Finding My Pack (19 page)

  "It's not bad that you enjoyed yourself, Kitten. The rest of the guys, myself included, just wanted to make sure that nothing was forced on you, that's all. Remy can be a little...intense. Persuasive if you will."

  He continues. "About Jace..." He sighs heavily. "...You have to know that he didn't mean what he said. No one here thinks that of you." I nod, I already guessed that. "I hope you can get past that with him, but that's between the two of you. I just want you to know that being intimate with someone, or someones, isn't wrong, it isn't dirty, and it doesn't make you a whore. If you have feelings for the person you're with if you want it to happen, and you enjoy yourself, that's all that matters. You don't feel like you have to kiss us or do what you did with Remy as payment of any sort right?"

  I shake my head. Kellan nods, writing again. "Kitten, I would like to start you on series of birth control. Just in case, not because we expect anything to happen. It's for your own protection."

  I blink at him in surprise. Birth control? As in babies? I guess I never thought about having any. A family of my own would be nice, not that I know anything about children or can care for one. I'm really starting to feel like I'm a part of this family....wait, hold on. "I thought Remy said that werewolves and humans couldn't have babies? Are you suggesting that I have...sex with other people?"

  That hurts a little, ok a lot. I haven't given sex much thought either. Actually not at all before the past two days, Kellan doesn't want me to have sex with them, though? Because we can't have babies?

  "Kitten, whatever you're thinking, stop. Talk to me. Of course I don't want you with other people, we want you as ours, in every way, when you're ready."

  Did he just say..."Ours? Like I'm in a relationship with all seven of you? Eight if you include Jace. Which I'm not sure I do." Kellan doesn't answer, it looks like he's shocked by his own words too.

  After clearing his throat, he speaks in a low voice. "Do you think that would be something you could handle Kitten? Have all of us love and care for you? If that scares you...."

  "No, it doesn't scare me." I cut him off. "Is that what you guys want? What happens if...you know, things happen?"

  Kellan smiles wide. "It is what we want. Something about you draws all of us to you, Kitten. We don't really understand it ourselves. It's not something any of us has tried before. When or if your relationships with us reaches that level, it will all be up to you. You do what feels right to you. My brothers and I will deal with any jealousy that may arise. We're a family, we'll work through everything together."

"You still didn't answer my question Kellan, if we can't have babies then why use birth control?"

  "You're right, we can't, it's just a precautionary measure." I shake my head.

  "I don't want them Kellan, at least not for now, okay?" He nods, scribbling on the paper.

  "That's fine Kitten, it's always up to you. Now, I was informed about your day yesterday, and I'd like to suggest that you join Reed for yoga. He does it every day and I think it might help you develop coping techniques for your panic attacks. Do you think you'd like to do that?"

  "That depends on what yoga is." Is my reply.

  "Sometimes I forget how new to this world you are sometimes. You can watch him first and decide for yourself if you'd like to try it. It's really just a series of exercises, but there's more to it. I join him myself at times."

  "Okay, I like trying things." He smiles at me. I smile back.

  "One last thing, then you can get out of here. Would you mind if I took a little more of your blood? I have a few tests that I'd like to run."

  After Kellan took my blood and gave me a pink Band-Aid and a sucker, I step out of the room, running right into Ash.

  "Did you get your bear all fixed up?" He asks me. Shoot, I forgot all about that. I think I can be let off the guilt hook, though. Talking about sex and babies and yoga kind of overrides teddy bear surgery.

……..

   Finding Remington is always a simple task, as he spends most of his time in his office. I wonder what he does in there all day. Ash doesn't bother knocking, just opens the door for me. Before he can walk away I take his arm, pulling him in with me.

  Remy looks amazing in his suit coat and white button-up. I'm sure I'm drooling when his gray eyes find mine. Ash reaches over and closes my mouth, snorting out a laugh as he does it.

  "Hi." I squeak out.

  Remy's famous smirk is in place as he responds. "Hello, Kitten." Mmmm. His deep voice melts my insides. Again. I'm thankful I brought Ash in with me or I might....Something. I'm not sure.

  "Kitten wanted to ask you about work, Rem." Ash saves me from having to speak. Good thing too. I can't yet.

  "Yes, I've been meaning to speak to about that. You've been a very busy girl." He raises a playful eyebrow at me. I blush in response.

  Remy continues. "You start tomorrow Kitten, bright and early. I don't like the thought of you being on your own for so long and you can't drive anyhow. Logan said he could accompany you tomorrow. I'll be making a schedule, you'll always have one of us with you."

  I almost roll my eyes. What about my sixteen years on the street makes him think I can't handle myself for a few hours? I don't though. I don't mind one of the guys tagging along. I just hope they don't get too bored.

