Finding Forever (13 page)

Several times, Jordan considered calling. She even had her hand on the phone once, but froze before she could go through with it. Bob had told her to go for it, to embrace her future, but so far she couldn’t do it. She hated being paralyzed with fear.

Even telling herself the decision was for Jake’s own good was little comfort. Jordan still missed him. “It’s just you and me, Cujo,” she announced to the cat. The way it had been a month ago, before Jake showed up in town and upset the balance of her life. “And we’re going to be fine.” Maybe if she said it enough, she’d actually start to believe it.

***

Jake kept his morning meeting with Joe Camacho. If he was going to be miserable, he might as well stay busy. Jordan still wasn’t taking his calls, so he needed to come up with a different plan of action. In the meantime, he still had a movie to film and preparation to do.  If he wanted this role to culminate in an Oscar nomination, he needed to infuse his performance with as much realism as possible. That meant learning as much as he could about the agents who were entrusted with safeguarding the U.S. border. Unfortunately, he was having a difficult time staying focused on anything his breakfast companion said.

“You seem distracted this morning,” Camacho observed.

“Yeah, sorry,” Jake said. He better snap out of it before his set call, too. Reece wouldn’t have any sympathy for Jake’s suddenly messed
-up personal life, especially since he’d come here to film a movie, not fall in love. “What were you saying?”

Camacho smiled. If he was upset about having his time wasted by an actor who
’d requested a meeting, then didn’t even pay attention, he didn’t show it. “I was voicing my frustration with people who make my job harder by trying to help people cross the border illegally.”

“Help them how?” Jake asked. “And why? Are they involved in the drug trade?”

“Some are, sure,” Camacho said. “Not everyone. Others think they’re being humanitarians, helping those less fortunate. They send the money they make in the states back to family in Mexico, to help their relatives try to come over. They set up water stations along the border so people don’t get dehydrated—”

“You’re serious?” Jake interrupted, trying to wrap his head around the idea.

“Yes. They fill barrels with fresh water, so people who are trying to cross don’t die from the heat.” Camacho shook his head. “They say they do it to save human lives.”

“It’s certainly hot enough here that they might die without the water,” Jake said. “But if you ask me, these people are aiding and abetting in illegal activity.”

“Yeah,” Camacho agreed. “And helping to make things a lot more comfortable for the drug traffickers in the process.” He sighed. “Keeps me busy at least. And you, too, I suppose, because if this stuff wasn’t happening out here every day, this movie of yours wouldn’t have any relevance.”

Jake nodded as he considered that. “True.” The more time he spent with Agent Camacho, the more he realized that the script for
Border Cowboys
was ripped right from the headlines. It was no wonder the film was being talked about as much as it was.

“I have to go,” Camacho said, standing up. “I got the okay to take you out in the van again tonight, if you’re still interested.”

Jake didn’t hesitate. The experience was valuable, and it wasn’t like he had a hot date tonight. “I’d love that.”

“Great. Meet me at the station at nine.”

Jake said goodbye to him, then pulled his phone out to check the time. He still had twenty minutes before his set call. Time to see if he could shed some light on his woman problem. He located the number in his call directory from a couple weeks before and tapped the screen to dial.

“Elizabeth Brewster.” She sounded very formal, and Jake wondered if it wa
s a good idea to interrupt the district attorney during the work day simply because he was upset that her friend dumped him.

“It’s Jake Morrison,” he said. “I’m sorry to bother you, but you helped me out with Jordan before, and I thought maybe you could again.” Jake certainly hoped so, because he wasn’t sure where else to start.

“Help how?” Beth asked. “Are you trying to surprise her with something? That’s very nice of you. She’s been pretty moody the last couple days with you working so much. I think she misses you.”

“Really?” Jake scoffed. “Maybe she should have thought about that before she sent that damn letter.”

“Wait a minute, what letter?”

“Jordan didn’t tell you?” No, of course not. Why would she confide in her best friend, other than he always thought that’s what women did. It was official. He would never understand them. “She broke things off with me, and now she’s not taking my calls.”

