Fighting for Love (32 page)

Gazing at him over my computer screen, my eyes went wide and I whistled. “Wow, you’re looking pretty hot tonight. Do you have a special date?” I asked, giving him a wink. Getting back to my usual self was the only way I could get my friends to act normal around me; hence, the joking around.

Dressed in a gray suit along with a blue tie that matched the color of his eyes—and his blond hair in messy spikes—he stood in my doorway with one hand in his jacket pocket and the other one leaning against the frame.

“Yes, but I’ll have to cancel our date if you don’t hurry. You’ve been sitting there staring at your screen for the past hour. Everyone’s waiting on us,” he scolded playfully.

When I told Jace I’d have the article finished by today, he made sure to get our friends together for a big night of celebrating, starting with an amazing dinner at Romera’s. Lexi and I went shopping together and I bought a plum colored, floor-length evening gown with a high neck and open back just for the occasion with a pair of three inch silver heels. Now that Lexi was pregnant she ditched her stilettos for flats and picked out a really cute, flowing black gown that she absolutely radiated in. She had a glow and it looked good on her.

The night was supposed to be for friends and family only, but apparently, Hayley and Josh wanted to join, even though mine and Hayley’s friendship was still unsettled. I was told by both Lexi and Jace that she was trying to make an effort so I had to at least give her the benefit of the doubt, and on top of that, I promised Lexi I would work on fixing things with her sister.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and let it out slowly before rising to my feet. If I didn’t stand and make some movement to get away from my laptop, I knew I never would. “Okay, I think I’m ready to do this,” I told him.

Jace strolled over to me and squeezed me around the waist from behind. “You’ve got this, babe. The article is amazing. Now hit the button so we can go.” He kissed me on the cheek and released me. “I’ll get your coat and wait for you in the living room. It’s kind of chilly outside tonight.”

Nodding, I smiled at him, clenching my hand into a fist to keep it from shaking. “Thank you,” I breathed nervously. “I’ll be right there.”

As soon as Jace walked out of my room, I took in another deep breath, clicked on ‘send’ and released it shakily. It was done … finished, and now I had a whole month to myself to ponder the meaning of life. Hopefully, I’d find some answers.

Fetching my purse and cell phone off the bed, I turned off my bedroom light and met Jace out in the living room. “I did it, finally. Now I just hope everyone likes it,” I added, gazing down at my phone.

Jace held out my coat and I slipped my arms inside before following him out to his car. “I’m sure everyone will, including Matt,” he murmured. “You know, it wouldn’t hurt to text him and let him know it’s finished. I’m pretty sure he’d like to hear from you.”

“It hasn’t even been a week, Jace. What if it’s too soon to start reaching out to him? I want to make sure he’s had enough time without me complicating things. I don’t want to screw up with him, and who knows, he might not want to hear from me. Maybe he’s moved on already.”

Jace scoffed. “Trust me, that’s not the case. He’ll want to hear from you, especially since the big fight is tomorrow night. He’s going to want your support, even if it’s just a text.”

On the way to the restaurant, I stared at my phone, wondering what the hell I was going to say to him.
Should I call or text?
With Jace in the car, I decided to go with a text; the coward’s way out.

Me: Hey, I just wanted you to know that I finished the article. I hope you like it. I also wanted to tell you good luck with the fight tomorrow night. Kick his ass for me. #TeamMatt

It was kind of lame and nowhere near what I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t exactly want to type ‘I miss you and I want you to come back to me’ just yet. He didn’t need the pressure.

I didn’t expect a reply back from him, but he sent me one almost immediately. I read it over and over the whole car ride to Romero’s.

Matt: Thank you, angel. I have two seats reserved for you just in case you want to come. If not, I understand. Just know that this fight is for me and you. I won’t let you down.

“Jace, what time do our flights leave tomorrow?” I asked curiously.

“Uh … I think two o’clock,” he noted unsurely. “I’d have to look at the tickets again.” He drove us up to the valet attendant and one of the drivers helped me out of the car while another gave Jace a ticket and took off with his vehicle.

“Why did you want to know what time we’re leaving tomorrow?” he asked, furrowing his brows. “You do still want to go, don’t you?”

Holding out his arm, I linked mine through his and he ushered me into the restaurant. “Jace, I do want to go more than anything, but I was wondering if maybe we could get a later flight? Do you think that’s possible?”

Before we got to our table where everyone was already seated, he pulled me to a stop and sighed, his gaze melancholy but understanding. “I’m pretty sure I can get us a later flight,” he assured me, “but you know I have to be back in North Carolina by early afternoon. I can probably get us a flight late tomorrow night, but it’ll be pushing it if you want to do what I think you want to do.”

With a sad smile, I nodded. “I have to, Jace. I want to be there for him. Even if I don’t speak to him, I at least want him to know I was there supporting him. Also, Kyle needs to see that I’m there, too.”

Jace took my arm again and grinned. “That he does, but right now tonight is all about you. Next week, you’re going to be lying on the beach in Nags Head, North Carolina with not a care in the world. It’ll be good for you, I promise.”

It would be good for me, but I knew something that would make it better. Wishful thinking was all it was.

ALL WEEK, I TRAINED HARD
for the fight against Kyle, worked out, and trained some more until I could barely stand. Carter literally had to make me leave the gym because I didn’t want to stop. I needed something to take my mind off of Shelby, along with the constant nagging worry and wondering if she was all right. Jace was diligent on keeping me updated, but it wasn’t the same as hearing it come from Shelby.

