Finding Ever After (46 page)

           
“I missed you so much. I still can’t believe you’re here with me. It really is
the most amazing Christmas. I never thought I would get to feel this again.” I
confessed. He looked at me, his eyes searching mine. Whatever he was looking
for he must have found because then his face lowered slowly and his lips met
mine in the sweetest, most tender kiss. It wasn’t forceful or demanding but it
was every bit as passionate and powerful as his most searing kiss. There was
nothing rushed about the moment. It was a slow caress that I felt all the way
in my toes. Kissing him was like finally coming home after being away so long I
thought I’d never see that place again.

           
“I’ve been thinking about that for four months now. Even better than I
remembered.” He breathed out heavily.

           
“You really thought about me?” I asked timidly.

           
“Every second of every single day.
I was such an idiot
to walk away and I regretted it before I even did it. You shouldn’t even be
here. None of this would have happened if you had been with me, where you
belonged, but I was such a blind asshole. I know I don’t have any right to ask
for your forgiveness but I swear I’ll never run from you, from us again. I
can’t lose you. I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your love again if you give me
the chance.” He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep
breathe
.

           
“I spent a six hour plane ride preparing what I would say if you made it, and
now I’m completely screwing it up, but what it comes down to is that I love
you.” I gasped. “I should have said it a long time ago, but I was a coward and
I walked away because it was easier than fighting for you. I’ve never loved
anyone as much as I love you and that terrified the hell out of me. I’ll never
deserve you. I’ll never be good enough for you and I was so scared that you
would see that and leave me, so I left first.” His voice was full of anguish
and I just wanted to take it all away. I put my finger to his lips before he
could say anything more. This wasn’t
all his
fault and
he wasn’t the only who needed to apologize.

           
When he just said he loved me I was surprised, but not because he said it. I
was surprised because I already knew it. This whole time that I had been
telling myself he could never love me as much as I did him, he already had. I
could see it now. It was there all along, in every single touch, each kiss and
look he gave me, just like my mom had said it would be. He wasn’t the only one
that gave up and walked away instead of fighting.

           
The truth I had ignored was that night in his room, when he said I could still
go with him on the tour, it really was a genuine offer. Deep down I had known
it then, but I didn’t want to believe it. It was his way of telling me then,
that he wanted me with him, that he wanted to keep fighting for us. He was
trying to say everything I wanted so badly to hear, the only way he knew how,
but I didn’t hear it, or didn’t want to hear it because I was also scared. Too
scared to realize that he put everything on the line, laid
himself
out there, by asking me to go with him, and I rejected him. Not the other way
around.

           
“You don’t have to earn anything, you already have it. I loved you then and I
never stopped. I still love you and I’m so sorry too because you didn’t walk away.
I let you go. I kept thinking that you couldn’t be who I wanted, that you
couldn’t give me what I needed, but I was so stupid because you were already
exactly who I wanted. You’re all I ever needed, just you.
Always.”

           
“You mean that?” The uncertainty in his voice broke me open. This amazing,
kind, beautiful boy was so full of self-
doubt,
he
truly couldn’t see that he was it for me. I understood that feeling; I knew it
down in the deepest parts of myself, which is why I should have seen it in him
all along. We were both so broken, convinced that we weren’t worthy of real
love.

           
“Yes. Nobody has ever seen inside me the way you do, made me feel so alive and
strong. As if I could take on the world, and at the same time so safe and protected;
like I’d never have to do it alone.” After that there was nothing else for
either of us to say so he did the one thing left, he kissed me. For the rest of
my life I never wanted to know any kiss but his.

Kyden

           
I needed to get Princess out of here. I don’t know what I was thinking bringing
her to my parents’, other than she needed this. She had been begging me to meet
them for a year. It was hard keeping her away. It wasn’t that I was worried
they wouldn’t approve. I didn’t give a fuck what they thought. I sure as hell
wasn’t embarrassed by Princess, even if she thought her dad and her past was
something to be ashamed of. No, I wanted to shout from every stage in the world
that she was mine. I still had a hard time believing that she saw anything
redeemable in me, but then again she was so damn sweet and loving, so . . .
good. She was also the strongest, bravest person I’d ever met. She’d survived
so
much,
all I wanted to do was protect her.

           
That’s why I didn’t want my parents anywhere near her. They were cold and
manipulative, everything she wasn’t, but I thought they would at least pretend
to be civil during their Christmas party. I knew this had to happen if tomorrow
was going to go the way I wanted.

           
I’d been waiting a year for this. I would have done it in the hospital the
second she told me she still loved me, but that would have been too soon. Even
though I knew before then that there would never be anyone else for me, she
needed to see that I wasn’t going anywhere. I needed to show her that I could
be there for her and wouldn’t break her trust again.

           
It was a hard year, I screwed up more than my share, but she didn’t give up on
me. Somehow we made each other better, healed each other. I never thought I
would love someone again, after Elaina. I didn’t even believe in real love
after that, but now I knew I never loved Elaina. I’d never loved anyone until
Princess.