Silence followed, then a very loud sigh. “Yes, of course she did,” Beth muttered. “Damn you for being so predictable, Jordan.”

Jake frowned. “You expected her to do this?”

“I suspected she might,” Beth said. “Did she give you a reason?”

Jake tried to remember the contents of the letter, but it wasn’t like he’d read it multiple times. It stung enough the first time. “Some bullshit about deserving better than her and not wanting to hold me back.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Jordan.”

“It’s ridiculous, though. Why the hell would she think she’s holding me back?”

“Look, Jake, I’ve known Jordan for a long time, and she’s a very complicated woman.”

Does she think I need to be told that?
“I know. That’s why I love her,” he said. “Well, one of the reasons, anyway.”

“Good answer.”

“I wasn’t aware I was being tested.” Maybe getting assistance from Jordan’s friend wouldn’t be as easy as he hoped.

“Don’t take it personally,” Beth said. “It’s just that I care about Jordan a lot. I only want what’s best for her.”

“And you need to make sure that’s me,” Jake concluded. He tried not to be offended. He was glad Jordan had a friend to look out for her, even if, in this case, he felt Beth’s concern was misplaced.

“Something like that. Don’t worry, though. I think you’re exactly what Jordan needs, so I hope you won’t give up on her this easily.”

“I don’t intend to. Does that mean you’ll help me?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes, but I can’t do it myself. I’ll have to call in some reinforcements.”

“Sounds interesting,” Jake said, but before he could ask who the reinforcements were, his phone beeped, signaling another incoming call. He glanced at the screen. It was Val. That couldn’t be good. “Whatever you can do, I appreciate. Thanks. I have to go. I have another call,” he said. He ended that call and answered the other. “Hey, Val.”

“I’m glad you answered,” his publicist said. “We’ve got trouble.”

***

Jordan sat down in Beth’s office thinking she’d been summoned there to discuss a case. Instead, she was greeted with an ambush in the form of a long distance conference call that included Sarah in New Hampshire and Tracey in Chicago. “I missed the memo that we were all meeting for study group today.” She didn’t bother trying to keep the sarcasm from her tone. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring my outlines.”

“You’d probably still ace that Contracts exam,” Sarah quipped. “Unfortunately, it appears you flunked personal relationships.”

Jordan glared at the speaker phone on Beth’s desk, then at Beth. Obviously she set this up. “Well, don’t mince words, Sarah,” she snapped.

“I have a court hearing in fifteen minutes,” the juvenile court judge said. “So I can’t waste time. Besides, blunt is my nature. You know that.”

It was, and Jordan wouldn’t have it any other way. She felt blessed to still be friends with each of them, even if she suspected she was going to hate this conversation before it was done. “Whatever you want to say, save your breath. I know you have a fascination with playing matchmaker, but—”

“I do not,” Sarah countered. “That’s not fair. I just want to see people I care about be happy. Is that so wrong?”

“No.” Jordan sighed, regretting her harsh words. “It’s very kind of you,” she said. “The thing is, maybe some of us aren’t cut out for being happy.”

“I don’t believe that, and deep down, I don’t think you do, either.”

Jordan was quiet for a second, not sure what to say in response. Tracey cut in before she figured it out.

“Beth and Sarah have been bringing me up to speed,” she said. “Naturally, I’m the last to know everything, but we’ll let that go for now. Let me see if I got this right. You’ve been dating a sexy movie star who you used to know in California, and he’s crazy in love with you, but you just dumped him because you’re, well... I think crazy is the only word for it,” the law professor concluded.

Jesus. She was officially getting it from all sides. “Where did you get this piece of information from?” Jordan demanded. So far, she’d told no one but Bob in California, and she knew none of her friends knew him. “The NSA?”

“No, but they probably know, too,” Beth deadpanned. “Jake called me.”

“What?” Jordan couldn’t quite believe it. “Since when are you such close friends with Jake?”

