Finally Heaven (Room 103 Book 4) (4 page)

My heart squeezed. Shane had never been the most romantic of men, but he had made me laugh and had loved me effortlessly. I missed that connection with a man, not just the romance, but the laughter, the conversation, the sex, hell, even the arguments. I loved Jakob with all my soul, but there was only so much conversation he would take from me before his belly rumbled and his smiles turned into grizzles and once again, I was mummy, not just a crazy lady jabbering on about nothing in particular.

They both kissed me on the cheek, then left. Leaving me once again to the loneliness night brought.

I didn’t even bother to shower. I just curled up under the cold duvet, dragging a pillow to my front to hug, then drifted off to dreams of a man I missed immensely.

“I DID!” NICK claimed with a confident smile.

I narrowed my eyes on him and laughed as I pulled my jeans back on from where he’d tore them off me beside the bed. “Nah, you’re fucking with me.”

“Honestly,” he laughed with me. “I’m not.”

Shaking my head, I pulled on my t-shirt. “You mind if I grab some painkillers before I go?”

He blinked at me, a crease appearing on his forehead. He really was good looking, all masculinity, a rough edge, amazing hands and he had been incredible in the sack. Touched all the right parts, the right amount of pressure, and his perception of what I wanted, needed, was astounding. My stomach bubbled slightly but I shook it off.

“You’re not staying?”

I shook my head. “Nah.”

“Why?” He seemed a little hurt, his throat bobbing with a heavy swallow as the green of his eyes paled slightly. “I thought we… we were okay?”

“We are, it was… yeah, fantastic, you know,” I told him honestly. “I just don’t do this.” I felt strangely awkward. I had never had a problem leaving them before, yet there was something about Nick that I liked. But I knew I would hurt him. Hence the reason why I never had a relationship with anyone. I’d nearly been there with Zoe. She could have been the one, but I knew I would have hurt her in the end. I couldn’t commit, to one person, one sex. I liked both and I knew staying faithful to one for the rest of my life would send me crazy. So I fucked them once, and made sure to never duplicate a night.

“This?” he asked, his eyes darkening, watching me as I pulled on my shoes.

“Look Nick, I’m sorry. I don’t commit. It’s just me. It’s nothing about you. You were fucking great.” I leaned over, pressing my palm against his cheek and giving him a tender smile. “I’m sorry.”

He paused, pulling his lips behind his teeth but nodded. “Sure.”

I closed my eyes as I placed a kiss on his forehead, inhaling his delicious masculine scent before I walked out of the room, refusing myself to turn back and look at his stunning torso that was on display from under the bed sheet as he sat against the headboard watching me.

“Paracetamol are in the drawer under the kettle,” he shouted as I walked down his hallway.

“Thanks!”

I found the kitchen, my eyes widening on the pristine white fixtures. Everywhere was spotlessly clean, reminding me of Bulk and his crazy OCD. Copper pans of various sizes hung from hooks above a huge range. Shelves were crammed full of spices and herbs. This man obviously liked to cook, the numerous tools kitting out his kitchen proof.

The kettle was situated on an island in the middle of the room, vast amounts of drawers and shelves underneath. Shrugging, I pulled open a few, searching for something to take away the headache that had developed now that the alcohol had evaporated from my system; probably due to the two orgasms Nick had given me. The first two drawers I searched were full of cutlery and random shit. The third drawer revealed something that had me storming back into the bedroom and flinging my fist into his face.

He scrambled off the bed, staring at me like I was crazy, his hand cradling his jaw, blood from his nose trickling over his knuckles.

I flung his journalists badge at him, my chest heaving with fury as it bounced off his bare chest, the clip on the lanyard nicking his skin slightly. Fuck! This was all I needed. No one would understand. When you’re in the public eye as much as 103 were, every single fucking detail of our lives was shared with the millions of fans out there. I’d managed to keep this a secret from both them and the guy’s for years, and now, through my own carelessness and sick need, everything was ruined.

He groaned, rubbing his face with his hands as his shoulders slumped. “It’s not what you think?”

“Fuck!” I laughed without humour. “Really?”

“Romeo, listen…”

“Fuck you!” I spat. For some reason, I was hurt. I had liked Nick. We’d had a laugh, he’d been sensual, focussed on my pleasure. We’d talked too, both of us easy and comfortable with each other. Stupidly, I felt betrayed.

“Listen to me!” he shouted as he took a step towards me. “I didn’t sleep with you because of who you are, well not because you’re Romeo.”

“Really?”

“YES! Really.” He looked angry, his cheeks heated with blood as his green eyes glinted with deep silver flecks. “I took you to bed because I liked you, wanted you. My dick was hard as soon as you walked into that pub. I wanted you in my bed, not my newspaper!”

“Don’t bother hiding it!” I stepped into him, pointing a finger in his face. “If this appears in any fucking media, I will make sure my legal team wipe the fucking floor with you. You’ll be lucky if they wrap fucking chips in your paper after.”

“Romeo, I like you okay. I would never do that! I want to see you again for Christ’s sake!”

“What, so you could take pictures next time.” I looked around the bedroom, my eyes scanning every corner. “Or do you have a secret one somewhere?”

“Of course not!” he defended. “I’m not like that.”

