Finding Grace: A Novel (29 page)

At times, she’d been fascinated watching the
two of them together. Even in the presence of other people they
were open and loving, though restrained somewhat when being
observed. It seemed they always needed to touch in some way, even
if it was just the way one would bump the shoulder of the other.
When standing together, they were always much closer than they
should have been, and quite often she’d seen their fingers
intertwining. Even when helping each other in some little task,
they were always smiling and whispering with each other. But it was
the unguarded times, when they thought no one was looking…those
were the moments she found quite beautiful and moving. They liked
to hold each other close, sometimes kissing softly and other times
just looking in each others eyes and speaking in whispers. It was a
deep, profound love they had for each other, and she could see how
Jack would be in pain at the loss.

There came the sound of footsteps on the
stairs in the hall, and she righted her expression, pretending to
focus on the coffee. Alice came in, and Grace saw how she walked
right past Jack and neither of them said a word to each other. But
when Alice came to stand beside her, there was a smile on her
face.

“
Oh good, you made coffee.
I’m dying for a cup.”

“
I could use one over here,”
said Jack. “And are we cooking something or not? I need to get to
work in a little while.”

She looked at Alice, seeing the slight sneer
on her lip as she poured a cup of coffee for herself. Grace
wondered…if she was so daring as to take a cup to Jack, would Alice
be upset?

But it seemed her sister-in-law was occupied
with her own thoughts. Grace watched, curious, as Alice opened the
drawer to find a spoon. From the cabinet she took a bowl…from
another cabinet she found a box of cereal. Taking them all over to
Jack, she tossed them down in front of him. The bowl rattled with a
noisy, almost angry sound. And Alice sneered at him.

“
Eat up.”

Grace looked at Jack, who looked up at his
wife with a stunned expression. She didn’t quite understand what
that look was about, but if she didn’t know better, she would say
he seemed hurt. She turned to Alice, who went back to retrieve her
cup of coffee.

“
I’m going to sit outside to
get some fresh air,” she said. Taking her cup, she left to go out
on the patio.

Grace looked at Jack again. He was staring
at the empty cereal bowl in front of him…and then he suddenly rose
to his feet.

“
I have to shower and shave.
I’ll wait and eat later.” He leaned over to give her a peck on the
cheek, and then he was gone, upstairs to get ready for
work.

Looking out the window, Grace saw Alice
calmly sipping her coffee. After a few moments, she went out to sit
with her. Almost before Grace’s bottom touched the seat, Alice
started ranting.

"Do you know he didn't even apologize for
all that shouting and carrying on? He just tried to crawl into bed
with me last night like nothing happened."

Grace raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Is
that when you kicked him out?"

Alice shook her head. "Not at first. He
tried to talk to me, but I kept ignoring him. He even tried to put
his arm around me, but I threw it back at him. That's when he got
mad. He took his pillow and stormed out of the room."

"And that's why I found him on the couch
this morning.”

Alice nodded. Then Grace saw her turn her
head, a little smile on her face.

“
I know you didn’t
understand what the fuss was about the cereal box. But let’s just
say it’s a little reminder of something from a long time ago.
Yelling and screaming takes the pressure off. But sometimes, it’s
the little efforts that can really get a point across, and I think
I made mine this morning.” She looked down at the little watch
hanging from her necklace. “I’ve got to run into town for a meeting
about a library fundraiser. Do you want to come?”

Grace smiled, shaking her head. “No, I think
I’ll stay here and soak up the peace and quiet. You go on and do
what you need to.”

Alice returned the smile, giving her a kiss
on the cheek. Then she left…and Grace was all alone.

It was a beautiful day out, and she
considered just sitting there on the patio, enjoying the sunshine.
But somehow, that didn't suit her today. What she wanted was a
stroll, like the ones she used to take at home. She rose and headed
for the door, but just before she got there, she paused, suddenly
thinking of Henry.

What will I do if he sees
me?
Will I know what to say? Or will I make
a fool of myself? How did I manage to keep my wits about me last
night, and can I do it again?

Her head was high as she closed the door
behind her. With purpose she focused her glance on anything around
her…on the trees, the sky…anything other than the house across the
street. At last she chose to focus strictly on the ground before
her, trying to keep her mutinous eyes from looking where they
longed to. She was afraid to look there, for fear that she might
see him standing at the window. Or worse, she might see him on his
front porch. Then he would come and speak to her, and the thought
filled her with fear.

Or was it excitement?

Lately, she didn’t know if there was a
difference between the two. The idea of an encounter with him made
her want to run and hide. And yet, the thought of looking into his
beautiful eyes, of hearing his deep and melodic voice, sent tremors
of anticipation down her spine. With a strange blend of trepidation
and eagerness, she came to the end of the walk, standing still for
a moment. Her eyes, with a power of their own, slowly rose up to
steal a glance at the house.

There was no one about. She could see no one
at the windows, and both the front porch and the yard were quiet
and still. She breathed both a sigh of relief, and of
disappointment. The thrill and fear had no grounds now, so she
turned down the walk to begin a leisurely stroll down the
street.

She had no shoes on as she went. She knew it
would have been a strange sight if someone were watching, to see
some girl walking down the street in her bare feet. But it seemed
so uncomfortable to wear shoes at every occasion, having gone
without footwear for so many years of her life. She was quite aware
that decorum called for shoes in certain places, but this was no
place of public gathering. Who was there to offend? So she simply
strolled along, liking the rough but cool feeling of the pavement
against her heels and toes.