“I don’t know.” Beth shrugged. “I guess since I spared you from another bout of food poisoning at the country club and suggested he take you to
Siempre
instead,” she said, then clamped a hand over her mouth. “Shit. You weren’t supposed to know that.”

“Too late, then!” Jordan shot Beth a withering gaze as it all sank in. Jake was planning to take her to the damn country club until Beth stepped in to save the day. She wondered how much of that perfect night was actually Jake’s doing. Had Beth planned all of it? Was anything real? “God! When are you going to stop interfering in my life?”

“I don’t know. Maybe when you stop making a total mess of it on your own. As if that’ll ever happen.”

Jordan flinched as if she’d been slapped in the face. “Sorry to be such a nuisance, but I never asked you to pick up the pieces after all my screw-ups.” She jumped up from her chair. “You can all go back talking about me now.”

“Jordan, wait!” Beth called after her. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Jordan heard the apology on her way out the door, but didn’t bother to hang around. She knew Beth well enough to know her intentions were good and she wanted to help, but the whole conversation stung. From learning that Beth was responsible for orchestrating the perfect night right up to being reminded how she had—once again—completely screwed up her life, it all stung.

***

Jake slid the key
card in the slot and pushed his door open. It had been a long day on the set and all he really wanted to do was collapse on his bed. Instead, he had an appointment in a few hours to go sit in a border patrol vehicle and stare at a nearly-dry riverbed that somehow served as a border between two countries. It was a place Jake never expected to be, yet here he was. No one better ever say he wasn’t dedicated to his craft.

He flipped on the light and jumped when he realized he wasn’t alone. A naked woman lay on his bed, and it wasn’t the one he’d spent most of the day thinking of.

“It’s about time you show up, Jake,” Macy said. “You know I hate it when you keep me waiting.”

Jordan took a walk, not even minding the blistering late afternoon heat, before finally stopping in the downtown plaza, where she bought a fresh-squeezed lemonade from a street vendor. Jordan tossed some spare change into the fountain—wishing only for clarity to make the right decision—before sitting down on a bench. She scrolled through her missed calls and text messages.

Two were from Jake, adding to the ones from the previous few days. He apparently wasn’t giving up without a fight. Where most women would probably be flattered, Jordan was wary. She knew she lacked the resolve to resist him for long, and feared where it would all lead.

Three were from Beth, again offering her apologies. Those went along with the text from Sarah, apologizing on behalf of Beth.
Always trying to be the peacemaker
, Jordan thought with a chuckle. Her friends were very predictable, right up to the call from Tracey, who hated being left out of any fun.

It was an easy decision which call to return, if any. “Hey, Trace,” she greeted when her friend answered.

“I wasn’t sure you’d call me back.”

“I wasn’t either,” Jordan admitted. “But of all the people trying to reach me, I figured you were the least likely to annoy me and the most likely to understand where I’m coming from and what I’m dealing with.”

“Thank you, I think.” Tracey laughed. “You mean most likely to understand because I have a similar track record of screwing up my life?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“No, I did,” Tracey replied. “There’s no point in denying the truth.”

There had to be a story there, and Jordan welcomed the opportunity to discuss something other than her own issues. “How’s Steve?” she asked tentatively.

“Oh, Steve’s great. Steve’s terrific,” Tracey said. “Steve’s dating a junior associate at his firm.”

“Oh.” Jordan didn’t know what else to say. The last she’d heard, Tracey’s on
-again, off-again relationship with her daughter’s father was on. Had she missed an update? It was hard to keep track sometimes.

“Her name is Meredith,” Tracey said with exaggerated sweetness. “Meredith Evers. Do you know what Lindsay asked me the other day?”

“What?” Jordan braced herself, expecting it wasn’t good.

“If Daddy marries Meredith, is she supposed to call her ‘Mommy,’ too?”

“Ouch.” Jordan exhaled. “I’m sorry, Tracey.”

