Finding Libbie (35 page)

Emily thought so, too, and it made her ponder her own relationship. Was she spinning her wheels with someone who may not want the same future she did? She and Jordan hadn’t spoken again about the move except for Jordan telling her he’d rented a two-bedroom apartment in a nice area not far from the school. In a month, he’d have to move down there to start the fall semester. He still thought she was coming with him. But Emily hadn’t decided yet. And the fact that she didn’t want to go told her volumes about where their relationship was headed.

She looked up and saw Bev wave her over to join them. Leaving her thoughts behind, she hurried over with a smile.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

At the end of July, Libbie asked Emily if she’d like to go with the group on an overnight shopping trip to Fargo. “We do this once a year and the other women invite their daughters or granddaughters along. I usually don’t go since I’ve never had anyone to invite. I’d love it if you’d come along with me. I’ll pay for everything, of course.”

“I’d love to go,” Emily said, elated that Libbie would ask her along. “And you don’t have to pay for everything. We’ll have fun.”

Libbie’s eyes sparkled. “I’m so happy you agreed to go. I was afraid I was being too forward, asking you like this. I can’t wait.”

But when Emily mentioned to Jordan that night that she’d be going on a shopping trip with Libbie the second week in August, he flipped out.

“You can’t go then. That’s the week before we move to the Cities. We have packing to do.”

“I’m sorry, Jordan, but I’m going on the trip. Besides, I’ve never said I was moving to Minneapolis. That’s your plan. I haven’t decided yet.”

“What do you mean you haven’t decided? Of course you’re going. We’re a couple. If I move, you move, too.”

A crease formed between Emily’s brows. “You made the decision to take the grad assistant job without discussing it with me first. If we were a couple, you would have considered my feelings in this. Now I have to do what’s right for me. I’m not sure I want to move there. I like my life here, and besides, I still want to go back to school someday. Here. Not in Minneapolis.”

Jordan stared at her, crossing his arms. Emily could tell he was composing himself so he could play the logical one. He did that when he felt he was losing a fight. He always turned it around on her. She hadn’t noticed it until recently, and when she realized he’d been doing it all along, it made her angry.

“Let’s discuss this like adults,” Jordan said, his tone condescending. “I had no choice but to take the position, so discussing it with you wouldn’t have made a difference. This is for our future together, Emily. Why don’t you see that?”

Emily sighed. “I know you see it that way, but I’m afraid I don’t. This is my home. My family is here. I like living here. I can’t picture myself living in a busy, crowded city. If you’d discussed it with me before taking the position, I would have told you that. I’m not going, Jordan. I’m sorry.”

Jordan looked as surprised as she felt. Up until that moment, she hadn’t realized that she absolutely wasn’t going with him. But now she knew she couldn’t go. She was willing to give up on their relationship to stay here. They hadn’t moved forward as a couple for ten years. She couldn’t see a future with Jordan any longer. It tore at her heart, but she knew it was true. It was over.

“You’re not thinking straight,” Jordan said calmly. “I’ll give you time to think about it. You’ve been so wrapped up in this nonsense about Libbie and the past that you’ve lost sight of your own reality.”

Emily shook her head. “No, Jordan. It doesn’t matter what you think about Libbie or me or my life here. I’m not leaving.”

No matter what Emily said, though, Jordan wouldn’t believe her. He was holding out hope that she’d move with him. Sadly, Emily realized it had more to do with his financial need for her than with their relationship. He didn’t say it, but she knew that was why he was so desperate for her to come along. She’d supported them all these years so he could follow his dream. Without her support now, he’d never be able to afford basic living expenses. It made her sad to think that that was all their relationship had come down to—money.

Two weeks later, on a Friday afternoon, Emily boarded the charter bus with Libbie and twelve other residents and their relatives for the two-and-a-half-hour drive to Fargo. Angie and two other nurses were along as well to supervise the trip. Some of the residents, Libbie included, depended upon them to help them take their medicine regularly, so it was important that they come along.

