the pouch in her palm and marveled at the necklace.

An antique brass chain held a matching brass crescent moon charm with a crystal bead that reminded her of a bright star. Behind that, a wire-wrapped crystal drop of blue topaz hung at the end of a few inches of chain. In fact, the chain looked to be just the right length to…

Eager to find out, Kat stood and crossed to the bathroom. After clasping the necklace and centering it on her chest, she gazed at her reflection and got choked up all over again. The moon charm lay between her collarbones and the blue topaz just above her cleavage. Which meant the chain holding the stone hid—or at the very least distracted from—the scar she hated so much.

The necklace was perfect.
Irish
was perfect. Perfect for
her
. Of course what they’d shared was love. Why wouldn’t she love him? From the moment he stepped foot in this Podunk town he’d done nothing but look after her, regardless of the original reason. When he learned a big-time mob boss had it out for her, he didn’t call it quits. He insisted on helping her and then somehow managed to do so when he very well could’ve gotten himself killed.

But even more than all that, he’d taken care of her emotionally. It was like he’d plugged into her and sensed when she needed him to slow down or just hold her. When she needed to talk about things, even when she thought she couldn’t. She’d shared pieces of herself with him she’d never given anyone and couldn’t imagine ever giving anyone again. Looking back on the last couple of weeks, Kat realized the only times she felt truly happy and at peace were when she was with Irish. Whether they were making love or watching bad reality TV. All that mattered was that she was with him.

She
did
love him. And hadn’t he admitted to pretty much the same?

I never planned on falling for you, but I did. Hard.

Yeah, he loved her, even if he hadn’t said the words. But instead of staying and working things out, he planned on leaving. Because why? He didn’t think he was
good enough
for her. Kat fisted her hands until her nails dug into her palms. Agitation had her stalking back and forth in her tiny apartment while Murphy watched like he was at a tennis match.

“How dare he make the decision to leave based on the assumption he’s not good enough for me,” she spit out. “Don’t
I
get a fucking say in this?”