Finding Grace: A Novel (35 page)

"Will you spend the day with me?"

He knew from the look in her eyes, the
warmth and longing he saw reflected there, that at that moment she
would do most anything he asked. But somehow, he sensed a bit of
uncertainty in her. Or was it fear? As overwhelmed as he himself
was, he knew she must have been ten times as unnerved by what she
was feeling. And just as he had thought only moments before, he
realized that in some corner of her mind, there was a concern that
his intentions were not honorable. He did not want her to think of
dishonesty and wrong when she thought of him. He had come so far to
win her affections, and he would not destroy it all now with mere
selfishness.

"I have promised you. I won’t have you
against your will. I won’t lead you astray. You have my word on
it."

As though sealing the pact, he softly kissed
her temple, and holding her close, he rested her head against his
heart. He made his request again.

“
Will you spend the day with
me?”

She looked up at him. "What about the
rehearsal?"

He shrugged. "Hmm." He smiled a little.
"Well, it seems I have an all day business meeting, and you are
spending the day rehearsing at home. At least, that is what my
employees have heard." He leaned back to look at her, his eyes
mischievous. "What do you think?"

She shook her head…but smiled. "I think
you're an awful sinner, Henry Shaw.”

He smiled back, and he was greatly tempted
to kiss her again. But something caused him to look out of the
corner of his eye. Something told him they were being observed. And
a slight glance away from them let him see two of the workers
watching them, obviously enjoying the sight of two people in each
other's arms. He stepped back slightly from her, re-establishing
something of formality in their being together, but he could not
resist bringing her hand up to his lips, kissing it. Then he took
her hand in his own, and hurried away with her.

Chapter 18

“
Romance”

Driving along, his eye continually looked to
her. The corner of his mouth rose up at the shy way she wouldn’t
look at him. But it was a different expression she wore now.
Shyness, but not fear. If he didn’t know better, he’d say she was
blushing. He would have liked her to be beside him, leaning softly
against his side. But he could sense her uncertainty. She wasn’t
sure what to say or do, despite the fact that she’d just been in
his arms.

Her naiveté only made her more endearing,
and it was all he could do not to stop the car right then and
there. He might have moved close to her, to look in her eyes, to
gently brush his fingers across the flush of her cheeks. He longed
to press his lips to her skin, moving slowly, softly brushing light
kisses on her forehead and nose…her sweet little mouth. But he kept
those impulses in check, at least for now. There were better places
for romance. Pulling to the side of the road…that seemed so
juvenile, though it was very tempting. If she’d been less important
to him, he would have done it without a thought or a care. But she
wasn’t a fling…a moment in time that he was killing. As though
needing to assure her, and himself, he settled for gently reaching
out to take her hand. It evoked a shy and tender smile from her,
and for the moment, that was pleasure enough.

* * * * *

The Field Museum of Natural History.

Typically speaking, it wasn’t the kind of
place he would’ve chosen to court a woman. But then, she was no
ordinary girl. He knew that her curious little mind needed to
blossom. And maybe in touching her mind, he could touch her soul as
well.

At the bottom steps of the building, she
stood rooted to one spot, staring up at the huge stone facade. Her
eyes were large. “What is this place?”

He just grinned. “The kind of place that
fits you to a tee.” Taking her arm, he led her up the steps.

As he’d suspected, she was fascinated by the
Egyptian mummies and dinosaur skeletons, and all the other
artifacts the museum housed. Too fascinated, in a manner of
speaking. She hardly looked at him at all, and when she did it was
when she asked one of her multitude of questions, which he tried
his best to answer.

He knew that seeing all these things was
hardly enough. They might have done for the moment, but he wanted
to do more. He imagined taking her with him to far off places...to
London, Rome, or Paris. Places that were tangible, and not just
some collection of things behind glass. But he kept those thoughts
locked securely in his mind, for he knew if he suggested such
desires now, she might think him a dreaming romantic fool. And it
would be foolish to express such wild wishes, for their bond was
only at its start. Perhaps in time, he could express such desires
to her. But for the moment, he would have to be content as they
were. And contentment was a small kiss he would steal in the
shadows of the hall. Or the loving way she leaned against him,
sometimes without seeming to realize she was doing it. Just being
with her, he was so happy. It had been so long since he’d known
such a feeling of peace, and he hated the thought that at the end
of the day, they would have to part.

But he didn’t want to dwell on those
thoughts. He’d had enough of cynicism. And thinking of that, he
swiftly took her by the hand after hours spent in the stillness of
the hall. She gave a little smile at the way he seemed to rush
along.

“
Where are we going
now?”

He looked back at her, delight in his
features. “I think we should get some fresh air. It’s a little
stuffy in here, don’t you think? And sunshine is good for the
soul.”

As they came out of the building, he turned
to her, and she to him. It moved him to see her that way, her face
full of joy and love. It was the soft kind of expression he’d so
longed to see, and he leaned forward, anticipating a kiss. But
suddenly she darted away, and the next thing he knew, she went
sliding down the brass railing of the museum steps. She landed
soundly on her feet at the bottom, where she waited for him with a
grin. As he came down to meet her he wore an amused smile, shaking
his head.

“
Sometimes I forget that
you’re only seventeen.”

She just shrugged innocently. “Alice always
said our inner child should never die, and mine is alive and
well.”

When he came to her side he couldn’t resist
taking her hand, pressing his lips to her palm. He would have
preferred something more, but he could see how her cheeks turned a
lovely shade of pink at his caress, even though she didn’t pull
away.

One little step at a
time
, he reminded himself.