All the women talked, laughed, and had a wonderful time during the ride. The atmosphere felt like being on a field trip with a bunch of sixth graders. Emily enjoyed meeting the other family members, and it looked like they were having a good time, too. Before they knew it they arrived at their hotel, situated close to the shopping mall, and soon had their bags stowed in their rooms. Emily and Libbie were sharing a room with two queen beds. Once they were settled, the group got into the hotel’s shuttle bus, which drove them to the shopping mall.

“Okay, ladies,” Angie said when they all entered the mall. “Let’s meet back here at six o’clock so we can go out for dinner.”

Everyone went off in their own direction, but they ran into each other at the various shops. Libbie wanted to look for some new clothes and asked Emily if she’d help her pick out some nice things.

“That’s what I do best,” Emily said, laughing.

They went into a store that catered to mature women, and soon Emily was bringing items back and forth to the dressing rooms for not only Libbie, but also two of the other women from the home. She suggested colors to them and found scarves and necklaces to accent the outfits they were trying. Their daughters helped, too, and they all had a great time trying on clothes.

Angie came in and joined the fun. Soon, they were having a mini fashion show in the dressing rooms, and even the store’s sales associates were enjoying watching the ladies.

Emily came into the dressing rooms after one of her searches and knocked on Libbie’s door. “I have the perfect dress for you, Libbie.”

Libbie opened her door, and her eyes lit up when she saw what Emily was holding. It was a soft-pink dress with a crisscross pleated bodice and a fitted waist that flared out into a full skirt.

“Oh, I love pink,” Libbie said, taking the dress.

Emily had known this. She remembered the pink dress in the prom photo with her father.

Once Libbie had the dress on, Emily helped her zip up the back, and she came out to look in the three-way mirror. The other ladies exclaimed at how lovely it was when they saw Libbie.

“It’s so beautiful on you, dear,” one lady said.

Emily agreed. “It’s perfect. The color makes your skin glow.”

Libbie turned first one way and then the other, making the skirt swish around her legs. She seemed entranced by the dress, her gaze far, far away.

“I love it,” she whispered, looking over at Emily. “But where on earth would I wear it?”

“I’m not sure,” Emily said. “But it looks like it was made for you.”

Libbie agreed, and she purchased it along with several other items that Emily had helped her find.

As the women waited in line to pay for their purchases, Emily and Angie stood aside.

“You sure are good with Libbie,” Angie said. “Look at how happy she is. And the other women, too. You must be very good at your job in the department store.”

Emily shrugged. “I’ve been doing it a long time. But someday I hope to go back to school.”

Angie glanced at her. “What would you major in?”

“I’m not sure. That’s the problem. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’ve been so focused on my boyfriend’s career, I put my own future on hold.”

“That’s a shame,” Angie said. “Have you ever considered becoming a nurse? You’re good with people, and you have so much compassion for them.”

Emily shook her head. “Oh, I could never do what you do. I hate needles and the sight of blood.”

Angie laughed. “But you have a good heart, dear. What about social work? You could be an advocate for the elderly. There are many programs that could use a good person like you.”

Libbie came over with her bags then, and Emily never had a chance to answer Angie. But as the evening continued and they ate dinner as a group at a nice restaurant, Emily thought about Angie’s suggestion. Social work. It was an interesting idea. She loved working with people, and she would enjoy being able to help people in need. The more she thought of it, the more the idea grew on her.

Later that night, as Emily and Libbie crawled into their beds, Emily asked Libbie what she thought of her going to school to become a social worker.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Libbie said. “You have such a kind heart. You’d be perfect for that kind of work.”

Emily decided it was something she’d look into when she got home.

They turned out the lights, but both women lay in their beds, wide-awake. Soon, Libbie spoke.

“Thank you for coming along, Emily. This has been such a special day. I know I have no right to say this, but I like thinking of you as my own daughter. Ever since you’ve come into my life, it’s been so much fuller. You’ve made me very happy, dear. I hope you don’t mind my saying that.”

