Finding Abigail (37 page)

I nodded.
“About six months into the relationship he asked me to marry him. I said yes,
and he moved in that day. I was sure he was the one, the ring he proposed with
matched my locket, I thought it was a sign.”

“What locket?”

“My father,” I
started but my voice cracked on the words. I squeezed my eyes shut and cleared
my throat and tried again. “My father gave me a locket when I was little, he
traveled a lot. He told me that whenever I wore it, he would always be with me.
There was a picture of my parents inside. I lost it a year after he died, and
my mother found it just before I met Nick.”

I stood up with
a sigh and started to walk slowly around the room.

“Would you like
a drink?” he asked, standing up.

“Sure, water
please.” I sat down on the window seat, lifting my legs up to hug them, feeling
nervous. I had told a few people about the abuse but no one as important as
this man.

He came back
and handed me a bottle of water, then sat down on the armchair facing me.
“Okay, go on.” He twisted the top off his water bottle.

The rest of the
story was stuck in my throat. I was so happy now. I didn’t want to relive it.
Or bring Nick into what we had now. His vicious behavior would only taint our
sweet, loving relationship. “I know you need to know this, but I really don’t
want to tell you.” My voice broke on the last word.

“Why?” That one
word was full of so much emotion, love, anger, frustration, and patience.

“Because that
was my past. I don’t want it to ruin my future with you.”

He leaned
forward, setting his bottle on the coffee table, the springs in the chair
squeaking with his movement. “Nothing can touch what we have. I love you no
matter what you tell me.”

I nodded, and
although I didn’t entirely believe him, I was still comforted by his words.
“That night we went for dinner at his parents to celebrate our engagement. His
mother asked if I wanted to wear her wedding dress. I told her I was sorry but
I couldn’t. Later when we were alone, I explained why.”

“What was the
reason?”

“I wanted to
wear my mother’s. I felt that if I wore her dress, my father would be there in
some way.” I smiled as the memory of myself in her dress resurfaced. “His
mother understood, and even gave me a hug. On the drive home Nick was quiet,
and when I tried to explain why I had turned her down, he said he didn’t want
to hear it. As I walked inside our apartment I turned to say something, but he
hit me across the face before I could get a word out.”

Noah’s eyes
turned cold; a vein in his neck throbbed as his hand clenched into a fist. “I
want to kill him.” His voice was low and raspy, filled with hate. It reminded
me of Nick. Again, I pushed the thought away. Noah was not like him. People had
a right to get angry, I knew that. It’s what you did with that anger that
mattered. And Noah would never hurt me or anyone. I just had to get that
through my head. But it was hard. Living with a monster for a year wasn’t easy
to forget.

“Get in line.”
I sighed. “Do you want me to finish?” I asked, worried how he would take the
rest. If he was upset over one slap, the rest would be difficult to hear.

He pursed his
lips and nodded.

“I couldn’t
believe he hit me. I had never seen him that way. Well, I’d seen him angry but
nothing compared to that night. But believe me it got worse.”

“What did he
do?”

I stood up and
faced the window, watching the choppy waves crash against the dock. The wind was
really starting to pick up. But here inside, the air was calm, for now. I
didn’t want to tell him anymore, afraid of what he would think of me, and also
how he would react, like the water outside in the slow-churning storm. “All you
need to know is that he got rough.”

The chair
squeaked as he rose, and suddenly I felt him behind me. The warmth of him,
comforted me, like a soft blanket on a cold night. I felt his breath against
the back of my neck. “What did he do?”

Tears fell down
my cheeks. My heart ached. Not because of what happened, that part of my life
was over, but it ached for Noah, because I knew my next words would cut him
deeply. He acted tough, but he loved with his whole heart. And hearing what I
had to say would break it. “Please don’t make me tell you.” Just then his cell
phone rang, interrupting the intense atmosphere. The shrill ring made me jump.

He stepped
away. “Hello.” His tone was clipped. His face scrunched up as he listened to
the person on the other end. “Oh shit, Wade, I’m sorry, we forgot. But we’re
right in the middle of something here.”

The horses!
We forgot about them.
Even though they were the
farthest thing from my mind, I’d rather be doing that. I wiped my tears away,
and stood up straight, gathering courage.

“Okay, that’s good,
goodbye.” He hung up, and shoved his phone back into his pocket. “He was
calling to cancel. The weather.” He nodded out the window where the trees and
leaves were whipping around like crazy.

I was hoping
the interruption would make him forget, but when I looked at him, I knew I
wasn’t going to be so lucky. “Abby, I need to know.”

“Why? Why do
you need to know?” I asked, stepping toward him.

“Because I love
you and we can’t have a relationship where we keep secrets from each other.” He
touched my cheek, stroking it lovingly. His eyes told me I could trust him.

I sighed.
“Fine, I ran into my room and locked it. I yelled to him that the wedding was
off. I couldn’t be with a man who hits women. I packed his suitcases and
planned to sneak out in the morning after he left for work.” I gulped as
apprehension coursed through my veins. “A few hours later I had to pee. I
opened the door and heard him snoring on the couch. When I started for the
bathroom, he rushed at me and slammed me against the wall.” My hands began to
shake. The images of that night rushed through my mind so vividly it was as if
it were happening all over again. Noah gave one of my hands a little squeeze
and I glanced at the floor, unable to look at him. “He said that since I was
wearing his ring he had every right to do anything he wanted to me.
Anything
.”
I looked up and raised my eyebrows, hoping he would guess, and I wouldn’t have
to tell him.

“Did he....?”
He trailed off, unable to say the words.

I nodded,
suddenly feeling a bit of strength, anger surged through me as the memory
surfaced.
Don’t cry, don’t cry
. “Yes, he raped me.”

