Finding Gary (The Romanovsky Brothers Book 4) (25 page)

“Regardless…”  Gary cringed.  “Zoey’s parents are still gone.”

Reggie’s eyes fell.

“And I’m still the one who was behind the wheel. I’m still the one who lied to her about it all this time.  She still can’t lay eyes on me without getting scared to death.  You saw her in that hallway the other day…” Gary nearly lost it, covering his eyes with one hand.  “If we’d just told the truth ten years ago…” Gary’s eyes danced through the air as his thoughts took over. “Fuck.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself. We were kids.  There was nothing we could’ve done.  If my father wanted it buried, it was buried.  Period.  Now he’s paying the price.  That’s a good thing.”

“He’s not the only one paying.  He never pays without making sure everyone else pays too. I pay.  You pay.  My family pays.  Zoey pays.  You saw the way she looked at me.  She was terrified.  She honestly believed I would hurt her.  Like I wasn’t her best friend on Earth a few months ago.  Like she wasn’t going to have me stand beside her at her wedding.  Like I haven’t worshiped the ground she walked on since the moment I laid eyes on her.  She’s paying, and she’ll continue to pay.  She’ll never be able to let go of that anger.  She’ll never be allowed to heal.  Fuck him for that.”

“I know you’re hurt about losing her,” Reggie whispered.  “But maybe hearing that it wasn’t really you, but Mitch, who took them… Maybe once my father is in jail…”

“Still won’t change the fact that we lied,” Gary said. “That we had the stones to feed her, clothe her, and call her family.  All while betraying her with this terrible lie.  Jack was right; it’s perverse.  Loving her was worse than if we’d treated her like shit.  At least, if we’d treated her badly, she wouldn’t be nearly as devastated as she is now because she’d have hated us anyway.  But, no. We made her love us.  Val, so much, that she had his kid.  We made her
love
us.”

“You had to lie to keep her safe.”

“That’s not good enough.”  Gary cursed again.  “And if it were my parents, it wouldn’t be good enough for me, either.”

“If you can’t erase yesterday’s lies, then you should make damn sure you keep today’s lies from flourishing.” Reggie kept his eyes on the window of his bedroom for a while, then shot him a shy look.  “When are you going to tell your family about us?” his eyes ran Gary’s face, unable to maintain a frown when Gary gave him a smile.

Gary answered softly.  “Not today.”

21

It was the only thing that could calm Val’s racing heart, dry his teary eyes, and reassure him that there was still real beauty in the world.  Raking his fingers through Marcus’ hair, Val could only complete a full breath when Marcus completed one first.  His chest rose and fell in time with his son’s.  Marcus fussed in his sleep, shifting in his crib with his arms over his head, making his tiny Elmo-print shirt contort into odd angles on his body, revealing his outie belly button, before he finally settled on his back, his bow tie lips parted as his deep breathing commenced.

Val smiled at him, readjusting his Elmo pajamas before returning his fingers to his hair.

“I would die for you,” he whispered, keeping his fingers in the soft tresses while running the bed of his thumb over Marcus’s button nose.  “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.  You can trust me with anything, for the rest of your life, because I’ll always be on your side.”  He leaned deeper into the edge of the crib.  “I love you with my whole heart.  You’re the only thing on two legs that’s keeping my life worth living.”

“Movers are all done.”

Val’s skull nearly connected with the ceiling at the unexpected voice.  He looked to the door of Marcus’ new nursery, covering his heart with his hand while fighting a smile.  “Ay.  I’m becoming an older man, Zo.  You can’t sneak up on me like that.”

Zoey leaned against the doorjamb and crossed her arms tight, kicking her bare feet against the carpet and looking off.  “Just wanted to let you know the movers are gone, and Taj just finished getting all the nanny cams wired up…” She took a deep breath and met his eyes. 

“And you’re also here to tell me my hour is up, right?”

“Your hour was up eight hours ago.  But we’ll make an exception today since you paid for the movers, and this apartment is amazing.  I can’t believe you told me about the Whole Foods on the first floor, but not the Chipotle.  You know how I love my—”

“Double chips, double guac.”  Val blushed into the crib.

“You should’ve opened with Chipotle.  My stubborn streak would’ve gone up in flames right then and there.”  Zoey’s eyes scanned the high ceilings, recessed lighting, the baby blue color he’d already had the room painted, and the view of Central Park from the bay windows.  “It really is… so beautiful, Val.  I feel a lot better with Marcus here.”

Val leaned back down on the crib, still facing Marcus but keeping his head turned toward her.  “We should start thinking about applications for pre-school—”

“Absolutely not,” Zoey interrupted him.  “He’s not even six months old, and I’m not comfortable with him being anywhere outside of this apartment, away from me and Taj.  Not with King still running the streets.  Slashing brakes.”

“That was a nightmare yesterday.” Val cringed the moment he thought back on the trial the day before.

