Finally & Forever (18 page)

She watched the expression on Eli’s face take on a shadow, and when it did, she realized they were not thinking the same thing.

“You thought I was saying that I want to travel with you to the villages, didn’t you?” Katie surmised.

“Yes. And you thought I would jump at a position in the office if it was something interesting like what you and I did together at Rancho.”

“Yes, I did. I got ahead of myself.” Katie could see how, in her exuberant imagination, she had sailed right past Eli and his vision for the work in the villages and projected onto him what she wanted to do.

Neither of them spoke for another painfully still moment.

“We both need to think about this before we talk it through any further.”

“I feel ready to talk about it now,” Katie said.

“I don’t.”

“Okay.” Katie realized she’d had a nap that afternoon in the hut. She might be a little more rested and thinking more clearly than Eli was. Waiting until the morning was probably a good idea.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought you and I were on the same page, but now I’m not sure we’re even in the same chapter.”

Katie’s heart took a dive. Why had she felt so certain that this was the answer? She still hoped that Eli would realize how right her plan was for them. Surely he would when he saw the whole picture in the same way she had seen it so clearly when she was talking to Michael.

“Come on. We should get to the tent.” He picked up her duffel bag and walked like a man with a heavy burden.

The tent was near the truck and the drilling equipment, which was located not far from the well, and at the moment, the area was well lit.

Katie thought of Rebecca and how her ordinary day at the village well in the book of Genesis had a very different result than Katie’s day at the village well. Rebecca left the village the next morning knowing she was going to marry Isaac. Katie would leave here in the morning knowing even less about her future with Eli than when they arrived.

Cheryl was already inside the tent when Katie said good-night to Eli with a hug and crawled into her corner.

As grateful as she was for the tent, Katie wished they were all sleeping outside under the stars. Dark nights in remote places while gazing up at a canopy of stars was something Katie loved sharing with Eli. She wanted to be close to him, to see his profile as he studied the heavens. She hoped he would be able to sleep tonight and not be exasperated about their off-track conversation. Katie decided she wasn’t going to worry. She wasn’t going to be afraid. God would work it out. He would make everything clear for both of them.

Katie tussled around at first trying to find the most comfortable way to turn her head with all the outcroppings. It was a bumpy experience.

“Cheryl,” she whispered, “are you still awake?”

“Yes.”

“Can you help me take out these braids? I can’t sleep with them in my hair. It’s like lying on a pillow of snakes.”

“Here, sit up. You take your right side, and I’ll take your left.”

The unbraiding of Katie’s coiffure took less time than the braiding. She unzipped the screen of the tent and tossed all the bits of vine outside. For a moment she lingered, gazing up at the sky filled with stars. She whispered a prayer for Eli and then zipped up the door and returned to her side of the tent where her Little Mermaid pillowcase welcomed her untangled head of hair.

The light of the new day streaming through the partially opened door of the tent was what woke Katie. Cheryl was up and out of the tent, and when Katie peered outside, she saw that the men were gone and the tarp and sleeping bags were rolled up and ready to be packed. Peeling out of her warm sweatshirt, Katie quickly changed into a clean T-shirt. She stayed with the same skirt she had worn for the last few days, because it seemed pointless to put on a fairly clean pair of jeans when her legs were so dirty.

Slipping into her shoes, Katie crawled out of the tent and wished she had a mirror. With both hands, she could feel the way her hair had crinkled and fluffed up after the billion-braid experience.

I bet I look like a Chia Pet
.

Going straight to the well, Katie saw a dozen villagers gathered around, filling buckets of the precious gift. Katie greeted them and waited her turn. She was pretty sure she was getting more of a stare-down than usual because of her morning hairdo, but until she stuck her head under that spigot, she couldn’t do much about it.

As one of the little boys primed the pump for her, Katie cupped both her hands and caught the refreshing burst of water, which she quickly splashed on her face and neck, dripping water all over her shirt. With the second outpouring, Katie turned her head and leaned back so that the water poured onto her head, soaking her hair and hopefully smoothing down the fluff. She drank as much as she could
as the water dribbled from the spigot. Several little kids pranced around her, sticking their hands into the runoff and playfully flicking their wet fingers at each other.

