Final Score (33 page)

Ryan threw his head back and sighed, pushing both hands through his hair before he turned and took his little boy from Debbie, cuddling him close. Sometimes he just wanted to sit and hold his son because it was the most incredible feeling. It was something he never thought would happen to him, but now it was something he never wanted to be without. It was better than any sex he’d ever had – except, maybe, the sex he’d had with Amber. The sex that had created their beautiful baby son. ‘You gonna be good for your Aunty Debbie, huh?’

‘He’s gonna be just fine, won’t you, poppet? And can we have less of the “aunty,” please? It makes me sound old.’

‘Which is what I’m gonna be if we don’t get out of here,’ Gary said, throwing Ryan a look that told him if he didn’t make a move now he was going without him.

Ryan handed Rico back to Debbie, giving him one last kiss as he let go of him. ‘I need to be with her, Debs. I need to be with her so badly it’s killing me.’

Debbie reached out and squeezed his arm, giving him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. ‘I don’t know what to say, Ryan. I mean, I can stand here and tell you to get over it because she isn’t coming back, but they’re just words. I wish you would listen, I really do, but whatever I say, you’re not gonna do that, are you? You’re not gonna listen.’

He shook his head. ‘He doesn’t deserve her. He’ll hurt her, I know he will…’

‘Ryan!’

‘Jesus, Gary, will you just leave it! Maybe he doesn’t
want
to go out, did you ever think about that?’

Gary looked at Ryan, raising his eyebrows in question. ‘Well?
Do
you want to go out?’

‘Not really,’ Ryan replied, relief sweeping through him. No. He didn’t want to go out. He wanted to stay here and pour his heart out to Amber’s friend and then hope, in some childish way, that she’d tell Amber everything he was about to tell her. That Amber would then know how he was feeling. That she’d think about the life she’d made for herself. And the life she could still have. The life
he
wanted.

‘You sure? Because I’m out of here, right now.’

‘I’m sure.’

‘Okay. Well, you know where we are if you want to join us later.’

Ryan just nodded, a smile spreading across his face as Rico stretched his arms out towards him. He wanted his daddy. And Ryan didn’t hesitate to take him back from Debbie. ‘Hey there, little guy! Your daddy’s staying in now. Who wants to go out drinking and gambling when I can stay here and be with you?’

‘Well, those are words I never thought I’d hear come out of Ryan Fisher’s mouth.’ Debbie half-smiled as she switched the kettle on.

‘Yeah, well, a lot’s changed, hasn’t it?’

She nodded, leaning back against the counter and folding her arms as she watched him cradle his baby boy. ‘He’s beautiful, Ryan. He really is.’

Ryan couldn’t help smiling again as he stroked Rico’s dark hair and watched his eyes slowly closing. ‘He takes after his mum in that department.’

‘I think you’ll find that his mum actually thinks he looks like
you
.’

Ryan looked up. ‘Did I fight hard enough, Debbie? To keep her?’

‘It was a fight you couldn’t win, Ryan.’

‘What’s so special about him, huh? What’s so special about a man who’s done nothing but treat her like crap ever since she was a teenager? I don’t get it, Debs. I don’t get what kind of hold he has over her, why she can’t just let him go.’

Debbie shrugged, turning to pour boiling water into the mugs behind her. ‘Who knows what really went on in their past or what’s gone on since he came back into her life? We just don’t know.’

‘We know he hurt her.’

Debbie turned back around. ‘You have to stop this, Ryan. Seriously. Because it’s going to take over your life and you’re going to let it affect everything you do. Stop obsessing about her and stop putting her on a pedestal because she won’t thank you for it. She’s my friend and I love her to bits, but she isn’t worth you destroying your life over. Okay? You need to get a grip, and start thinking of her as someone you once shared something good with; the mother of your incredibly gorgeous son. But that’s it, Ryan. That’s it. You need to move your relationship on or it
will
destroy you.’

‘And
he’ll
destroy
her
, Debbie. I know he will, I know it. He’ll destroy her. And I’m not gonna stand around and watch that happen.’

Debbie just looked at him. ‘It’s pointless me trying to persuade you to leave this alone, isn’t it?’

He nodded, his eyes back down on his baby boy.

‘Then, be careful, okay? Just, be careful.’

He looked up. ‘He had something to do with that story being released, Debbie. I know he did.’

