Finding Forever (12 page)

“Ma’am?” One of the other patients tapped her shoulder, causing her to jump. “The receptionist is talking to you.”

Whitney blinked her eyes profusely and tried to regain control. She was stronger than her circumstances. She’d gotten through this before.

“Thank you.” She half-heartedly smiled.

“Okay, Whitney, we’re gonna need you back in here immediately,” Pam urged with an expression of concern on her face.

“Okay.” Whitney nodded incoherently.

“I’m so sorry, Whitney, but if it’s any consolation I know you’re happy you’re having a girl. Despite what’s going on, you and Koran should still try and celebrate that fact.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Whitney choked back the tears that were trying to slide down her cheeks.

Whitney didn’t yet know it, but her day was about to get even worse. Over in the corner with her legs crossed flipping through a magazine was Trina. After hearing the names Whitney and Koran the magazine was no longer of interest to her. This can’t be that bitch, Trina thought, sizing her up. She had no idea Koran had a baby on the way.

Jealousy and hate shot through her veins as she watched Whitney stand with her belly poking out. If Koran thought he was gonna go on with his life as if the time he and Trina had shared didn’t exist, he had another think coming. Trina had one more trick up her sleeve and now was the perfect time to use it. Whitney was halfway out the door before she caught up with her.

“Excuse me.” Trina tapped her shoulder.

“Yes?” Whitney turned around.

“Is your name Whitney?”

“Yeah, who wants to know?” Whitney looked her up and down.

“Koran’s wife.”

Unable to speak, Whitney held her breath and looked at Trina like she was a crazy person. This had to be a dream or, better yet, a nightmare. There was no way a person could get this much bad news in one day.

“Say that again.” Whitney cocked her neck so she could hear her better.

“No need for me to repeat myself. You heard me correctly, but let me tell you something. I don’t know what this isyou and him got going on, but I ain’t going nowhere. Me and Koran been together four years and we got a son together, so I would advise you to step the fuck off, ’cause Koran is mine.”

With her head down, Whitney shook her head and licked her bottom lip. If she wasn’t pregnant she would’ve knocked the shit out of Trina for approaching her with some bullshit.

“You know what, ma?” She chuckled. “You caught me on the right fuckin’ day.”

With that said, Whitney shot Trina a look and walked away.

“Trina Lewis,” the nurse called.

“I’ll be right there,” she answered, picking up her purse with a sinister grin on her face.

Finding Forever

Later on that night, Koran entered the house to find Whitney sitting alone on the couch with his favorite red fleece blanket draped over her body. The only light that shined throughout her loft was the blaring light from the television screen. Koran could smell trouble in the air. The stoned look on Whitney’s face spoke volumes. Usually when he came in at night she’d speak or run into his arms for a hug, but tonight was different.

Whitney didn’t even look his way. Her eyes stayed glued to the program as if he wasn’t even there. If she did look at him she’d hurl. His presence alone made her stomach queasy with disgust. Before asking her what her problem was Koran thought back on what he could have possibly done wrong. He’d taken out the trash like she asked. He hadn’t forgotten to clean out the tub after bathing. It wasn’t her birthday or some other major holiday.

Whiney hadn’t called him all day so he knew he hadn’t missed any of her phone calls. Wait a minute, a thought crossed his mind. Fuck, I forgot to call and ask her how her doctor’s appointment went. Koran immediately felt horrible. How he could forget something so important was beyond him.

“Yo, my bad, babe. I forgot.” He sat down next to her and placed his arm around her shoulder. “How the doctor’s appointment go? My baby doing a’ight?”

Whitney didn’t respond. She couldn’t, due to the fact that she was boiling with anger on the inside. If she spoke to him she would explode, so instead, she held her tongue and focused on the television.

“Yo, you hear me? How the appointment go?” he asked again while rubbing her hair.

Whitney jerked her head away and still wouldn’t respond.

