Finding Charley (Full Circle) (2 page)

The tension within these four walls is thick.  Before I talk, Tori
puts some pretzels into her mouth and acts like they are walrus teeth.  I can’t help but smile when she begins to speak.  Then, all the other Kluft girls do the same as they start to rap “Gin & Juice”.   I’m not better, but I now know that I have friends that I can count on at Southern.  There’s just one problem.  They don’t know the entire truth, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to spill it yet.

When their rap session ends, I realize I have to say something. 
But what?

“Thanks, but y’all really don’t have to do that.  Y’all could have gone out.  I’ll be a
lright.”

They shake their head in unison, and I know there is
no way they are going anywhere.

Caroline is the first to respond, and when she does, it speaks volumes.  “Charley, girl, I don’t know what the hell that was all about, but I know one thing.  You’re one of us, and we aren’t going to let you go through this alone.  I’m ready to break a nail if needed.”  She slides next to me on the floor.

I pull my knees back into my chest and half grin. 
Break a nail?
That’s some serious shit!  I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and let the words flow from my mouth.  “There’s a lot that I need to say, but I’m not sure I can do it or want to.   The one thing I want y’all to know upfront is that I never wanted anyone to know about this, but now I have no choice.”

Georgia chimes in.  “Char, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.  Just know we are here for you when you decide to talk.  Talking is going to help fix this. 
Well… and time.”

Everyone looks around and then back to
Georgia.  They know she knows.

“I know, Georgia, but I need to tell them some of it.  I can’t leave y’all in the dark any longer.”  Here goes
nothing.  The thought of what I’m about to relive and the name I’m about to say make me want to vomit.  I take several slow, deep breaths then begin to share the most personal bit of information about me to more people than I ever wanted to know.  The last time I trusted someone with these words, my life crumbled to pieces in the hallway on the other side of this door.  It’s hard to believe that was only a few hours ago, and here I am about to put it out there again…Dylan, that night, and the underlying current that continues to rise while I’m at Southern.

“Dylan Sloan is my ex, and let’s just
say it’s not a fairy-tale ending.  It broke me.  I can’t explain right now, but I will tell y’all that since I’ve got to school, he’s been keeping tabs on me.  Cash and I have been totally creeped out.  Joe and Georgia knew, but I wanted to keep it to myself.”  I take a pause, and Caroline starts to ask a question.  I put my hand up to tell her to hold on.  “I’ve gotten crazy mail, pictures, and videos of Joe in the mountains. Joe has received crazy Facebook messages, but it all comes down to the fact the one person I trusted the most was behind it.  Joe was Dylan’s eyes at Southern.  He’s on his team and not mine.”

“Oh hell, no!
  I’m about to go give him a piece of my mind right now!  Who’s with me?”  Tori says as she gets up and pulls her hands into clenched fists.

I shake my head no because that is not what I want.  It’s not a war. It’s my life, and it’s time I step up to the plate and take charge.

Tori stops and looks at me like I’ve totally lost it, but then she takes a seat.

We all sit there quietly for a few minutes.  I know this has to be a complete shock to them, but honestly, I’m
surprised that Tori hasn’t put things together since she’s the “Queen of Google”.

Georgia speaks, “Girls, I think we need to just be here until Charley decides what she wants to do.  By being here, I mean, support anytime it’s needed… no matter what.   We are a family, and it’s our job to help pick up someone when they are down. 
Y’all with me?”

They all shake their head and move closer to me.  They huddle around me and just hold me tight until the tears begin to fall.  They don’t fall because I’m breaking.  They fall because I’m healing.   Dylan took so much from my life, but what he doesn’t know is that each piece he has broken is slowly being put back together, thanks to a sisterhood I no
w have with the girls of Kluft.

I feel a glimpse of hope, and that grows even more when Caroline begins to pray aloud.

“Dear Lord, please put your arms around Charley. Hold her close, grant her the strength to get through this, and allow us to be there for her no matter what each of us is facing.  Amen.”

