Finding Rebecca: A Novel of Love and the Holocaust (31 page)

“I’m
sorry, I can’t understand you.” She spoke again, and he knew by the inflection
in her voice and the look of bewilderment on her face that she was asking him
something, and he knew it was about her parents. He was glad not to be able to
answer and he looked away. “Now you stay right here.” He took one hand off her and
pointed to her chest and then towards the floor. “You stay here. I will be back
in a few seconds.” He stood up. Outside, the cart was gone, as he had
hoped.
 
Christopher fumbled in his
pocket for a cigarette before throwing it down without lighting it. He looked
up and around. There was nothing and no one. He stood still for a few seconds
listening, before pushing open the door to the main office with his shoulder.
Anka was still sitting, exactly as he had asked her to. She hadn’t moved or
made a sound. Christopher picked up the blankets where Schultz had left them
and opened the door to his office. He dumped the blankets on the floor and went
back to her. “We’re going to go in here now, into my office,” he said, reaching
out to take her hand. She curled her fingers around his and stood up and they
went together. Christopher laid out the blankets just in front of the desk in
his small office and wondered about risking his, and perhaps Rebecca’s, life
for this little girl whom he’d not even met an hour before. He flattened down
the blankets and gestured for her to lie down, but she didn’t move. “Come on,”
he said,
 
and he knelt down. She was
crying loudly now. Christopher looked up at the window at the night outside. He
put his arm around her and she embraced him, her arms around his neck. “Shhh,”
he said, his finger to his lips. “You need to be quiet, Anka.” She drew her
head back, her eyes watery and afraid. “It’s okay, I’m here. I won’t let
anything happen to you.” The words came easily. He hugged her again and got
down on his side, his black SS jackboots sliding on the floor. He took off his
SS jacket and put it across her as an extra blanket and lay down, taking her
into his arms and held her until she fell asleep.

Christopher
awoke with the dawn, his arms still around Anka. She was warm, still alive, the
first thing he checked. He looked at his watch. It was just after seven. There
was another meeting of the Anti-Corruption Committee in two hours and he would
be gone most of the day. There were two shipments coming in. Muller, Flick and
Breitner would be in and out of the office. He looked down at Anka, her eyes
still closed as she stirred in her sleep. Was there any hope? Any point in
this? Christopher pushed her dirty, matted hair away from her face. There had
to be some way of hiding her until he could smuggle her out of the camp on his
next trip to Berlin. His father could take her, could find somewhere for her.
It was five days until his next trip to Berlin, five long days to hide her, but
where? Perhaps Schultz could hide her during the day, or he could ask some of
the ladies in Canada to hide her. His body ached from sleeping on the floor as
he pushed himself up. Anka still slept. He sat in the seat in front of his desk
and stared at her for twenty minutes or more. Then he heard a knock on the
door. Anka opened her eyes at the noise and Christopher shot out of his seat.
Christopher tried to calm himself, to stay still but knew the person must have
heard him.

“Obersturmführer
Seeler?” Friedrich’s voice poured through. “Are you inside there?”

“Yes,
Herr Rapportführer, just give me a second, I must have fallen asleep at my desk
last night.”
 
Anka’s eyes were wide
open and she sat up. Christopher put a finger to his mouth and looked around
the room, his eyes going from the overstuffed closet to the safe to the desk in
less than a second. Christopher put his hands together and raised his finger to
his lips again. The girl seemed to understand the gesture.

“Herr
Seeler, I only wish to speak with you briefly.”

“Coming,
Herr Rapportführer.” Christopher lifted Anka to her feet and off the blankets.
He threw them over his chair and motioned for her to crawl under his desk.
 
He walked to the door, smoothing back
his hair before he unlocked it. Christopher opened the door a few inches and
looked out at Friedrich’s face.

“What is
the hold up, Seeler? Why is this door locked?”

“Nothing
Herr Rapportführer, I just wanted to be presentable,” Christopher replied as he
tried to slip through the door into the office. But Friedrich blocked him. They
were face-to-face, inches apart.

“I’d
really rather talk in your office, Seeler.”

Christopher
smiled. “I’d rather we didn’t if you don’t mind, it’s a mess in there.”

Friedrich’s
expression grew cold. “I am requesting we do not speak out here. What I have to
discuss is of a sensitive nature.”

“But
Herr Rapportführer….”

“Seeler,
don’t make me ask again, I won’t speak about this out here.” Anger was
spreading through his face, tightening his jaw and reddening his pale skin.
Friedrich pushed against the door and Christopher had no choice but to give
way. Christopher just had time to glance back at the front panel of his desk.
Anka was completely hidden behind it. Christopher moved backwards and stood in
front of the desk, but Friedrich sat down, dragging the chair two or three feet
from where the girl was cowering. Friedrich looked at him, obviously waiting
for him to sit in his seat for the meeting to begin. Christopher walked around
and sat down, his hands shaking as he pulled the seat out and brushed the
blankets to the floor.

“I see
you had a late night.”

“There’s
always so much work to do.”

“And I
hear you’ve volunteered to do more.” His tone was sharp as he spoke.
Christopher had not seen him like this before, had never seen fear in his eyes
before.

“I
assume you’re referring to my activities with the Anti-Corruption Committee?”
Christopher felt Anka moving, felt her brush against his trouser leg, and he shifted
in his seat.

“I am
surprised you would set up such a committee without referring to me, your
direct superior.”

“I
apologize, Herr Rapportführer. I should have included you in any plans I made,
it’s just that I know how busy you are, how much responsibility you shoulder.”
Friedrich’s face didn’t change and he cupped his hands together. Christopher
leant forward and he felt Anka clutching his leg underneath the desk. “There
are some things that I would like to show you in the warehouses…” Christopher stood
up.

