Final Score (41 page)

‘Oh, Right.’

She looked at him, cocking her head slightly. ‘Something I can do for you?’

‘Yeah. You can stop avoiding me.’

‘I’m not avoiding you.’

‘Oh, really? You’re not?’

‘Can you move, please? You’re in my way. There’s somewhere I need to be.’

‘Yeah, Spartans’ training ground. Kevin told me.’

‘Seems you and Kevin have been having a few little chats lately. And he could have told me you were coming up here.’

‘I told him not to. Because I knew you’d only try and avoid me.’

Amber threw her head back and let out a frustrated sigh. ‘Get in the car.’

‘Is that an order?’ He threw her a half-smile, but she didn’t return it. She wasn’t in the mood.

‘If you want to talk to me, get in the car. You can come with me. You might even prove to be useful.’

*

Jim leaned back in his chair, swinging his feet up onto the desk as he spoke into the phone. ‘How are things going, Max?’

‘You’re really serious about this, Jim?’

‘Never been more serious about anything in my life.’

‘Shouldn’t you talk to Amber?’

‘No. She has to know nothing about this, okay? After what I’ve just done… it was a mistake. What I did to Ryan, I panicked… I…’

‘And you’re not panicking now?’

‘No.’ Jim hadn’t even left a beat before answering that. ‘This is what I need to do, Max. And, think about it – don’t
you
think it’s for the best, too?’

Max sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. ‘Jim, I… I really don’t know. I don’t know if this is just going to complicate matters even further, and I feel really bad doing this…’ He sighed again, a little heavier this time. ‘You know, maybe you’re right. Let me look into it a bit more, okay? Just, leave it with me.’

‘Don’t leave it too long, Max. I don’t know how much time I’ve got left before… I just need it to happen, as quickly as it can.’

‘Leave it with me,’ Max repeated, before ending the call.

Jim put the phone down then leant forward, dropping his head into his hands. He’d never felt so tired. When he’d told Amber he wasn’t sleeping that was no word of a lie. He’d go to bed, and he’d try and usher in some form of rest but over the past few nights it hadn’t been forthcoming. And now that the press were throwing all sorts of fabricated stories around about their relationship, he didn’t think sleep was going to arrive any time soon.

He needed to be with her so badly it was like an ache that wouldn’t go away, a reminder of how much he loved this woman. How much he wanted her, every second of every lonely, heartbreaking day he wanted her. And what he was doing was risky, but it was a risk he had to take. He was doing it for her. For their future. Because, if he didn’t try to do something, he wasn’t sure they were going to have one.

*

‘You okay?’ Amber asked Brandon as she packed her things away.

‘I’m fine.’

‘You sure?’

He looked at her, throwing her a half-smile. ‘Amber, you really don’t need to do the whole concerned step-mum thing. What happened with Ellen is over. It’s done. Forget it. I have.’

She walked over to him. ‘I’ll let you into a little secret – I never really liked her.’

He looked down, laughing slightly. ‘Yeah, well, it would seem you had good reason not to like her.’ His eyes met hers again. ‘She came to see me. Told me she was sorry, that she wanted to try again. She tried to tell me it had all been a big mistake and that she really did still love me.’

‘Oh, Brandon, you didn’t?’

He shook his head. ‘What she did… there are no second chances.’ He smiled, a smile so like Jim’s. ‘I’m gonna give women a rest for a little while, I think. Concentrate on my football. We’ve got a real chance of winning some silverware this season, and I don’t wanna mess that up.’

‘You won’t mess anything up, Brandon. You’re the reason Wearside Spartans are doing so well right now. Look, your dad’s worried about you, too. You should go see him the next chance you get.’

‘And I could say exactly the same thing to you.’

It was her turn to give a small laugh. ‘Yeah. I asked for that really, didn’t I?’

‘
Have
you separated, Amber? Because, believe me, that concerns me a lot more than any of that crap going on with Ellen.’

‘No, sweetheart, we haven’t separated. And whatever they’re saying in the press, none of it’s true. Me and your dad, we just need a bit of time apart, that’s all.’

‘Really? You’re not just telling me that to placate me?’

‘Brandon, you’re twenty-two not twelve. If there
was
any bad news to tell you I’m sure you’d be able to handle it, at your age.’

