Back in the kitchen, Jessie filled Luke's coffee cup. “Now, tell me about you. I'd like to know what happened between you and the Kingsleys.”
“For starters, I never wanted to be a rancher. I had no other choice when my dad and stepmother were killed. I studied forestry at Penn State. I'm a ranger but never got to work at it. I managed to get my master's by going nights later on. My mother died when I was fourteen and my father remarried a few years later. I have three stepbrothers. Ted will complete his master's in December, Joe will finish up in April and both of them are going to come back here to run the ranch. Steve has been helping out summers the past two years to get a feel for it all. Come January, I'm going back to Penn State to teach. Summers I'll work at Black Moshannon State Park doing what I love to do.”
“You're leaving!” Jessie asked in dismay.
“Yes. I wasn't cut out for this. I stayed on because I knew it was what my father expected me to do. My brothers love it. It's the best possible solution for everyone. The ranch is doing well. We brought in a few new wells a few years ago that will tide the ranch over if bad times come up. As to the Kingsleys versus the Holts, it's a long story. All the ranchers in these parts had a bad six-year run. We all had a lot of paper at the bank. Angus was pretty flush at the time. When our notes came due, he managed to wheel and deal to buy up the notes so he could foreclose. I was the only one who held out. My stepmother had a very generous insurance policy, with her children as beneficiaries. I didn't even know about it until the boys told me. They turned it over to me, and I was able to hold off our creditors and the bank. I then went to Dallas and borrowed money from a friend to sink a well. We lucked out and brought in two real gushers. I paid off my friend, set up my brothers, and paid off our mortgages. There's quite a bit left, but to my thinking, the boys own the ranch even though my name is on the deed. I don't want them to have to worry if another bad time comes. When I walk away from here it's going to be with Buzz and my truck, although I think I'm going to have to get a new one before long. I am not, nor have I ever been, a material person. I am a peace-of-mind person. Your wealth doesn't bother me, and it doesn't scare me, Jessie.
“The reason Angus wanted my land so badly was because I've got the water, and the underground cables are on my property. I would never deny any rancher water or electricity, not even Angus. I do charge a fair price, though. Does that tell you who I am? Do you still want to be friends?”
“Sure I do. It's going to be hard, though, if you're living in Pennsylvania and I'm here.”
“That's true.”
I miss
you already,
Jessie thought. “Tell me about you and Tanner.”
“We were friends once. I went one way, and he went another way. He wasn't the person I thought he was, and I imagine he thought the same thing about me.”
“That's it. Tanner led me to believe there were deep, dark secrets buried somewhere.”
“Speaking for myself, I don't have any deep, dark secrets. I'm a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of guy.”
“Is that another way of saying you don't want to talk about Tanner?”
“Yes. I'm not one to look back. I deal with today, and I think about tomorrow. Yesterday is gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I have an idea, let's go get an ice-cream cone. Simple minds, simple pleasures. Buzz can baby-sit. We'll bring one home for him. He loves strawberry.”
“You just want to get out of doing the dishes. I'd love an ice-cream cone.”
“Then let's go, lady.”
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Jessie felt
antsy,
in control but out of control. Her back ramrod stiff, she paced the confines of the small, narrow kitchen. Without stopping to think, she reached for the telephone behind her. She made a flurry of calls to the information operator and then another series of calls to her parents' bankers. When she had no success in obtaining their numbers she dialed Arthur Mendenares's private number. Forty minutes later she had her parents' phone number.
A cigarette found its way to her lips. She puffed furiously as she placed her overseas call, at the same time wondering why she had such an overwhelming urge to call her parents. She also made a mental note to quit smoking the moment her life settled into something resembling normalcy. She waited patiently, her heart pounding in her chest. What in the world was she afraid of? The moment she heard her father's voice, her own voice became confident and strong.
“Daddy, it's Jessie. How are you?”
“Dear girl, I'm fine. How are you?”
“At the moment, I'm fine, too. Can we talk, Daddy?” The implication was clear: Can Mama overhear you?
“Your mother is in the garden. As a matter of fact, she's sleeping. She isn't well, Jessie.”
“I'm sorry to hear that. Daddy, I need to talk to you. I want your help. That's not quite true, I desperately
need
your help. Please, Daddy.”
“Darling girl, I'll help in anyway I can. Now, tell me what it is that's troubling you.”
“I'm going to go backwards from the present to the past. I'm in Corpus Christi, Texas. I got married to Senator Kingsley's son. Not because I wanted to, but because I was pregnant. The child needed to carry the name of his father. I miscarried and for a year I was out of it. I can't even remember it. I finally came out of my stupor a few weeks ago and moved out. I realize now I never should have married him. Mr. Mendenares is going to handle my divorce. I'm sure you know Sophie . . . Sophie took her own life. I still have a hard time with that. Anyway, she left her entire estate to me. I'm having a hard time with that, too, but I accept it and will not shirk my responsibility or the trust Sophie placed in me. Are you listening to me, Daddy?”
“Yes, child, I am. I am so very sorry about Sophie. I adored her as you know. Some of my fondest memories are of you two scalawags running around the yard. Arthur sent us a note a few days after it happened.”
“Daddy, why wasn't I allowed to have friends? Why was Sophie my only friend? Was there something wrong with me? Did you ever take me to the doctors to see why I had those awful dreams?”