“This whole thing is a nightmare, Val.”

Val looked to Marcus.  “Marcus won’t be stuck behind four walls forever.  Just until that monster is behind bars.  After that, Marcus will need company, friends.  Stimulation outside of you, me, and
Taj
.”

“Don’t say his name like it’s some sort of venereal disease.  It’s thanks to Taj that our son slept soundly every night up until now.  That I slept soundly.”

“I should be the man making you and my son sleep soundly.  So you’ll have to forgive me if I can’t say his name without getting nauseated.”  Val watched her shift against the doorframe.  “We’re getting off track.”

“I’m not ready to enroll him in school.  And don’t we have plenty of time to worry about this?”

“I want him in the best schools.  It’ll work in our favor if we get started early.  Preschool by two.”

“Two?”

Val lifted his shoulders.  “As early as possible, or he’s going to fall behind.  I’ve already been guaranteed his acceptance into The Jydstrup School.  It’s the best pre-K through 12th in Manhattan.  We just have to put in the application.”

“I feel like I haven’t even had a real chance to enjoy my baby.  Now you’re talking about preschool?”

Val gave her a moment, then spoke in a calmer tone.  “I understand, Zo but at Jydstrup he’s ensured a superior education.  It’ll solidify his future.”

“It’s
preschool
.”

“It’s not just preschool. It’s a spot among the best, brightest, and most elite in Manhattan.  Politicians, multi-millionaires, and celebrities all send their kids to Jydstrup.  You need a key just to get in the front gate.  You, literally, need a key.”

“A politician also killed my parents.”

Val’s eyes fell.

“You’ll have to forgive me if I’m not falling in love with the idea of my son being around poisonous people like that.”

“Fine.  Then we’ll put him in public school then,” Val said.  “A New York City public school.  That’ll end well.”

Zoey tried to fight a laugh, but it escaped as a chortle.

Val held his hands out.  “His admission is guaranteed as long as I include a check that pays his tuition up until 5th grade.  They won’t say no to that kind of money.”

“You should’ve spoken to me about this before you agreed to spend that kind of money.  I don’t even want to know how much you paid.”

“No, you don’t.  And I wanted it to be a surprise.  I thought you’d be happy.”  He made an amazed face.  “What an idiot.”

Zoey swallowed, tightening her arms.  “I’ll think about it.”

Val shot her a look, let his eyes travel her face, and then gave Marcus all of his attention, continuing to run his fingers gently through is hair.  “Contrary to what you may believe, I’m never out to hurt my son.”

“I know that, Val.”

He breathed deep.  The sound was so loud and filled with emotion; it felt like a bulldozer smashing through the walls.

“He never told me,” Zoey said, after a long silence.  When the silence persisted, she shuffled her feet.  “Gary never told me he was gay.  Never told me about his real feelings for Reggie King.  Did he know that I slept with Reggie that day?  That day you all came to my apartment looking for him?”

“We all knew, Zo,” Val said.  “Because you’re a terrible liar.”

“Wish I could say the same about you.”

His jaw tightened. 

“It must have really torn Gary up to know I’d been with Reggie.”

“What tore Gary up was quarreling with you, in any way, which is why he rarely did it.”

Zoey’s eyes fell.

“And I suppose he had good reason not to tell you he was gay,” Val said. “It would’ve only led to more questions about that night.”

“God forbid he choose to tell me the truth.  Apparently he’s allergic to that.”

“He wanted to. He wanted to tell you the truth.  Many, many times.  He went toe-to-toe with us over it, many, many times. We always talked him down.  Foolishly.  But at the time, we were convinced it was right.”

“He could’ve told me.”  Her voice lowered.  “If not about my parents, then, at least, that he was gay.  He could’ve been honest about that without mentioning what happened that night.  So many secrets.  For so long.  He was just being eaten alive.”

Val held her eyes.

She searched his.  “I understand.”

Val stood tall, tightening his fingers around the crib.

Her chest swelled.  “I understand why you all lied to me.  Every time I’m in that courtroom, and Victor King looks back at me, this rush of fear consumes me.  Every time he looks back at me from the defense table, I feel it.  The threat.  The danger.  Sitting there and hearing what he’s capable of over these last few weeks…that he…” She paused, covering her mouth with her hand. “That he would try to end his own son… he’d have no problem ending me.  Ending Marcus.  He wouldn’t hesitate.  I’ll never be able to forget that you lied, Val.  Or even forgive.  But… I understand.”  She sighed.  “I guess I’m just upset that my parents aren’t the only big lie Gary told me.  He kept the biggest part of himself hidden from me.  My best friend.  Our entire relationship was a lie.  Everything was a lie.”

“How could he be honest with you, when he couldn’t even do that for himself?” Val whispered.  When Marcus squirmed, his eyes went to the crib, and he waited until he was relaxed again to look back at her.  “I didn’t know, either.  None of us did.”

