Finding Me (The Bad Boy Series) (6 page)

I could hear a noise beside my head, but I couldn't move to see what it was.

Beep … Beep … Beep.

The noise was continuous, a steady pace that softly hummed to my ears. Lulling me into a sense of calm that I hadn't felt for so long that it pulls at a knot in my chest, but the knot isn't painful, it's soothing. As if someone were singing to me softly while gently plucking the strings of a guitar, it feels warm and comfortable. I could feel the blanket tightening around my body, the more I listen, the more I fall.

"We will fix this, we will fix her."

I could hear him, I could hear Logan. I tried to speak, tried to ask him what was going on but nothing came out. My lips were numb and heavy, and all I wanted to do was speak to him, see him. I just wanted to be held, desperately. Nothing was making sense, where am I? What was going on? I couldn’t move, I couldn’t move a single limb.

"Oh, my beautiful girl. What did he do to you?"

Mom? My mom was here? I tried to move my tongue in my mouth, but it wouldn't move. I wanted to scream out and ask why I was so numb and heavy, but at the same time weightless. I tried to move my fingers, nothing. My feet, nothing. Why was I feeling like this?

I was suspended in a world that I was neither in nor out of, a world full of pain and anguish. I was in limbo, not able to find the direction I needed to walk towards. I felt nothing, no pain, no trauma, no guilt. I wanted so much to stay in limbo, but at the same time would give anything to be back to where I need to be, where I wanted to be, where I should be
.
But limbo was slowly fading into black as the blanket constricted and tightened around me. I was falling into a deep, dark hole with no indication of it ending. Just like my nightmares.

Chapter Six

Logan

"Lorena, the doctors said she would be fine. They have given her enough pain relief so she can get some rest, her body and mind need to heal," I whispered as I hold Lorena tight.

The night has been long, so fucking long. Doctors had been waking in and out of the room for the past, shit, I didn't even know how long. Time seemed to just stop the moment I answered Neva's call. The call that I would never be able to erase from my memory.

Would she be okay? Shit, I had no fucking idea if she was going to be okay, emotionally anyway. She had been through so damn much over the past ten years that I didn't know if she would ever come back from this, I didn't know if she would be the same Neva that I fell in love with. The same Neva who broke my damn heart.

"How did this happen?" Lorena asked in a shaky voice as she wiped away her tears.

Christ, question of the year. How the hell was I going to tell Lorena about this? It would break her, it could break this whole damn family apart. I didn't want to tell her; how the hell did I tell her the man her daughter fell in love with used her so his scumbag father could beat the living shit out of her? How did I tell her that I could have prevented it all if I hadn't walked away from her?

It was painful enough holding Neva in my arms, broken and shattered.

"I don't know," I lied. "I don't know, Lorena."

As I held her close, my gaze landed on Neva, her face battered and bruised from the torture of what that fucker did to her. I quickly blinked away tears that threatened to fall as I took in the extent of her injuries, her bandages and her still body.

Fuck, the sick bastard had done a real number on her, using her like a damn punching bag. Christ, I never wanted to hurt someone so much in my life; what I would give for a few minutes with him, to let him feel just an ounce of the pain Neva went through.

"I'm going to get some coffee, do you want anything?" Lorena asked as she pulled away.

I had always been close to Tate and his family. Shit, he was like a damn brother to me, stepping in when my own stupid fuck of a father left me. Lorena became my second mom, letting me practically live at her house over the school holidays and weekends when I was a kid. She's an amazing woman and I was so glad that Neva had someone to lean on other than Tate and Low.

Looking at Lorena, I could tell the stress of all this was taking its toll, she hadn't slept. We all hadn't slept, those damn hospital chairs were so freaking uncomfortable that every muscle in my body ached. But it was Lorena who was having the hardest time; she had to watch as her husband’s body turned black and blue from the car wreck ten years ago, and now she's doing the same with Neva. No mother should have to see that.

"No, I'm good. Go and get some coffee and some rest, Lorena," I said softly. "I will be right here with her, she won't be on her own. I promise."

A small smile crept across her face, I knew she's worried about Neva being all alone in this room and if she woke up, we all knew she would freak out. She hated hospitals, ever since that day.

"You will make a woman very happy one day, Logan," she whispered, placing a kiss on my cheek before leaving the room.

"Yeah..." I sighed, even though she wouldn't hear me.

Turning to the seat beside Neva's bed, I sighed again, I really didn't want to sit in that damn thing but I wasn't leaving her side.

"You know you are totally paying for this when you wake up, right? Jesus, my back is going to be like a sixty year old's," I whispered to her, wondering if she could actually hear me. "Fuck, Neva. I really hope you can hear me, just so I can tell you just how damn much I love you."

I raked my hands through my hair as I slowly sat down, looking around the room, it's white. All freaking white. She was going to flip out when she wakes up. Thank fuck there weren't any damn flowers on the walls, the number of times I heard her counting the petals in her nightmares was enough to know that would completely freak her out.

The room was pokey and small with only one window and a small en-suite, we were put in a side room for privacy. Well, that’s what they said, but I knew it's so the cops could question her when she finally wakes up. The officer standing outside the room totally gave it away, idiots. I didn't know what the hell they were going to ask her. I mean, shit! She was tied up in a house while Jack beat her to a bloody pulp, for Christ's sake. What the hell was there to ask?!

I slowly sat back into the chair, mindful of the pain in my back from the hard seat. I took a large breath before slowly releasing it. I couldn't keep my eyes open much longer, I was so exhausted that it hurt. My eyes drifted closed, and I was back in the room where I found Neva charging towards the monster who destroyed her.

 
"Neva, talk to me baby. Please, stay awake," I beg.