This warms my soul and makes me smile.  Faith has always been a part of my life.  Heck, there’s a church on every corner in the South. Even though we are living life by doing things our parents would probably kill us if they knew about, when it comes down to
it, we are ground in our roots.

As we all hold each other in a tight embrace, Hayden decides to lighten the mood.  “I don’t know about you guys, but I think we need another beer!  Whew!  That’s some emotional shit we just went through!”  Tori looks at
her like she’s not serious, and I giggle like a person in the psych ward.  Everyone else follows behind me.

After our giggle session ends, the girls ask if I’m up for a movie.  I’m not really sure if I am, but what the heck.

“As long as it’s
Sweet Home Alabama
.”  With that statement, I know what I need to do.  “Um, but can I call Cash first?  It might be a while, but if y'all are still game afterwards, I’m in.”

“You got it, Charley.  We’ll leave and get comfortable.  Just let us know when you’re
ready, okay?”  Caroline states.

They leave the room. Georgia stands at the door, and I give her a nod to let her know it’s all right.  I need a little space.

I walk to the dresser and look into the mirror.  I look like I’ve been an extra in a horror movie.  I grab a makeup-removing wipe and clean myself up before I call my Cash Money.  I walk to the mini fridge, grab a Choice Cherry Gold, take my phone and call the most important man that has ever been in my life next to my dad.

I hit
Send
, and before it even finishes one ring, I hear the tenderest, yet roughest voice I’ve ever known.

“Char-coal, are you okay?”

“No, Cash, I’m not, but I’ll survive.”

“Does that mean I need to get on the road?”

I pause for a moment, close my eyes, and begin to speak.

“No, Cash Money, as much as my heart is saying yes, I’m going to do this alone.  I’ll be home in a few days anyways.”

“Aight, Char-coal, but if you change your mind, you better call me.”

“I will.  I want you to know that the Kluft girls are here for me.  They didn’t even go out tonight; instead, they helped me come out of the darkness.  We’re actually going to watch a movie in a little bit.”

He starts to snicker. “Let me guess. 
Sweet Home Alabama
, right?”

“You’re a freakin’ genius!  You know that’s my favorite!  
Gotta love when the good ol’ country boy gets the girl instead of some Yankee.”  At that moment, I realize what I have just said, and it sounds like my damn life.

“Char-coal, I need you to do me a favor.  I don’t want you to be alone.  I don’t know what this shit is with Joe and Dylan, but I don’t want a chance for Joe to try something else.  Promise me if you leave your dorm, you won’t be alone!”

“I don’t think Georgia is going to let me out of her sight, but you have my word.  I won’t.  Cash, I hope I can do this.  I mean, this alone thing.”

“Char, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.  Most people would have lost it by now.”

I interrupt him, “No, Cash, you’re wrong.  I’m not strong.  You are what keeps me together.  I just put up a good front.”

Cash and I finish our conversation, and I promise to call him if I change my mind.  I know that I can’t.  I have to prove to myself that I do not need a guy, even if he is the one constant in my life.  Through thick and thin, Cash Money is my rock, and I know more than anything that the love I have for him runs deeper than any river.  I feel his love moving within my veins.

Chapter 2

After finishing
Sweet Home Alabama
, I decide it’s time to hit the hay.  I’m emotionally and physically worn out.  I excuse myself from Tori’s room and make my way down the hall.  I go into my room, grab my toothbrush, and move toward the bathroom when I see Georgia.

“Hey, Char, you gonna be okay tonight, or do you want me to stay with ya?”

Her words bring forth a monsoon of emotion that I have tried to bury over the past hour, but I put up the wall in front of her as well.

“I’ll be aight.  If I need ya, you’re just a few feet away.”

She looks at me like I’m full of shit.  “Okay, but I’m here if you change your mind.”

At the same time, we turn on the water and brush our teeth in silence.  When we finish, she gives me a hug and we go to our rooms.