"Also, I'll need you to come straight to me when you get off work tomorrow. I know the men like to pull you away for fun and whatnot, but we have business to discuss. Understood?" Remy commands more than asks.

  "I understand Remy, I'll find you. If it's about the laundry, I swear, I'm going to catch it up." I know the guys have been spending money on me left and right, and I can only guess how much it cost to free the goldfish. I really have to start earning it.

  Ash snorts. "No one cares if you do the laundry Sunshine. That was more for you to feel better about being here than for us." Huh, well I'm going to do it anyway.

  "That's all for now unless you have something else?" I shake my head at Remy. Ash stands, opening the door. I start to walk out, then think better of it.

  I sidle up behind Remy, kissing him on the cheek. I put my arms around his broad shoulders and give him a tight hug, bringing my lips to his ear. "I'm sorry you caught so much grief over what we did Remington, but I'm happy we did it. You didn't make me cry, and I'm sorry I did that. By the way, I've missed you." I kiss his cheek again, walking to the door.

  "I missed you too, pretty girl." I hear from behind me. I don't look back, not wanting him to see the huge grin on my face. Someone missed me. I can't believe this is my life now.

A
fter my talk with Remy, I feel like I'm on cloud nine. My Shadow followed me down to the laundry room and picked out an entire load of clothes that were all his. I had a good a laugh about that, but he just explained that he likes his t-shirts and jeans and it makes no sense for Logan to buy new stuff for him. That made complete sense to me too so I had him make a pile of just his clothes, that way I can wash them all up first and stop the clothes madness. At least one-eighth of it. To my surprise, Ash didn't mind this task at all. Too late I realized I should have taken a look at laundry products while we were at the Walmart's. I'll have to remember to do that soon.

  When Tristan yelled down at us that dinner was ready, I had told Ash that I would just skip it and get more work done. He didn't say a word before I was thrown over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and left the basement. I giggled the whole way there, lightheaded as all get out when I was finally plopped in a chair. The food was amazing, as usual, and it was nice to be around all of them at once again. I think if they didn't eat together, they would probably never see each other. They keep pretty busy.

  That had got me thinking about what it is that they all do. They must have jobs because they don't even blink when money is spent. Then THAT got me thinking about how much I don't truly know any of them. I know they have a past, and part of me is dying to know every detail about them. But a bigger part of me wonders if it matters. I decide that at least for now, it doesn't. I'm happy right now. It's not something I've experienced often and I'll hold onto this for as long as possible. I don't have to know them, not just yet. I know that I trust them, that I want to be around them and that they make me feel safe. It's enough for now.

……..

  It was decided that I should stay with Logan tonight since he'll insist on dressing me for work and he's the one driving me there. I don't mind a bit. I didn't get much time with him today and I missed him dearly.

  When I got to Ash's room to get my new bag with my toothbrush in it, Ash came in shortly after me, probably ready for bed himself since he didn't sleep the night before. He'd stopped me on my way out, though.

  "You forgot Aeshlyn Jr." He waved my stuffed wolf in the air.

  "No I didn't, I thought he should stay with you, that's why I tucked him into the bed. You'll look after him, right? Make sure nothing happens to him?" He looked at the little wolf intently in his hands. I watched as he placed it reverently back on the bed, covering it up to his head. He had a goofy grin when he looked back to me.

  "I promise Kitten, I'll look after him." I smiled at that.

  "I knew you would. Good night Aeshlyn."

  "Night."

  I was going to take my new treasure with me to Logan's room, but something about that didn't feel right. AJ was between Ash and I. I can trust Ash to look after a piece of mine, just like I trust Logan with my flag, and Kellan with Noah, who is spending the night in his doctor room. I know they don't understand why these things mean so much to me, but they don't have to. They get that I want them and that's enough.

  When I showed up in Logan's room I proudly showed him my toothbrush. He frowned and asked me to use his. At least when I was with him.

  "Why?" I asked.

  "I don't know, I just like it when you use mine. I like that we get to share something. That's all." He shrugged.

  I shrugged too. "Okay." Is all I said. If he wanted me to then that's what I'd do. I put my new one back in my bag and followed him to the bathroom in the hall. He let me use it first again and then he used it, that same kid-like smile in place.

  We had crawled into bed, slipping under the blankets. Logan turned off the lights and snuggled in behind me. "What kind of clothes do you need for tomorrow Kitten?" He asked me.

  "I'm not sure what you mean, I usually just wear what I've got." Before coming here, dressing was simple. I had two sets of clothes. One to wear, one to wash. I liked to keep most of what I owned on me, so if it didn't fit in my bag I didn't have it.

  "Yes, I understand, but you have a new usual now. Do you need dressier clothes? Baggy, tight fitting, shorts, pants, a warm sweater..."

  I giggled. How much did he buy when we were shopping? "Logan, I honestly don't know. I've seen other people at the rink wear many different styles. I guess it's about preference, and currently, I don't have one."

