finding Reese.: a SAFELIGHT novel vol.2 (SAFELIGHT Series) (8 page)

Feeling incredibly frustrated, I exhale loudly and throw my head back against the pillow. My thoughts go astray as I stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out creative ways to fast-forward time, and I come to the conclusion that I’m absolutely ludicrous. Stryder lets out a breath as he crawls back onto the bed and lays over me. The hardness of his sculpted body presses against my soft curves prompting me to close my eyes and sigh loudly.

“I’ll try my best to stay away, but if you miss me too much there’s always the shower,” Stryder murmurs, and my eyes open wide with surprise.

My hands reach for his and I lace our hands together tightly; he kisses the crook of my neck and whispers sweet nothings that make me look forward to the end my cycle.

“I love you, Stryder.”

“And I love you, Catalina.”

After sharing kisses and copping a feel like teenagers, Stryder leaves our bed and showers before our evening visit to the hospital. Freshly showered, he looks amazing with his damp, straight obsidian hair skimming over his cheeks. Wearing grey jeans, a black undershirt, and a grey and black flannel shirt with his well worn Doc Marten boots, he looks so hot. I look down at myself and feel really blah. Nevertheless, I make an extra effort to look presentable and a final glance in the mirror confirms I look better than I feel. Exiting the bathroom, Stryder smiles, his eyes surveying my body hungrily; his arms wrap around my waist, pressing me flush against him, and he rests his forehead against mine.

“Could you at least try to look less appealing, Catalina? I don’t want to look like some junkie jonesing,” Stryder whispers against my lips.

His words make me feel wanted−something he has done since the very beginning. I trail my tongue over his lips, and then gently tug his lower lip with my teeth. From the back of his throat emerges a sexy growl which makes my belly flutter.

Stryder takes my hand and cups his erection with it. “If we didn’t have plans already, I’d say I’d pick you up and fuck you standing in that shower, Catalina. Cramps will be the least of your worries.”

The way he is looking at me makes me want to say screw the hospital visit and have him fuck me instead, but at the same time, it’s rather odd for me to consider being intimate during that time of the month. I never have, but the fact that Stryder apparently doesn’t mind it one bit makes me love him a tad more. There are some things I’ve never done with anyone before and this is one of them. A part of me looks forward to exploring many firsts, and at my age, with my experience, that’s a rare thing. Avoiding temptation, we trek towards the lobby holding hands en route to the hospital.

Our visit with Jackson is pleasant. Kaelan brought in a few things for him, including a video game console. I sit next to him and we play a virtual snowboarding game, Stryder leaving us alone to play like two kids. Time passes by too quickly, and the young cute nurse kicks us out again. This time, she shares a knowing look with Jackson. I smile inwardly, but keep my assumptions to myself because at the end of the day there’s nothing that would make me happier than to see Jackson find happiness just as I have with Stryder.

All those years of ranting from Faith make total sense now. She simply wanted me to experience the same excitement and happiness she found when she met Matt, her now-fiancé. Closing Jackson’s door behind me, I see Stryder looking at his phone with a forlorn expression on his face. As I walk towards him, he looks up and smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. In such a short amount of time, I have learned to decipher all of his mannerisms and right now I’m certain something is bugging him and I think he’s afraid to tell me. While I’m itching to know the cause of his discomfort, I’ll let him come to it on his own terms.

Arriving back at the lodge, Stryder makes good on his promise to make love to me no matter what. At first, the thought of us being intimate during that time of the month makes me cringe, but with his tender kisses and affectionate embrace I give, and I’m pleased that I did. Running water is key, and call me crazy, but my cramps ease up after our little shower rendezvous. Sated and sleepy, we call it a night and fall asleep; our bodies cocooned next to each other’s.

“I’m going to need a few days, Simon. With the family emergency, my priorities have shifted a bit. If you want, start looking for someone else just in case. I can’t leave my family until I’m certain they’re okay.” Stryder sighs into the line, and pauses. “Simon, my family comes first, and if the client doesn’t understand that, then I’m not the right guy for the job. I can’t even think about going halfway around the world when I have two funerals to attend this week. Please understand, Simon. Surely you’d know this isn’t an easy time.”

I roll onto my side as the morning rays of sun creep into the room. Stretching in bed, I look towards the window, where Stryder stands wearing nothing but a pair of flannel pajama pants that hang low on his hips. I can appreciate all of his delectable male form; those chiseled abs and broad shoulders, his Mediterranean skin making a wondrous contrast against his obsidian hair.

Pressing a button, he throws his cell phone angrily against the sofa, and brings his fingertips to rake his scalp. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. He paces in front of the window for a moment, then sits on the sofa, completely unaware I’m awake and watching him. I rise from the bed and wrap the blanket around me and tip toe towards the sofa, where he sits with his forearm over his eyes. Sitting beside him in silence, I bring my hand to his hair and caress it, which makes him hum in response.

“Sorry to have woken you up,” Stryder mumbles.

“No need to apologize, Stryder. Is there anything I can do to help?” I whisper. He removes his arm from his face, and curls up next to me to rest his head on my shoulder.

“It’s work. I have a queue of clients wanting to work exclusively with me, and I’m trying to find replacements. I’m overwhelmed, Catalina,” Stryder replies softly. Leaving my shoulder, he sits forward on the sofa and rests his head against his knees. “I wanted to take time off, and now it seems impossible.”

