Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1) (3 page)

There are booths along the walls and round tables throughout the building. Every table is covered with red and white checkered tablecloths. Placed in the center of each one are votive candles surrounded by beautiful flower arrangements. I love their pizza. It’s just the right amount of sauce and cheese. The owners and staff know us by name now because this has become our favorite place to eat.

Melissa, a short, cute waitress with dark brown eyes, olive skin and almost black hair, which she has pulled up into a high pony tail, bounces quickly toward our table. “Hey, y’all! I haven’t seen you in a long time. Do you want your usual?”

David replies without looking up at her. “Sure. That’ll be fine.”

Melissa gives us a puzzled look and walks away without asking what we want to drink. It doesn’t matter though; she already knows what we want. We even came here to celebrate our engagement. Now that I think about it, we had our first date here too.

David turns his attention toward me. “What is really wrong with you, Kayla? I just can’t seem to do anything right around you. It doesn’t matter how hard I try. You always find fault in whatever I do.”

“David, I told you I don’t want to discuss this now. Let’s just eat and then you need to take me home because I have some homework to do.”

I’m so torn on what to do. It wasn’t like what happened was anyone’s fault. It had to have been God’s plan. Just because we shared something so painful doesn’t mean that I should be forever stuck in this relationship. Should I stay and be miserable and not have the kind of love I dream of?

Melissa brings over our sweet tea and silverware. “Your pizza should be out in a few minutes. Can I get y’all anything else?”

It’s funny to hear Melissa, who is Italian use the word y’all. Her parents moved here from Italy when she was eight. Normally, I'll tease her about picking up our southern slang, but not today. My heart is too heavy.

I give Melissa a sad smile. “No. Thank you, Melissa.”

She places her hand on my arm and looks at David and then at me. “Are you okay, Kayla?”

I shake my head yes and Melissa nods back at me and sighs. She then turns and walks away to another table.

“See, Kayla? Even Melissa knows that you’re acting strange.”

“David, you don’t want to do this now. I promise you, you don’t.”

“When then Kayla? Because this is driving me crazy. You think I don’t feel you stiffen when I touch you? You think I don’t notice that you try to avoid spending time with me?”

I roll my eyes. How can he be so oblivious? It was laughable if it wasn't so messed up. No matter how many times I've tried to break it off, he still wants to sit here and say he doesn't understand what's going on. Can my life get any more frustrating?

“David, I’ve told you numerous times what’s wrong with me. You just don’t want to hear it. I swear I think you’ve smoked too much pot and it has destroyed your brain.”

He laughs, he actually laughs. “Damn, Kayla. That was harsh. This is what I’m talking about; you don’t say things like that. You are never mean to anyone. So why are you being this way with me?

Unable to look him in the eyes, I look down at my hands that are clinched together in my lap. Thankful for the dim lighting in here right now, my eyes are starting to tear up. This is why I don't want to do this here. This place has too many good memories to taint with this one bad one. Reaching for my glass of tea, I slowly take a sip. David is just staring at me. I look everywhere, but at him. Even though, I don't look at him, I can still feel his eyes boring into me. Just as Melissa brings the pizza we ordered to our table, he starts to speak. Looking up at her, I try to keep my voice steady.

“Thank you.”

Melissa again looks at both of us and says “Sure, let me know if I can do anything else for you.” I try to force a smile before she turns and walks away again.

We eat in silence for the remainder of the meal. It’s always amazed me how silence can speak volumes. Sometimes it can be comforting when you’re holding onto someone you love and offering them comfort that they need or when you are in an awkward situation and the silence is anything but comforting. Or when you are sitting alone and it is a wonderful way to work through your problems in your own head. This silence is killing me, because I want to scream.
‘David, please just let me go! Let me have my life back. I’m not the girl for you anymore and you’re not the guy for me. We aren’t doing anything but hurting each other. Please, please let me go.’
But instead, this suffocating silence remains.

We finish our meal and David leaves the table to pay and to get change so that he can leave Melissa a tip. I take this opportunity to walk outside and wait for him by the car. I lean against the Mustang and look up at the sky.

The sky is clear tonight and there are so many stars it’s breathtaking. I say a silent prayer.
God, I need your guidance. Help me with this because I’m lost. I don’t know how to fix this. I hate to hurt anyone but this is hurting me down to my soul. Thank you for everything.

Taking in a deep breath, the air is still so cool at night here, even though Spring Break is in a week. I’m looking forward to spending some time with Tessa and her boyfriend, Asher Johnson. Tessa and Asher have been together since freshman year and they are adorable. I love spending time with them. However, they aren’t too keen on spending time with David. David walks out of the restaurant and opens his door and gets in. I sigh and get into the passenger side of the car. The ride home is silent and awkward.

He pulls into the driveway and I immediately open my door and get out. David leans over the seat and looks up at me. “I love you, Kayla. More than you’ll ever know.”

Nodding my head, because I don't know what else to say to him, I gently close the door. The thing is, I just can't bring myself to tell him empty words just to appease him. This has to end because there's no way I can keep going the way I am.

I walk through the front door and right up the stairs to the room I share with Tessa. She isn’t home from her date with Asher yet. So, I lie down on my bed and let the tears fall down my face to soak my pillow.

There was a time I thought I loved David, but that was a long time ago and looking back on it now, I don’t think it was truly love. Not the kind that you feel all the way to your toes. You know, the kind that causes all your breath to leave your lungs just because they walk into the room. Or that butterfly feeling you get in your stomach in anticipation of seeing them. Maybe that kind of love doesn’t exist. I’ve read about it but never experienced it. I pray again for a solution to the problem. I’ve been told that God answers prayers, just not always in the time frame that we want.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake to a loud bang and the sound of Tessa’s voice echoing through the room. The girl is loud. Very loud, it’s just part of her charm. Oh great, now comes the thumping music. I am not and never have been a morning person. It seems as though Tessa is trying to make me one.