He linked her arm with his, walking away
towards the lushness of Grant Park. The sun was so warm, the air so
pure. He knew that she wasn’t defined just by her brilliant mind,
but by her earthy nature. She may have loved all that the city had
to offer, but she needed to see the green of trees and smell the
scent of grass. The park was the best he could offer her, though he
was quite certain she would be content anywhere if she had to be.
She was young, and despite being knuckled about by life, she was
still impressionable. He studied her as they walked by the newly
built Buckingham Fountain, which she was staring at with fascinated
eyes. The fountain hadn’t been officially opened yet, and was not
turned on, but her inner child was at play again as she climbed up
to walk along the edge. It was the contrast between her innocence
and intelligence that made him watch her so. As she had done so
often, he was struck by a remark she made…one that revealed her
intellect.

“
This looks a little bit
like the fountain at the Palace of Versailles…built by Louis the
Fourteenth.”

He smiled. “How would you know about
that?”

“
Jack showed me pictures of
the palace. I would love to go to Paris some day.”

Taking her hand to help her down, they
walked to the park. From a vendor they bought food and drinks, and
sought refuge under a tree while the cool lake breeze drifted
softly. While she sat with her back against the tree trunk, he
stretched out beside her, resting his head on his arms. He thought
about resting his head in her lap. It would have been delightful if
she would’ve run her fingers through his hair. But that kind of
affection seemed a bit too daring, so he settled for just being
close to her. And he thought about what she’d said.

“
Why Paris?”

It was a moment before she replied. “Jack
used to write to me about it. He said it was the prettiest place
he’d ever seen. He told me about the Eiffel Tower, and the River
Seine. And that shopping street…I can’t remember the name.”

“
The Champs-Elysees,” he
answered. “The most beautiful avenue in the world, so they say. I
wasn’t in the city long enough to find out.”

Her voice was low, a little sad. “I wish I
could see it, and a lot of other things out there. But I don’t
suppose I ever will.”

He moved forward to rest his chin on her
knee. That didn’t seem like too much of a liberty. “Never say
never,” he replied.

You and I will go there
someday
, he thought, but he didn’t say so
out loud.

“
Think of all you've done
on your own. Leaving home, finding your brother...catching me, hook
line and sinker.” He smiled when he glanced at her from the corner
of his eye, seeing how she shook her head, which only amused him
all the more. “I’d say you’ve done well. So traveling to Paris? It
doesn’t sound so far-fetched to me.”

Turning his head toward her, he saw her
watching him. He moved close to her, sitting up. Their faces were
nearly touching. He leaned in closer, his eyes full of fire, his
pulse increasing its tempo in anticipation. But she backed away.
Not much, but just enough to give him pause. And it hurt a little.
It was the second time she’d avoided his kiss, and he had to wonder
why. His look was puzzled.

“
Is something
wrong?”

She shifted her eyes. “No…Well, yes. I mean,
I’m not sure.”

His look was curious. “There is something
troubling you. I can see it in your eyes.” He paused, waiting for a
reply, but she turned away and wouldn’t look at him. He sensed that
she feared saying what was on her mind. But he wanted her trust, no
matter what the confession might be, or how it might affect him.
Gently he reached his hand to her cheek, turning her face so she
would have to look at him. “Tell me.”

It was a moment before she answered, and
reluctantly, it seemed. “I’m not sure about all this.”

His expression grew solemn, his voice
pained. “Why?”

Was she rejecting him already? Did she have
no faith in him at all? Then, as if to answer, she reached up to
touch her hand to his cheek.

“
It's not that I don't like
you. I do, more than anything." She dropped her hand, casting her
eyes down. "But I’m worried what people will think if they see us
together.”

He shrugged. “Who cares what they think?
They don’t know us.”

“
Maybe they don’t know me.
But they know you. And if they see us being sweet on each other, I
know exactly what they’ll think. They’ll figure I’m just…well,
another notch on your bedpost.”

His mouth fell slightly open, and he gave an
indignant snort. “That’s ridiculous. How could anyone look at you
and believe that? And if I ever heard someone say such a thing, I’d
wring their neck.”

Now she smiled, amused by his chivalry. But
still she shook her head, and that troubled him even more.

“
People will figure what
they want to figure. And I don’t want people telling lies about
me.”

He looked down, afraid to meet her eyes. He
was fearful she was ready to cast him off. The thought of being
pushed away, when he’d tried so hard to win her, was nearly too
much to bear. The hurt became a lump in his throat, briefly
stealing his voice.

“
Henry? Can I ask you
something, and will you tell me the truth?”

He could only manage a small murmur in
reply. Then her question stunned him back to life.

“
Am I just the next name on
your list? Is that all you really want from me?"

His head came up, his eyes meeting hers, the
light in them almost frantic. “God no, why would you think
that?”

Now she gave him a skeptical look, her eyes
holding a light of concern. “I don’t mean to upset you by asking,
but you can’t blame me for thinking about it.”

“
Don’t think about it,” he
said quickly. “They meant nothing to me. I didn’t care about them
the way I care about you.” He wanted to kiss her deeply, to express
to her the intensity of his feelings. But he thought for a moment
of what she’d said, the revelation of her fears. It was true that
not so long ago, he might have been satisfied with a meaningless
romp. And she was aware of it, clever thing that she was. But that
was then, and he wanted her to be sure of it.

"I'm not the way I used to be." He took her
hand, clutching it tightly, pressing his lips to the soft warmth of
her palm and fingers. "But I'll admit, I'll never be a saint." A
moment passed, and he sighed while he held her hand in both his
own. “So what will I do? Deny myself completely?”

He felt her draw close, resting her other
small hand over his. “Just when people are watching.”

If only in a way, he became
content. At least she wasn’t being
too
cruel. He was allowed to give her
his affection, but on her terms. Terms of discretion, which he
hadn’t followed since he’d courted his wife. It made him smile with
amusement.