Finally (12 page)

Epilogues

M’s Epilogue

“Have you decided on anything, ma’am?” the tentative salesperson asked.

I probably should have been friendlier when I came in or when she asked me what I was looking for or if I wanted to try them on. Briony always warned me that I could come across as intimidating. Deceptively intimidating, she’d told me once. The deceptive part, she said, was due to my short stature.

“No one expects a shrimp to be intimidating,” she’d said as I’d pinned her onto her back on my bed. I’d made her pay for that comment. She’d called me other names that night, too. Two hours of not letting her use her hands while I could do anything to her gave her plenty of time to come up with other names. But I knew she liked being taller than me. I never gave it much thought, but I was glad it made her so happy.

“Perhaps I could tell you a little about each?” the saleswoman persisted.

“No,” I replied then thought of Briony and added, “Thank you.”

“Nothing catches your eye then?”

“I,” I started, but the words tumbling around in my brain couldn’t seem to make it out. Why did I always get like this?

Talking in front of my classes, that was a breeze, but having a conversation with a stranger made it so I couldn’t form enough 98

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words to make a sentence. “If I could…” What? What was I trying to say to this poor woman who just wanted to do her job?

Well, and make a commission. She didn’t wake up this morning and think, Gee I hope I get to the store and have to help the most socially inept person I’ve ever met in my life.

And what the hell was I thinking? Driving two hours into Washington so I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone I know seeing me make an ass out of myself. Not to mention the asinine idea fl oating in my head that made me drive this far from my home on a rare day off from work. I had papers to grade, a mid-term to write, and two businesses to look in on.

But I was here, looking at these beautiful creations, thinking…I don’t know what. That somehow, my life, which had been such a mess until a year ago, could be normal or as close to normal as someone like me could ever get. And these things, if I could just pick one, would make that possible.

As much as I’d noticed little differences in myself around Briony when I fi rst met her, it wasn’t until she’d called me beautiful that it hit me. She might actually like me; she might actually think of me as something other than a freak of nature.

Until I recognized how hard my heart beat in her presence, I’d only ever felt the warmth of usefulness to Lucille and the respect of my students. That had always been enough. I’d never cared that my colleagues thought I was odd because I wouldn’t socialize with them. I didn’t care that many of them, my boss included, were afraid of me. Nor did I care that I only had one real friend. None of that mattered. I worked hard. I loved my work. I helped Lucille whenever she needed. I listened to Hank and let him know that he was important. Life was the best I’d ever known, even if I was only a shell of a human. Until I met Briony and she teased me about my name. Until she treated me like I was normal. Until she thought of me as beautiful and I felt my heart beat for the fi rst time in my life.

99

Lynn Galli

That was why I was here. Why I’d driven 126 miles on a Saturday morning. Why I’d stopped pacing along the sidewalk and pushed through the door. Why I’d accepted the help of the salesperson.

“Just browsing or are you getting close to making a commitment with your boyfriend and wanted to get a head start on ring shopping?”

My eyes fl ipped up from the array of engagement rings to the salesperson’s face. Terrifi c. Should I explain that the ring wasn’t for me? Should I share that I wanted to propose to my girlfriend?

Should I tell her anything at all? I wished Briony was here. She’d know what to do. She could talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. I rarely had to say anything to strangers when she was around. But she couldn’t be here because this would be a surprise. I wanted it to be a surprise, if I could do it.

With one last glance at the rings, I said, “Thank you for your help. They’re lovely, but I’m just looking.” I nodded once and turned toward the exit. Maybe I’d try another store next week or next month.

After only two steps toward the door, it opened and I heard a familiar voice. “I almost didn’t come in.”

Looking up from the ground, I took in the sight of the voice’s owner. Willa, my only friend, until I met Briony, that is. Even more terrifi c. I’d driven 126 miles to a jewelry shop that specialized in engagement and wedding rings specifi cally to avoid running into anyone I knew, much less the one friend I’d had before Briony opened my world. Truly, what were the odds of that happening?

As if reading my mind, Willa offered, “My plane got diverted to National along with several other fl ights, so the airport is out of rentals. I was on my way to the place up the street and saw you heading out without a purchase. Didn’t fi nd one you liked?”

My eyes darted to the door. I knew it was fi ve steps away, thirty-eight steps to my car, 126 miles home, seventeen steps to 100

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the building’s staircase and sixty-two steps up to my apartment.

Two hours and fi fteen minutes tops. I could start walking now, taking those steps back to safety, back to only a semblance of a normal life, but a hell of a lot better than I’d ever imagined for myself. Fuller than I’d ever dreamed possible. And I could do it without a word to Willa. She’d never hold it against me.

She’d call me next week to hang out, even if I walked out without saying anything to her now. But I wasn’t that person anymore. I had learned that over the last year. Briony’s faith had changed me.

Still I didn’t know what to say to my friend. She knew why I was here. With a quick fl ick of her eyes through the window, she’d guessed instantly. No judgment, no condescension, and best of all, no warning that I had no right to be thinking about this.

“Would you give us a moment, please?” she asked the salesperson who’d started packing away the tray. The woman smiled, obviously thrilled to be dealing with a normal human who understood the subtleties of interaction among the species.

“M?” Willa stepped closer to me, nowhere near the limits of my expanded personal bubble, but still closer than I let anyone other than Briony and Caleb get to me. “I came inside because I thought you might be considering not going through with this.

I wanted to give you a few extra moments to rethink that if you needed them.”

