Finding Faith (Love's Compass Book 4) (14 page)

He’d just gone back down the hall to his room when there was a faint knock at the door. She checked the peephole to find Letty standing there. She picked up Kia and pulled the door open before ushering her guest inside.

“Is everything okay? What are you doing here?”

Letty gave her a hug and a reserved smile. “I’ve been worried about you. I don’t get to visit with you much anymore and I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” Okay, she was stretching the truth a bit. But she didn’t want to talk about the bill. Or Aaron. What else was she going to do? 

“Are you going to come to church on Sunday?”

“Probably.” Serenity’s voice sounded much more certain than she felt. She’d planned on going, but was dreading the unavoidable awkwardness that would come with it when Aaron sat down after worship.

“Well, that sounded convincing. Are you doing all right?” Letty reached for Kia and smiled when the kitten rubbed against her chin.

“I’m fine.” She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms in front of her. “Everyone keeps asking me that lately.”

“Aaron keeps telling Zane he’s fine, too. I personally don’t believe either of you.” Letty gave her a stern look. “This whole thing with the guidelines is a bump in the road. I hope you know that.”

Serenity wanted to say that she doubted it. But she’d been trying hard to not be as negative. Instead, she swallowed her initial response. “I truly want to believe that. But we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can’t take Gideon out of school and Aaron would refuse to let me if I tried. And there’s no way I’d ask him to give up his job. There’s not an easy answer. We’re doing our best to keep on keeping on.”

“I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you this or not. But Aaron’s going to the board in a couple of weeks. He obviously hasn’t given up. And a guy willing to stand up to Cynthia … Well, let’s just say he gets a lot of respect from me.”

Serenity thought about what Letty had said. She was right. If Aaron was planning on going to the board and challenging Cynthia’s policy, he clearly thought their relationship was worth fighting for. She still couldn’t shake the worry that, once the board officially knew about them, they might have her fired as well. If only she knew whether or not that was a possibility…

She didn’t want her friend to worry further and forced a smile. “Thanks, Letty.”

“You’re welcome.” She put the kitten on the floor and gave Serenity another hug. “See you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

On Sunday morning, Gideon was excited to go back to church again. Serenity was glad he liked his class so well and wished she could share his enthusiasm. Her stomach was tied up in knots and Serenity hoped she could make it through the service. She realized she might have to start sitting apart from her friends so she could focus more on the service and less on the issues between her and Aaron. The entire drive there, she alternated between trying to psych herself up and talk herself into turning around and going home again.

She got Gideon settled in his class before joining Letty and Zane. Both gave her a sympathetic look which she didn’t need when she was hanging onto her sanity by a fingernail.

Worship began and she did her best to focus on the songs and singing her praises. Aaron was in the back where he usually played the keyboard and that made it easier to ignore his presence.

Until he stepped forward and cleared his throat. “This week has been a challenge for me. I don’t know about the rest of you, but when that happens, I often struggle for control. Control over the circumstance, control over the emotions I’m fighting, and even control over how I want God to respond to my problems.”

At that last part, a number of people in the congregation chuckled. Serenity didn’t join in, but his words struck her with an invisible force that made her suck in a breath of air. What he described was exactly what she’d been going through this week. Aaron’s deep voice pulled her focus back to him.

“I heard this song in the car the other day and I felt like God had put it on the radio for me. This is a song by Casting Crowns and it’s called ‘Just Be Held’. I want to share it with you all this morning.”

Someone handed Aaron a guitar and his long fingers began to play a tune as the rest of the worship team joined in.

The words of the song flowed into Serenity’s heart, taking residence in the confused and lonely corridors within. She didn’t realize she was crying until a tear fell from her chin and landed on her arm. The box of tissues under the chair in front of her beckoned but she didn’t want Letty to see how emotional she was. Serenity did her best to swipe away the tears with her hands and sniffed. When she looked up again, she found Aaron’s eyes on her as he ended the song.

Worship continued for another ten minutes, giving her a chance to get her tears under control before Aaron joined them. Instead of going past her and Letty, he stopped and claimed the seat next to Serenity.

His arm brushed hers and Serenity fought the need to lean into him. She succeeded until he bowed his head low enough to whisper in her ear, his scent enveloping her. “I miss you.”

Tears sprang to her eyes again. “I miss you, too.”