“Sit
down Obersturmführer.” Friedrich growled. “Don’t forget who the ranking officer
is here, even if you’ve got your nose up the Lagerkommandant’s back side.”

“Herr
Rapportführer, in no way does my position as a part of the Anti-Corruption
Committee lead me to any false beliefs about my status in the camp. I am just
an accountant, and that’s what they needed.” Christopher coughed, and took a
deep breath. “I do apologize for not involving you in the process further, but
it’s a process that has barely begun as of yet. There is plenty of room for
your input should you wish to supply it.” Anka was tight around his right shin
now, and he could feel the shudders through her body as she tried not to cough.
“If you want to join any of our meetings….”

“And
what exactly will be the methods that the Committee will be employing?”

“We will
be tightening security at all points during the process of repatriation of
goods to the Reich. The checks will begin from the…initial selection all the
way to the final process of loading the goods to be sent back to Berlin. The
system which my predecessor put in place is too… loose, there are too many
holes.” Christopher voice was shaking, his hands clammy with sweat.

Friedrich
looked across the desk at him for a few seconds before he began again. “What of
these checks? What can my guards expect?”

“We have
been given full access to all personal property, lockers, closets and all other
spaces to carry out searches for any contraband. If the individual guard is not
stealing, then he has no reason to worry.” Christopher’s breath had quickened
and the words clambered all over one another as he pushed them out.

“I see.”
Friedrich pursed his lips, seemingly satisfied. He sat up straight in his chair
and then he seemed to hear it, the cough from beneath the desk. He looked
across at Christopher, who felt the bead of sweat run down his back. “Did you…”

“If
that’s all, Herr Rapportführer….”

“What
was that?” Friedrich stood up and darted to the window. Christopher jumped up,
feeling Anka’s grip fall away beneath the desk. “I’m sure I heard something,”
Friedrich continued.

“I
didn’t hear anything.”

“No,” he
said, holding his hand in the air. Christopher could clearly discern Anka’s
breathing against the silence. “Do you hear that, coming from outside the
window?”

“What?
From outside? Do you think it’s a prisoner?”

“There’s
only one way to find out,” Friedrich said and bounced out of the seat.
Christopher followed Friedrich out of the office and around the side of the
building into the cold of the morning. The sun was in the sky casting a dull
yellow onto the camp below.

 
“It must have just been a prisoner
walking past, believe me, Herr Rapportführer, this happens all the time. I get
a lot of traffic outside my window.” Friedrich looked up and around. The chill
of the morning almost froze the sweat against Christopher’s skin. “I have a
meeting at 10 am with
Kommandoführer Strunz in Crematorium 4 regarding the new procedures we
wish to put in place. Would you like to sit in on it?”

“Yes, yes I would,” Friedrich said
after a few seconds hesitation. “In his office at 10?” Christopher nodded and
saluted as Friedrich walked away. Christopher followed him around the wooden
prefab and watched him walk towards the crematoria and then ran inside. Muller,
Breitner and Flick hadn’t arrived yet but that would not be long now and he
burst into his office and reached under the desk. Anka said something as he
pulled her out and he held her in his arms, one hand underneath her and one on
her head.

“I can’t take this,” he heard himself
say in English. “You did so well, darling. You did so well.” The tears were
welling in his eyes now, the fear giving way to relief. He kissed her cheek,
and then again and bounced her up and down in his arms in tiny movements. He
put her down and held his finger to his mouth again and looked at her face. Her
light brown eyes flickered in the morning light. Christopher drew the blind
down. Her skin was dirty and her lips were chapped and cut, yet she was so
beautiful. “Now, Anka, you have to wait here, while I get you some food, and
while I work out where you’re going to be today.” She seemed to have some idea
of what he was trying to tell her and sat down in the seat Friedrich had just
occupied, which Christopher pushed away and out of sight of the window.

Christopher fumbled the key as he
locked the door to his office from the outside. There was a shipment of
prisoners due in about an hour. Christopher scrawled a note and hung it on the
outside of the door of the main office. It was an order, telling them all to go
directly to the selection and oversee the processes there. They would
understand, would think it was part of the anti-corruption activities. The bike
Christopher used to travel to Auschwitz was locked up under the awning outside
the wooden prefab that served as the office for the Economic Agency. It was ten
minutes to the canteen in Auschwitz, a long time to leave her alone.
Christopher thought better of it and jogged over towards Crematorium 4. The air
was cold, biting against his face as the wind reared itself against him. The
Crematorium yard was full of Sonderkommandos, pushing carts of clothes, goods
and dead bodies back and forth to be dispersed and disposed of as befitted
their use. There was no sign of Schultz, but Tomas, the doctor from the night
before, was there, pushing a cart brimming over with open-mouthed naked corpses.
Christopher stopped him, trying not to look at the contents of the cart. “Where
is Schultz?” Christopher demanded.

“Inside, in the changing rooms.”
 
Christopher felt the touch on his arm as
he went to walk away. “How is that item, from last night?”

“Doing fine,” Christopher replied,
looking into his brown eyes. The touch fell away from his and he continued
inside.

Christopher soon found Schultz, who
gathered what food he could find, more than enough for the girl’s breakfast and
they made their way to Christopher’s office together in silence. They only
spoke as Christopher unlocked the door and pushed it open. The office looked
empty, and for a second Christopher thought she had been found, that the guards
were coming for him, but then saw her hiding under the desk. The semi-dark of
the office made it harder to find her. The blind in the office was permanently
down now. Schultz spoke in Czech and Anka poked her head out, almost smiling as
she saw them. She murmured something back to Schultz and they spoke again, and
then the tears came. Christopher knelt down, offering her the food, which she
stuffed into her mouth, chewed three or four times and swallowed.