Shaking her head like a dog, Katie laughed with the children as she sent her share of flicked droplets in their direction. Feeling refreshed, Katie smoothed back her hair and headed for the center of the village. She caught up with a woman who was carrying two pale blue plastic buckets of water while a small toddler tried to keep up with his mother. “Here, let me take those for you.” She added some simple hand gestures to indicate to the woman that she was trying to help her, not to rob her of her precious cargo.

The woman gave over both buckets and scooped up her son. Katie thought of the many women she had seen alongside the road during their trip here and the way they had bundles or baskets balanced on their heads. She could see now why it was such a good thing to have both hands free.

Another woman was ahead of them carrying a plastic, gallon-sized jug filled with water. She carried her baby in a fabric sling that was attached in such a way that the baby was on her back, well supported in the sling and sound asleep with his head pressed against the middle of her back, resting between her shoulder blades.

Katie remembered something one of her professors at Rancho Corona often said to the class at the end of his lectures. “Now, go rest between his shoulders.” Katie never understood what that meant. She always paraphrased it in her head as “Go be at peace” or “Take it easy and don’t stress.”

Seeing how peaceful and unstressed the sleeping baby was as he “rested between the shoulders” of his mother, Katie’s thoughts were seared with an image of what it meant to trust God and go along for the ride.

Entering the central area of the village, Katie was greeted by her little ladies-in-waiting, who argued about which one of them was going to help to carry the buckets with Katie. They were both too heavy to let the small girls try to manage by themselves, so Katie kept
holding them, and the girls trotted along beside her to the hut of the woman she was helping.

“Asante sana,” the woman said when Katie lowered the two buckets by her front door. Katie had ridges in both palms from carrying the heavy load all that way. She hoped she remembered this effort the next time she simply turned a faucet in a kitchen or bathroom and the water flowed freely.

The little girls tugged on Katie’s hands and led her to where Eli and his parents were giving their farewells to the chief. Even though she didn’t understand the words they exchanged, she could see that much respect and love were passing between them.

Eli turned to Katie and motioned for her to meet him over where they had talked the night before. She waited there with her small entourage and watched as Eli came toward her with his head down and taking long strides. He said something to all the little girls, and they scattered.

“What’s wrong?” Katie asked.

“I just wanted it to be the two of us.”

“Okay. But still, what’s wrong? I can tell something’s wrong.”

He looked up and met her gaze. “I need to make some decisions. Some pretty big decisions. Actually, I’ve already made the first decision.”

Katie felt her stomach do a flop.

“I’ve decided to go on with the crew.”

“Go on where? What are you saying?”

“I’m not going back to Brockhurst today with you and my parents. I’ve already told them, and they said they understand. Now I’m hoping you’ll understand too.”

“Okay, what am I supposed to understand?”

“I need to know if going village to village is what I should focus on. I don’t think I’ll know unless I give it a try. That’s why I’m going to the next village with the crew and will be there a few days.”

“You’re going with the well-digging crew?”

“No, the video crew. They’re filming in two more villages before returning to the UK.”

Katie felt her stomach flop again. “You’re going to spend the next few days with Michael?”

“My dad has the information on where we’ll be and when. I’ll be back to Brockhurst in a week. Two at the most.”

Katie felt as if all the air was being squeezed out of her lungs. In a choked voice, she said, “Why are you doing this?”

“I need to know, Katie. I need to see what it’s like going village to village, and this is the perfect opportunity. The film crew is only here for a few more days. When they leave, I’m going to stay on for a while at the last village with the crew that’s working on a well dig there. I’ll catch a ride back to Brockhurst. We have it all worked out.”

“Eli …”

“I need to do this, Katie. I really hope you’ll understand.”

She swatted at a fly that seemed intent on using her forehead as a landing strip. No words came to her.

Eli looked over her shoulder and then looked back at her. “Katie, I have to go.” He touched the side of her face, gently stroking her cheek with his rough knuckles. “Mpaji ni Mungu.”

“Mpaji ni Mungu,” she repeated in a hoarse voice. At that moment, though, she was finding it hard to believe that God was going to be her sustainer.

Eli leaned close and brushed her lips with his, a slight kiss that was barely a kiss at all. It was more like their lips were shaking hands.