Emily swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “I don’t mind at all,” she said quietly. “I’d love to be thought of as your daughter.”

“I’ve always wanted a daughter,” Libbie said wistfully. “But of course, it never happened. I was happy that Jack found Kate and was able to experience being a father. He’s such a kind soul, and he deserved a happy life. I knew he’d make an amazing father.”

“He was,” Emily said, holding back tears. Poor Libbie, who’d wanted a child so badly and had never been able to have one. Emily’s heart broke for her. She was only too happy to be like a daughter to her.

“You’ve never asked me what happened all those years ago,” Libbie said.

“I didn’t think it was my business,” Emily replied.

“Yet you took the time to find me. Why?”

Emily thought about it a moment. She wasn’t really sure why she’d sought out Libbie. She’d just felt so badly for the beautiful young woman whose life hadn’t turned out as she’d hoped. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, after everything.”

“It took a long time,” Libbie said. “So many doctors and so many different diagnoses. Everyone thought I was an alcoholic and drug abuser, but those were just symptoms of the real problem. For years I was in and out of hospitals, recovery centers, and even mental institutions while doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with me. And every time, they failed, only giving me drugs that didn’t work, and I’d slip back into drinking and abusing pills to feel better. Back then, women were considered nervous and overly sensitive anyway, so doctors didn’t think twice about handing out drugs to calm me down.”

“That’s terrible,” Emily said.

“Yes, it was.” Libbie paused, then spoke softly. “I don’t remember anything about the night that Jack left. I just remember waking up early the next day with my father sitting beside my bed and my sister cleaning up the house. They told me that Jack and I had fought, and he’d left.”

Emily stared at Libbie, stunned. “They didn’t tell you the truth?”

Libbie shook her head. “I begged and begged my father and sister to let me see him, or at least talk to him one last time. But they told me that he never wanted to see me again. I was angry at first, but then, when I realized he was gone for good, I felt so useless and depressed. I’d lost Jack and my entire future, and I just didn’t care about anything anymore. No sooner would I dry out in one facility than I’d sink back into abusing drugs and alcohol and end up being sent to another one.”

“They lied to you,” Emily said. “Dad tried to see you several times and even ended up in jail for storming the hospital. Your father and Gwen wouldn’t let him see you. He had no choice but to give up.”

Libbie sighed. “I always wanted to believe that Jack didn’t leave me on his own. I know my behavior was intolerable, but he would have given me another chance. I’m very glad to hear you say that. I spent years believing that Jack had stopped loving me, and it made living almost unbearable.”

“Oh, Libbie, that’s so sad.”

“After a few years, I stopped obsessing about the past. I wanted to get better. I knew I’d just slip away, like my mother did, if I didn’t try harder to get well. Time and advances in medicine finally caught up to my condition, and they were able to diagnose me properly. They found that I’m bipolar, which caused my mood swings and deep depression. It took a while to get the medication right, but now I’m feeling so much better. I’m calmer, and more in control of my emotions. I haven’t abused alcohol or drugs in over eight years, and I feel good about myself again.”

“I’m so glad they were finally able to help you,” Emily said, her heart aching for Libbie. “It’s terrible that it took them so long to figure out what was wrong, though.”

“Yes, I know, but I’m happy that I feel better now. It didn’t help that my father and sister didn’t want to face reality and get me the proper treatment. They thought I was overly sensitive, like my mother. Of course, I figured out that my mother had mental health issues, too, but no one would admit it. I know my dad meant well—he didn’t want the stigma of a mental disorder to be attached to me or my mother. In those days, you hid people with mental health issues away. I guess my family thought it was better for me to be considered an alcoholic rather than mentally impaired. Strange, isn’t it? The way people used to think.”

“It’s a terrible shame. If you could have gotten help sooner, maybe you and my dad could have had your happily ever after,” Emily said. Libbie couldn’t help her behavior all those years ago, and there had been no way for her father to know that.