Finding Bliss (7 page)

“So I guess this is it,” he said. “I’ll see ya around.”

I exhaled. “I guess so.” I angled my head and smiled. “Have a safe trip, Ty.”

Tyler leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek that lasted a beat longer than a peck. I gently touched his damp shoulder before he pulled away and stood. Heads turned once more as he walked away. I heard my mother’s voice as he strode out of my life, “You can’t always get what you want.”

Tyler’s departure brought out my least favorite emotion: hopelessness. Just like when my mom came back from rehab. A low-grade sense of despair that was out of my control. I knew there was a connection between us, but not much I could do to save it if he was just going to walk away.

By the time the kids and I arrived back at the house, tired and sunburned, Tyler and Sadie were gone. The house felt empty and cold, devoid of excitement. I began to pack the kids’ clothes and toys into large Rubbermaid containers, which would be picked up by a freight company that Monday. I left out only what they’d need to get through the next couple of days. Sarah and I were in the kids’ room folding her T-shirts when Mrs. Reed interrupted us. The tension between us had dissipated because she was a master at putting on a happy face and ignoring situations that gave her displeasure.

“Dr. Reed has been called in for an emergency at the hospital, so he and I are going to be heading home this evening,” she said. “And we won’t be coming back.”

“Oh?” I asked, confused.

She leaned on the doorframe, her hands folded behind her back. Sarah went about her business, unconcerned with her mother’s schedule. “Since we were planning on closing up the house and leaving in two days anyway, Dr. Reed suggested that you stay here with the kids. Someone needs to meet the freight company on Monday with our things, and then you can drive Sammy and Sarah home in the Jeep afterward.”

Hallelujah.
I couldn’t have been happier to learn of the revised Reed-free plan and the chance to ride out my last couple of days without those two.

“Of course, it’s my pleasure. We’ll be just fine,” I reassured her, trying to contain my glee. “Don’t worry about a thing; in fact, I can even go through your closet for you and get your things organized into bins with my little helper here,” I said, patting Sarah on the head.

“Wonderful, thank you,” she said and pulled a small wrapped gift out from behind her back. “I have a little something for you.”

Sarah jumped up to grab it from her and ran it over to me.

“That’s so nice, thank you. You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Open it!” Sarah urged.

The package was small and soft and felt like a gerbil covered in wrapping paper. I tore through the paper and discovered a tiny needlepoint pillow with a ribbon sewn to the top; the message read, “Find Your Bliss.”

Anywhere but here
, I thought to myself.

“Find. Your. Bliss,” Sarah read aloud over my shoulder.

“You can hang it on your door handle,” Mrs. Reed said, stating the obvious.

“That was so kind of you to make this for me, thank you so much.”

The next morning, the kids and I went into town, rented bikes, and rode around the lake. We had a late lunch consisting of gelato, homemade fudge, and Frappuccinos. Afterward, we went back to the house and watched a movie while I braided Sarah’s hair into cornrows. When we woke up on Saturday, I made toast and scrambled eggs loaded with cheddar cheese and bacon bits, and we took our plates down to the dock and threw bread crumbs into the water. Sammy had wanted to have breakfast with the fish before we left. I did my best to revel in my carefree state of mind those last few days, knowing that the pressures of law school would soon consume my life, but being in that house only reminded me of being with Tyler. I missed seeing him walk through the front door and throw himself onto the couch. I missed him tossing the kids in the air. I missed the giddy anticipation of seeing him turn a corner and smile when he saw me. I missed our late-night talks and basking in his undivided attention. I was surprised by just how much I missed him in only a few short hours.

The kids and I whiled away most of that afternoon digging for worms and trying to catch one of our breakfast guests with Dr. Reed’s dusty fishing poles from the garage. After dinner in town, we came home and revived our fishing efforts to no avail until the sun went down. Sammy was “head baiter” since I had little interest in holding a worm, let alone piercing one.

“Tomorrow’s our last night here, so why don’t we decide what we want to do?” I asked them.

“I want to do a night swim at the Grand Geneva; you promised we could do that before we go,” Sarah reminded me.