To her amazement, not a single person seemed
to notice her bare feet at all. An old gentleman sitting in a
rocking chair was reading his paper. He glanced up for a moment
with a friendly greeting, and then went back to his news. Several
boys rode past her on their bicycles without taking notice of her.
A woman in her front yard, tending her flower boxes, gave her a
glance. Then she smiled, going about her work.

How grand it was to be free of
expectations…everyone minding their own business, just as she was
minding hers. Not like home, where everyone seemed to look at her
with a strange sense of curiosity and expectation.

She is seventeen, and not
married
, those old crows of the church had
always thought. She did not have to be a mind reader to know what
they were thinking, for they whispered about her in the same way
they whispered about all young girls without husbands.
She’ll be an old maid, bleeding her family dry of
their resources. Willful and ungrateful girl.

So she might have been an old maid in their
eyes. So what? As if those girls who had given up their youth for
marriage were any better off. Most of them would be old women by
the time they were twenty, burdened with a house full of children
and a husband they were bound to for life, whether he was a good
man or not. She thought of some of the women she had known in her
life…how many of their men treated them like one of the animals
they raised. How grateful she was to God that she had been spared
such a fate.

Now, however, they had even more reason to
talk ill of her, for in their eyes, she had dishonored her mother
and father by being disobedient. She had abandoned her home and her
family. And she was quite certain that even at this moment, most
people in her hometown were condemning her wretched soul to burn in
damnation.

But she did not give a hoot if they were
condemning her or not. She was glad that she had broken all the
rules to be here, even if it meant that her own flesh and blood
might banish her from their hearts forever. She hoped and prayed it
wasn’t so…that her mother and father still loved her, despite her
rebelliousness. But if they chose to forget her as their daughter,
she would not bear them ill will. Whatever their state of mind,
hers was to love them until the day she died, as was her duty as a
daughter and a true Christian.

Love me then, or hate me, as
you will,
she thought.
You have my full and free forgiveness.

Was it not the Lord’s will that his people
cherish the gift of life? Was it truly a sin to seek out joy and
fulfillment in one’s time on earth? Here with Jack and Alice, she
was finding something of peace in her life. Surely, this happiness
was God’s doing, and what right had anyone to question that?

Before she quite knew it, she'd walked a
complete circle around the block, and was soon nearing the house.
As she approached, she saw a figure on the front stoop. There was
something vaguely familiar about that figure…a man, dressed in a
white shirt and dark trousers. It was not Henry, for this person
did not have those dark features of his. The man was blond, she
could see. And as she drew nearer, a sense of shock and dread began
to wash over her, for her brain began to register who it was she
was seeing. She stood frozen on the edge of the walk, and the man
before her seemed to sense her presence, for he slowly turned to
look at her. His voice was soft and pleasant.

“
Hello, Gracie."

She thought she felt the world tilt a
little, for she was looking at a face equally familiar and
detestable.

It was Charlie Hillard standing there before
her.

Chapter 15

“
Friends and
Foes”

Her response was instant, strong and
firm.

"What are you doing here?"

He held up his hands defensively. "Gracie,
please don't be mad at me for coming. Your Mama asked me to."

"Why?" she asked.

He gave her an odd look, as if the answer
should have been obvious.

"She was worried about you. So was I. So was
everyone. When you were gone a full day, she had the whole town
looking for you. And when she heard you were here, she hoped you
would change your mind in a few days and come home. But you didn't.
So she asked me to come find you. We want you to come home,
Gracie."

"I am home," she said, moving to pass him
and go up the steps. But he lightly stepped in front of her.

"Don't run off now. At least talk to me for
a few minutes. I've come all this way. Won't you at least listen to
me?"

"No," she declared. "I'm happy here. I'm not
going back to Virginia, and that’s all I have to say about it."

"But you can't stay here. This isn't where
you belong."

"It is now," she replied. "Go home, Charlie.
Go home and find a wife who will jump when you bark and bring you a
dozen sons. But I don’t want to hear about it, and I don't want to
see you around here again." She went up the steps, but only got as
far as the stoop before he put his hand on her arm to stop her.
There was something in his touch that repulsed her, and she shook
him off. But he would not go. His tone was stubborn, his eyes
narrowed in determination.

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me. I
want to talk about what happened between you and me."

She shook her head. "There is no you and me,
Charlie. Maybe there would have been, if you had been the man I
thought you were. But you're not. And that’s all I have to say
about it." She turned to go in, but once again he held her arm.

"People change, Gracie. I know I said some
things I shouldn't have. But I'm telling you here and now, I want
to do right by you. Give me the chance to make it right."

She looked at him, seemingly so sincere. His
green eyes were soft, pleading for her forgiveness. But she knew
him better than he knew himself, for she had seen the other side of
his personality…the one that she knew was hiding just beneath this
veil of gentleness and warmth.

"Go home, Charlie," she said again, and then
she turned from him and went inside, closing the door firmly behind
her. She made for the living room, and was just about to sit down
in a chair when she heard the door open behind her. She turned, and
there he was…walking towards her. His step was not malicious, it
seemed, but she was alarmed all the same. He had invaded her bubble
of privacy, and her defensive instinct went on full alert.

"Get out of here, Charlie. Get out right
now. If Jack finds you here, he'll kill you first and then ask
questions."

"I'm not going home without you. I promised
your Mama that I would bring you home, and I intend to do it. I
don't want this to get nasty, so please just go on and get your
things and don't fuss about it."

"I will not! This is my brother's house, and
mine too, and I'm not going anywhere."

He tried to take her arm, and the first
attempt she managed to dodge. The second time, he got a hold of her
and tried to move her, attempting to drag her forward, but she dug
heels into the carpet and refused.