“So that’s how it is? You just gon’ ignore me and watch television? Is it really that serious?”

Whitney inhaled deeply and tried her best to pretend he wasn’t even there.

“What is you huffing and puffing for? I said I was sorry. Damn, my bad. You know I had to be hella busy to forget something like that, so you need to stop with the attitude and get yo’ shit together quick, before you fuck around and make me mad.”

Whitney slowly turned and looked him in the face. Everything in her at that very moment wanted to slap the shit out of him. She could vividly see her fist slamming into his face and him wincing in pain. How dare he be so selfish and rude after the day she’d been through?

“Now you just gon’ stare at me?” Koran eyeballed her back with an attitude. “I said I was sorry. I ain’t gon’ keep on apologizing.”

Whitney crossed her arms over her chest, licked her lips and laughed. This muthafucka got some nerve, she thought.

“Man, what the fuck is wrong wit you? What is yo’ problem?” Koran barked, fed up.

“You’re my fuckin’ problem,” Whitney snapped.

“Are you conscious? Who the fuck are you talkin’ to? I ain’t did shit to you!” Koran pulled his arm from around her and looked at her like she had lost her mind.

“Is that how you talk to Trina and Malik when you mad?” she shot back.

For a second everything around them went silent. Koran was shocked. “What?” he finally asked.

Whitney didn’t even reply. She simply shot him a look that said, “You heard what I said.”

“What you talkin’ about?” Koran played dumb.

How in the fuck do she know about Trina and Malik? he wondered, terrified. Koran’s worst nightmare was becoming a reality right before his eyes. There had to be a way out though. He could lie to her, but Whitney was too smart for that. Knowing her, she probably already knew the truth. He could always start an argument and turn things around on her and make her feel guilty, but Koran couldn’t do that. Even if he wanted to he didn’t have it in him to do Whitney that way. He loved her and valued her feelings too much.

“Baby, listen . . . look.” He took her hand and held it tightly. “I wanted to tell you, but I ain’t know how. You know what I’m sayin’ . . . but it ain’t nothing like that. I stopped fuckin’ wit her before you even came back into the picture. The only reason I still deal wit her is because I take care of her lil’ son. Now I don’t know who told you what, but I’m tellin’ you . . . me and Trina been a done deal. On the real, the bitch is crazy. If It wasn’t for Malik I would’a been had somebody chop her fuckin’ head off.”

Unfazed by his too little too late confession, Whitney threw the blanket off of her and got up. She could honestly care less about what Koran had to say. His words were like leaves blowing in the wind. Besides, she had bigger things to worry about. If he did have another girlfriend, then so be it. The other bitch could have him as far as she was concerned.

Whitney entered the kitchen, flicked the light on and proceeded to find ingredients to make herself something to eat. Koran was dumb heated. Did this chick really just get up and leave like I wasn’t talkin’ to her? he thought with his mouth wide open. This had to be some cruel joke the universe was playing on him. There was no way his beautiful, sweet Whitney could be treating him this way. She was always so giving and understanding, so why now was all of that being thrown out of the window? Koran had to make her see that whatever she’d heard was completely untrue, so he too got up.

“Whitney, you hear me?” he pleaded, following behind her. “I don’t fuck wit her, straight up. You know I’m not even on no shit like that. Me and her don’t even talk. When I call there I ask to speak to Mal and that’s it.”

This nigga just don’t get it, Whitney thought as she placed slices of fresh deli meat onto a piece of bread. Shaking her head, Whitney yawned and rolled her eyes as she stepped around Koran and put away the bread.

“Yo, quit playin’ wit me.” He grabbed her arm tightly.

Without saying a word, Whitney took one look into Koran’s eyes and he let her go.

“My bad, I’m trippin’. I ain’t mean to put my hands on you. I just wish you would listen.”