Rage flashed
over Noah’s face as he slammed his fist against the wall with a thundering
crack
.
I jolted at the noise and closed my eyes. Cold hateful dark eyes glared back at
me as his hands gripped my neck. I gasped for air, covering my face, my arms
shaking with fear.

Noah wrapped
his arms around me, pushing my face into his chest. His warmth and spicy, wood
scent brought me back to the present. The image fell away as I opened my eyes.
I sobbed into his shirt, comforted by his embrace. I felt protected in his
arms. Nothing could ever hurt me again. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.
I don’t want you to think I’m like him.”

I had to stop
comparing him to Nick. Noah did this out of frustration, because he wasn’t
there to protect the woman he loved. Nick was the one who liked to cause harm.
They were nothing alike and I finally knew that. Taking a deep calming breath,
I pulled back so I could look him in the eye. “You are nothing like him, I know
that.”

He hugged me
again, burying his face in my shoulder, his breath heating my skin. “He will
never touch you again, I promise you that,” he mumbled into my hair. We hugged
for a few minutes, both of us finding comfort in the embrace. Finally letting
me go, he asked, “Why didn’t you go to the police?”

I snorted. “I
did the next day, but he’s a cop. His captain told me it was his word against
mine. I saw Nick as I left the station so I knew I wasn’t safe. I went home
gathered some stuff, and ran. He found me, and when we got home he choked me,
telling me that if I ever left or went to his boss again, he’d kill me. I
believed him, but from that moment on, I planned my escape. I left as soon as I
could. I made sure everyone was safe. My family knew I was leaving. The day I
left I told my mom so she could go stay with my sister and her husband.”

He fell into
the sofa and ran his hand over his face. He didn’t speak for several minutes,
letting everything process.

As I let my confession
sink in, I wandered back over to the window to watch the waves in the water.
Surprisingly, the wind was dying down, and the sun was peeking out through the
clouds. The sky was brightening. Earlier, it looked like a storm was brewing;
now it almost looked like it might turn out to be a nice day.

“How did Kathy
find out?” His words startled me as I was gazing intently outside, amazed by
the unpredictable weather.

I sat down on
the window seat and faced him. He looked better; the shock and anger were gone
from his face. “She saw my picture in a book store yesterday, and she bugged me
until I told her. Sam knows too.”

His eyes
narrowed. “So everyone knew but me?”

“He saw my
picture at work, so he knew I was running from someone. But he didn’t ask who,
he just wanted me to know he wouldn’t say anything as long as I hadn’t done
anything illegal.”

He shook his
head. “I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.”

“He wanted me
to confess to both of you. He even told Kathy to remind me of that when you
wouldn’t talk to me.” I shrugged. “I was afraid to.”

“Oh God, I feel
awful for pressuring you. If I’d known what you went through…” He trailed off,
shaking his head again.

“It’s okay, as
long as you still love me.”

His eyes
widened as he stood up, filling the gap between us, pulling me into a hug. “Of
course I still love you. Nothing will change that.” Again, we held each other,
the mood slowly lightening.

He drew back
looking into my eyes. “So what do you want to do now?” He glanced outside,
where the sun was now out. The wind was still blowing, but definitely not as
strong. “The wind is dying down. Do you want me to call Wade to see if he wants
us to take the horses out?”

I grinned,
grateful that after everything he had learned, nothing had changed. “I would
like to. I don’t want this change anything. That’s why I took so long to tell
you.”

“Let’s go
then.”

Pictures

The ride felt
amazing. The weather had indeed turned for the better. The sun remained shining
above us, and the air was warm, but the wind still had a bite to it. The
colorful wilted leaves lay like a blanket along the path, hiding the foliage
underneath. The air smelled of those leaves and pine.

We went to the
small pond that he had taken me to on our first ride. We tied up the horses and
sat on the large flat rock overlooking the water. “On the way over here, I
remembered something my grandmother said a few years ago. She was bragging to
me about her gorgeous neighbor who was a famous author. She wanted to set me up
with her, but I still wasn’t ready after what happened with Becca.” He took a
deep breath running his hand through his already unruly hair. “I’m so sorry. If
I had listened to her…” He trailed off as I shook my head.

I reached out,
laying my hand on his thigh. “She said the same to me, that she had a grandson
she was sure I’d like. Right before I met Nick, I also told her no. I had been
fixed up before and it didn’t go so well. We weren’t meant to be until now.
What-ifs, can’t change what happened, Noah, nothing can.”

He nodded
solemnly. “You’re right. I’d like to tell my grandma about us if we can.”

Fear snaked up
my spine at the thought of reaching out to anyone from Renwood. What if he
found me? My life was beyond perfect, I was terrified to jeopardize that. “I’m
not sure that’s a good idea. When I was at the library, I managed to email
Debbie, my editor. She told me that he was losing it. She thinks he’s so
controlling over me that it’s driving him crazy that he can’t find me. We
should be extra careful. I don’t think he’d tap your mother’s phone, but you
never know.”

He reached up
and brushed a lock of hair out of my face. “You sure it’s wise to email your
editor?”

I grabbed his
hand and held it, his fingers linked through mine. “I emailed her under the
name of another writer, and sent her a note in an attachment, with instructions
for her to delete it.”

His lips
twitched. “You’re sneaky.”

“I’ve had to be
over the last ten months.”

“You’re not
alone anymore, we’re in this together.”

I leaned into
him, resting against his shoulder. “Thank you. I feel like having Kathy and Sam
over tonight. What do you think?”

“Good idea.
Kathy’s probably going crazy wondering what happened between the two of us.” He
grinned, leaning in for a brief kiss. “And I’d like to talk to Sam about this.
Find out how to keep you safe.”