           
I’d had the ring in my guitar case for six months now. I’d been tempted to pull
it out and just get it over with every single time things started heating up
between us and she put on the breaks because she wanted to wait for marriage.
Yeah, it had been a long frustrating year, a lot of cold showers, but I knew,
without a doubt, that girl was worth it and she deserved better than some half
assed, horny proposal.

           
I’d never given much thought to religion or faith before. My childhood wasn’t
exactly one that garnered belief in anything pure and good, but since meeting
Princess that was changing. I had to believe that she was made for me, put on
the earth to for me to find and that it wasn’t just chance. There was no way
she was some cosmic accident. Whoever made someone as amazing as her and
thought to put her in my life, had to be good. So I would do this right, for
both of us.

           
First, I had to rescue her from my mother. Who knows what she was saying to
her. I could take a guess that I wouldn’t approve though. She hadn’t exactly
been welcoming when I introduced Princess as my girlfriend. She found every
excuse she could to separate us during the party, her and my father insisting I
talk to this person or that. All of whom had daughter‘s or nieces with last
names that were much more conducive to their aspirations for me. It seemed that
not even signing with a major label and joining a worldwide tour could convince
them that this wasn’t just a phase and I wouldn’t be following I my father’s
footsteps.

           
I excused myself from the group of pretentious douche bags, who were currently
trying to kiss my ass, and went to find Princess so I could get out of here
before I punched someone. I found her and my mother in the hall outside of the
ballroom. I couldn’t hear what my mother was saying but Princess’ face was
considerably pale and there were tears brimming in her eyes. I clenched my
fists and stalked toward them preparing to rip into my mother. Princess’ eyes
caught mine and relief washed over her face. As I got closer I could hear my
mother’s vicious words.

           
“. . . and if you think I’m going to let my son disgrace this family with cheap
trash like you then you’re even more pathetic than you appear. We’re allowing
him his little youthful rebellion so he can get it out of his system, but we’ve
had about all we can tolerate and when his father and I put a stop to this you
will be the first thing to go-”

           
“ENOUGH.” I was beyond pissed, but I couldn’t say I was surprised. My mother’s
head snapped around and she had her usual sour expression.

           
“No. If anyone has had enough, it’s your father and I. We’ve sat by and let you
have your little band, and screw all the groupie whores you wanted, but then
you have the nerve to bring one of them in to my home and embarrass us in front
of our friends. I will not allow that.”

           
“That’s just fine because she won’t be coming back here.” My mother’s
expression turned smug, she thought she had won. “But neither will
I
. I’m done with you, both of you.” I reached forward and
grabbed Princess’ hand and brought her to my side. “The only embarrassment
here, is you mother and I won’t let you speak to the girl I love like that.
We’re leaving. I wouldn’t have even come in the first place except she wanted
to meet you, even though I warned her you were a cruel bitch, because unlike
you she actually has class and grace. You’re right that I don’t belong with her
because she’s way too good for me.” I turned and walked away, pulling Princess
along with me, leaving my mother standing there speechless.

           
As soon as we were back in Princess’ living room I sat down on the couch and
pulled her into my lap. “You know everything she said is
bullsh
-”
I’d been trying not to swear as much around her, but it wasn’t easy. “You know
it’s not true right?”

           
“I know
Ky.
It just wasn’t easy to hear her saying all
the things that I’ve thought myself at one time or another.” I hated hearing
that she’d ever felt that way, but I already knew she had. We’d both struggled
a lot with our insecurities, but we’d also both come a long way from where we
started.

           
“I know you don’t feel that way, and I don’t even think that way about myself
anymore. I know you love me, and it doesn’t matter to me what your parents
think. If they can’t even see how wonderful and talented and brilliant their
own son is, then their opinion means nothing to me. It was just a weak moment
and I let her get to me.” My mother was good at that, rooting out weakness and
then striking.

           
“I guess I’ll just have to remind you of how beautiful.
Kind.
Smart.
Strong.
And perfect I think you are.” I
punctuated each one of those words with a kiss, starting on her jaw and working
my way to her lips.
Those lips.
I let out a groan at
how good they felt working against my own. Her hand gripped the hair at the
back of my neck as I pulled her body in tighter.

           
I knew the first time I looked down at the girl sprawled over my lap and saw
the adorable mess of blue and pink hair and big silver eyes staring up at me
that those lips were going to get me in trouble. It was still true, and I had
to tear myself away from them. I ended up in her shower, again, with the cold
water on full blast, letting the icy spray cool me off. Yeah, those lips were
definitely trouble.

           
When I got out of the shower she was still sitting on the couch, but she had a
large boxed wrapped in snowman paper sitting next to her.