“Your mother was overprotective, Jessie. When your . . . sister died at such an early age she became . . . fearful. She never got over her death. We did speak to your pediatrician, and he said all children have nightmares. He wasn't concerned and said you would outgrow them. There was nothing wrong with you, dear child. You were a healthy, robust little girl. I'm sorry to say your mother didn't think any of the other children were good enough for you. She only wanted you to associate with people she approved of. Unfortunately she didn't approve of anyone, even her old friend Janice. It wasn't right and I never approved of what she did. Does that . . . help?”
“No, Daddy. Time is supposed to heal all wounds. I lost a child, too. I have to start making sense of my life. It seems there is a part of me that's missing. I can't explain it any better than that. In view of the things that have been happening, I've made the decision to go to a psychiatrist to try and make sense of it. They can hypnotize me. I'll do whatever it takes. I can't and won't live like this any longer.”
“I see,” Barnes said.
“You sound funny, Daddy. Do you really see, or are you just saying that? Do you think I'm making a mistake?”
“Some psychiatrists are charlatans. I wouldn't rush into anything.”
“Sophie said, and I agree, that something awful must have happened to me as a child. If you don't know what it is, then the only way to find out is to have myself hypnotized. Maybe nothing happened, and Sophie and I were both wrong.”
“I suppose that's what you'll find out in the end. I hate to see you put yourself through more trauma.”
“I have to know, Daddy. I've always known something was wrong, but I never knew what to do about it. I fell off a horse a few days ago and had the strangest reaction. It was like the nightmare but during the day. I took it to mean I am getting closer to whatever it is that's been such a stumbling block. I hope I haven't upset you, Daddy.”
“I'm upset for you. I just wish there was something I could say to make things right for you.”
“There is. Don't tell Mama I called. You sound so strange, Daddy. Are you sure there's nothing wrong?”
“I think it's the long-distance call. I am halfway around the world, honey. Take care of yourself.”
“I will, Daddy. Enjoy the sunshine.”
“Don't you mean moonlight?”
“And the moonlight, too.” Jessie waited for her father's chuckle. When she didn't hear it she said, “I'll call and let you know the results if I do go through with it.”
“All right. Good-bye, honey.”
“Bye, Daddy.”
Jessie sat for a long time staring at the phone. It wasn't her imagination that her father had sounded strange. Knowing him as she did, she didn't think he'd lied to her, but he certainly hadn't told her the whole truth. Why was that, and how did she know?
“Instinct,” she mumbled.
Â
It was almost midnight when Jessie walked on tiptoe into her room. She smiled at the sleeping dog and her pup as she brushed her teeth quickly, washing her face and hands before she undressed and slipped into a nightgown. Still watching the dog, she turned down the bedcovers and fluffed up her pillow. In the dim bedroom light, she could see the big dog watching her. In her bare feet, with her pillow under her arm, she walked over to the dog, dropped to her knees, and whispered, “I'd like it a lot if you let me sleep here with you. I'm a quiet sleeper. What I'd really like to do is sleep behind you, but I think you want to keep your eyes on me so I'll lie right here.” Later, she swore the big dog sighed when her head finally hit the pillow and curled into the fetal position. She woke once during the night, aware of the dog's body warmth and the fact that one of her paws rested on her shoulder. At the last second before drifting into sleep she remembered that she hadn't told her father about the dog. She sighed as sleep claimed her weary body.
Â
Barnes Roland stared at his sleeping wife. She was so thin, so fragile-looking. A part of him filled with love and another part filled with anger. The two emotions warred against each other as he gently shook her shoulder.
“Wake up, Thea. We have to pack. We're leaving.”
“I don't want to take a trip, Barnes. What time is it?”
“The time doesn't matter. Jessie called.”
“And you didn't wake me! You are so cruel, Bames. What did my sweet love say? Is she coming for a visit? Is she going to call back? I knew she would come to her senses sooner or later. Oh Lord, we have to get the house ready. When is she coming, Barnes? You wanted to surprise me. It's all right. I forgive you. I have to plan. This is so wonderful. Did she tell you to give me a kiss and a hug? She loves me, Barnes, I know she does.”
“Thea, listen to me. Jessie is not coming here. I want you to listen to me very carefully because I will not repeat any of this a second time. Jessie is going to go to a psychiatrist and have herself hypnotized. Do you understand what that means?”
“No, Barnes, I don't. Why would she do that?”
“So she'll remember what happened. She said she fell off a horse and she had one of her nightmares in the daylight. At least I think that's what she meant. We have to leave, Thea. I told you there was a possibility we would have to move on someday. If she remembers, she can tell the authorities where we are.”
“But the pool, the gardens, the tennis court . . . We did that for Jessie.”
“You insisted on doing that, Thea. I told you Jessie would never come back.”
Thea's feeble voice rose to a shriek. “But she did come here. She brought Sophie with her. You lied to me just the way you're lying now.”
“Jessie is going to remember, Thea. I'm not planning on being here when the authorities come for us. Now, are you coming with me or not?”
“If we go to Argentina, Jessie will never be able to find us. That's where you're planning on going, isn't that right? That's where all those Nazi war criminals went to hide out. We'll be just like them if we go there.”
“We are like them. What we did was unconscionable. We're too old to go to jail, Thea. What's it going to be?”
“Can we leave a note for Jessie?”
Barnes watched as his wife's eyes glazed over. “I have her phone number. When it's safe perhaps we can call her.”
“Give it to me, Barnes. I'll do whatever you want if you give it to me. I swear. I promise. I just want to talk to her. Just once, Barnes. My prayers have finally been answered. She's sorry for all the misery she caused us. I forgive her. It's so easy to forgive someone you love. Oh, Barnes, what should I pack?”