A part of Whitney wanted to hear him out, but she just couldn’t. Her heart was too raw to digest anything he had to say, so instead, she picked up her plate, which consisted of a sandwich, chips and a pickle and went back into the living room. Never in life had Koran felt more helpless. Nothing was as it should be. Nothing he said or did mattered. It seemed as if Whitney was slipping away before his very eyes.

This wasn’t how their relationship was supposed to be. They were supposed to be happy and celebrating the birth of their unborn baby, but now everything was fucked up and Koran might have just lost the love of his life forever. As Whitney sat on the couch Indian style, she realized that her meal wasn’t as appetizing as she thought it would be. Every bite tasted like sand.

At that point all she really wanted to do was curl up underneath the covers and go to sleep. Maybe then she’d wake up and all her troubles would be gone. It was hard enough to face her own reality, but having to deal with Koran’s deceit was only making life worse.

“Okay, ma, look, I know I fucked up. I know I did . . . but I never meant to hurt you. For years I never thought I would see you again, but look we here, we back together. We gettin’ ready to have a baby and you don’t even have to tell me. I already know it’s a girl. But guess what? She gon’ have big brown eyes and deep dimples just like you.” Silent tears raced down Whitney’s cheeks as Koran held her in his arms.

“We building a life together, ma, so why would I want to fuck that up? I ain’t tryin’ to be wit nobody else but you. You my heart. I love you and I promise if you let me, I’ma do everything I can to make this shit up to you.”

The mention of them building a life together caused Whitney to cry even harder. If only Koran knew what she was going through? The pain in her heart stung like a bee stings. Whitney was drowning and Koran didn’t even see it. This time he wouldn’t be able to save her. Only one person could and Whitney wasn’t sure if this time he would.

After hours of Whitney crying hysterically and Koran not fully knowing why, they both got into bed and drifted off to sleep. The next morning Koran lay flat on his back, knocked out in only his boxers. He had no idea Whitney was already up and preparing to leave until he opened his eyes to find her not lying next to him. His heart immediately skipped a beat at the thought of her being gone and him losing her for good.

Just as he was about to jump up and search for her, she came into the room. Dressed in only her robe, Whitney pretended as if he wasn’t even there. Even though she’d used his shoulder to cry on the night before she still wasn’t fuckin’ wit him. Koran could kiss her ass. Whitney opened the doors to her walk-in closet and scanned the rack of clothes for something to wear.

“Where you going?” he asked, looking at the clock. It was only ten a.m.

“Should I wear my orange smock dress or a tank top and my 7 for All Mankind maternity jeans?” she spoke out loud to herself, disregarding his question.

“So after all that apologizing and shit I did and you crying, you still on that bullshit?” Koran barked.

“Yeah, I think I’ma wear the orange dress,” she continued, taking it off the hanger.

“Where are you going?”

Whitney still wouldn’t respond.

“A’ight, that’s what’s up.” He got up, walked over to his dresser and began pulling out clothes, too.

“Muthafuckas love to play games. Well, guess what? I do, too.”

“What are you doing?” Whitney finally spoke.

“Oh, now you wanna talk? I’ll tell you about muthafuckas.” Koran laughed. “You ain’t hear me when I asked you where you was going, Whitney?”

“I don’t have to tell you where I’m going.”

“Well, guess what, ma? Wherever you go, I’ma go. When you look over yo’ shoulder, expect to see me there.”

“Koran, please, go sit down.” She waved him off.

“Man, please, you got me fucked up.”

“Whatever.”

“Whatever,” he repeated. “Let me tell yo’ lil’ ass something.” He gripped her waist and pulled her close. “I ain’t none of these lil’ lame ass niggas you been fuckin’ wit the last eight years, so don’t ever in your life come out your neck at me sideways. If you got a problem, come holla at me so we can discuss it. Now I told you, I ain’t fuckin’ that bitch and I ain’t been fuckin’ that bitch! But if you wanna act all crazy and shit, I’ma act crazy right along wit yo’ ass until you tell me what the fuck is wrong wit you!”