“Hey, it’s not like I haven’t had my chances. That door’s been open for me, and I never walked through it,” Tracey said. “Anyway, enough about me. Let’s talk about you and your sexy movie star. Do you love him?”

“Yes.” That was the easy part. “It’s more complicated than that, though.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“Easy for you to say. Jake’s career is taking off. I can’t hold him back.”

“Who says you will?” Tracey asked.

“My life is here now,” Jordan said. “In Grande Valley. This current movie notwithstanding, it’s not exactly a film mecca, if you get my drift.” As far she knew,
Border Cowboys
was only the third movie to ever film in or around Grande Valley, Texas. Jake wouldn’t have much of a future if he hung around here.

“So you compromise,” Tracey suggested.

“How?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted.  “But if you love each other enough, there ought to be a way to make it work. Don’t you think you should at least talk about it and see if there is a possible solution before you just give up on a promising relationship?”

Jordan didn’t answer, instead watching two little kids splash in the fountain. She envied them how simple their life looked. Then again, Tracey made Jordan’s sound slightly less complicated than it had seemed ten minutes ago.

“Jordan?” Tracey interrupted her thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“I know this kind of thing is hard for you. It’s hard for me, too,” Tracey said gently. “But sometimes you have to just take a leap of faith.”

“Are you going to take your own advice, then?” Jordan couldn’t resist asking.

“I’m not sure I’ll have the chance again,” Tracey said after a minute. “Let’s get you taken care of first, then we’ll talk about me. Deal?”

“Deal.” Jordan smiled. “Thanks, Trace.”

“Anytime.”

***

“Macy.” Jake froze for a second. Val had warned him there was potential trouble, but he still didn’t expect to walk into his room to find Macy naked on his bed. How the hell did she get in his room, anyway? And she was naked. He turned and looked away. “How did you get in here?”

He spied a piece of clothing lying on the floor and picked it up.  It was a halter top of sorts, but there wasn’t much to it. Then again, Macy wasn’t exactly known for dressing modestly. Jake tossed it at her. “Put this back on.”
Please.

Macy caught it with one hand but made no move to cover herself. “Oh, Jake. You can be such a killjoy. You used to be fun.” She rolled her eyes. “What the hell happened? When did you turn into such a fucking choirboy?”

Choirboy? Did she really just call him that? Funny, Jake hadn’t felt like much of a choirboy when he was making love to Jordan in the swimming pool she shared with all the other condo owners. His mother would undoubtedly be embarrassed by his behavior, but maybe she’d give him a pass if she knew they were in love. No, probably not. Jared was right. When he introduced Jordan to his mom, he’d leave that part out. Jake closed his eyes, trying to focus. Now wasn’t the time to think about Jordan riding him to ecstasy. “You didn’t answer my question. How did you get in my room?”

“Bribed the desk clerk, then the maid. How the hell did you think?” Macy rolled her eyes again, and Jake almost wished they’d freeze in that position. “They were more than happy to pocket some cash. Jeez. Does anybody in this shithole speak English or did they all just wade across the border in search of their free ride?”

Jake winced at her words, though bigotry from Macy shouldn’t surprise him. And bribery, huh? It struck him as a little ironic, given her unwillingness to accept his own generous offer to go away quietly and never bother him again. He regretted the day he ever got involved with this shallow little twit, and silently cursed his former PR firm for thinking a tabloid romance would be just the thing to kick-start his career again.

Macy Hayes might be a famous pop star, and attractive in a vapid sort of way, but she’d never been what Jake wanted in a woman, and he wished he’d never agreed to go along with the PR stunt. Sure, things got a little tough when he was killed off
General Hospital
and the zombie film tanked, but Jake always believed his chance would come. He was talented enough to make it on his own. The fact that he’d earned this role in spite of the stint in the tabloids and not because of it confirmed that. He had gone along with it, though, and now Macy wouldn’t leave him alone. “You wasted your money,” Jake said firmly. “And you need to leave.”

