Fighting to Stay (Fighting Madly Book 2) (8 page)

I stand dead motionless, the words echoing throughout me as the world spins full force around me.

Hadley—they are talking about my girl. I know this. And I’m going to find out why. I jump in before they even notice me. “What the fuck are you saying?”

Lance gives a shrug—a shrug. Like I didn’t catch him with his hand in the damn cookie jar, like he didn’t stand here gossiping about my fucking love life, like it belongs on a fucking magazine on newsstands. “Rike, you ass-jumped to conclusions when you saw them together. I tried to tell you when you got off the plane.”

“When did you try?” My teeth clench as I have to physically stop myself from killing the guy that is like a brother to me.

“We all tried, Rike. You told us you didn’t want to hear anything and got to the point where you just stopped talking to us altogether when we tried. So easy. We stopped trying. ”

I turn to Gus. “How the fuck do you know her?”

“How do you think you found her, huh? We saw your fight on TV, and that’s the night she told me, for sure it was you. I called Bash, the rest is history.”

“Fuck,” I mutter to myself, my hands automatically in my hair. “I know what I fucking saw, what I fucking felt when she smiled.” I say it to no one but myself, because if I didn’t see it, if I let her go and walked away from her again, from my damn girl, then I fucked up. Because once again, I thought I was doing the best thing for Hads, but not stepping up was for nothing. I can’t handle that.

“I think you saw Hadley happy. These guys were just making it out like she was some kind of weak bitch, but the girl I’ve became friends with, isn’t that,” Gus says.

Courtney comes waddling out on the patio halting any more talk. But it doesn’t stop my brain from working overtime on this information. If Hadley isn’t with him then she’s fair fucking game, and all my thoughts of the shit that tormented me for the past month are thrown out the damn window. I swear the sky just got fucking brighter.

Lance steps to my side and a hit from him jolts my center to return to normal. “Told you to listen, but your ass wouldn’t. Now, what are you going to do?”

“She’s going to be mine, once and for all.” My mind’s set like a damn mountain, she is my damn girl again. No more of this being a better person. This is crazy shit, but I always did like to play with fire. And give me the match because I’m ready.

Damn, my girl steps through the glass doors with James nowhere to be seen, spares a look over at me, and waves—fucking waves at me. She moves over to the bar, my eyes glued to her ass as she bends down to the cooler and grabs a Coke, no beer, not a margarita, not wine—a Coke. My girl doesn’t drink Coke when they serve alcohol at parties. Makes me wonder if…that’s changed, what else has?

My body moves over to her, but when Gus hustles over to her, I give Hads space. She turns around and takes a spilt second before she leaps into his arms and squeals—ear-piercing, loud squeals. It causes every head at the party to turn in their direction, but she doesn’t care. She’s too concerned with being in Gus’s arms. I got one out of the way, only to have another one move into James’s spot. Never knew Bash’s partner would want a piece of her, too.

Hell mother fucking no!

I rush over and fucking eye Gus up and down. He may be bigger, may have more muscle and, no doubt, the giant thinks he can take me, and he might actually be able to do it. But that’s a beat down I’ll take…hell I would lay down with my hands up and take each punch if it meant I could get my girl back. He shakes his head, his eyes warning me not to cause a scene, but that won’t work. I’ll blow this fucking place up. I gave her up thinking James was with her, but not Gus. He isn’t any better than me. Hell he’s worse.

“What are you doing here, Guster?” Hadley asks him, and I swear her damn voice dances when she’s talking to him.

“You know that business I run? Bash over there is my partner.”

“You mean when I…” Gus nods, looking down at his feet. The big-ass dude even turns to mush when it comes to her. And Hads putting two and two together. That her good ol’
Guster
, the same prick she gave a damn nickname to, the same guy she just got excited about being here, fucking hid stuff from her, too.

“I know what you think, Hadley. But it wasn’t anything like that. I didn’t know till the night before I left. I swear it.”

Gus reaches out but Hadley takes a step back and crosses her arms over her chest. Her whole body draws in and that wall she usually reserves for me goes up for him this time. Her eyes move from him to me. She raises her brow to me, her expression questioning this whole thing.

I put my hands up and shake my head. If she only knew, then this wouldn’t be happening. “Babe, I didn’t know anything about you knowing him till five seconds ago.”

“Okay.” She gives me a one-word answer, a single word snapped at me.

“You aren’t going to drill me?” I question her.

She shakes her head, but the rest of her is a big question mark because I can’t read her like I did before. “Nope. Y’all have fun. I’m going to go find my dad. See you guys later.”

And she walks away—turns away from me.

Gus is not moving his gaze from her the whole damn time she walks away, not even after she sits with her dad on the swing. He still looks. I feel my blood boil.

“Rike, don’t look at me like that shit. I don’t want her. She’s like an annoying little sister to me, so don’t get your dick in a twist. I just don’t want her mad at me. Hadley is good people, and I broke her damn trust.”

“Right.” Don’t believe that for a fucking second.

“No, serious, Rike. I don’t want her that way, she just...”