Katie opened her eyes, and he was already walking away. She watched him go, pressing her lips together as if trying to hold on to his brief kiss and make it sink deep into her memory.

Eli was about twenty yards away when he stopped, turned around, and looked at Katie. He put his fist on his heart and pounded it three times, just as he had done last spring, once in the cafeteria and once at his uncle Jonathan’s wedding. The message to Katie was clear. Eli held her in his heart.

Katie put the flattened palm of her right hand over her heart and responded by tapping three times.

I love you, Eli. Do you realize that yet? I love you
.

K
atie didn’t remember much about the first part of the ride back to Brockhurst. Her emotions took her to a deep place, and she managed to pull off a pretty good fake sleep along the bumpy roads. She closed her eyes on the breathtaking African scenery, on Jim and Cheryl, and especially on the vacant space beside her in the car’s backseat. Eli would have been sitting beside her if he had come home with them.

For a while, she let herself be angry. Being ignored, abandoned, left out — those were core wounds for Katie from her childhood. Eli’s decision to leave the way he had was more painful for her than she was sure he imagined. This was something she needed to get over. She needed to trust God in truer ways. He was the one who would never leave her, never forsake her. She knew that.

In her mind’s eye, Katie tried to see again the image of Eli pounding his chest over his heart before he left. He was communicating that he wanted her to be with him. She needed to hold on to that thought.

For a short stretch, when the road was smooth, Katie nearly convinced herself everything was going to be just fine. She was strong, courageous, and capable of weathering this separation. Both Eli and she could handle it. This was only going to work together for good to solidify their relationship. As a matter of fact, this was exactly what they both said they needed to pray for — that their hearts would be
strengthened. It was the second part of the verse in 1 Thessalonians 3, and this was how that part of their prayer was being accomplished.

But what if Eli’s conclusion at the end of this time is that he’s determined to be in the villages, and my conclusion is that I’m determined to help at Brockhurst? How can we go far and build a long-term relationship, and even possibly a marriage one day, if we are living and working in different places? Places where Eli’s cell phone won’t even work
.

No, this wasn’t guaranteed to end well.

As Katie continued to fake sleep, she could hear Cheryl and Jim speaking in low tones. She imagined it was difficult for the two of them, in the tiny car, to say everything they wanted to about Eli taking off and going to the villages. Did they know that Katie was on their side, if there were sides in this? Katie wanted Eli to work in the office at Brockhurst too.

If Eli ends up headed for the villages, do I need to be the one to set aside what I’d like to do and follow him wherever he believes God is leading him? Is that how this works? If our relationship is leading to marriage, then marriage is a series of compromises, right?

Katie thought of how odd it was that while attending a Christian college she had heard so many talks in chapel about not lowering your standards and not compromising your goals. Why was that the motto during the season of singleness but not applicable in marriage? It didn’t make sense that once you find the person you want to marry, you then give up your own goals and do something that’s outside your area of strengths.

Or is that how you determine if you really are meant to be with someone? Do your life goals need to match up perfectly before you know if you’re right for each other? This is so frustrating!

Jim and Cheryl were discussing Eli’s decision with louder words, and something Katie overheard made her realize that Eli’s parents were wondering if Katie had been the one to convince Eli to make this last-minute decision. All her raw emotions flared. She rustled around in the backseat to give them warning that she was “waking up.”

It seemed the best way to make things clear to Jim and Cheryl was to dive into the topic of how she wanted to organize the fund-raising effort and set up a desk at the office. As she tossed out some of her ideas to Jim, his enthusiasm rose. Cheryl seemed reserved at first. But then, as Katie went on to explain some of the ways she and Eli had organized the event at Rancho, they both seemed to catch the vision and jumped in with lots more ideas. Cheryl pulled out a notebook to take notes, and Katie felt excited about putting together a plan.

“Did you tell Eli these ideas?” Cheryl asked.

“Yes, I told him last night. I thought he would catch the vision too. I never expected him to take off and go to other villages.” Katie felt vindicated after making that statement. At the same time, she felt an ache, knowing that it would be at least a week, and maybe two, before she saw Eli. No amount of being right in his parents’ eyes could compensate for that.

