Finding A Way (12 page)

“Fuck,” I groan, smacking her ass harder than before.

I move inside her, a fast paced rhythm that has us both breathing heavy. I reach around her, taking her hard nipples in between my fingers, rolling them roughly.

"OH GAWD," she yells underneath me. "Please, more, please."

I love hearing them beg. It gives my ego the boost it needs. To have a woman totally under my spell is a powerful feeling. I need to feel like this. It’s the way I am.

"Tell me what you want, baby," I command huskily near her ear.

She shivers under me, coming close to her orgasm.

"Harder, Mac. Please, I need you to fuck me hard. I can't hold on much longer."

Her wish is my command. I take hold of both hips, pulling her back so she crashes into me with such force I worry for a second I’ll break her, but when she screams out, I know she loves every second. She wants my cock and she wants me to tear her apart as I give it to her.

I pull back just enough to smack her ass again. This time, my hand print is left in a shade of red on her cheek. More cries come from her, cries of pleasure. I seem to push her over the edge because she screams out words I can’t quite hear as she cums all over me. I follow with my own, leaning down to lie on her back.

“That was amazing,” she says, trying to catch her breath.

“Yeah,” I state.

I remove myself from her and get up, cleaning myself up before slipping my boxers back on. Ally is still lying in my bed naked. I feel myself getting a little ticked off. I look down at her and see in a normal light, she's not that good looking. She's young as hell. Obviously, she’s twenty-one since the college bars are strict with ID’s and scan them at least three times before anyone gets in. But, the longer I stare at her, the more I just want her to fucking leave. Having her in my bed is living proof I’ll pick up just about anything to stop thinking about Callie, even for a little while. It makes my infatuation for her real and fucking ridiculous. This isn’t me. I don’t think about women when they’re gone. They think about
me
when I’m gone.

“All right, time to get going. I got work in the morning,” I tell her, hoping she believes me.

The truth of the matter is I can show up to work anytime I want since I own the place, but I don’t want her knowing. Now I got what I wanted from her, I want her to get the fuck out. It’s time for her ass to hit the steps.

“How am I gonna get home?” she asks, removing herself from my bed while searching for her panties.

“I’ll call you a cab, and your dress is downstairs in front of the door. So, grab it on your way out,” I state flatly. She seems taken back by my cold shoulder, but I don’t give a shit.

“Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of tool are you? You shove me out the door without even getting my number or anything?” she yells.

I see her look around, her gaze falling on my wallet. These girls are all the same. They might as well be hookers. Every time I do this with one of them, they go right for where the green is. They say it’s for a cab, but let’s be honest; they want something for their service. Hell, if a green bill makes them get out, then by all means honey, take your cash.

Ally reaches for my wallet on the dresser as if she already knows the routine. Maybe Trent already fucked her because he’s the only other guy I know who would give women money for a lay. I study her to make sure I didn't already fuck her myself once before, and I don’t think I did.

“Nah, I’m not kidding. Look I had fun and everything, but I’m not interested in the cuddling and shit that comes after. I’ll see you around sometime.”

I watch her grab a twenty out of my wallet and stalk toward me, raising her hand at me. Here it comes. She’s gonna try to hit me. Well, guess again, not gonna happen.

As soon as she gets close enough, I reach out and grab her wrist with my hand before she can do it. She tries to break my hold, but she's having no luck. She lowers her face close to mine. Still naked from the waist up. She looks fucking ridiculous.

“You’re a complete and total asshole. Your friend was a better fuck than you’ll ever be,” she seethes, spinning around and heading for my bedroom door.

Well, that solves it. She fucked Trent, too. I should probably head down to the clinic tomorrow since Trent doesn’t discriminate who he fucks.

A few minutes later, I hear the front door slam and I lie back on my bed, grabbing my phone from the night stand. Two in the morning and I’m not the least bit tired.

Well, at least the crazy bitch is gone.

After
Mac left, Sierra, Evan, and I had some "family" time as we called it. We relaxed around the apartment and watched a couple of extremely girly movies. Evan decided it would be funny to pretend to suffocate himself with a pillow when the end credits rolled.

After we put Evan through pure hell, Sierra took him upstairs to "make it up to him." Which by all means, he deserved. He sat through
The Notebook
and
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
. That right there is love. The fact he cuddled his girlfriend while she bawled over romantic storylines and promises made by fictional characters was enough to melt my heart, even if he was a tad drunk by that time.

