Finding Eliza (21 page)

“I wonder if your dad suspected his involvement. There wasn’t anything about him in the diary, was there?” asked Lizzie.

“No. There were sections near the end where my father alluded to possible suspects, but he didn’t list any names. It was all just ramblings as he had aged.”

Everyone in the room stood quiet and still. Jack had gone to the hospital to be with Avery so that he wasn’t alone in a strange facility. As a sheriff’s deputy he was usually able to get more information from the hospital staff, making him a helpful asset in an emergency.

“You have to remember one thing, Lizzie,” Gertrude started.

“If you tell me that times were different one more time...” Lizzie muttered.

“Well, they were,” interrupted Blue. “You can ignore it all you’d like, but it’s the truth. Now, don’t assume where your grandmother is going with this one. Take a seat and listen.”

“If Greer had a hand in it, it wasn’t like Thomas or even his brother had much choice. Back then we did as we were told. His father was heavy-handed. If Thomas had disobeyed him, he wouldn’t have stood a chance. He was a little boy then. His daddy would have gotten physical most likely if he said anything, even with his older brother. There wasn’t anyone to save us if parents like Greer Abernathy started swinging.”

“You’re taking that as an excuse for the way they treated your aunt? Did you read the same details that I did, Gran? The details may not be crude or crass, but it’s clear. They raped her. Your aunt was raped. His family did that to her.” Lizzie was inconsolable. She felt betrayed as her grandmother made excuses for the man who tore her family apart.

“What would you have me do, Lizzie? Hate him? This is Thomas Abernathy we’re talking about. Do you not remember how he loved you and cared for you after your parents died? He’s a mainstay at the church. Everyone loves him. Again, I remind you that he was a child when this happened. You can’t blame a child.”

“I can’t believe you’re defending him. If I’m held responsible for what I did, then he’s held responsible, too.” Lizzie flew up the back wooden staircase to her home’s second floor in a rage, leaving the women in the kitchen. She slammed the heavy wooden door sending echoes throughout the quiet house.

“Oh, that temper,” said Claud.

“It’s just like when she was a teenager all over again,” said Abi.

“Just let her go. She needs to cool off. We’ll talk about it later,” said Gertrude to her oldest and dearest friends.

“Do you think she’ll come around?” asked Claud.

“I don’t know. She’s got such a problem with forgiveness. I just can’t understand why she won’t let go of the anger and just relax into grace.”

“She can’t because if she does that then she has no one else to blame for the death of her parents,” said Blue. “She can’t explain it if there isn’t anyone to blame.”

The friends sat in silence as they waited. Gertrude knew that Blue was right. It was exactly what Lizzie had been fighting all those years. Lizzie couldn’t come to terms with the idea that sometimes bad things just happened.

***

Lizzie sat on the edge of her bed with her feet hanging down the side, her thoughts muddled and conflicted. She should be at the hospital awaiting news of Thomas Abernathy’s health. He was a surrogate grandfather to her from the time she was a little girl. Now, he felt like a stranger.

She reached across the bed to her nightstand where the diary lay. If her grandfather suspected the Abernathy family she wanted to know his thoughts. She flipped through the pages with frantic panic until she found an entry written later in his life.

***

Diary of Alston James: 19 July 1968

“It is time to come out of the shadows, stop being afraid, and put evil away.”

I’m not sure who said it, but it keeps sitting in my mind. It’s time to come out of the shadows. I’ve lived there too long. I’ve kept Anne there with me. I’ve focused on forgetting. Each Sunday You remind me that I must forgive. The evil will continue to grow inside me if I don’t forgive. My anger will never affect him, but it will rot me from the inside out.

Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” I haven’t forgiven. The man who did this isn’t with us any longer. He’s facing his judgment from a far more fair and merciful judge than I would be. I can’t keep blaming his son. He suffered as I have suffered. He carries the weight. It is up to me to forgive and lift his burden.

My Lord, please extend the grace that You have showed to me to the transgressors of Eliza’s pain and suffering. It has gone on too long.

Alston closed the diary. He wanted his final entry to be one of forgiveness. “This should have ended years ago.”

The anger and fear had lived under the surface of his life for decades. Old now, he was no longer able to carry that weight. His wife had passed years ago but his daughter had remained to be the bright shining spot in his life. Her son and daughter-in-law had recently married. His life was good, and he recognized that.

Walking into the church building, Alston saw Thomas Abernathy. He had prayed in the same pew at the same time every day for decades. Alston slipped into the second pew without interrupting his prayers. Alston glanced up at the stained glass window to the right of him. It was the story of the prodigal son. It was a story of forgiveness and acceptance. It was a story of grace.

Alston let his hand fall softly on the shoulder of the man in front of him before he spoke.

“Thomas, son, why do you come here each day to pray?” Alston asked.

With tears in his eyes, Thomas turned to look at the man behind him. He knew who it was at the sound of his voice. He grew up with the elderly man always in his eyesight and his thoughts.

“Sir, I pray for forgiveness for what I have done.”

“And, what’s that, son?”

“Sir, it’s my fault that your family has suffered. This church is where I destroyed your sister. I’m so sorry.” Resting his elbows on his knees, Thomas bent and leaned into his hands.

“I shouldn’t have taken this long to reach out to you. Thomas, I forgive you. Do you hear? It has taken me far too long to acknowledge it. I thought that I was just struggling with my own fears and anger. In my old age, I’ve come to realize that you, too, have suffered. You have suffered by your father’s hand and are a victim just like Eliza and Eldridge. I often suspected that you were involved, but I no longer hold you responsible. You were just a child. You didn’t know what you were doing.”