“You’re a fucking journalist, of course you’re like that!”

“Well not this one. Okay!”

I snatched my arm back when his hand softly touched it. “Don’t!” I warned with an angry shake of my head. “Just don’t!”

I left him staring at me with an anguished look, shaking his head sadly as I fled from his flat.

The twat had a cheek to be angry with me. How dare he? He’d fucking done this on purpose. He’d make a killing from this. I suddenly felt sick, my career, my life; my demise flashing before my eyes.

Fuck the world, bollocks to my career, what the hell was I gonna tell the guy’s?

“BLOODY HELL,” I hissed when I lifted the huge bag of dog food from the trolley and virtually threw it into the boot, the weight of it sinking the rear of the car so much I wondered if the exhaust would drag on the way home. “Greedy shit.” Who the hell ate as much as Henry did? Whatever I fed him, and Jakob for that matter, it never seemed enough.

Pulling my ringing phone from my bag I groaned as Adam’s name flashed up. Could this day get any worse?

“Hey,” I answered quietly, already rubbing my face in distress.

“Zoe, please listen.”

I blew out a breath. Adam was a brilliant father to Jakob. Throughout my pregnancy and the six months since Jakob’s birth, he’d been there every step of the way. He had Jakob at least twice a week and every weekend. I knew I wouldn’t have managed to cope with motherhood without him. He’d even changed his work schedule this weekend to have Jakob and accommodate Spirit and Bulk’s wedding.

However, this evening as I’d dropped Jakob off at his, I’d had to tell him about us leaving, and as expected he hadn’t taken the news very well. I’d left him staring at me as I’d shut his front door behind me, Jakob grumbling in his arms.

“I have to, Adam. I need this.” An elderly woman walked past, her eyes narrow, her head tilted as she attempted to listen in to my conversation. Nosey cow. I turned towards the boot, concealing my voice. “Think of Jakob.”

“I am thinking of Jakob!” He sighed, the pitch in his voice giving away his upset. “You can’t take him away from me Zoe. Is it money? I’ll help out more.”

“No, it’s not money, it’s my life.”

“And what about my life?” he spat, anger a side to him I had never seen before. “Are you really that selfish?”

“Okay, so because I want to better my life I’m being selfish?” I stabbed at the bag of dog food with an angry finger, imagining his eye. “This is an opportunity for Jakob too, don’t let
your
selfishness ruin it for him.”

“What?” he barked. I squeezed my eyes closed, pulling the phone from my ear slightly at the volume of his bitterness. “I’m selfish for loving my son?”

“Christ, this is going nowhere but in circles, Adam. We’ll talk when you drop Jakob off on Sunday.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Go enjoy your weekend! Go get drunk while I look after
your
son.”

“Whoa.” My body slammed upright, the top of my head bouncing off the boot door. “This isn’t you, Adam.”

“Yeah,” he retorted, “well maybe it’s about time I found that Adam. I’m going to fight you on this Zoe, there is no way I’m allowing you to take Jakob across the world.”

“What?” My heart sped up, its beat erratic against my chest as my lungs squeezed.

“I’m sorry but you’re leaving me no choice. My solicitor will be in touch.”

“Adam?” Silence greeted me. “Adam!”

“Fuck!” I seethed, throwing my phone into the boot.

He wouldn’t be able to take Jakob from me, would he? Tears sprung from my eyes but I swiped them away quickly. I could understand him, if someone was to take my son from me then I would be the same, but my life was crumbling around me. Adam knew this, he had always been a shoulder to cry on and I thought we’d developed a good friendship. Obviously I was wrong, he’d rather sort this through legal representatives instead of between us. I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to take Jakob out of the country without Adam’s consent.

Grumbling under my breath, I turned to unload the remaining items from my trolley into the car, to find it had disappeared. I was sure I had left it right there, right behind me. Frowning, I scanned the car park, wondering if some thieving git had stolen my shopping. My eyes widened when I spotted it running away down the car park, aiming for a nice shiny bright red Mercedes, its wheels squealing at the velocity it was zooming down the sloped concrete.

“Fuck!” I raced after it, my mind saying a silent prayer that I caught it before it crashed into the perfection of the beautiful car.

Yep, no such luck. It rammed into the back wing of the car, forcing a huge dint in the pristine metal before bouncing off, the handle then hitting an adjacent car and rebounding once again, finally coming to rest embedded in the Merc’s back door.

My footing stuttered as I watched with a sickening twist of my stomach, my eyes perusing the area to see if there were witnesses. I would never be able to afford the insurance premium, or the repairs to such a luxury car. Sighing in relief when the dark evening produced none, I clenched my fist with slight excitement at my, for once, good fortune.

I skipped towards it trying to act natural, my eyes still combing my surroundings frantically, pleading with God that he kept everyone inside the supermarket for another ten minutes.

Guilt surged through me when I got close enough to observe the damage, I would be so angry if someone had done that to me, although my tiny Punto would maybe have gained from another dint in its side, evening up the rear damage. Yet another part of me remained pleased that I had been unnoticed. I wasn’t usually such a bad person, but I simply couldn’t afford it, and trust it to be the most expensive car in the bloody place that it had decided to attach itself to!