I felt pressure build behind my eyes. I knew tears would start to well if I didn’t gain control. I looked behind her, counting the steps again. I did need those extra moments. I did. I came here for a reason. I owed it to the woman who’d saved my life by showing me what life was really like. I nodded once, not bothering to reestablish eye contact.

She came a little closer. “You’re thinking you have no right to be here.”

101

Lynn Galli

Yes.

“The question’s not on your part,” she guessed.

Exactly.

“You think she might stop, maybe not in fi ve years or ten years, but sometime, she’ll stop.”

God, yes.

“Because no one could ever love you for the rest of your life.”

I bit back a groan. How did she know this? We didn’t have these kinds of conversations. Willa, in particular, never had these kinds of conversations. It was why we were friends.

“I was like a robot before I met Quinn,” she admitted softly.

“No feelings at all. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. My job didn’t pay me much, and if I started my business, it would be three years before I’d make a dime. What the hell could I offer?

When we met, she was a pro basketball player. She’s beautiful, fans adored her, she’s funny and clever. She honestly had her pick of anyone she came across. I certainly didn’t look like any of the gorgeous women who threw themselves at her. All I kept asking myself was, what did she see in me?”

You’re generous, even without the money you now have and offer freely; you’re generous with your time and attention. You’re smart, gentle, respectful, nonjudgmental. You’re kind. You’re a good friend. I wished my brain would allow these words to come out of my mouth. How could she not see these things?

“Then I realized that I loved the person I became when I was with her,” she continued. “Loved, not just liked. Quinn did that for me. And I no longer feared that she might not stay as long as I could. I’d risk everything for one more day with her.”

An involuntary breath left my lungs. “Yes,” I heard myself whisper. I loved how Briony made me feel about everything, including myself. How one touch or one look or one smile from her would temper my nerves. She brought me calm, something I hadn’t known since I was nine years old. And when she was 102

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near, I never had to be on alert. She made me feel like life wasn’t something I had to struggle through. It was something to enjoy.

“I’m going to do something that will scare the crap out of you, my friend. Get ready,” she warned.

Please don’t touch me! I screamed inside my head but remained where I was, resigned to accept the unwelcome touch if it came. This is Willa. She won’t hurt you. The thought calmed my elevating heart rate.

She reached past me and pulled one of the mirrors over.

“Look in the mirror for a sec.”

I shook my head, not just because I avoided mirrors in general, but because the only person I felt comfortable watching me look in a mirror was Briony.

“Please? I want you to see something about yourself.” She waited for me to relent. “Good. Now, I’m going to say one thing, and I want you to keep looking…Briony.”

I felt the smile start in my heart before it bloomed outward, reaching my face. I knew Willa wasn’t calling out to her because I would have known if Briony was nearby. At fi rst, it was her lovely scent—mountain crisp air with a hint of evergreen and roaring white water—that helped me identify Briony’s nearness.

Now I could feel her presence, even in a crowded room.

“See?” She watched me look at my refl ection. “Just her name brings out that beautiful smile. You’re in the right place, M.”

She walked around me to examine the tray of rings, mercifully letting me stop looking at myself. “I wanted to give you a little encouragement, but I’ll let you shop on your own.” She started for the door.

“Did you…How did you choose...?” My brain went into super speed mode again, and I couldn’t piece all the words into the right order.

She looked away, studying something on the street before turning back. “Didn’t have to. Quinn beat me to it.” She laughed 103

Lynn Galli

at my best stunned face. “Briony might do the same, so you better make a decision.”

“No.” Briony wouldn’t. She’d wait for me. Like with every fi rst in our relationship. Our fi rst touch, our fi rst kiss, our fi rst hug, our fi rst time making love. She’d wait for me because she would never, ever rush me. She seemed content to wait for me for everything, but I didn’t want that for her anymore. She loved me, and I loved her, even if I was too much of a freak to tell her.

I’d never loved anyone like that. Never. I’d known unconditional love for the fi rst nine years of my life from Kathryn. Then nothing.

Not until last year when I met Briony Gatewood, the love of my life. The woman who made a real life possible for me.

“All right.” Willa held up her hands.

I could tell she didn’t believe me. She didn’t know Briony well, though. She thought that because Briony often spoke her mind that she’d ask me fi rst, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. As surely as I knew that, if I managed to propose, Briony would be okay with not having a ceremony. That she’d agree the best step for us would be to buy a house together rather than me moving into hers. It would make things easier to combine our lives and introduce Caleb into a new living situation. She’d want our house to be an original, one we could restore to its 19th century splendor. She would insist on that because she knew I loved period architecture but would never insist on it. She would do the insisting for me. Everything else she’d leave up to my comfort level. God, I loved her.

I’d worried that conducting our class together again this past summer and practically living together while Caleb was away at camp might smother me. Instead, I loved waking up with her, starting our day together, and really loved walking through the door after work and hearing her call out a sweet greeting, obviously thrilled that I was back for the night.

I loved how the little things that I considered selfi sh on my 104

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part, she considered romantic gestures. All summer, I’d bring her coffee in bed to coax her into sharing breakfast with me before I ran off to my fi rst class. She thought it was sweet when really I just wanted to spend time with her before I had to get to work an hour earlier than she did. Or how much she adored when I’d heat up a towel in the dryer while she was taking a bath after a long day, just so I had the excuse to dry her off when she was done.

Best of all were the simple moments like movie nights when I could run my fi ngers through her hair or caress her neck any time I wanted. No, being together every day hadn’t been a hardship at all.

The clincher, though, the reason I was here on this Saturday morning happened last weekend. I’d been terrifi ed that if Briony ever saw my potential for violence that she’d leave me.