He smiled again, leaning back against the dressing-room wall. ‘Okay. Well, I’m not gonna ask what’s going on, because I doubt I’d understand anyway.’

That would make two of them, Amber thought.

‘But, whatever it is, you’re working it out, right?’

She returned his smile. ‘Yeah. We’re working it out. Right, I’d better get out of here. Thanks for making this a very easy morning, by the way.’

‘It’s good to see you, Amber.’

She pulled him in for a hug. ‘Go give your dad a call. Go on.’

Ronnie was outside in the corridor, talking to another Wearside Spartans player. Amber mouthed
“I’ll meet you outside”
and made her way out into the bright spring sunshine. The weather was certainly being kind to her on her visit back to the north-east.

She stood by the side of the training pitch, watching as some of the players practised penalties whilst others embarked on some pretty serious stretches and lunges.

‘Not sure I could manage that now.’

She turned to look at Ronnie, a small smile on her face. ‘Oh, I dunno. You’re still quite fit, really.’

Their eyes locked for a brief second, before Amber turned her head away. She didn’t want to go back there. That was one complication that really didn’t need to be revisited.

‘All of this, Amber. Me and you, falling out…’

‘We fell out?’ Her eyes met his again.

‘I hate it. This tension between us? It’s wrong.’

‘Then stop trying to force your feelings about Jim onto me. You’re free to feel whatever you like about him, just know that I don’t share that, okay?’

Ronnie sighed, staring out ahead of him. ‘It’s hard, Amber. Because I don’t think he deserves you.’

Amber said nothing. She wasn’t going to get into any more arguments over this. It wasn’t worth it.

‘He might love you, Amber. In fact, I have no doubt he loves you…’

‘Then that’s all that matters, isn’t it?’

‘No, baby, it isn’t.’

‘You know, I remember you telling me, not all that long ago, that I should grab the chance to be with the one person I truly love. You said that to me.’

‘That was before I realised he hadn’t changed at all, Amber.’

‘He has, Ronnie. What happened with Ryan…’

Ronnie threw his head back, letting out a quiet sigh. But it was loaded with frustration. ‘Can you hear yourself? You’re actually standing there defending a man who is
still
doing the same crap he’s been doing for decades. He’s lying to you, Amber. And you can’t base a marriage on lies.’

‘Have you come up here just to irritate me? Because I could have sworn you were supposed to be covering the south London derby tonight, yet here you are in Newcastle, banging on to me about how much you disapprove of Jim.’

‘How much I
disapprove
? Jesus, Amber, you make me sound like your dad! I don’t disapprove of Jim. I just don’t think he’s right for you.’

‘That’s not your decision to make.’

‘No.’ He sighed again, digging his hands into his pockets. ‘It isn’t. Anyway, what are you doing now?’

‘I’m meeting Ryan. We’re taking Rico out.’

‘Together?’

She looked at him through slightly narrowed eyes. ‘You got a problem with that?’

‘I haven’t got a problem with anything…’

She couldn’t help a slightly derisive laugh from escaping.

‘I’ll ignore that,’ Ronnie said. ‘Do you think it’s a good idea? You and Ryan? Out together, when all that stuff’s in the news about you and Jim separating?’

‘We haven’t separated!’

‘Well, you going out with Ryan Fisher in broad daylight isn’t gonna help the rumours.’

‘We’re spending a bit of time with our son, that’s all.’

‘In
your
eyes.’

‘What the hell is wrong with you?’

He turned to face her. ‘What the fuck are you doing here, Amber? If you really love Jim and you want your marriage to survive then what the fuck are you doing
here
?’

‘I really don’t need this…’

‘You have no idea what you’re doing, do you? Because you’ve let him get under your skin…’

‘Jesus, Ronnie, he’s been under my skin for twenty-three fucking years, this isn’t a new feeling for me.’

‘And for twenty-three years you’ve let him control you.’

She glared at him, an anger building up inside her that she’d never felt with this man before. He’d always been the one who was there for her, no matter what. The one she could turn to, talk to; that shoulder to cry on whenever she needed it. But that was disappearing fast. And she hated it. It scared her. But he couldn’t stand there and say those things. He couldn’t do that.

‘You shouldn’t have come here, Ronnie. You’ve wasted your time.’

‘Amber!’