“Not until I get what I came here for, Jake” Macy stood and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer as she unbuttoned his shirt. “You know you want me.”

***

Tracey’s words had some merit to them. Jordan couldn’t deny that. Still, she wasn’t completely sure she was ready to follow the advice, so she sought strength and solace from another source; the same source she had for the past seven years.

It wasn’t her regular meeting night at the church, but she knew another chapter of AA met at one of the local high schools. Jordan hadn’t attended a meeting at a school since she left California, but she didn’t think there was any significance to attending this one tonight. After all, churches and schools were the most popular places for meetings. When she got to the auditorium, she went straight to the refreshment table.

A woman who appeared to be in her late fifties, pleasantly plump with a kind face, approached. Jordan thought she looked like somebody’s grandmother, and maybe she was. Proof that recovering alcoholics came from all walks of life. “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before,” the woman said. “My name’s Bonnie. I’m the secretary for the Rio Grande Valley chapter.”

“Jordan.” She extended her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Bonnie. And no, you haven’t seen me before. I usually go to the Tuesday night meeting at the Presbyterian church,” Jordan said. “Tonight, I thought I could use a little extra strength. It’s been a difficult few days.”

Bonnie smiled kindly. “We all have times that challenge us. I’m glad you chose our group. If you have anything you’d like to share, you’re welcome to, but if you’d like to just listen tonight, that’s fine as well.”

Jordan thanked Bonnie and took a seat near the back, where she chose the second option and simply listened. Since the earliest days of her recovery, when she attended meetings in the old high school gymnasium near her apartment in Los Angeles, Jordan had been able to draw strength, clarity, and resolve from listening to the stories of others. Tonight was no exception. By the time she pulled out of the school parking lot, she knew what she needed to do and she felt the courage to do it. It was time to talk to Jake.

***

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Macy’s hands were on him, and Jake felt nothing. If Jordan got this close to him, he’d be rock hard in an instant. Jake silently thanked his dick for failing him.

“What is your problem?” Macy demanded. “You never had trouble getting it up before.”

“I’m not interested, Macy.” In truth, he never had been very interested in her. “We’re done. We’ve been done for a long time.”

“We were so good together, Jake.”

Good together? Her perception differed greatly from his. God, how could he have been so damn stupid? The knock on the door interrupted his self-flagellation.
Great. She probably ordered the most expensive champagne and charged it to my room.
Jake went to the door and yanked it open. “Look, this really isn’t a good...” He stopped when he saw who it was. “Jordan.”

“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said. “But I wanted to apologize for the letter I sent. I thought maybe we could talk...”

Jake tried to listen, but the words were coming so fast, and then there was Macy. He couldn’t let Jordan in his room. He stepped out in the hallway, pulling the door closed behind him. Then he remembered his shirt hung open and his pants were unbuttoned. He hastily buttoned them. “Sorry, you woke me up from a nap. What were you saying?”

“That I’m an idiot, and I got scared. I’ve never been in love before and I’m not sure how it all works. Maybe it could work, though. I mean, if two people want something bad enough, they ought to be able to make it work, right?”

She was sexy when she babbled, Jake decided. Hell, who was he kidding? Jordan was sexy all the time. “I want to make it work. I want that more than anything,” he said. “You’re right. We do need to talk. Why don’t you go down to the restaurant in the lobby?” He had to get her away from his room before Macy opened the door. “Give me a few minutes. I’ll meet you there.”

“Is something wrong, Jake?” Jordan frowned. “Am I interrupting something?”

“No.” He shook his head. “Like I said, I was just taking a—” The door opened behind him and he turned his head.

Macy stood in the doorway, no longer naked, but wearing one of his shirts. “What’s taking so long, Jakey?” She purred, placing a hand on his shoulder. She looked at Jordan. “And who the hell are you?”

Jordan’s eyes narrowed as she stared at Macy. “I was about to ask you the same question.”

“I asked first. But fine, I’m Jake’s fiancée. I’m pretty sure that trumps anything you’re about to say.”