“I want to hate him.  I want to hate him, so much.”  She made a fist.  “But I can’t.  Even after everything…” She shook her head.  “For ten years he’s been wanting to speak his truth.  But, for whatever reason, he couldn’t.  That’s one of the saddest stories I’ve ever heard.  And damn it if I don’t still love him.”

Val’s eyes shrank.

Zoey fought tears.  “I still love him, and I can’t stop.”  Her voice rose.  “And at the same time, I hate him.  How can I hate someone that I love so much?  It’s making me crazy, Val.”

Val clasped his hands tight, swallowing hard.

“How can I still love you?” she beamed, letting the first tear fall from her eyes as she motioned to him.

Val went to push away from the crib, but froze midway, one hand clutching the crib and the other hanging at his side, eyes boring into hers.

With a soft cry, Zoey pushed off the doorframe and hurled out of the doorway, disappearing around the corner.

Val jolted, skipped a beat, and then jetted for the door.  “Zo,” he begged, but the first plea got caught in his throat, incinerating in the acid burning his stomach.  He swallowed against the pounding in his throat as he followed her scent into the kitchen, raising his voice.  “Zo!”

He found her leaning against the kitchen counter with her head down, curls fanning out all around her face, hiding it from him.  One of her legs was bent forward, making her knee smash into the cabinet doors.  Her bosom heaved under her low-cut top, and she shook her head.

“I didn’t say that,” she whispered, shaking her hair out of her eyes and looking at him.  “Let’s just pretend I didn’t ever say that?”  She slapped away the tears on her face.  “Okay?”

Val lingered in the doorway of the kitchen; gripping the entryway so tightly he was sure his thumb would punch through the plaster.  “I can’t do that.”

“Val, please…”

“I can’t do that… because I’m still in love with you, Zo.  I never stopped loving you, and I never will.”

“Val, please stop.”

“No.  I spent ten years of my life holding back from you because I was so fearful you would learn the truth and I’d lose you.  Now that I’ve lost you, I don’t want to hold back anymore.  I won’t.  Zo, the first time you walked into that house in Jersey, the first time I laid eyes on you…” He made claws at his belly button.  “My stomach bottomed out.  I took one look at you and fell in love.  I’m doing my best to move on, but all I can think about… from the second I open my eyes in the morning to the second I have to force myself to sleep at night, is us being a family again.  It’s the reason I gave Novsky to Leo and Rome.  Because I don’t have the capacity to care about anything else.” Val’s voice trembled.  “It’s the only thing that gets me out of bed and carries me through the day, that faint, faint hope… that one day, you two will be mine again.”  He moved towards her.  When she didn’t instantly move away, he took her arms in a gentle hold from behind.  She stiffened against the counter but didn’t rear away.  “Zo, I’m begging you… if you believe there’s even the… the faintest chance—”

“You were never going to tell me!” she erupted, turning on her heel, giving him her heated gaze.

Val bounced at her sudden explosion, but he didn’t lighten his hold, not even as she fought to rip her arms away.  She fought to free herself—not from the hurt, or the anger, or the emotion, but from everything that contradicted it.  From the very animal that should have been dead in her.  That should have dissipated long ago. 

She managed to free one of her arms and instantly sent a fist soaring into his chest.

Val planted his feet and took the blow.  He released her other arm, only slightly flinching when that fist connected with his chest, too.  Another strike followed, one after the other until she was grunting with each slug, giving it all her might, nearly taking him off his feet when her strikes turned to shoves.  Her palms flew into his pecs, and soon she was screaming with the effort to take him off his feet, to push him away, to cause him pain, and only when Val finally felt himself begin to stumble did he take her arms in his hands again, gripping her tiny biceps as they flexed with each hit.

“You would’ve let me go to my deathbed without ever telling me the truth.  That is not love,” she cried, trying again to reclaim her arms again.  “Get your fucking hands off me.”

Instead, he tightened his hold, barely resisting the urge to shake her. 

Zoey craned her neck to the side, her hands tightening into fists under her chin. Tears dripped like a waterfall.

“I hate you,” she wheezed.  “I hate you so much for this, Val.”

Val took hold of her jaw, the tips of his fingers slipping over the moisture on her face when he tried to move her head.  His thumb dug into her cheek.  “Look at me.”

Zoey refused, trying to turn her face farther away, groaning in frustration when he gave every inch of strength he had to move her gaze to his.

“Look at me…” He dug his fingers deeper into her skin, making valleys in each of her cheeks as he brought her gaze back to his.  He waited for her tightly sealed eyes to open, meet his, and stay.  When they did, just as pained and beautiful as the first time he’d ever looked into them, he leaned in and sucked the tip of her chin between his trembling lips.  He tasted the salty tears, inches from dripping off her skin, on the bed of his tongue.