At one point, I had to stop watching them because they were almost as cute as the couples in those movies. I felt jealousy sting me when he would whisper in her ear, and kiss her cheek. I want that. My mind wandered to what it would be like if I was the one who had a man to treat me like that. I mean what woman doesn't want a man who would give up everything he knew just to make her happy?

I get myself comfortable in my bed, listening for any sign someone is still awake. Unfourtanely for me, the house is of total silence. It’s not something I enjoy unless I’m outside. I let out a deep calming breathe, hoping tonight won’t be like every other night. I send a little silent prayer to whoever is looking over me that I can actually sleep. Closing my eyes, my mind wanders, and I drift away to where I can be anyone I choose to be.

"You look stunning, Cal. That dress was made for you."

My self-conscious side subsides and I square my shoulders with new confidence. This is what I wish I could have from Derrick every day, not only on our anniversaries.

"Thank you. You look handsome also."

He stands across the living room dressed in a navy blue shirt which showcases his muscular build. It stretches against his chest like a second skin. Derrick has always been a handsome man. Even in high school he was a step above the rest of the guys: captain of the football team, top in the honor society, class valedictorian. You name the achievement, he had accomplished it throughout the years while I stood on the sidelines cheering him on.

As much as I know and love Derrick, I also know we have our issues. He wants a family and I want him to myself for a little while longer. I don't want to rush things between us. I just want to fix ourselves before we bring a child into the world. Is that so wrong?

"Where's your head tonight pretty girl?"

It's time to celebrate the fact that today Derrick is starting his journey to getting sober, and I will be there by his side the entire way.

"I'm just happy, handsome," I smile warmly at him.

"Happy looks good on you, darling. I hope I get to see that smile for a million years to come. When were old, gray, toothless, and lose our minds, I know your smile is the one thing I'll never forget."

Derrick’s lips meet mine in a soft embrace, and his unusual delicate touch almost brings me to my knees. My mouth moves with his rhythmically, never missing a synced beat to my heart.

My finger’s lace into his long hair and I look into his eyes longingly. It’s then I let out a scream which could shatter glass. I jump away from him, cringing at what I see in front of me. Derrick’s suit it covered in blood, and he’s reaching for me. He’s calling out my name while his body shakes uncontrollably.

“Help me Cal! Please! Help me!”

He screams it over and over again, his voice winding through my veins like a vine.

My hand flies to my mouth, and I drop to my knees with a hard thud.

“Derri—”

My eyes snap open, only showing me it’s still the middle of the night. Why can I never get a full night of sleep? I’m so sick of this. Every time I close my eyes, the nightmares come. They aren’t always bad per se, but they always remind me he isn’t here. He’s gone and I’m to blame.

I lie in bed, contemplating what I'm going to do until I can fall asleep again. I figure a beer and the warm night air seems to be the best plan. There's something about sitting outside on a deck in the warmth of the summer time. It’s relaxing. Looking up into the sky and seeing all those stars which are a million miles away calms me. The cool night breeze graces my skin with gentle kisses, adorning me in a feeling of peace. It reminds me we are something so much smaller than we believe. That maybe, somewhere out there, there are other people doing the same thing, looking at us like we’re a tiny star.

I make my way out to our small deck in the back of the apartment and take a seat on the garden swing, curling my legs underneath me. Taking a swig from my bottle, I pull out my phone and open my little yellow notepad. Before I even have to think of what I'm happy to have, I type it. Friends. A huge grin stretches across my face as I hit save. Instead of having no one, I now have three people who I love more than anything. Sierra, Evan, and even Mac in some strange way.

Sierra and Evan welcomed me with open arms into their home, not that I would expect anything less. Sierra has been my rock since we were in ninth grade. She was always the popular one in school, especially with how beautiful she is. She's Italian, so her dark skin had her on the mind of every guy in school. On top of her good looks, she was athletic: track, cross country, soccer, and softball. You name it; she was a part of it at some point. That's where she got her long, lean runner's body from, and I'm still jealous of it after all this time.

We became friends after having a math class together. Sierra wasn’t doing too well on her tests and I was passing with flying colors. So, I ended up offering to be a tutor of some sort which she gladly accepted. After that, we became inseparable. She was the one who invited me to the party where I met Derrick, actually. He was handsome and very popular in school. He was a quarterback for the football team and had a way with words the girls loved. Every girl at school wanted him and I was the one who got him in the end. I wasn’t fucked up then. I was a normal girl: one who went to parties, had more than one friend, and I was smart. Then Derrick’s accident slowed down the train a little. Not to mention all of the other things he did.