He told me he planned a dinner for her in celebration of finishing the article she worked so hard on. I had hoped the waiting period would be over and that I’d get an invite, but it never came. All I wanted was to see her just once before she left to go to North Carolina. She texted me and it felt like the first step to something, at least, but I didn’t know what. I would take any interaction with her, even if it was just a simple text.

Tomorrow was my fight against Kyle and I was ready for him. I wanted Shelby there, but Jace told me they were leaving for North Carolina in the early afternoon. I didn’t want her to know I knew she was leaving because then she’d realize I was keeping in touch with Jace. That was why I told her about the reserved seats. I honestly did have them reserved for her, but unfortunately, they would remain empty.

“How are you holding up in here?” Gabriella asked, poking her head in through the door.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I peered over my shoulder at her. “Just sitting here thinking.”

Gabriella opened the door all the way and ambled into my room, her sad gaze on Shelby’s journals lying beside me, unopened. “Have you read them yet?”

I glanced down at them and sighed. “Not yet, but I’m about to. I’ve put it off long enough.”

Since it was still the summer and school wasn’t in session yet, Gabriella stayed with me for the week, refusing to leave me alone. I was starting to get a complex with all the women in my life trying to protect me. Shelby must’ve rubbed off on her while she was growing up.

“Shelby texted me tonight,” I informed her.

Gabriella smiled and sat down beside me. “That’s good news, right?”

“I guess,” was all I could say.

When I told Gabriella and my mother about what happened with Shelby, they were both angry at first, but after a while my mother said she could see where Shelby believed she was looking out for me and my family. It was obvious women had a different thought process from men. Men used their brains with logic, common sense, and reasoning. Women, on the other hand, dealt with their problems based on their feelings. No matter what happened in the world it would never change.

Gabriella reached over and picked up a journal, flipping through it with her mouth gaping wide open. “Wow, there are a lot of words in there. Are you going to read them all tonight?” she asked.

Nodding, I held a journal in my hand and ran my fingers over the leather cover. “Yeah, that’s the plan.”

“All right, well then I’ll let you get to it.” She got up and headed for the door. “If you need me I’ll be watching a movie, okay?”

“Okay,” I said before she closed the door.

Looking through the journals, I turned to the first pages so I could find the entry marked the earliest. I wanted to start from the beginning even though I knew they would be the hardest to read through. Tears stained the pages on almost every single entry, but there were a few of them that really stuck out in my mind.

Nov. 3, 2004

It’s been two weeks since I lost my precious Maddy. Two weeks of living in a bubble where nothing else mattered. I honestly didn’t even care if I lived or not because all that I once had was gone and it was never coming back. Today was my first day of living without a drug-induced high in order to get through the day, and it sucked. My mother didn’t know that I saw her give Jace the bottle of Valium so he could slip a few pills into my drinks, but I did. I welcomed the numbness because it was better than living in the pain every day.

I left the guy I loved so he could have a future fulfilling his dreams, only to wind up not having one for myself. None of this would’ve happened if I’d stayed where I belonged and lived my life with Matt the way I was supposed to. Every ounce of regret weighs me down each single day, drowning me to where I can’t breathe. I cry myself to sleep every night only to wake up by the nightmares of my past. When will it get easier?

Nov. 15, 2004

I visited Maddy today. She was buried in the Grove Park Cemetery inside my family’s plot. I wanted to talk to her, to tell her how much I missed her, but my body shook so hard that I couldn’t even speak. All I did was cry and place the small bouquet of lilies on her grave. I also did something I knew would only push the knife in farther. Jace let me drive his car, and since no one recognized me in it I drove past Matt’s house so I could see him just once. With his shirt off, he was outside cutting grass, but stopped to grab the bottle of water he had waiting on the front porch step of his small, two bedroom home. From a distance, I could see he got a new tattoo on his right arm and he’d gotten bigger, more muscular. Before I knew it I was opening the door and stepping out of the car. He looked my way, but if he realized it was me I didn’t know because I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. I drove away and never looked back, leaving my heart with him.

Now that I thought about it, I remembered that day. I thought I saw her, but didn’t believe it would be her. There were so many times I thought I saw her, but then I figured it was my mind playing tricks on me. Now, I didn’t know if that was for certain. Reading through the rest of the entries, there were plenty of ones with Shelby visiting Madelyn at the grave site, but there was a set of two entries that will forever stay ingrained in my mind.

Sep. 18, 2007

Today was a good day as far as accomplishments. The story I wrote for the Berkeley journalism competition won first place in the nationals. I was offered a hefty advance if I’d agree to sign a contract and have it published, but little did anyone know that it wasn’t a work of fiction; it was the story of my life and of the heartache I still felt every single day. There was also another offer for a summer internship at a well-known magazine called Physique, in San Francisco. Things were finally looking up for me. It only took three years to get here.

The same could also be said for Matt. For the past couple of years, and against my better judgment, I’d kept tabs on him and what all he was doing in life. It just so happened that his first fight was tonight at the Sleep Train Arena. Jace came with me, cursing me the entire time because he thought I should move on with my life; except, it wasn’t that easy. I prayed Matt would find his way out in the world and he was doing it. It wasn’t exactly the way I expected him to, but when I watched him in the ring for his first fight I broke down in tears. He was amazing and strong, and when the announcer held up his hand in victory I couldn’t begin to describe the level of pride I felt in that moment. Matt came from a broken home with no money, but he got out and made something of himself. I was so proud of him.

Today we both achieved something amazing and we did it together. I missed him so much and I couldn’t wait to visit Maddy and tell her all about it.