“We’re having a hard time understanding his decision,” Jim said.

“And at the same time, we’re trying to be supportive,” Cheryl added. “We want him to do what he feels called to do and go where the Lord leads him. We just had other ideas for him, that’s all.”

Katie felt an unexpected sort of sweet camaraderie with Cheryl. It surprised her how feeling empathy for someone diminished the sense of feeling sorry for herself.

“I guess all of us will have to wait and see what happens,” Katie said. More than anything, she wanted to be a clear voice that cheered for Eli, supported him, and believed along with him that God was directing him. Being that unswerving support was a lot harder than she thought it would be.

They arrived back in Nairobi after dark, feeling like weary travelers, eager to eat something before trekking up the hill to Brockhurst. Jim parked the car, and the three of them headed for a modern-looking restaurant called Nairobi Java House. As soon as Katie entered, she thought she was back in college, visiting one of the cafés she and her friends used to frequent.

The three of them slid into a booth, and Katie glanced around, taking in the modern décor with a high ceiling and long, low-hanging lamps. The butter yellow walls were accented by dramatic pieces of art, and the woodwork seemed to glow in the amber lighting.

“What a fun place,” Katie said.

“It’s our favorite. Do you want to try something local? Or would like something like a turkey sandwich on white bread?”

“They have that here?” Katie opened the menu and ran down the extensive list of offerings. “Do they have ostrich meatballs?”

“No, that’s from another favorite place of ours. We’ll take you there sometime.”

“You know what? How about if you surprise me?” She closed the menu. “I’m going to find the restroom and wash up way more than they probably want me to. I hope they have lots of paper towels.”

“I’ll join you.” Cheryl slipped out and handed Jim her menu. “Could you order my usual?”

“What should I get for Katie?”

“Get her Eli’s usual. I think she’ll like it.”

The two women made their way to the restroom, where Katie looked in a large mirror for the first time in three days. She laughed aloud. Her hair resembled a rag doll’s. Even though she had stuck her head under the spigot that morning, some sections retained their crinkle from the braids. She had a streak of mud on her neck, and her eyes were bloodshot.

Pointing to her reflection, Katie said, “And now I know the real reason Eli took off running.”

Cheryl smiled at Katie’s self-effacing comment but didn’t add to it or detract from it. They both looked pretty haggard.

Katie pointed to the modern sink. “Does it freak you out sometimes going to villages and then coming back to civilization? I mean, this feels like such a luxury. Running water, flush toilets, espresso drinks.”

“We spent our earlier years in the village, so it doesn’t feel unusual to me. I don’t go to the villages that often now, but I do love being
there. So, no, I don’t think it gets to me.” Cheryl washed her face and combed back her limp hair with her fingers.

“What is it that you like most about being in a village?”

Cheryl glanced down at her hands and then washed them a second time, trying to remove the dirt from under her fingernails. “There’s something elemental about life in the villages that always has appealed to me. The basics are the same around the world no matter where you live, aren’t they? Mothers love their babies, children laugh and play, young men pursue young women.” Cheryl smiled, catching Katie’s eye, as they both looked in the mirror.

“Shouldn’t you add that young women who are ready to be pursued are left behind when young men run off to other villages for weeks at a time to catch their dreams?” Katie hoped her sarcasm wasn’t coming across too strong.

“Actually, no. That wouldn’t happen in a village. Young men would pursue young women, and then those young men would marry those young women.”

“And then what would happen?”

“What else?” Cheryl said with a clever twist in her voice. “They give the happy mother grandbabies.”

Katie wasn’t quite ready to go down that trail. All she wanted to do was figure out what was next for Eli and her.

“Listen.” Cheryl put her hand on Katie’s shoulder. “It’s going to work out, Katie. It will. Everything has a purpose.”

“I know.” Katie heard the flippant tone in her voice and tried to add a spiritual curlicue for Cheryl’s benefit. “God has a plan for us, together or separate. And it’s a good plan.”

Katie hated that she had just spouted the “right” answer the way she had heard lots of others do when she was at Rancho Corona. It was as if, whenever anything went wrong, their default was set to a robotic-sounding “God is in control,” and that would explain the pain or the life complication.