‘You have no proof, Ryan.’

He held her gaze for a good few beats. ‘Why else do you think Amber’s acting the way she is now, huh?’

‘It’s a fight you can’t win,’ Debbie whispered.

But, as far as Ryan was concerned, she couldn’t be more wrong.

*

‘Does he know where you are?’

‘He’s not my father, Ronnie. I don’t have to text him what time I’m gonna be home. He’s a big boy now. He can look after himself.’

‘There was a time when you’d rush home just to be with him because you couldn’t bear to be apart for more than half a day. Has the sex lost its appeal already?’

She turned her head to look at him, pulling her knees up further against her chest, hugging them to her. ‘You seem obsessed with mine and Jim’s sex life.’

Ronnie just shrugged, looking down into his glass of whiskey. ‘You’re still just-married, Amber, that’s all I was saying. Isn’t the honeymoon period supposed to last a little longer than a few weeks?’

Amber didn’t answer that. ‘Maybe I
should
have walked away.’

Ronnie looked at her. ‘So why didn’t you?’

It was her turn to shrug. ‘Like I said, I can’t.’

‘And like
I
said, you
won’t
.’

‘He’s been such a huge part of my life, Ronnie. It’s like he’s always been there, you know?’

‘No. Not really.’

‘I can’t just turn my back on almost twenty-three years of loving him. I can’t.’

‘And for most of those years you hated him, Amber, remember? You hated him because he’d hurt you and he’d used you and then he just tossed you aside like you didn’t really matter…’

‘And there’s a reason for that. There’s a reason why he acted the way he did.’

‘Oh, really? And what reason would that be?’

‘I can’t tell you. He doesn’t want anyone else to know.’

‘Why? Why, Amber? Jesus… he’s got
you
keeping his secrets for him, now.’

‘It’s not a secret, Ronnie, okay? It’s just personal, that’s all. Personal and painful. But it explains so much…’

‘I don’t believe you… I don’t believe you’re actually keeping secrets from me now. We promised we’d never do that, Amber.’ He got up off the couch, walking over to the sideboard to pour himself another drink. ‘Can’t you see what he’s doing to you?’ He turned around, leaning back against the sideboard. ‘He’s taking you apart, bit by bit, piece by piece, until there’s nothing left of the real Amber. Just this – this empty shell that is so in love with him you can’t even think straight any more. Because that’s what he wants you to do. That’s who he wants you to be.’

Amber stood up, too, walking over to him, a wave of anger bubbling up inside her. ‘You don’t get to talk to me like that, Ronnie. You don’t get to dissect my life or believe that you know what’s going on, because you don’t. You don’t.’

Ronnie just raised an eyebrow. ‘Really?’

‘I don’t need this. Coming here was a mistake…’

He grabbed her wrist, swinging her back around to face him. ‘Can’t you see it, Amber? What loving him is doing to you? It’s changing you.’

‘And what if I
want
to change? Huh? Did that thought ever cross your mind?’

‘No, because I don’t believe for one frigging minute that you want to be the person you are now. Someone who gives into a man who’s controlled you for over twenty years. I don’t believe you want that.’

‘Nobody has controlled me, Ronnie.’

He let out a loud laugh, letting go of her wrist. ‘Is that what you really think? Then you need to take a closer look at your life, sweetheart.’

‘Fuck you!’ she spat, turning around and walking away from him, out into the hall, grabbing her coat from the rack and making her way to the front door. But he wasn’t giving up.

‘I don’t want to lose you, Amber, that’s all.’

She swung around to face him. ‘He isn’t the fucking devil, for Christ’s sake! Why do people make him out to be this evil, controlling person who doesn’t give a crap about anything except what
he
wants? Why, Ronnie?’

‘You used to be strong,and independent, and ready to take on the world, Amber. And now… now you don’t seem to be able to do anything unless he’s right there with you. Unless
he’s
in your life. But he wasn’t there for sixteen years, remember? And for sixteen years you managed just fine, didn’t you?’

She shook her head, folding her arms against her. ‘No. I didn’t.’

‘You did, Amber. You just need to remember that. Because he is killing you and I can’t watch it any more.’

‘I really don’t need this. Not from you, not from anyone. Now get out of my way.’