“I understand, baby, but these opportunities may not present themselves again, you know? If you’re worried about Jax, don’t. I’m on vacation and have the next three months to help out with his rehab. I’m sure Kaelan and Kathy would appreciate the help. I’ll be home waiting for you . . .” I say reassuringly, but there’s this pain in his eyes and I want to get to the bottom of it.

“I just want to spend time with you, Catalina. I just found you. I can’t find it in my heart to take a month-long assignment and not be with you. Just the thought of it makes me sick,” Stryder confesses, as he clears his throat.

I understand where he’s coming from. I’ve enjoyed our company from the first moment we met on the plane on our way to Vancouver. Just thinking about not being together for a month makes my heart ache, but at the same time, Stryder has a career and he can’t walk away from it because of our relationship.

“What worries you, baby? Being apart, or is it something else?” I ask, my eyes searching his. Judging by the way he’s looking at me, tells me this has everything to do with his past and not with me.

Stryder kneels in front of me and brings his hands to rest on top of my thighs. He talks to my belly as if unable to make eye contact. “An assignment like this could make or break our relationship. I’ve seen it happen before, and my thoughts are a jumbled mess over it,” Stryder confesses, raising his chin to meet my expectant gaze. “Olivia . . .”

My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach at the mere mention of Stryder’s ex-fiancé. I know she cheated and broke his heart badly. I don’t think Stryder is capable of hating anyone, but Olivia comes close. I can’t say I blame him, especially after the exchange I witnessed between her and Jackson on his birthday. Olivia Reese is not a nice person, and despite her apology at the hospital, I’m extremely cautious when it comes to her.

“I took a three month job once. It happened a few weeks after I proposed. I hated leaving her behind in New York while I went overseas for my assignment, but it was a good opportunity with great pay and I knew that job could help with the cost of the wedding, so I didn’t think about it twice. I left, but felt like half of my heart was left behind in the city. Not a day went by where I didn’t consider quitting and going home back to her. She was everything to me at the time, you know?

I nod and smile softly, allowing him to get his fears off his chest. The more he speaks, the less enthused I am about Olivia Reese.

“Time zones were a bitch to manage, but somehow we made it work. As the weeks progressed, I kept hearing less and less from her, and I knew something was off. A part of me wanted to believe I was being an insecure asshole, that my brain was fucking with me, but deep down I knew something was up. I got a weekend off and got on a red-eye to surprise her. Imagine me, a bouquet of flowers in hand and the shocked look on my face when I saw the woman I loved being fucked in the ass on
our
bed by someone who wasn’t me.”

“You’re scared something like that might happen again,” I acknowledge, trying to keep my voice even. If I said his doubt didn’t hurt me a little it would be a far cry from the truth. A look of embarrassment claims Stryder’s features and it makes him appear more vulnerable to me than ever before.

“Feel free to slap me, Catalina. I deserve it,” Stryder whispers, resting his head on top of my thighs. “I know I shouldn’t doubt us, especially after all that’s happened . . .”

Placing my hand on the back of his neck, I caress it. “Shh, I get it,” I say, trying to stifle a smile. Without trying, Stryder is telling me how much I mean to him, and if I had any doubts about his affections and the depth of his love, I can throw those out the window right now. Stryder Martynus
loves
me.

Exhaling loudly, I continue. “I won’t sit here and make promises to you. Anyone can do that, Stryder. What I will do is show you with every breath and every action how much you mean to me. Only time will tell where this thing between us goes, but know this: I will miss you with each beat of my heart and will cross out the days on my calendar until you’re in my arms again.

“I will video call you and write you love letters, because that’s what two people in love do. I’m so fucking in love with you that I’d write you corny poems and even doodle your name in the margins of my journal, but more importantly, I’ll wait for you because you’re worth it, Stud. Ease your troubled mind.”

Stryder’s hands take hold of my neck, and he kisses me with an intensity I haven’t quite felt before: love, affection, trust, and desire sealed into one amazingly perfect kiss.

“I love you, Catalina. I will think about you every day, dream of you at night, and look forward to having your body wrapped around mine. I hope you understand, no matter what happens I will love you unconditionally. I’m just scared of losing you.

“Sometimes I feel so unworthy of you because your soul is so heart-crushingly beautiful and I’m just . . .
me.
A part of me feels I went through that shit with Olivia because you were meant to walk into my life. It was because fate had you in store for me.”

His sincerity moves my soul, and now more than ever I understand why he’s been out of sorts. My hands rise to his face to cup his jaw, and my eyes gaze into his, which look greener than usual with the morning light filtering through the windowpane.

“Why do you say such beautiful things, Stryder? Like you, I feel undeserving of this love, but I guess that’s why God brought us together. I used to roll my eyes at those scenes in movies where the protagonists go over the top with their love declarations, but now I totally get it. It’s not cheesy when your heart knits feelings into words. I had it
so
wrong.”

Stryder kisses the tip of my nose and rises to stand. Extending his hand, he helps me up, brings me close to his chest, and declares, “You are everything to me.”

The way he says those words−full of conviction and unmistakable confidence−rattles me down to my soul. It’s as if those words have the ability to travel down to the deepest confines of my soul and knock down that final ice wall he’s been chipping at since the moment we met. I still can’t believe that, of all people, it would be the random stranger I met on a flight who would break down all of my walls, steal my heart, and make it his.