Katie believed that truth with all her heart. But she preferred quietly to believe, trust, and wait to see how God was going to do one
of his God-things rather than turn the dial to an automatic response. She never wanted to sound stale or trite. She wanted to sound like a God lover.

It was hard to tell if Cheryl took Katie’s answer as sincere. She gave Katie a motherly smile, and the two of them exited the restroom and returned to their booth. When they sat down, Jim pointed to the beverage awaiting Katie. “It’s a Malindi macchiato. That’s Eli’s usual. Let’s see what you think of it.”

Katie gave an appreciative nod to Jim as she reached for the handle on the glass espresso mug and noticed the design squiggled in chocolate on top of the foam. Before she took a sip of the steaming beverage, Katie thought of how much Rick would like this place. He would want to study their menu and sample the signature dishes. Nicole would take pictures of the chairs, windows, and light fixtures. Together they would devise a way to incorporate some of this place’s elements into one of their new restaurants. And they would be happy.

Katie paused, realizing that she had just thought about Rick and Nicole as a couple with no twinges of hurt or regret. She really was happy for them. She did wish them well. That small realization gave Katie an unexpected sense of hope about Eli that she couldn’t explain.

“Go ahead. Try it.” Jim nodded at the Malindi macchiato.

Katie took the first sip and closed her eyes, letting it slide down her throat slowly. “Oh, that’s nice. Very spicy. I can see why Eli likes it. It wakes up your mouth.”

The next Eli-inspired offering arrived at the table just then: Masala fries. The three of them shared the plate like an appetizer. The thick-cut french fries had a spicy sauce drizzled over the top that made Katie want to lick her fingers and order a second batch.

Their sandwiches arrived, and Katie’s was a toasted bacon, cheese, and tomato, nice and crispy. “This is Eli’s favorite? Really?”

Cheryl nodded as she took a bite of her hamburger. Katie was envying Cheryl’s meal because it looked like a great burger, and it had been months since Katie had had one. The burger even came on a sesame seed bun with lettuce, tomato, and pickle, just like she ate all
the time in California. Next time she came here, Katie would order for herself. She would definitely pick the Masala fries again, but she would go for a burger instead of a toasted cheese sandwich.

Katie saved the last bit of the Malindi macchiato to drink at the very end so that she would have the lovely, spicy taste in her mouth the rest of the way home. She swished the final swig around and remembered how she and Eli playfully had fought over the mocha dregs from their shared drink on her second day at Brockhurst. If he were here now, she probably would let him have the last of her macchiato. That’s how much she missed him.

Katie looked around the cozy café one more time before they left. If she and Eli ever did go on a date, which according to him was not what they did, she would like for him to bring her here. They could each order a Malindi macchiato and savor their own dregs.

The fatigue of the journey seemed to catch up with all of them after their stomachs were filled. They strolled slowly to the car, and in the dark of the night, they headed up the hilly road to cooler, less congested Lemuru.

As they drove closer to Brockhurst, Cheryl checked her cell phone and let out a low, “Oh, dear.”

“What is it?” Jim asked.

“They found Evan.”

Katie leaned forward. “Callie’s husband?”

“Yes. He was beaten and left for dead.”

Katie held her breath.

“Callie sent the message. She said he’s receiving medical attention, and she’s gone to be with him. She left the children with Esther at Brockhurst and wants to know if we’ll take them when we return.”

“Of course,” Jim said. “We’ll put them in Eli’s room.”

Katie offered to help with the children or do anything else she could.

Despite being dead tired, Katie felt very happy to open the door to her small room and see all the comforts that had been provided for her there. The first thing she did was take a bath. Not a shower but a
bath. It was only the second time she had used the bathtub, because it seemed like a luxury to consume all that water when a five-minute-or-less shower would do the job. Tonight she needed to soak and use the attached shower nozzle to wash her crinkled hair.

When Katie slid into her bed and felt the fresh and fragrant sheets, she considered herself the wealthiest woman in the world. Stretching out in the dark and peacefully cool room, she listened to the frogs croaking away under the bathroom window that was cracked open to let in the calm night breeze. It was open only an inch. Not enough to give way to any monkeys real or imagined.

What would it be like to be married? To go to bed on a night like this and lie beside the man with whom I will spend the rest of my life?