“Understood.” I take a gulp of my beer. I know all about that fucking word trust and what losing it with Hadley really means. If he says it, maybe I should believe him, because my eyes deceived me too fucking many times.

“You know, I don’t think your guys’ shit is over yet.” Gus takes a swig of his drink.

“Why would you say that? When I came back last time, at least I got some passion out of her. Most of the time it was yelling, but it was something. I would take it over what this shit is. Now she just looks through me.”
Like I’m a damn window, only in her way.

“I didn’t say you guys are going to get back together. I don’t know that shit. But you could rebuild a friendship.”

“I can’t do just a friendship with her.” I can’t—not when all I see when I look at her is what we shared, how she was fucking perfect next to me.

“That may be your only option left. Listen, I’m going to head out. I have to catch my flight. Tell Hadley I’ll call her later.” And with a slap on my shoulder, Gus leaves me alone, wanting to cry in my damn beer as I stare over at Hadley.

What I saw wasn’t her in love, but at first I thought it was because I’ve never seen her that free before—I’d held her back. Hadley on that street was happy and healthy by herself and when she looks my way across the patio and offers a smile—a fucking small-ass one, but a smile—that damn sign flashes in my brain again.

I know that what I did, what I hid from her, wasn’t right. I can’t lie and tell myself I only did it for her now. I didn’t just break her trust, I threw a fucking grenade on everything she was and it blew up in her face because I didn’t want to show her the bad that lives in me, the awful part of the life I lived when she wasn’t in it.

I did nothing to put Hadley back together after that. She did it without me, without her family, the ones she thought she always needed. She did it.

With my best damn intentions, I swear to myself right here, I will be her friend if she wants that. I will build that trust back up. I will earn it. I will get it. And afterwards, I’ll get her back, because we belong together for all of this life with nothing hidden between us.

No one will take her spot. Hadley’s my place. Now I need for her to get that too.

A drunk Matt I can handle. A Matt wasted, not so much. He talks more and more out of his ass with each drink he orders. With each drink he pounds down, more useless words come out. He fell deep for some girl when I was gone, and now the poor sap can’t figure out his feelings enough to make any sense of what his heart says. I talked to Matt almost every day and he only ever mentioned some new girl, Stephanie, at work. She annoyed the shit out of him, but he never told me Stephanie was the same girl he was falling for. He’s in love and wants to fight it.

“I mean, look what love did to you. And God, fucking Mark was the worst. All happy and did all the romantic shit with a girl in high school, and then
bam
, got his heart ripped out and stomped on. It was like the idiot turned into an ass overnight. All because he couldn’t deal with it, and never was the same when that one ended. Because news flash, Hads, it always ends,
always
.” Matt puts his head in his hands and his shoulders slump.

“Mine was the exception not the rule, and Mark found Sarah and that’s not ending anytime soon. So it doesn’t always end.”

“You almost died. I mean, you spiraled so far out of control with this stupid love. You were gone from us for so damn long. And Mark didn’t find Sarah till years later. I mean years, and even Sarah doesn’t help his assholeness. His shit story, man. I was ten and I still remember what he went through. I mean, the tension around the house was crazy.”

“Again, I’m back in the land of the living and he found Sarah. So your points aren’t valid. You are thirty-six with thirty-seven creeping up. Don’t you think it’s time to settle for one girl? You are no Hugh Hefner.”

“Nope, I’m Matt Thomas, and by the way, our family’s net worth was higher than his last year. Didn’t you see the list?” His face perks up with the first true smile he’s shown me since he started talking.

“Okay, on that note, I think it’s time to stop all the drinking and go home.”

“Not on your life, sis. Stephanie has me all twisted. Why do you girls do that to us? She doesn’t understand that I need time to see if us being together is worth the risk. Maybe that’s what I get for falling for a thirty-year-old single mother.”

“She’s a mother? And did she let you near her kid?”

“Kids, and nope. Stephanie says I’m not stable enough. That’s funny—me not stable? Come on, I’m stable like this table.” Matt slurs and slams his fists on the table, and sure enough, the damn thing moves.

“Yep, totally stable. I can see that one. Let’s get you home and in bed.”

“You used to be the fun one I could count on to get wasted with. But not now. You’re living like an old hag,” he whines.

“That’s what growing up is all about. Now pay your tab before you pass out, because I can’t carry you and the only person that can help is Mark. And I don’t want to make that call.” I love babysitting my ten-year-older brother.

“One foot in front of another, please, Matt,” I urge him, but silently I’m pleading for him just to fall asleep on the stairs.

“Andrea was such a damn bitch to Mark, just like Reed was to you, and just like Stephanie’s being to me. That’s the Thomas curse—to get bent over and ass fucked by people we love.” He rants on and on. And on some more.

“Did you just say Andrea?”

“Yep, that bitch said she was pregnant. I even remember seeing her belly, and then it was like the baby never came. Magic shit and stuff. No one ever talked about it again, like the damn secret of the century. But I could never forget. Last time I saw her, you were a fucking little shit yourself, and she came over to our house and screamed one night through the door. Mom got so upset that night.”