She just walked away, before she had a chance to say something she might truly regret.

*

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Ryan asked, placing their drinks down on the table in front of them.

Amber looked up at him. ‘Sorry?’

‘You’ve quite obviously got a lot on your mind.’

‘You don’t know the half of it. Look, I know you’re probably tired of hearing me say this, Ryan, but, I really am sorry. For what happened.’

‘You’ve got nothing to apologise for, Amber.’

She stared out ahead of her, at the people walking by, at the sun glinting off the River Tyne, anywhere but at him. The guilt was still overwhelming, even though it wasn’t her guilt to feel.

‘I can’t pretend I understand exactly why he did it,’ she said quietly. ‘But I believe him when he says he’s sorry.’

Ryan couldn’t help but laugh, picking Rico up out of his pushchair and sitting him on his knee. ‘Yeah, well, forgive me if I don’t join you in believing anything Jim Allen says. He spoke to me, remember? He told me himself what he’d done, and I told
you
that I saw not one shred of remorse in his eyes.’

Amber hung her head, clasping her hands together. ‘He’s my soulmate, Ryan.’

‘Oh, Jesus, Amber.’

‘If this is how it’s gonna go I might as well just leave.’

‘No, look,
I’m
sorry, okay? I just… I just don’t get it. You and him. What the hell is it you see in him?’

She looked up, staring right into his eyes. ‘I love him.’

‘So much that you
can
actually get past all the shit he throws at people?’

‘For Christ’s sake’

She sat back in her seat, reaching out for the glass of wine in front of her. ‘I’m not even listening any more.’

It was a beautiful spring afternoon, the perfect day to sit outside a riverside bar with a drink and take in the view. As a silence fell between her and Ryan, Amber let all the ambient chatter and noise surrounding them wash over her.

‘I guess I’ve got a lot of stuff to be sorry about, too,’ Ryan said, breaking that silence. ‘I mean, what happened with Ellen…’

‘It’s not
me
you should be apologising to for that, Ryan.’

‘She was trying to get pregnant.’

Amber turned her head sharply to look at him. ‘I’m sorry?’

‘Deliberately, I mean. Without telling me. She’d told me she didn’t want to use condoms any more, and you know me, I’m not one to ignore that request. But I thought she was on the pill. She
told
me she was on the pill…’

‘You’re really that naïve, huh?’

He looked down at Rico, who was now sleeping in his famous daddy’s arms, his blue eyes closed to the world and all the complications going on around him. ‘I don’t… I found the pills in the bin. She’d just thrown them away.’

‘Jesus. The pair of you almost deserve each other. She’s just as naïve as you are.’

He leaned forward to kiss Rico’s cheek, an action which did something rather strange to Amber’s insides. Seeing the two of them together was a beautiful sight. Her gorgeous baby and his handsome daddy. ‘It was never a relationship that was going anywhere,’ Ryan said quietly, still staring down at Rico.

‘Well, maybe you shouldn’t have gone back to her every time you needed some kind of escape.’

He looked up, his eyes meeting hers. ‘You do realise what you’ve just said, don’t you? I mean, that’s exactly how this little guy here was conceived, remember? Because you, me – because we needed some kind of escape. It happens, Amber. People do stupid things under weird circumstances. Mind you…’ He threw her a small smile, ‘if you ever need another escape – I’ve told you, haven’t I? You come to me.’

She turned away again, almost as though looking at him would burn the retinas in her eyes. ‘We’re not talking about me.’

There was a brief moment of silence before Ryan spoke. ‘Me and Ellen, it was a mistake.’

‘It could have been a much bigger one, from what you’ve just told me.’

‘Yeah, well, it’s over now.’

‘And she knows that for sure, does she?’

Ryan shrugged. ‘I haven’t heard anything from her. I mean, she’s still at the club, obviously. She works there. But I haven’t seen her since it all happened.’

‘She tried to get back with Brandon.’

‘You’re kidding? I’m assuming he had more sense than to go there?’

She looked at him. ‘You know, we’re vilifying this girl, making her out to be the bad guy here, when maybe she just got confused.’

‘You’re defending her?’

‘Of course I’m not defending her. I’m just saying, when we get desperate, sometimes we do things that aren’t always in character. Maybe she just loved you so much it was the only thing she could think of to do to try and keep you with her.’