Finding Elizabeth (15 page)

During Annie's visit today she brought me
the most wonderful gift I could have ever hoped for. It was a
beautiful baby rattle made from the finest bone and silver. I know
it must have cost her dear and I shall cherish it forever.

Annie has become more of a mother to me than
a friend or a servant. Although she never had any children of her
own, she raised me and I should think she did a splendid job. I
look to her for wisdom during the times when I can not soothe
Emma.

The weather is getting cooler and with an
infant to care for I am afraid I must stay in my prison for a while
longer. I would fear taking a baby out into the cold would surely
bring death to her. But I will continue to plan our escape and will
be ready when spring time comes.

Elizabeth

November 4, 1886

Dear Diary,

To my dismay father has visited. I had hoped
he would take one look at Emma and instantly be smitten. I nearly
fainted when he asked if he could hold her. Reluctantly I agreed
hoping that he would see that keeping a child locked away like a
prisoner was ridiculous. He looked at her and said, "She doesn't
look like a bastard." And then he began talking to me about finding
her a new home, with good people to raise her.

I was overcome with such anger that I stood
up and demanded him to leave my chamber. I think he was shocked to
see that I had a voice. He immediately left, but I am fearful now
that he will return and send poor Emma away to an orphanage.

I can not imagine what I would do if she was
ever taken from me. I do not fear, I know that I would go mad. She
is such a tiny thing, and she needs me as much as I need her. She
is the only link I shall ever have to my dear sweet Thomas. I
continue to hope and pray that he is watching over us and
protecting us.

I think of things like what she will be like
when she grows up. I think of seeing her on her wedding day, or of
her holding my grandchildren. But I mainly think of the small
things like helping her with her studies, or teaching her to sew
and teaching her to play the piano.

I often try to picture what my life will be
like raising both William and Emma. I know it will be a hard life,
and not the one of privilege that I was accustomed to, but also not
a life of imprisonment, abuse or fear. I should think that any life
of freedom would be grand compared to the life I am living now. I
am still not sure what the future holds for Emma, William and I,
but I do know that without them, I have no future.

Elizabeth

November 16, 1886

Dear Diary,

Today when Annie came she brought the most
welcome surprise. It was a wooden cradle for Emma, that the stable
hands made for her. I think it is the most lovely bed a child could
hope for. As if the cradle was not enough, Annie also gave me the
most beautiful white blanket, that fits perfectly inside. I know
she must have spent hours stitching the delicate details.

I shall cherish both gifts forever. The
cradle was such a relief, I had feared that leaving poor Emma in a
crate on the floor would bring her illness as the cold winter
months approach.

I love to watch Annie with Emma. You can see
the love and pride on her face and her hope for Emma's future. I
would think that my dear mother would have the same look on her
face as she gazed into the eyes of my beautiful daughter.

As the year draws on, I keep hoping father
will have a change of heart. Perhaps I will be permitted to
celebrate the birth of Jesus with my precious baby daughter and my
sweet William by my side.

I have asked Annie to retrieve my bible from
my room. I shall begin reading to Emma so she may know the Lord
Jesus Christ as she grows.

Elizabeth

Hearing a soft knock on her bedroom door,
Claire looked up, "Come in."

Daniel slowly opened the door, and peered
in, "Hey, I came down to get a drink of water and I could see the
light under your door. I guess you couldn't sleep?"

"No, I couldn't. I don't want you to think
I'm crazy but I heard a woman sobbing. I know it was Elizabeth. I
need to put an end to this mystery. I decided to read her journal
and try to figure it out," Claire said.

"I don't think you are crazy at all.
Actually I was hoping you would let me help you solve the mystery.
Can I come in? You can read the journal to me," Daniel said.

Patting the bed beside her Claire picked up
the journal and began where she left off.

November 21, 1886

Dear Diary,

To my dismay father has again visited my
bedchamber. I had hoped that after the birth of Emma he would
somehow see me differently. I fear that even though she is so young
she will be scarred by the evil he commits. I did not resist, for I
know that it is not only my life I have to protect but that of
hers.

After father left as I lie in bed, I kept
thinking to myself about my future outside this prison. Even though
I feel I am married in the eyes of the Lord to my dear Thomas, I
also know that it will never be. My Emma will need a father, but I
fear that any man I marry would commit evil acts against her. I
shall talk to Annie to see if she can advise me of what to do.

I know she is young and will not remember,
but I have begun to read stories of the bible to Emma. I read them
every day in hopes that as she grows they will be deeply rooted
within her. I love to listen to her coo from her cradle as I read
softly to her. I have been trying to remember all the nursery
rhymes and lullaby's that mother used to share with Andrew and I. I
want my daughter to have the magical childhood she deserves.

Annie brought me word of William. He is
doing well in school and has even met a new friend, Peter. Annie
says he is growing into a fine young boy. She has not spoken of ill
treatment of William at fathers hand. But I know she would never
convey such a horrible message, in fear that I might lash out at
father. As Annie knows just what father has done to mother, and
what he would surely do to me if I did.

Elizabeth

December 1, 1886

Dear Diary,

I woke last night to the sound of Emma
crying and as I turned to pick her up, father was standing over her
cradle. I thought for a moment that my heart would stop. I slowly
rose and went to pick up my sweet little girl. I demanded to know
what he was doing. He just laughed, and said, "I wanted to see my
granddaughter."