“But if I hadn’t told my father, sir, your sister and her friend would have stayed living.” Thomas became emotional and overwhelmed.

Alston moved to stand at the end of the pew next to the weeping man. Alston held out his hand. “Please, Thomas, you have to forgive yourself. God loves you, and so do I. It just took me a while to realize that I had to give you the same grace that I receive. You are hurting, and God wants to heal that hurt.”

“I don’t know if that’s possible.” Thomas took the elderly man’s hand and cried.

***

Reaching for her Bible, Lizzie looked up the verse that her great-grandfather referenced in his diary.

“Great, you’re preaching forgiveness, too. That must be where Gran gets it,” Lizzie said into the air as she lay against the headboard of the bed. She had to get out of the house. Her legs needed to stretch, and she needed to rest somewhere where others weren’t. The sun hadn’t quite set, so she still had a little bit of time. She grabbed her purse and jacket, and then headed downstairs.

As she hit the last step on the staircase she saw that the gals had moved into the sitting room.

“Sweetie, are you going to the hospital?” Gertrude asked her granddaughter.

“I’m going to the park. I need to think. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. I just need to be alone. You can let yourself out.”

Lizzie was out the back door with nothing more than a wave. She hopped into her Suburban and turned around in the side yard. Gertrude stood watching her through the open curtains as she drove away.

“I hope you find the peace you need,” Gertrude prayed as she watched her granddaughter turn into a cloud of dust down the dirt road.

***

Lizzie stopped the vehicle in front of her favorite entrance to the park. She left the Suburban parked on the street rather than driving around to the side lot. Even though it wasn’t a dangerous area, with the sun setting Lizzie felt safer with her vehicle close by in case she needed to leave. Unlike the other times she came here to pray, Lizzie felt determined and forceful, not soft and seeking.

As she walked toward her favorite park bench, Lizzie noticed a white rose that had dropped onto the walking path. It could have been left behind by a wedding procession as they made their way to the park for photos. Perhaps it was a lonely rose that had broken from the bush when children played too close to the flower beds. She stooped to pick it up.

White for forgiveness, she thought.

Lizzie sat down on the bench underneath the large tree. She leaned back into the wooden slats and looked up at the stars. The church building across the street was open in the evenings for those who wanted to pray, but she needed to be in the open air where she could see the sky in all its glory. She felt like she could look through the stars tonight and speak directly to God. Lizzie had been through Sunday School for enough years as a child to know that she could pray anywhere. For her, the combination of nature and family connections to the park made her feel safe when things were tough.

She sighed and began to think. Looking around to confirm that she was alone, she began talking out loud.

“Lord, I don’t know what you are expecting me to do with this. I know that with You all things are possible. Yet, this feels like a load that I can no longer carry. I am so weary, Father. So angry. I feel as though it’s been one trial after another. First it was my parents, and now I’m facing this situation with Mr. Thomas. I understand You want us to give forgiveness and grace, but in a situation where there is a murder it seems so wrong.”

Pulling out her cell phone, Lizzie started searching her Bible app for the word
forgiveness
. Shocked, she saw page after page returned in the search results.

“Psalm 102:3: He forgives all your iniquities. He heals all your infirmities.” Lizzie clicked on another search result. “Matthew 6:14-15: For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Without warning, Lizzie burst into tears.

“You’ll forget me? You’ll stop forgiving me if I can’t forgive the murder of two young teenagers? I need you Lord. You’ve taken so much from me. You took my parents and now you’re taking Mr. Thomas. You’ll take Yourself from me, too?”

Instead of anger, Lizzie felt true despair. She tapped the screen on her app to find another reference in scripture. She needed to find something that justified her anger toward Thomas. No matter what she read, Lizzie found the command to forgive others. Verse after verse confirmed to Lizzie that she had to ask for forgiveness to live out her faith in full.

She began to pray again and soon she found herself confessing her own sins as Thomas had confessed his. She cried out for forgiveness for her role in her parents’ car accident. Lizzie had prayed for forgiveness in the past, but this time she felt an overwhelming peace as she said the words. She felt a peace that erased the guilt that had held her captive for the last twenty years.

Opening her eyes, she looked toward the church across the street. Her eyes landed on the stained glass window that her great-grandfather had always mentioned in his diary. In bright colors she saw The Parable of the Prodigal Son. Lizzie knew exactly what she had to do.

She had to accept the grace that the Lord had given her, and she had to extend the same grace to Thomas.

Chapter Twenty-One

Lizzie walked through the hospital’s front doors. She stood inside the large, glass rotunda that housed the welcome desk and admission cubicles. She looked around the space for signs pointing toward the Emergency wing when she spotted Jack near the elevator with his cell phone in his hand.

“I was just trying to call you,” Jack said as he reached for his wife. He pulled her close by the sleeve of her shirt and gave her a tight hug that melted the stress away. “Are you okay? Your grandmother said that you left a few hours ago. I was getting worried since it was getting dark.”

“I’m fine. I needed to be completely alone for a while before I could sort out what I needed to do.”

“Did it work?” Jack looked at his wife before he led her to a bank of chairs against the wall of windows that overlooked the parking lot.

“It did. I think that I’ve finally figured it out. I know that I’ve been difficult to live with, Jack. I do. It’s been all coming to a head as Gran says. I think I’ve finally made sense of it. Sitting alone in the park, I had my moment with God.”