           
“What’s that?” I asked her. “You already gave me your gift.” It had really been
two gifts. She had insisted one didn’t count as a present because it was for
her too, but this morning when she had had shown me the freshly tattooed words
she’d gotten scrolled across her wrist the day before, it was better than any
gift I could have asked for. In sprawling black ink it’d read:

           
I am My Beloved’s

       
and
My Beloved is Mine

       
Song of Solomon 6:3

           
“It’s another present, but I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it which is
why I gave you the painting too.” The painting was amazing. She’d done it from
a picture of the two of us at the base of the Eifel Tower this fall when the
band finally made it over there for a European tour. We actually just got back a
couple weeks ago and were taking a break, except for the show here in Boston
tomorrow.

           
“Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it, but you really didn’t need to do so
much.”

           
“Just open it before you say that. You might be pissed at me.” I was concerned
that she thought whatever it was would make me mad at her, but once I had the
paper off and I pulled the box open, I realized why she thought that. For a
brief moment I was pissed,
then
I pushed the anger
aside. I knew whatever her reasons were for
this,
they
probably made sense to her. I was just confused what they were. I pulled the
violin case out of the box and looked at her questioningly.

           
“Just hear me out before you smash it.” She pleaded. “That thing, that
instrument, has had so much hold over you. I know it’s represented something
terrible in the past, but I want to change that. You’re giving it, her, more
power than she deserves. I want you to play for me. It will just be me and you,
she’s not allowed in here with us.” She put her hand over my heart and took my
hand that wasn’t holding the case and put it over hers.

           
“I want you to take this back from her, don’t let her have it.” That’s why I
wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She knew exactly what I needed,
and she risked me being upset with her to do what she thought was best for me,
and she was right. I had been letting this thing, what happened with Elaina,
haunt me for too long. I needed to be free of it so that I could give
everything to the girl sitting in front of me with apprehension in her silver
eyes.

           
I didn’t say
anything,
I pulled my hand out of hers
and popped open the case. I didn’t even have to think about I, my body and
hands remembered exactly how to make the instrument sing. It was ingrained into
me. After Elaina, I’d hated that, but not anymore. I loved this girl more than
anything in the world, and so I played for her.

           
The next night I was nervous and almost out of my mind with excitement as I
pleaded with Princess.

           
“Please, just tonight, watch the show from backstage.
For
me.”
I pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose, then on her mouth and gave
her the biggest puppy dog eyes I could muster. She always insisted on watching
from the audience, she wanted the full experience, the same as everyone else
got, but tonight I needed her back stage. Tonight was going to be special, the
only reason we agreed to play a show the day after Christmas was because it was
at home and it was the perfect opportunity for me to do this. Everyone
important in our lives would be here tonight. I even made sure that her brother
Shane and his wife would be in the front row with the rest of the people she
loved.

           
“That’s not fair, you know I can’t say no when you’re kissing me.” I did know
that, she often accused me of kissing her silly, and I was counting on it
working tonight.

           
“You don’t really want to say no though, do you?”

           
“No.” She sighed. “But everyone is here tonight, even Sadie. Why can’t I sit
with them?”

           
“Because tonight I want my girl watching from back stage so that as soon as I’m
done I can go back there and kiss her some more.” She seemed to accept my
answer and agreed to stay backstage during the show.

           
When it was time for the last song of the set I grabbed the
mic
from the stand and the guys stopped playing. They knew what I had planned and
aside from threatening me if I ever hurt her, they were just as excited as I
was for this. They all loved her almost as much as I did.

           
“Did everyone have a good Christmas?” I knew the label was probably going to be
pissed that I said Christmas, but this was for Princess and she was firmly of
the ‘I’m going to say Christmas, to heck with political correctness’ mindset.
Thankfully everybody cheered. “I had an amazing Christmas, but I’m hoping it’s
about to get a little bit better.” I turned to face the back corner of the
stage where I could see her face peeking out.

           
“Princess can you get out here please?” I watched her eyes get big and her
mouth drop open as she just stood there frozen in place. “Princess
get
out here now or I’ll come back there and drag you out
here myself.” The crowd chuckled and roared for her to come out on the stage. I
didn’t think her eyes could get any wider but they did. She stepped out onto
the stage and the audience cheered. I couldn’t keep the stupid grin off my face
as she nervously stepped up next to me. I turned so that I was looking right
into her eyes and I took her hand in mine.

           
“Princess, since the moment I met you, my life hasn’t been the same. I know it
hasn’t been easy, we’ve had a lot of struggles, but I also know that I am a
better person because of you.
That I want to be an even
better person because of you.
You were my friend when I didn’t make it
easy for you to be, you were warm and kind when I was cold and cruel. You
forgave me when I didn’t deserve it and you stayed with me when it would have
been easier to walk away. I’ll never be able to show you how grateful I am for
that, but I have one more thing to ask of you.” I reached into my pocket as I
got down on one knee and I watched the tears build in her eyes. “Will you marry
me Princess so we can make our own happily ever after?”