  "Have you ever seen someone there wear something that you thought you might like to have? Something pretty or something you thought looked more functional than other clothing?" Logan presses. He's not going to let up until I tell him something. Besides, this is a question I can answer.

  "There was this one time when a professional couple came in. They were beautiful on the ice. Moved together so effortlessly that it stole my breath away. The lady wore tight exercise pants and a cami with a loose knitted sweater over it. I remember it as my favorite outfit because when they picked up speed the sweater would billow out and add definition to the clean lines of her movements." I stop, knowing I'm rattling on.

  Logan kisses my head. "Sounds beautiful Kitten. I don't know if I've got anything like that, but I'll try to match it as best I can for tomorrow okay?"

  "Okay, and I'd like my hair to be wrapped as tightly as you can get it, too. It gets in my way when I'm skating."

  "I'll see what I can do Kitten, get some rest. This job of yours starts way too fucking early in the morning." I snort at that. I've only started sleeping at night since I've been here. I guess if I had such a comfortable bed I wouldn't want to leave it either. With that thought, I snuggle back into him, closing my eyes and thinking, tonight I do have a comfortable bed to sleep in, and a body to keep me warm too.

……..

   I found it hilarious watching Logan freak out this morning. At first I thought he just wasn't a morning person, but I noticed it was because he was frustrated. He didn't have anything like what I had described last night so he unhappily settled on a pair of skinny leg jeans and a light purple sweater. No matter how much I told him that it didn't matter to me what I wore, he was still upset.

  As if that wasn't bad enough, he went into near meltdown mode over my hair. After blow-drying it after my shower, he realized that he didn't own any bobby pins. I managed to calm him down, telling him that he'll be there with me today so if it falls down, he can just put it back up again. That seemed to make him happy.

  When we came downstairs I was surprised to see all of them in the kitchen. What caught my eye first was a very large grouping of flowers in a gold vase. As I moved closer I saw a card with my name on it sticking out of the top.

  "These are for me?" I looked at each of them.

  "Yeah, they have your name on them, Sweetie. When I came down to start breakfast for your big day, they were already here. No one will admit to who got them, though." Tristan answered.

  How strange. Why would someone get me flowers? "What do I do with them?" I ask more to myself than any of them.

  "Just pick a place in the house, where you would like to see them," Remy says, sipping his coffee.

  I think about it for a moment before I pick them up and carry them out of the room. When I come back, eight pairs of questioning eyes fall on me. "I put them on the table next to the front door. That way, the first and the last we see when entering and exiting the house is something beautiful and I can share them with everyone." I would have kept them on the table, but they were just too big and blocked my view of some of the guys. The flowers are pretty, but the guys are better.

  "Thank you to whoever got them," I added. Still, not one of them owned up to it. I suppose it didn't matter. I shrugged, taking a seat.

  Ash placed a mug of black coffee in front of me as Tristan sat three different plates down. I look at him curiously. Surely this isn't all for me. I know I pigged out yesterday, does he think I always need this much food?

  "I wanted you to get be nice and full on your big day," Tristan answers me with a sheepish smile.

  "Why do you keep calling it that? This isn't my first day of work ever. I've even worked at this particular place before." I really don't get it.

  "We know that we just wanted you to feel special. This is your first day of work in your new life. All of us wanted to see you off this morning and we'll all be here when you return." Says Kellan.

  "Thank you," I reply. Stunned by their thoughtfulness. At Ash's prodding, I eat as much as I can without over doing it. A heavy stomach on the ice is no good. By the time I finish off my coffee, it's time to leave.

  Standing, I walk to each of the guys, giving them a hug and a peck on the cheek. Not Jace though. To him, I simply say a thank you and head to the door with Logan. He got that much because he came to see me off with the rest of them. I'm sure someone had to drag him from his beauty sleep with threats, but he was there too.

  Logan opens the door and a smile lights my face instantly. I hadn't given thought to what car we would take, but I'm happy I get to ride in a new one. The bright blue R8 looks as fun as the man who drives it.

  "Will you teach me to drive this Logan?" I ask excitedly.

  Logan throws his head back in laughter. "I would, but then I'd have to kill you, Kitten." He manages to get out, still laughing his butt off.

  My eyes go wide and all the blood drains from my face. Why would he have to kill me? Is this car for werewolves only? I'm glad he told me, though. I hope I'm at least allowed in it.

  Logan pauses with the driver's side door open. A frown marring his handsome face. "Come on Kitten, get in, you're going to be late if you don't hurry."

  "Am I allowed in it?" I bite my lip, waiting for his answer.

  "Of course Silly Girl." He answers and I relax. Good, I'm allowed to ride in it, I just can't drive it.

  The engine purrs to life and Logan speeds down the drive, taking me to work.