I walk into my quiet room, pull back the covers, and turn on the TV.  I flip through the channels and don’t see much of anything.  I decide on CMT and set my alarm for practice in the morning.

I toss and turn.  I look at the clock. One o’clock… two o’clock… I finally drift off to sleep.  
Sleep that soon awakens me to reality with thoughts of Dylan, Joe, Cash, Piper, and everyone that I love.

My eyes snap open. I can hear my heart beating out of my chest, and I feel like I’m about to hyperventilate.   Quickly, I sit up and tell myself that it’s just a nightmare. 
Dylan isn’t here.  Joe isn’t going to bother me. Cash, Piper, and everyone else are fine.

The deceit and sadness I felt earlier is replaced with anger, and I want to walk my ass over to Irvin to give Joe a piece of my mind. 
Don’t Charley
. 
That’s a horrible idea, and Cash will kill you.
  No matter how much I try to shake this feeling, I can’t.

Before I realize what I am doing, my feet hit the floor, and I slide on my Ariats.  I grab my keys and hustle down the stairs before someone notices me.  I open the door, and the cool winter air hits my face and brings me back to reality.  What the hell am I doing?  As I walk around outside the dorm, I see someone approaching me.  Tears start to fall as I realize who it is. Joe.

I turn as fast as I can, but I’m not quick enough.  He catches my arm, and the smell of Jack Daniels is still on his breath.  He doesn’t seem to be drunk anymore.  He must have drunk himself back to sobriety.  I keep my head down, because I don’t want to look into those make-you-wanna-melt eyes. If I do, I’m a goner.

“Squirrel, please listen to me.  It’s not what you think.”

That one statement pulls me out of my thoughts, and I take a deep breath before letting harsh words escape my mouth.

“What I think?  What the hell, Joe?  I trusted you, and guess what?  You are no better than Dylan!  In fact, you’re worse.  You KNEW the entire time and didn’t bother telling me.  What kind of person are you?  Oh, wait. I don’t even think I can call you a human being because they have feelings, dammit!”

Joe keeps his grip on my arm as his eyes meet mine.  He looks as if he is trying to find the right words to say, and that is all I need.  I pull my arm from his and begin to walk back to Kluft, giving him one final statement to think about.

“When you grow a pair and decide to be the man that I thought you were, then we can talk.  Until then, you can kiss my sweet Southern ass!”  I grab the doorknob and stomp up the stairs.  Lightening my feet just a tad so I do not wake everyone, I tiptoe down the hall and slide back into my bed.

As I pull the covers over my head, my phone begins to beep.  I check to see who it might be at this time of night, and my stomach begins to do somersaults.

Dylan: Hope study day has been eventful.  Just remember, I always have the upper hand.

My breath quickens, tears begin to silently fall down my cool cheeks, and my hands begin to quiver.   What do I say?  Do I not say anything?  It looks like it’s time to take my own advice and grow a pair.

Trying to steady my trembling fingers, I hit
Reply
.

Me:
Eventful?  Oh yeah, it’s been eventful all right.  I hope u sleep well at night motherfucker because 1 of these days ur gonna get what’s coming to u!

Dylan:
Such a potty mouth, what happened to sweet little Charley?

I can feel the heat begin to rise within my soul.  I have got to end this madness somehow.  I’m tired of being scared.  Dylan is going down.  You can count on that.  I
give him another quick reply because I don’t want him to have the last word.

Me: U, asshole, that’s what happened, but
know this. U DON’T OWN ME! Now leave me alone. I have practice n a few hours.

I knew that last comment would leave him speechless.  He thought he had taken away more than just my virginity.  He tried to take away the one sport I love, but I have that back.  Now it’s time to create a plan…one that includes the Grassy Pond Aquatic Center (GPAC.)

There is no reply, just as I expected.  I close my eyes, roll over, and smile.  1 point = Charley, 0 points = Dylan.