“Tessa!” She doesn’t hear me. “Tessa!” Still no response.

So, I sit up in the bed prepared to throw my pillow at her, but when I look at her I want to bust out laughing. She is dancing around the room in her t-shirt and underwear like a crazy person. Now, to add to my discomfort, she is singing at the top of her lungs. I can’t resist. I throw my pillow as hard as I can at her. She abruptly stops and looks at me with her mouth hanging open and then she narrows her eyes at me.

“No! You did not just throw a pillow at me while I was getting my Cabbage Patch on?”

Seriously, these stupid dances, who comes up with this stuff?

“Hello! Trying to sleep here. Go Cabbage Patch somewhere else.”

You’ve got to be kidding me. I seriously need to rethink this friendship. Tessa has now moved to my bed and is flopping around like a fish out of water. I can’t help it, I start laughing at her madness. This girl seriously knows how to get me out of a bad mood. This is why I love her crazy butt.

“Okay! Okay! I’m up. I’m awake.”

Trying to catch her breath, Tessa says “Good, because I did that on purpose. I have the best news ever! I’m so excited! This is exactly what you need. You may now start thanking me and letting me know how grateful you are that I’m the most wonderful and best, best friend in the world to have come up with this amazing idea.”

“Tessa, what are you rambling on about? Just spit it out.”

“Well, you know my mother lives in Southern Pines and I’ve decided that you and I should go visit her during our Spring Break. It’s just what you need. You will be able to get away from loser boy and get your head on straight. It will also give me time to convince you to dump this guy and get on with your life.”

Southern Pines is a golf resort community two hours away from us. It’s beautiful and the golf courses are unbelievable. I don’t know that much about golf, but I can appreciate a beautiful course.

Going there would mean I would be able to leave and not worry about David bugging me because he definitely won’t drive that far. He has to work and, even if he tried, he wouldn’t know where to go.

Tessa’s parents divorced when she was eight. Unlike the two sides of my family, they still have a friendly relationship with each other. Even their new spouses get along. I don’t know if it took years for them to achieve this, but it makes it so much easier on Tessa.

Can I go? Should I go? I need this. This is what I’ve been wanting. It will be a week with nothing to stress about and girl time with my best friend. Laughing and being happy again. At the thought, I feel a real genuine smile spread across my face. Looking over at Tessa, she has a huge smile on her face too, purposely showing her perfectly straight white teeth.

“Kayla Jameson! Is that a smile, an honest to God smile, I see on your face?”

This makes me smile even bigger. We start bouncing up and down on the bed in a giggly girl fit and what fit would be complete without laying on our backs and kicking our legs in the air rapidly. Yes, we have lost our minds.

“Okay. We have a lot to do. I promised Lisa and Dad that we would pack as much as we can between now and the time we leave for Mom’s. Which means you won’t have time to see David and I won’t see Asher much. Asher will be understanding, even he wants you to dump David. You, on the other hand, are going to have to break all of this to pot head because he can’t come over here acting like an idiot.”

And now the dread sets in. My excitement wanes a little with impending conversation that will ultimately lead to David being a little more than upset. I can and will do this.

“Well, we better get to work.”

It’s not until now that I notice all of the boxes spread around the room. Tessa is already assembling the boxes and going through clothes. My heart is filled with love for these beautiful people who have come into my life. I could never thank them enough.

“Tessa?”

“Hmm?” She doesn’t look up at me, but just keeps working.

“Thank you. I mean, thank you for everything. For always being there for me.”

She stops and turns to face me and wraps me in her arms. “You are welcome, girl. You know I love you. Now stop with the mushy shit and get your butt to work.” She slaps me on the shoulder and gets right back to packing. I laugh to myself and begin to assemble my own boxes.

Tessa and I worked and played around all day. Minus the food and dance breaks. I haven’t felt this free and happy in a long time. It won’t be long till David will be here to check why I haven’t called him.

Lisa and Troy have been gone all day and the phone is downstairs, so if it did ring, Tessa and I haven’t heard it. Unlike me, Tessa stopped to call Asher a couple of times to let him know we would be busy all day.

Kayla

Tessa and I stayed busy all week. We went to school and came home and worked on packing and repeated the same thing the next day. I hadn’t seen or heard from David since Friday night when we went to eat at Bella’s. Well, he had called, but I would always have Tessa tell him I was busy.

It's now Thursday afternoon and Tessa and I will be leaving Friday morning. I've waited long enough; it's time to call David and let him know I'm going out of town and will be gone for the entire week of Spring Break. I pick up the phone and dial the number. Tapping my fingers on the table beside the phone, I wait for someone to answer. The phone rings repeatedly, but just as I start to hang up I hear.

"Hello."

"Hi, Ms. Delany. This is Kayla. Is David home?"

"No, sweetie. He isn't here. Can I take a message?"

I sigh in relief, but I know I'm just postponing the inevitable. "Sure. Can you just tell him to call me?"

"I can do that. Is everything okay? How are you feeling?"

"Yes, ma’am, I'm doing fine. I just need to talk to him."

"I'll make sure to give him the message as soon as he gets back."

"Thank you. Have a good night."

"You too, Hun."

I hang up the phone and Lisa walks over and puts her arm around me. She's so tiny. "Are you excited about getting away for a week?" She asks, smiling.