“Is that okay with you, Sammy?” I asked him.

“That’s fine.”

“What about horseback riding? Anyone want to do that tomorrow? We could go for a ride in the afternoon since the stables are near the resort, and then go to the pool afterward,” I suggested.

Sarah nodded.

We packed up the fishing gear, and I let them spend a half hour in bed with their handheld video games while I sat and read my book on the floor of their bedroom. At nine thirty I said good night, turned off the lights, and gently closed the door on my way out.

When I turned around, Tyler was standing right in front of me.

H
e placed his hand over my mouth as I gasped with raw fear, sparing the kids the terror of hearing me scream. My eyes were still wide as he pulled his hand away and placed a finger in front of his lips. “Shhhh.”

My heart was racing as I followed him down the hall, through the den, and into the kitchen trying to gather my thoughts and make sense of what was happening. Before I could speak, he pressed my back up against the counter and kissed me on the mouth.

“Are you crazy?!” I said, pushing him away. “You scared the shit out of me. I could’ve had a heart attack.”

“You look like you’re in pretty good shape to me,” he said, beaming wickedly.

I took a deep breath and shook my head at him, but couldn’t help from smiling. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

He stepped forward, wrapped his arms around me, and squeezed. A full-on emotion-filled embrace. No kiss, no wandering hands—just pure, unadulterated intimacy. I rested my cheek on his chest, and we stood there for what seemed like a lifetime. He was back. Just when I’d resigned myself to missing him forever, he was back in my arms, and until that moment, I had no idea it was possible to feel so happy.

Tyler was the first to pull away. “I have something for you,” he said and grabbed a plastic bag from the breakfast table.

“What’s this?”

“Open it.”

I untied the handles and pulled out a Notre Dame football jersey and pennant.

“You’re a fan now,” he said. “It’s official.”

I hugged him again.

Tyler took the bag and its contents from me and placed them back on the table. Then he took my hand and led me down to the lake where we sat on the lawn and looked up at the sky and discussed star formations like two little kids. He leaned in and placed a hand on my face and then kissed me. His touch was gentle and sweet, yet demanding. He then laid me down in the grass and explored every inch of my body under the moonlight, desperate to discover every curve. He kissed the soft pillow of skin behind my knees while mumbling something about my legs. His mouth traced the small of my back. His thumbs pressed into the base of my neck, and we made love on the hill for hours. I could not get enough of him. His smell, his skin, his touch. My body ached for him if he pulled away for even one second. Around three o’clock in the morning, we woke up naked and cold, grabbed our clothes, and scurried into the house. Tyler was unable to keep his hands off me as I awkwardly attempted to dress in front of him on the dark back porch.

“What are we going to tell the kids?” I asked as he was inhaling my hair from behind.

“About what?”

“About why you’re back here, you fool.”

“They don’t give a shit. Tell them I came back to toss them around the pool one more time,” he said.

I smiled, thinking about how much joy that simple gesture would bring them. “What about your mother?” I asked, my smile fading. “I’m guessing you know that your parents are gone.”

He backed away and threw himself onto the couch. “Whatever,” he said with a wave of his hand. “I’ll tell her I forgot something and decided to stay the night.”

I sighed and did my best to convince myself that she was his problem, not mine.

“Come over here,” Tyler said.

I walked over and sat on his lap. We kissed on the couch for another hour before falling asleep.

“Tyler?”

“Chloe?”

“Ty?”

“Chloe?”

“Ty!”

Sammy and Sarah were standing in front of the couch, repeating our names.

“Holy shit,” Tyler mumbled. “What time is it?”

“Oh my God!” I yelled like my hair was on fire. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. We were up late last night talking because Tyler forgot something and came in the middle of the night to get it, and we were totally just talking on the couch, and he just decided to stay, you know, because it was so late and he didn’t want to get back in the car when it was super dark because, you know, how I’m always saying how dangerous it is to drive late at night and guess what: Tyler is going to throw you in the pool today!”