He reached for her hand and held it gently in his, lacing their fingers together. The pad of his thumb stroked hers. He released a lungful of air he must have been holding. Serenity surrendered and leaned against his arm, drawing from him the strength she’d needed so badly.

~

Aaron had spent a lot of time in the last two weeks praying. He’d struggled with himself, desperately seeking an answer to their problem. Every time he thought he might have a solution, something would step in the way.

That song the other day had gone a long way towards bringing him peace. Even though it would be nice if God would hand out maps to go along with His plans, he finally realized he didn’t have to figure it out all on his own.

But it wasn’t until he saw Serenity’s face in the congregation while he sang that Aaron knew everything was going to work itself out. It had to.

When Serenity rested her cheek against his arm, he realized he was falling in love with her. Or maybe he already had.

There was no way he could concentrate on the message. He desperately needed to talk with Serenity and it’d be hard to do once Gideon was out of his Bible school class.

Aaron leaned down again, her hair brushing against his face. “Can we go and talk? Please?”

Serenity turned to Letty and said something, although it was too quiet for Aaron to make out the words. A moment later, she gave him a nod and moved to stand. He continued to hold her hand as he led them out of the room and into the hall outside.

“I told Letty we’d be out front. She said she and Zane will get Gideon when church is over and bring him to us.” Serenity’s chocolate eyes were a whirlpool of emotion.

Taking his cue from her, Aaron led them to the front of the building. The church had stood in that same place for years with a number of tall trees around it. In one location, a stone bench waited in the shade of an especially full mimosa tree. Both of them sat down when they reached it and Aaron reluctantly released her hand.

Two weeks of wishing he could talk to her like they used to. Fourteen long days, wondering if he’d get to hold her again. And now he couldn’t figure out what to say. “The last couple of weeks have felt like a lifetime.”

“Yes, they have.” She kept her gaze on the landscape before them.

It gave Aaron the perfect opportunity to study her profile. He loved that she wore little to no makeup and was gorgeous. Her long eye lashes curled a bit at the tips. He had a feeling they were the envy of many of her classmates in school. Serenity sat with her palms on the bench seat, fingers gripping the edge. It was the only evidence suggesting she felt as uncertain as he did.

“How’ve you been since you got back from Kitner. Did it make you more homesick?” One of the many things he’d worried about when she was gone was that she’d decide to move back. Now he held his breath, waiting for her response.

“You know, I kind of thought it would. And it was nice to see everyone. But Gideon and I, our lives are here now. It’s not easy sometimes, but it’s where we need to be.” Serenity looked down at her shoes as she swung them back and forth, then turned her head towards him. “There’s a lot to come back to here.”

Aaron’s heart thundered in his chest, each beat echoing in his ears. “I’m glad. I missed you both.” That didn’t even cover how he’d felt. It’d been torture, pure and simple. Even sitting beside her now and not touching her was difficult. But he didn’t want to rush her. He had to know they were on the same page first.

Serenity released her hold on the bench and leaned against the back. She clasped her hands in her lap and then started to pick at one of her thumbnails. “I hate this, Aaron.”

He turned, bending his knee closest to her and resting it on the seat. He let his arm lay along the top of the bench. The breeze blew strands of her hair, making them dance along his arm.

“I do, too.” He said a silent prayer for the right words to say and the strength to hear her response. “I’ll always be your friend. I hope you know that. If you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask. But you’re more than a friend to me. Regardless of what we do to try and step back in time, that’s not going to change.”

Serenity’s eyes slid closed, her dark lashes in contrast to her skin. She took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she fixed him with a determined look. “I can’t ask you to risk your job, Aaron. That would be selfish.”

“You’re not. I’ve thought about it a lot — probably way too much — and I think Cynthia’s bluffing. I don’t think she’d let me go. I’ve been at Hope for years and the kids all know me. She wants to be in control and this is her way of trying to exercise that.” He allowed his thumb to rub the top of her shoulder. Losing his job was a possibility, but he hadn’t allowed himself to go there. Not yet.

She shook her head and stood before walking over to the trunk of the mimosa tree. After plucking a blade of grass, she leaned with one shoulder against the bark. “But you enjoy working at Hope. You told me that. And there’s absolutely no guarantee you could get another job. What if you have to move to another town in order to find one?”

Aaron rose slowly and approached her. “You’re right. I can’t imagine working anywhere else. I don’t want that to change. I like my job and the kids I work with. But it’s you I’m falling in love with.”