I tried to ignore him, but as he stood there
he watched me for what seemed like an hour before he finally took
his leave. I am not sure what he was thinking, but I am sure it was
nothing good, for that man is pure evil.

After he left I picked up my bible and began
to read. I have found solace in the written word as it gives me
strength and hope for the future.

Elizabeth

December 12, 1886

Dear Diary,

I wanted to tell you about my beautiful
Emma, so I shall never forget it. She has a small patch of fine
hair on the top of her head. It is very thin yet but it is most
definitely red.

I have begun to play with the rattle that
Annie brought her. You should hear her little giggle. It is the
most beautiful sound in the world. I wish there was a way to trap
the sound in a bottle so I could listen to it over and over
again.

The first thing I shall do when I am free
from my captivity is to find someone to make a
Daguerreotype of her so I can capture her angelic face.
Although I know there is no way to ever erase the image of her
beautiful little face from my memory.

As Christmas is coming I
have began using scraps of fabric that Annie brought me and I have
made Emma a beautiful little doll. It shall be a sight to watch her
play and care for it as she grows over the years.

Elizabeth

December 25, 1886

Dear Diary,

Today is such a somber day as I reflect on
holidays of the past. For as long as I can remember holidays were
the most special time around our house. We would worship each
morning and then return to a fine meal. Usually ham, potatoes,
stewed tomatoes, yams, spiced apples, beans, bread and wonderful
pie.

After dinner was served father would let us
look in our Christmas stocking which usually concealed an apple or
an orange, a peppermint stick, and sometimes a small toy. We would
each open our gifts, and for the remainder of the evening we would
sit in the parlor near the Christmas tree and sing as mother played
the piano. Mother always served us gingerbread cookies and spiced
cider or warm milk before tucking us in to our beds with a
Christmas story.

It was always a fine day full of laughter
and fun. I miss those times with mother, Andrew and William and I
shall cherish the memories from those days forever.

I am hopeful at the thought that next
Christmas we will be in a new home and I can begin my own
traditions with Emma and William.

I spent much of today singing Christmas
carols to Emma as she cooed sweetly to the sound of my voice. I am
thankful she is so tiny and will not remember this day, as it was
not the happy, magical day I hoped would be her first
Christmas.

Elizabeth

December 29, 1886

Dear Diary,

Something is amiss. I awoke last night to
father sitting in the chair in my chamber holding baby Emma. I did
not move from my bed for a long moment as I tried to ascertain what
he was doing. As she began to cry, I pretended to wake. I quickly
grabbed her and was able to soothe her back to sleep. As father
left my chamber he turned to look at me, and the look on his face
was one of pure hate. I am so frightened of what he is planning,
but I now fear for Emma's safety as well as mine. A fear unlike any
I have felt before.

Annie tried to calm my fears, but warned me
that as soon as the weather was warm, I would need to be prepared
to fight my way out of this house. She has advised me not to take
William. She fears father will most definitely come after me if I
were to take his son. The thought of never seeing my sweet baby
brother again leaves me with great sadness, but as Emma's mother I
must protect her. She is a beautiful gift from God and I shall
protect her at all cost to myself.

Annie has given me the address of a friend
of hers in Boston. She said she would write to her and ask her to
take me in. I am relieved at the thought that within a few months
Emma and I could be freed. But I am saddened at the possibility of
never seeing William or Annie again.

Elizabeth

January 13, 1887

Dear Diary,

My concern over fathers behavior continues
to grow. Last night I again woke to baby Emma crying. I rose to
feed and change her and as I sat rocking her to sleep, I noticed
movement behind the privacy screen in my room.

I tried not to act startled, for I did not
want him to know I had seen him. After Emma was back in her bed, I
turned out the light as I returned to my bed. I pretended to be
asleep and for several minutes father just kept standing there.
When he thought I was asleep I saw him cross the room to Emma's
cradle, and he put his finger in her mouth. When she began to cry,
I jumped up to comfort her and father quickly left without saying a
word.

I find his behavior very alarming. I can not
imagine why he would put his finger in her mouth, but I know it is
no good.

I fear that if I go to sleep he will come in
and steal her away. I know he does not consider what is in her best
interest, or he would show her love and care and let us out of this
cold attic. I have wondered if father is playing a game on my mind
to torment me and drive me mad with worry.

I pray to God every day to grant me the
wisdom to know what to do.

Elizabeth

January 17, 1887

Dear Diary,

I am so concerned over my sweet Emma.
Yesterday her breathing became very labored and then she began to
have a coughing fit. I noticed her lips were turning blue. I ran to
the door and pounded on it until my fists began to bleed.

As I stood there sobbing and screaming at
the thought of my sweet baby dying, Annie rushed into the room. She
quickly put a little laudanum on her finger and gave it to her.
Emma's coughing fit stopped for a while, however her breathing is
still quite labored. Annie has stayed with me throughout and we
each take turns caring for Emma. We have had to administer the
laudanum several more times. I fear it is too strong for such a
tiny bundle.

I hope that father returns to my chamber
soon, I shall demand he let me out, so I can take Emma to the
doctor. I am prepared to do whatever necessary to get her to
safety. Annie has agreed that should I meet my death, that she will
take Emma far away and raise her in my stead. Although I hope that
is not the case, but I do trust Annie with all of my heart. I know
that she shall give Emma the life she deserves.

I do not know what I would do if not for
Annie as I fear my Emma would be gone from my life. I hope and pray
that my baby gets well. I do not know what I shall do if harm were
ever to come to her.