The three of them were staring at me like—well, like my hair was on fire. Tyler burst out laughing, and I slapped him angrily and avoided making eye contact with the kids.

“Who wants pancakes?” I asked no one in particular and headed for the kitchen.

The four of us spent the day at the pool, and Mrs. Reed never bothered to check in, so I never had to lie to her about anything.
Tyler picked up some steaks in town and barbecued them for dinner. Afterward, we made ice-cream sundaes and put a movie on for the kids.

“Tyler and I are going down to the dock,” I told the two poltergeist-like figures transfixed in front of the TV. Sarah nodded, thankfully.

Tyler was waiting for me with two beers.

“What are you going to tell your mom?” I asked as I joined him on the edge of the dock with our legs swinging over the side.

“Nothing.”

“Surely you don’t think those two are going to keep quiet about you coming back here,” I said, pointing up at the house with my thumb.

“I’m not worried about it.”

I shrugged. “Well, as your most ardent new fan, I’m certainly glad you came back.”

“Me too,” he said and reached over and swept some of my hair from my shoulder.

I thought about broaching the dreaded “what are you thinking” conversation, but I knew better than that. Tyler was going back to Notre Dame and likely entering the NFL draft. He would have legions of commitments and women and responsibilities that would overshadow anything that had happened between us over the summer. And me, I was heading off to law school, well aware of the demands that were ahead of me. I wanted to ask him if he would be thinking about me half as much as I’d be thinking about him, but I didn’t want to go down that path, because what good could come of it? I was glad to have him back even for a short time. And while I may have been victim to his charms, I was no victim. I’d gotten exactly what I wanted.

“Sadie made it back okay?” I asked.

“I don’t want to talk about Sadie.”

“That’s fine, but despite all signs to the contrary, I do have somewhat of a conscience, and I don’t want to get between you two,” I said, lying blatantly. I wanted badly to get between them, but I was more interested in getting him to open up to me.

“It’s not what you think; there’s really nothing between us. She’s just a girl.”

“What am I?”

He leaned to his side and ran a hand through my hair. “You’re a woman,” he said and then kissed my ear and left his mouth there. “A gorgeous, smart, fucking sexy-ass woman.”

I curled my shoulder to my ear and smiled. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”

Tyler wrapped his arm around my shoulders and placed his lips atop my head. He stayed there for a long time before speaking. “I’m going to miss you. I’m going to miss all of this. Being up here with you is like another life.”

The freight company arrived the next day as scheduled and loaded up the truck with various bins, duffel bags, and sporting goods. Tyler supervised that activity while the kids and I packed up the Jeep with snacks and a few remaining possessions before the sky opened up and it started to pour. Tyler quickly hugged the kids and then embraced me after they’d climbed into the car. Our conversation was rushed due to the rain, so I jumped in and opened the window halfway to say good-bye.

“I’ll call you,” he said, shoulders hunched, water dripping from the rim of his baseball hat.

I placed my palm on the window and nodded. Tyler ran to his car and waved before driving away. The fear of never seeing him again was debilitating.

I drove the kids home in silence, thanks to the portable DVD player, but my mind was exploding with countless memories of my time with Tyler at the lake. My summer had begun with very few expectations other than relaxing and spending time with the kids, but my priorities had taken a drastic turn once Tyler became part of the equation. I shook my head at the thought of how quickly my plans for a quiet, stress-free summer had turned into such an emotional maelstrom. My heart ached as I wondered if he was disappearing from my life all over again.

I dropped the kids off at their house around noon, hugging them until they begged me to stop, and managed to get out of there before Sammy announced Tyler’s return to the lake.

The real drama began when I walked through my own front door and found my mother facedown on the garage floor.

S
he lifted her head from a huddled position on the cement ledge in front of her car with a Diet Coke in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She stood up as soon as she saw me, arms flailing, eyes glassy and wild. “Don’t tell them I’m in here,” she snapped angrily. “Go back inside, Chloe!”

I looked over my shoulder and then back at her. “Mom, are you okay? Don’t tell
who
you’re in here. What is going on?” I asked, frightened, and tried to grab hold of her arm.