She inhaled sharply, the blade of grass dropping from her fingers to land at her feet.

He moved to stand in front of her and reached for her hands. “We can keep it friendly at work. There’s no need to provoke Cynthia if we don’t have to. But outside of the Academy … Maybe it’s still a risk, but as far as I’m concerned, you and Gideon are more than worth it. I’m going to talk to the board and see if we can get things straightened out. I spoke with Tuck after the basketball game. He’s trying to gather information that’ll help us. We can deal with what comes after that.” He gently held her chin between his thumb and finger. “Compared to losing you, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Aaron watched her face as she processed his words. He knew how he was feeling. But what about her? The moment remained in suspended animation and he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to breathe until she responded.

The emotion in her eyes pulled at his heart. “I can’t stand the idea of losing you over all of this, either.” Her lashes fluttered.

“We’re doing this?”

Serenity’s voice was breathless. “Yeah, we’re doing this.”

“Thank God.” He tugged her into his arms and held her close. With his face buried in her hair, her scent surrounded him. He’d missed this. Everything about her.

Her arms tightened around his waist as she leaned into his chest for several heartbeats. She lifted her head to look at him.

Aaron absorbed the moment before leaning down to cover her lips with his. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been kissing her when voices broke through their bubble. A few people had exited the church, but they seemed to be the only ones. “Come on, they’ll be out soon.” He took her hand and led her back to the bench. They sat down again. But this time, their hands remained linked. 

It wasn’t long before Letty, Zane, and Gideon joined the sea of people coming out of the church. Serenity waved at them and Gideon took off across the grass to crash into her. She tickled him and pulled him onto the bench beside her. “How was children’s church? Did you learn a bunch?”

Letty handed her two pages that he’d done in his class. She gave Serenity a knowing look. “Everything’s okay?”

“Yeah.” Serenity nudged Aaron’s shoulder with her own. “Everything’s fine.”

He swore her smile was brighter than the Texas sun.

~

Two days later, Serenity had been working a few hours when she got a text from Aaron. A check of the time told her Gideon should be with him for music therapy.

“Come to the music room. Be quiet coming in. You have to see something Gideon’s doing. :-)”

The office was virtually empty so she told Maggie she was going to take a break and would be back shortly.

She walked as quickly as she could down the hallway to the music room. She slowed when she came to the door to Aaron’s classroom. She could hear music playing and peeked her head around the corner. Gideon’s back was to her and Aaron was sitting on the floor in front of him. Aaron noticed her immediately and gave her a subtle nod.

She leaned against the doorframe and watched silently as Aaron picked up one of the hand bells that were lined up between them. As the tune continued from the CD player on the table, Aaron rang the bell and then sang out the note. “Aaaaaaaa.” He continued through the line of bells, singing each note as he went. When he reached the end, he patted Gideon’s chest. “It’s your turn. Gideon’s turn.”

Serenity had no idea what to expect. But when Gideon picked up that first bell and she heard his little voice sing the A note, tears instantly filled her eyes. He’d made sounds before and one note wouldn’t have been a major thing. But when he went on to do the same for B, her heart began to pound and tears streaked down her cheek. She didn’t care one bit. Her son was communicating verbally. It may only be notes, but it was huge.

His voice was beautiful. Perfect.

She listened as he sang each note. After the last bell, Aaron clapped and cheered. “Fantastic job, Gideon. You’ve got a great singing voice.” He motioned for Serenity to approach them. “Look, your mom got to listen to you sing.”

Serenity swiped away the tears and replaced them with a smile. That’s all she wanted her son to see when he turned around. He was thrilled with himself. She hurried forward and knelt down beside him. “Gideon, that was amazing. I’m proud of you, big guy. So very proud of you.” She reached for him and hugged him. Watching Aaron over her son’s head, she mouthed, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

She was pretty sure she saw moisture in his eyes as well.

~

Serenity felt as though she were floating on cloud nine all day after listening to Gideon sing the notes. As soon as they got home, she’d called her mom and Grams to tell them about it. Now she was on the phone with Tuck. He’d been about as excited as she had to hear the news.

“I wish I could have heard him myself.”

“I’m going to ask Aaron if he can record it next week and send it to me. I should have done that today, but I was too mesmerized to even consider the option. I don’t think I’ll forget that moment as long as I live.” She’d lost track of how many times she’d come close to tears throughout the day.