She tried to push past him but he caught her arm again, stopping her from going anywhere. ‘I miss her. The old Amber. I miss her so fucking much.’

‘Let go of me, Ronnie.’

‘I miss her.’

‘Let go of me!’

His mouth was on hers before she had a chance to even think about what he was doing, his fingers sliding between hers, keeping her close. But she wasn’t in the mood. Once upon a time this may have got her, but she really wasn’t as weak as he made her out to be.

Pulling away from him she took a step back and slapped him, her hand stinging, but she didn’t feel any pain. She was way too angry for that. ‘You don’t get to do that to me, do you hear? You don’t get to stand there and tell me I’m weak and then do that to me. You’re supposed to be my friend.’

‘Amber, please, I’m sorry…’

She shook her head, picking her jacket up from the floor, where she’d dropped it, finally opening the front door. ‘Yeah. So am I, Ronnie. So am I.’

Chapter Twenty-Three

‘Kevin! Oh my God, I had no idea you were coming down here!’ Amber threw herself into the arms of Kevin Russell, her old boss from News North East, clinging onto him as he swung her around before putting her back down, pulling her in for another hug.

‘Well, your dad thought it’d be a nice surprise. And seeing as I’m on the last couple of days of my holiday and I had nothing better to do, I thought I’d come down with Freddie and pay my beautiful ex-employee a visit. And it gets me out of doing any more decorating. There’s only so much wallpaper a man can hang in a fortnight.’

Amber couldn’t believe how excited she was at seeing Kevin again. It brought back memories of old times, when things had been less complicated and she’d been in complete control of everything in her life. Those memories seemed like a lifetime ago now.

‘And I have to say, Amber, I never thought I’d see the day when you’d be pushing a pram and heating bottles at two o’clock in the morning. But that baby of yours, he is one cute kid! Hard to believe he’s half Ryan Fisher’s.’

Amber leaned back against the wall of the tunnel that led out onto the pitch at Parkfield, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her skinny black jeans. ‘I think he looks like Ryan, don’t you?’

‘Sweetheart, he’s only a few months old. To be fair, he doesn’t really look like anyone just yet.’

Amber couldn’t help smiling. ‘Humour me. I’m a new mum. And anyway, despite whatever’s going on between me and his daddy, Ryan Fisher is one good-looking bastard, and I’d be quite happy for our son to grow up as handsome as he is. I may have to vet every single one of his girlfriends, of course, because no one’ll ever be good enough. But, yeah, I’d love him to grow up as handsome as Ryan.’

Kevin looked at her, saying nothing, just raising an eyebrow.

‘What was
that
look for?’

‘Nothing. How’s life as one of football’s better-looking reporters, then? Max Mandell treating you okay, is he?’

‘Max is a superstar, Kevin. He’s been brilliant.’

‘We miss you back home, you know. You brightened up the office – and I’m not just talking about that hair colour – even though you could be a right temperamental pain in the arse at times.’

Oh, it was so good to see him again! Despite the myriad changes that had gone on around her over the past couple of years, Kevin Russell still seemed to be the same man he’d always been, and that was something of a comfort to Amber. And looking at him now, well, there were times when she longed for those days when she’d walk into the News North East offices and he’d be standing there ready to give her some assignment she really couldn’t be bothered to do. The days when Ryan Fisher hadn’t existed in her world, and Jim Allen was nothing but a memory she’d hoped to keep very firmly at the back of her mind. Yeah. And that had worked, hadn’t it?

‘And married. Again! You like to keep the journalistic world on its toes, I’ll give you that. How
are
things with Jim?’

She fixed him with a look. ‘Things are fine.’

‘You sure?’

‘Oh, you’re
just
what I need.’

Kevin raised that eyebrow again. ‘Nice to see the old Amber hasn’t left us completely.’

‘Yeah, well, try telling that to Ronnie.’

‘Ronnie just worries about you, Amber.’

‘You been talking to him?’

‘I’ve been talking to everyone, kiddo.’

‘Is nothing in my life private any more?’

‘Well, after that photo shoot you did for
Ice
magazine I’d say, no. Not really. Some of the lads back in the office had those pictures up all over the staff-room walls. Made me feel quite uncomfortable they did. I mean, you’re almost like a daughter to me and I don’t want to see you wearing nothing but a Newcastle Red Star scarf. I’ll leave all that to Jim Allen.’