Her eyes fluttered closed only seconds ago, but it feels like hours. The room is finally illuminated as the paramedics swiftly take charge of her. I'm not letting her go. My hands are tight around her small body, no amount of persuading could make me loosen my grip on her.

"Neva, please. Wake up, baby," I whisper.

There is blood on her face, dried and stuck to her like a second skin. I just want to clean her up and find the beautiful face I know is underneath the layer of pain. My eyes gaze down the length of her body, trying to assess her injuries. But I know the worst of her injuries are going to be the ones on the inside, the ones that aren't always clear.

"Sir, we need to get her into the back of the ambulance."

A female paramedic crouches into my eye line, her face full of sympathy as I tighten my hold around Neva. I can't let her go. I shake my head. I want to hold her in my arms, to soothe her, to warm her, to love her. Only her.

The paramedic looks at me with sad eyes. Neva is unconscious, that much I know. I know she needs to go to the hospital, but I'm not ready to let go of her yet.

"I'll carry her," I say, pulling her closer so I can get my balance to stand up.

The paramedic doesn't protest, it's clear I'm not leaving her side. Thank god. I manage to get to my feet with her in my arms. Her fragile body lulls against my chest. My heartbeat is wild and frantic as we walkout of the house, but I feel grounded by her heart beating steadily against my chest.

The sun had set since entering the house, leaving the sky a beautiful mixture of reds, pinks and purples. As I walk out of the house, I spot all of the cars outside. It looks like the entire police force responded. From the corner of my eye, I spot Jack being put into the back of an ambulance in cuffs, his son getting into a separate one.

"Oh, my god. Baby girl."

Tate Is quickly by my side as I make my way over to the ambulance that will take her to the hospital, the pain of what he is seeing evident on his face. Jesus, he looks completely fucking broken. Standing at the back of the ambulance, I haul us both into the back. Placing Neva on the gurney, I stumble back as paramedics go to work on her. They insert IV drips, and place an oxygen mask on her face.

I can feel my world crumbling as I try to stand up straight. My hand lands on a flat surface, the only thing keeping me up right.

"Sir? Will you be coming with her?"

I flick my gaze to Tate, who looks like he's about to fucking break into millions of pieces. Before I can even get the words out that I want him in the back with her, he shakes his head.

"No, you go. I need to call Mom." His features are hard, even though I know this isn't going to be easy for him. His relationship with his mom is hard, it has been for a long time.

"Tate, she is your sister," I protest. I want to be in the ambulance with her, but it's not my place.

"And you’re the man she loves," he whispers, pulling out his phone and making a call. "Go," he mouths at me.

She loves me?

"Sir, we need to go. Now," the paramedic says, breaking my thoughts.

Suddenly, I am in a seat next to Neva's still body, and we are moving; I can hear the sirens, and feel the speed as we make our way to the hospital. The paramedic fires questions at me, like who is her next of kin? What is her date of birth? I answer them just as quickly, not once taking my eyes off her.

Her hand twitches, and for a minute, I think she can understand what's going on. I don't want her to be afraid, I want her to be strong. I throw off my seat-belt and get onto my knees on the floor of the ambulance. My hands automatically move to her face.

Gently, I lay my palms on her cheeks and whisper,"I love you. I know you're scared right now, but I am here. I will protect you, Neva. Please don't be afraid, I've got you. When you get better, we are going to go somewhere. Just us, no one else. No more demons, no more fears. Just us. I will fight for you, in every way."

"Dude, how is she?" Tate's voice broke its way through my thoughts, I didn't even hear him come in. Leaning forward, I rubbed my eyes and look up at Tate.

Shit, it still amazes me just how much Tate and Neva look alike, and they both unmistakably look like Lorena. Not everyone can see it, Neva has her dad's eyes and dark hair, but other than, she was her mother all over. Beautiful. Tate and Neva shared the same facial features, but mainly the same smile. I had been around them for so long, but it's still hard not to notice it.

"The same, they gave her some more pain meds so she could sleep," I said quietly, as if trying not to wake her.

Tate sighed and placed a can of Red Bull in my hand, giving me a tight smile before standing at Neva's bedside.

"Oh, baby girl." Tate struggled, his voice cracking slightly as he took his sister's swollen and bruised hand in his.

My fingers flexed around the can in my hand; these people were my family, my friends and when someone hurt them, they hurt me. I quickly stood and walked over to Tate, who was whispering something
to Neva, I couldn't tell what he was saying but I knew it was for her ears only. Placing my hand on his right shoulder, I squeezed gently, letting him know I was there for him if he needed me.

As I walked out of the room I could feel my chest heaving violently, it was the first time in twenty-four hours that I felt I could breathe. A sudden pain in my chest surprised me enough to stop me mid-step, I sucked in deep breaths as I tried to ease the pain but it wasn't moving. Rubbing my chest with my hand I thought about the days leading up to this mess, how Neva's face would light up when Angel kissed her, or the smile she had when he would just hold her hand. I tortured myself watching her from the sidelines, secretly trying to protect her like I always had.

Fuck, my chest hurts! As I made my way down the bleak, white corridor, I reached out my free hand, running it down the wall to keep me upright. Suddenly, my legs gave way, exhausted from the intensity of what had happened. I dropped, the hard floor painfully collided with my kneecaps as I hung my head.

"Logan? Logan!"

I could only hear footsteps, they became louder with every breath I struggled to take.

"Shit, Logan. Look at me, look at me, Logan." Low's voice was strong and demanding, pushing through the blurriness which had taken over my vision.

Warmth suddenly surrounded my cheeks, her small hands cupping my face.

"Logan, just breathe. Just breathe, honey."

I closed my eyes and nodded my head furiously, trying to soak in her words of comfort. I'm exhausted, so damn exhausted.