“Matt, what are you saying?”

“Hads, haven’t you been listening to me? Mark’s first love went crazy, and then one night she upped and disappeared. Wonder whatever happened to her. Probably the crazy farm…” He drifts off in his own head.

“What did she look like?”

He blinks, waking him back out of his head. “Fuck, I don’t remember. I was like ten. All I know is she was insane in the brain. Why are you questioning me? You were just a baby. You never met her. And I was like fucking ten or some shit. It’s fuzzy, so maybe I don’t remember like I should have.”

If that’s the Andrea from my mother’s wake, no wonder she didn’t seem to like my mom. But still, I need to ask him about it when he’s sober. I could use it to my advantage when Mark wants to say he’s better than me.

Finally, we make it to his room without any more drunken garbage coming from his mouth, and I toss his drunk ass, down on his bed, no covers pulled over, and still in his clothes. Matt closes his eyes the moment his head hits the pillow and mumbles a few times about getting ass fucked. Poor guy. Love turns even the strongest into the weakest when you get hit by that arrow.

I make my way to the kitchen and pour a huge glass of wine.

I have a two-drink maximum now, and never drink at a bar. It’s part of the promise I made to myself when I left treatment and something I have never even wanted to break.

I settle on the couch, prop my feet on the coffee table, and I’m about to turn on the television when my alert for my text messages goes off.

James: What’s cooking your way?

Me: Just put my drunk brother down, you?

James: wish I was there with a camera to see that. You want to meet for dinner tomorrow?

Me: yes! Tell me when and where.

My phone chimes again and I assume it’s James. I immediately hit read, and my heart shoots up when it’s certainly not James. My fingers get twitchy as I read the first text from Reed in months.

Reed: I hope you get this. I went and got a new number just for you. Do you think we can meet up for coffee or something later this week?

Stupid iPhone. I can see the bubbles for him writing something else, it starts and stops twice more.

But nothing else comes to me.

I swallow a sip of wine. Better get it over with.

Type, delete, type, delete, and after five more attempts, I press send to the best message I could come up with.

Me: That’s fine. Want to meet at the coffee place at 11:00 on Peachtree tomorrow?

Two seconds later a response is back from him.

Reed: See you then

Three single words make my insides feel like an earthquake.

Tomorrow.

I rest my head on the back of the couch as, Lucy, my sweet, amazing cat that never lets me down when I need a little love, comes and crawls up in my lap. “I’m ready to do this. Maybe after I get done with this, I’ll take you over to his place so you can play with Loki.” My damn cat went through withdrawals being away from that dog. And I’m ready to see Reed, talk to him face to face. We can be friends, maybe be nothing. But either way, at least when I leave the coffee shop tomorrow, I’ll know what can be between us once and for all.

I slip my feet into my shoes then grab my purse off the table.

“Where are you going?” Matt asks, looking too good for how trashed he was last night.

“Meeting someone for coffee. How are you feeling after last night?”

“Peachy. Who are you meeting?”

“Reed,” I say quietly

“Who did you say?” He pops his head up.

“Reed. I’m meeting Reed. Don’t make it a big deal.”

“If you want to meet that asshole, that’s up to you. But don’t come crying to me when he comes and crushes you again, because that’s his MO. He comes back, says the shit that needs to be heard, and you go running right back to him without a second thought to what it means.” His words hit hard and straight at me and then he turns his attention to the coffee pot.

“Don’t be like that. I won’t. Have some faith.”

“You didn’t see you lying in that hospital, wondering if you were going to die. That was me. That was Dad. And even Mark. Since then my faith in anything that surrounds your relationship with Reed isn’t happening.” His voice is laced with sadness.

“Matt, yes I don’t know what you went through. And God, I’m so flipping sorry I put you or anyone through that because of my actions.
I
decided to go, and
I
decided to get high. I went and took the first hit.
I did that.
Not Reed, not anyone else. I went all in like I had nothing to lose when, in fact, I had everything to lose and not a fucking thing to gain doing that. I should have dealt with it totally different. It was all
my mistake
.”

“Got it.” He snaps with his back still away from me.

I hurt for what I put my family through. “Matt. I love you.”

“Love ya back, Hads. Now go meet the asshole. And bring me back some muffins or something.” He glances over a tensed up shoulder as he forces a smile.

I run over and kiss him on the check. I wish he could understand it’s all my decision, recognize I’m a little better. “Thank you for always having my back, but this time I’m different, so it won’t happen again. I understand you don’t trust me yet, and that’s okay. I’ll just have to prove it.”

“Whatever you say, but don’t expect me to bring cake to his damn birthday party this time.”

I sit in my car at the coffee shop and listen to Meg Myers through my speakers, not sure how I even got in the parking lot in the first place because the whole drive is certainly a mystery to me.

Nervous isn’t even the word I use for what I’m experiencing building through me. I’m facing him to find out if we can save some of our old friendship, to see if I can handle being in his life at all, to see if something can be salvaged in the wake of our prior actions.